And now for something completely different:
In the news Spam prices have risen to over £2000 000 after the will of the old CEO was discovered in an empty Spam tin.
In it he demanded that prices would increase to the said figure because he had descended the mortal coil, joined the choir invisible and was pushing up the daisies. It also alluded to the fact that Spam is people. This was follwed by a total of five question marks, a sign of insanity.
The food board is meeting in a concerted effort to have the price of Spam lowered to its old price of 85p per tin and will make the claijm that the CEO, Mr. Tim The'nchanter was quite frankly mad when he made his will and it is therefore invalid. It was also unwitnessed except for someone who signed himself as SpamSpamSpam Spammityeggs'anspamspamspaaaaaaamwunnerful spam. This person is believed to be a non-existent entity created by the raving of Mr. The'nchanter.
Now over to our Science! correspondent who has some breaking news to tell us; John Cheese, what is this news?
"Thank you. Here I am outside of Caerbannog Research Centre where it has been proven just minutes ago that Norweigan Blue parrots actually do pine for the fjords. In their piney state they fall into a deep coma until they enter fjord-like surroudings. The famous British comedy act, Gommery Anacondas, who have personally sponsered this research say they're proud that their theory has been proven by Science!."
Thank you John. In lighter news Brian of Galilee announced to the people of Jerusalem that he really truly is The Messiah prompting a great celebration where many aliem spaceships and aliems were roasted and eaten.
The infamous Messiah has also declared war on those who follow and read the Cat-Muffinmicon on the grounds that sentient food is some of the best food to eat. The Messiah will personally meet Jibar, the self-proclaimed Leader of the Cat-Muffins next week at Castle Aaaaaaaargh. The French Kniggits will provide the Honour Guard for both parties.
However, both parties have declared Math? illegal and it is possible they will come to a mutually beneficient agreement.
And now for the weather.

This insanity is brought to you by LazyOverlyCreativeGeekyTeensRUs news channel.
And this is done without me watching or reading any material that I'm referencing. How many can you find?