MoonCat: Sorry to hear you had to deal with that, it sucks. The few 'flashbacks' I have are not nearly as bad as what you're flashing back to, but it still hurts. If I recall your posts from last time you were around correctly, you have a right to have that initial reaction (that friends will abandon you, etc). Try to remember, however, that you got worse than the short of the stick with the FDS days, and most people aren't as willing to abandon anyone as those people are. Easier said than done, I know, but try.

I'm forgetting whether you're in HS or college (guessing college by your comment about going home early, but I could be mistaken) - either way, dealing with something like PTSD is serious, and I'd encourage seeing a professional (annoying, cliche'd advice, I know). As you said, as long as anything can trigger your thoughts to go back there, it's going to be tough to function normally. If you can gain some control over those triggers (even as little as knowing what they are), you'll be in much better shape, and that's what a professional can help you figure out.

As to why this time it was so different than previous times? Well, could be any number of things. As Succubus said, mental scars can have some odd reactions to certain conditions, much as physical scars can. If you're tired, it's much easier to go downhill fast (I've fallen prey to that too many times to count), similar for hunger (again, that's hit me *really* hard a few times), and a variety of other, less physically-derived things (though those vary more from person to person). Not a whole lot to do about exactly what triggered it until you're able to pull yourself back towards normal, at least a little bit. Anything that can distract you from the pain is a good way to start, and the play could well be a good option for that. Obviously, convincing yourself to go is the challenge here, but I'd encourage you to go.


Lycunadari: Glad you were able to notice yourself hesitating, and I sympathize with the annoyance of having to go back to the searching stage. Things may well stay on somewhat minor topics for the first session or 2 in particular (you're just getting to know each other after all, anything more requires trust to be developed first). Just don't think that there isn't anything they can help you with; and if you are thinking that after a few sessions, bring it up. The more they know what's going on in your head, the better they'll be able to help. I can't speak to exactly what telling them that would trigger, but pretty much any thoughts you have about the process are relevant to that process, since ultimately it's about you convincing yourself of [X]. The therapist is mostly there to help you figure out what [X] is, and how to convince yourself of it. At least that's how I see the whole process.