ACRO...In...Spaaaaace! (Non-Canon Silliness)

[Vespe Ratavo]

Spess...the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship ACRONYM. Her ongoing mission; to wreak havoc on strange new worlds. To blow the hell out of new life, and new civilizations. To boldly go where no munchkin has gone before!

Cue the aria.

Captain's Log, Stardate 42.1337.48211.

I really need to figure out how you read Stardates one of these days. Mission is proceeding well, though crew morale is low after Twinkie rations were jettisoned in order to escape a black hole.

The cute but annoyingly reproductive Cuddlions have been jettisoned onto a nearby planet, although I have suspicions that Chief Security Officer Moon Called may have kept one. I suppose we'll know once they start flooding the bridge. Again.

So we blew up...er, initiated diplomatic relations with... the Mob Planet, the Nazi Planet, and the Planet of the Apes. So what's next? Who knows. The writers have been pretty crazy lately. Vespe lowers the recorder. Full speed ahead, Mr. Magtok.

Stuff you should know

Spoiler

Show

This is a parody of sci-fi, especially Star Trek. Cliches are allowed and encouraged. Drama is punishable by cow.

You don't have to be a member of ACRONYM in order to join. You can declare yourself to be any position on board the ship, although having two (say) Captains could easily get confusing. Or funny. And if you don't want to be a member of the crew, you can be any character whatsoever.

And while something tells me I haven't adequately explained what's going on...have fun.

[VampireRot]

And deckhand Rot goes to swab the deck. IN SPACE!!! Literally, the vampire deckhand cleans the outside of the spaceship. Someone has to do it, and why not the non-air breather?

[Fan]

Blue shirt Fanboy pivots on one of those neat chairs that everyone has in those movies, and says to captian Ratavo.
"Sir, I've just recieved message from the virtual reality room. Someone broke the metal gear program.. I'm... I'm sorry sir. There is nothing we could do. We had to uninstall it."

[Kaelaroth]

Super sexy and stunning Communications Officer Yasmin Uhura-Lewis is currently painting her nails idly at her station, humming the Doctor Who theme tune, ignoring the growing pile of paperwork electronic readouts on her work-station. La-de-da... Also, she has a gun.

[Fredthefighter]

And Doctor Fred is sitting there, in his chair, with a hare, and without a care, for all this rhyming.
As a dwarf, I'm not allowed to show emotions. By the way, I spilt something earlier and it may or may not have been toxic, I just thought I'd warn you all. he says without any emotion at all.
He begins mixing strangely coloured vials of GloopTM.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Vespe turns to Fanboy. Well...this is war. People die in war. And computer programs get uninstalled. Excuse me a moment. He stands up, and walks out into the hallway. The door shuts, but anyone standing close can hear a bit of sobbing. He walks back in and sits back in the captain's chair.

[VampireRot]

Rot walks across the main deck window with his mighty mob.

Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean.

The window sparkles and shines! You can see through it again! You can see Nibbles the Space-Tarrasque coming straight for your ship! Yay!

[Kaelaroth]

You OK, sir? Yasmin asks, humming to herself, while her player ponders the mysteries of space-time.

[Haruki-kun]

Chief Medical Officer Haruki-kun, member of a strange race from the Angelus System that looks exaclty human, but has wings and a Halo, leans back on his chair at the bridge, looking down at his latest log entry.

Chief Medical Officer's Log. Yes, I have one, too.
Stardate 42.1337.48211.

That's pretty much it.

[Fredthefighter]

A kitten walks past Fred.
He picks it up and hugs it.
Awwww, who's a good little kitty-witty. You are, yes you are.
He realises what he just did and puts the kitten back down.
I apologise of my outburst of emotions. Also, just in case anyone forgot, I'm a doctor.
Rainbow-coloured smoke rises out of the GloopTM tubes.

[Fan]

Due to the sparkly nature of the window... It looks to Fanboy like Vampire Rot is sparkling.. O_e. Bad literature aside, blue shirt ffanboy pivots dramaticly once more.
"Sir, we have a space dinosaur thing coming in from star board brow. Should we open fire, or enagage evasive manuevers sir?"
Meanwhile dozens of red shirts are panicking, arunning around, and one of them hits the fire alarm, before dieing from glass shards in his face.

[Vespe Ratavo]

I'm fine, I just... Vespe notices Nibbles floating towards the ship. Um... He points to it. Fire forward weapons. I've always wanted to see if a Tarrasque could stand up to proton torpedoes.

[VampireRot]

ROAR!


Nibbles defies the laws of physics and roars in space. The Space-Tarrasque space-charges at the ship.

[Kaelaroth]

Have no fear, supposedly emotionless doctor-type. Yasmin says, taking out her gun, nonchalant, proceeding to fire a large bolt of disintegrating energy at said kitten, while one-hanedely filing her nails with her other hand - before she responds to Vespe. Perhaps I could call on one of our alien friends? I mean, you made me frickin' communications officers. It's the least I can do.

[Haruki-kun]

Haruki examines the dead Red shirt.

"He's dead. Where's Jim? I need to inform him."

[Fan]

Weapons officer Fanboy (yay, Promotions!) fires forward weapons at the space Nibbles, and screams out over the intercom.
"Red shirts, set phasers to fun, we've got a space....THING... to kill! "

[Vespe Ratavo]

Yes, you should call them. Vespe examines the tarrasque. We need more firepower! All security officers report to bay 26!

About five seconds later, the bridge crew might notice a large amount of red shirts being launched towards the tarrasque, feebly firing their phasers.

They don't seem to have space suits on.

[VampireRot]

Nibbles roars in pain. It then starts eating the red shirts. YUM!

[Haruki-kun]

Haruki looks at his screen, where it would appear there is a map of the ship. On the top it says "Age of Sci-Fi II".

Haruki clicks on the crew's quarters and presses "Create Red Shirt" lots of times.

"Captain. We'll run out of Red Shirts if we don't get more food."

[Fan]

"Focusing the power from rear shields into forward weapons. Firing Photon Torpedo's! I'mah firin mah lazor!"

Lazors are fired, and phasers are set to kill. As the weapons officer he has no c ontrol over evasive manuevers so they may be getting dangerously close to Mr.Space dino thing.

[VampireRot]

Nibbles roars in pain again. The Space-Tarrasque does a barrel roll. IN SPACE! Nibbles misses the ship with its body, but thrashes his tail to try and hit it on the back.

[Fredthefighter]

The kitten is zapped.
Captain, should I use my dwarven telekinesis on it? Dr.Fred asks.

[Saurous]

The intercom thingy on Vespe's captain chair begins beeping harshly, as he now has a call from one of the ship's many different bays.

[Reinholdt]

Reinholdt walks up to Vespe. The cat has his sniper rifle slung on his back, preferring the old fashioned weaponry to phasers for some reason. People generally laugh at him for that. Until he blows out their kneecaps from a mile away. They don't laugh much after that. "Chief Exploration and Cool Things Recovery Officer reporting for duty SIR!" He salutes.

Then takes a step to the left, straightens himself and looks up at Vespe again. "Chief Weapons Officer and Master Sniper reporting for duty SIR!" He salutes.

Then manuevers his way over to the right side of where he was initially. "Chief Cuddly Show Mascot reporting for duty SIR!" He hops up on Vespe's lap and starts purring this. Only because it's so out of place yet so perfect at the same time.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Take evasive maneuvers! Initiate telekinesis! Order pizza! An- Oh. Hello there, Mr. Kitty. Vespe suddenly calms down as he scratches Reinholdt's head. He clicks the intercom thingy on his chair. Yes?

[Saurous]

"Sir," says Chief Science and Engineering Officer Saurous, sounding more than a bit irate today. "I don't think your plan to jettison redshirts at the monster is working very well. Maybe if we were to launch something heavier and more explosive at it, like one of our fighters?"

[Falgorn]

Darth Falgorn approaches that place they're all in. *Akward breathing noises.* "Head Cheddar Knight reporting for duty."

[Fredthefighter]

Dr.Fred closes his eyes and tries to enter the mind of Nibbles the space monster.
He mentally says to it:
BAD NIBBLES! GO AWAY! in a firm and commanding tone.
Nibbles should feel a very strong compulsion to leave the ship alone.
Then he begins flinging space-rocks at it with his telekinesis.

[Reinholdt]

Reinholdt purrs at the head scratches and nuzzles the hand.

"Oh. I know! Maybe you could launch the Chief Science and Engineering Officer at it. I hear he's been putting some weight on recently. He'd be heavier." Snarky kitty is joking.
...
Right?

[Vespe Ratavo]

Oh yeah, we have fighters... Vespe scratches his chin with one hand and teh kitteh with the other. But who's going to fly it? I have to stay here on the bridge. So does most of the bridge crew, and I would much rather get eaten by a tarrasque than have to explain to Starfleet command why our expensive starfighter got crashed into a space dinosaur by an incompetent redshirt.

He notices the Cheddar Knight. Huh? Oh yeah, galley's that way.