Depression Thread IV: Read the first post or...

[FdL]

Thanks, Bath. I feel a bit better now.

It's just that I have moments of weakness, and I can't handle the loneliness and sadness sometimes.

[Elm11]

Hello guys, i'm just dropping in for a bit of support today.

Basically, as it goes, i get extensively bullied and beaten down at my school. I'm talking to you towards the end of my holidays, partly because i've given myself some time to work it out properly, instead of throwing you a mad and useless rant in demanding that you make sense of it, i can give you something reasonable to help me out with. The other reason i'm talking to you towards the end of the holiday, is quite honestly, i'm afraid to go back, as in genuine, honest afraid.

Basically, i've always had trouble with bullying. I don't fit in, and if i try, i make a fool of myself, and make things worse. I was bullied as far back as Year 5 primary school. Of course, back then the worst people could pull on you was "you're a doodoo head" and that kind of thing. By now (year 9) Things have gotten much, much worse. I've skipped a year of school, and i'm also a cut-off student. This combination leads many people to think that i'm two years younger than the average year nine age group. I also happen to be slightly overweight, which really doesn't help. I also happen to wear glasses and actually enjoy school, which really doesn't help. I also happen to have a radically different, non sexually obsessed, mature (at least in comparison) and ethical opinion, something that is not shared, and also shunned by many almost All of the people in my year group. I also happen to suck and standing up for myself. i'm quite assertive, but nobody actually takes me seriously. All of these combine to make one hell of a recipe for bullying.

Over the last three years, with increasing severity, the expected has been occuring. It basically just started with little snarky comments, the odd interpretable remark, or a casual attempt to trip me up as i pass someone in a hallway. Unfortunately since then things have shot off the scale. I'll take some of the recent examples from my last school semester. I've had people beat me up (three times) throw my books in school hoppers/soak them/hide them/put fecel matter on the assignment work inside. I've had people attempt to get me beaten up by framing me for various practical jokes against particularly large or violent members of the year group. I've been given concussions, had my USB stolen and destroyed (with assignment due that day on it, thank god i had back-ups) been pickpocketed, and the list goes on.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not just sitting by idly while this occurs. I've been using the school services to the utmost extent to make these people clear off, and to a certain extent, it's worked. The school itself has been most handy in fixing the problem, but the bullies who pick on me have started using less traceble means of getting at me (such as stealing books and things, stuff i can't actually catch them doing).

Unfortunately, i now find myself in a very, very tough position. The school resources have been exhausted. I can't take this into my own hands properly. I can't move schools. The tactic of "ignore the bully and he'll go away" is a complete load of bullocks. So is the idea that "bullies bully because they aren't strong/ they're jelous/they're insecure" is also bullocks. I honestly don't care what specialists say right now, because i've doen everything i've been told to the word, and look where i am now. Over the past three months, i've had 3 complete nervous breakdowns, 2 of them in the course of 1 week.

Basically, what i'm saying, is i need some help, or support, or something. Because as much as i'd like to pretend it isn't, it's getting through to me, and i doubt i can take it for too much longer.

EDIT: There's probably some important piece of information i'm forgetting to tell you all here, so if i add that in later, please don't be too surprised

[potatocubed]

Alright Elm, let's see what I can do to help.

EDIT: I didn't see your location earlier, and assumed from the Year 9 references that you were in the UK. The advice should still be okay, if you replace 'GCSEs' with 'whatever exams 16-year-old Australians have to take'.

Fifteen years ago, I was where you are now. I managed to avoid the worst of it through egregious, horrifying violence, but I'm not sure that's a workable solution for you. (To be honest, I'm not sure it was a workable solution for me, but that's another matter entirely.)

So: what about you? Here are some thoughts, in no particular order.

First of all, I promise you that life gets better. Not until you're at least done with your GCSEs, I'm afraid, but it improves pretty damn sharply after that. If nothing else, hang on to that hope: Life Gets Better.

More immediately... have you tried talking to your parents? Try telling them what you told us. Tell them that you can't go back to school because you're afraid for your life, your sanity, or both. Your parents don't have to shift you to another school, they can just take you out of school completely. It happened to a friend of mine when I was fifteen, who took the bullying worse than I did. They can arrange to teach you themselves, they can hire a private tutor, or you can teach yourself - GCSEs are easy, and going to school in order to pass them is not even vaguely required. The council will have some sort of check-up scheme but those are easy to work with (or around, depending on your prediliction).

If your parents aren't sympathetic, stop going to school. Just... stop. Go to the library and read educational books instead. You will get picked up one way or another, but your aim here is twofold. First, you have to show everyone concerned that you are serious about not going back to school. If you are returned to school despite protestations that you're in fear for your life and/or sanity, leave. Walk off the premises and go somewhere else. Keep doing this, and keep explaining yourself, until you get permission to do so.

Second, your aim is to come across not as a whiny, difficult kid but as a responsible adult who is doing the best they can in the face of a difficult situation. As a teenager, your maturity is constantly in question - by holding it together and being as calm and rational as you can when you're explaining your situation for the eleventy-hundredth time you can reinforce that you are handling it with the adult part of your brain rather than the kiddy part or the raging hormones. Practice saying it: No, you're not going to stay in school if they take you back. Yes, you want an education. No, the anti-bullying policy can't help you any more.

Essentially, you're being squeezed between a rock and a hard place at the moment. The bullies aren't going to stop or back down, but the adults might if you can engage us on the right terms. If you need help with those terms, drop me a PM and I'll clarify as best I can.

[Faulty]

I'm angry so often and I don't know why. I think about violence a lot and get snappy. Two days ago my brother was slightly rude to me, but not too much, yet I spouted expletives at him. I dunno why, I just snap sometimes. Lately I've felt cold a lot.

[The Rose Dragon]

I'm angry so often and I don't know why. I think about violence a lot and get snappy. Two days ago my brother was slightly rude to me, but not too much, yet I spouted expletives at him. I dunno why, I just snap sometimes. Lately I've felt cold a lot.

There's nothing wrong with using expletives when you're stressed.

Unless you insulted his mother and / or father, in which case it could get awkward.

Did you consider seeing a psychologist about it? If you can afford it and / or can find a free one, it could help.

[Faulty]

Well you got targeted by some of my anger in the veggie thread. : \ I see a therapist, we haven't talked about my aggression lately. I just don't understand why I'm aggressive all the time. Not sure what to do about it.

[The Rose Dragon]

Well you got targeted by some of my anger in the veggie thread. : \ I see a therapist, we haven't talked about my aggression lately. I just don't understand why I'm aggressive all the time. Not sure what to do about it.

Meh, I'm a laid back guy.

Did it start recently or was it a chronic aggression?

[mercurymaline]

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I need AA. So much of my regular human interaction seems to be alcohol-based, and I'm always somewhere on the scale from hostile to prison. I know I have to stop. But I'm afraid that all the **** things I do and say when I'm drunk, are just the things I wanna do and say anyway, and that I'm just using alcohol as a means of apologizing later, and that I'm really just a **** person hiding behind vodka so my ****ness isn't "my fault."

[Pyrian]

It's perfectly normal to have thoughts and feelings that are not polite to share in public and that should not be expressed. The fact that alcohol sometimes lets these out is a problem with the consumption of alcohol, not a problem with inner feelings. ...Indeed, I might even hazard a guess that that entire line of thought is essentially a rationalization to avoid the conclusion that you really do have a problem with alcohol, since that sort of a thing is a huge problem with addictions of all kinds.

Personally not a big fan of AA in particular, but if your drinking is straining your relationships it really is time to try and do something about it.

[Ninja Chocobo]

The advice should still be okay, if you replace 'GCSEs' with 'whatever exams 16-year-old Australians have to take'.

School Certificate. Easy as sod and less than meaningless.
That said, once you get it you could leave and do your HSC at whatever Canberra's equivalent of TAFE is.

Also, try giving them less access to your stuff. Bring to school only the books you need that day and keep them with you at all times, that sort of thing.

[smellie_hippie]

After being poked in other locations amongst this "series of tubes"... I am here to post an update.

My daughter had her surgical consultation last week at Vanderbilt for her TMJ issues. The resident was very attentive and personable, the attending physician... not so much. I believe her exact words were "I hate him". Anyways, he told us that he actually only performs surgery on about 3% of his patient population. We have changed to a new medication in the hopes of "reducing her nighttime teeth grinding" so her jaw has some time to relax. We hope this reduces any swelling which causes nerve irritation and such.

She has a follow-up appointment scheduled in 6 weeks.

The scary news is that he told us an 18 year old patient (my daughter is 14) was in the room down the hall scheduling his surgery after having some very similar issues to my daughters. The doctor indicated that there was some "significant asymmetry with his jaw line" and they would need to take some corrective action. So why the hell aren't they taking corrective action with my daughter before there is "significant asymmetry"!?!?

I flip back and forth on whether this was a waste of time or good news...

[Moonshadow]

This may sound a bit uneducating of me, but have you possibly tried one of those rubber mouth guard things? It might help her stop with the grinding.

Also, they might not be taking immediate action because your daughter is still maturing physically, and any action taken might just be reversed as she grows.

Least, thats the excuse they used on me when I got my braces, which is totally different entirely, but still mouth related >_>

Erm. Sorry if I'm not really any help ^^;

[smellie_hippie]

She actually has worn one of the mouth plates. It's essentially a retainer for the bottom teeth. We have also already undergone several months of physical therapy and an array of medications over the past year.

I will also say that I fully expected him to NOT schedule a surgery at our furst visit. I would, in fact, have been even MORE nervous if he was planning on putting her "under the knife" after his 15 minute consultation.

[Serpentine]

Don't get me wrong, i'm not just sitting by idly while this occurs. I've been using the school services to the utmost extent to make these people clear off, and to a certain extent, it's worked. The school itself has been most handy in fixing the problem, but the bullies who pick on me have started using less traceble means of getting at me (such as stealing books and things, stuff i can't actually catch them doing).

I don't have much actual advice to offer you, but I want to congratulate you on this. It drives me absolutely mental when people talk about being bullied, then try to justify it with an "oh, it's just life, just a normal part of growing up..." or blame the schools and parents for not doing anything when they didn't even tell them it was happening.
Potato's advice seemed reasonably sound (I would say extreme, but I don't know what else you could do...), but I would add that maybe you should keep a diary of all the things that happen to you, including who you think did it and why you think that.
Personally, I think theft and assault should be a police matter no matter where it happens, but apparently it doesn't count if it happens to kids, by kids, in a school

Faulty (I liked Amiserious ): How old are you, again? This may sound trite, but if you're in your teens, it's been demonstrated that there are some screwy things going on around then. It could be (at risk of sounding cliched) just hormones. Maybe try some relaxation techniques - yoga perhaps, or simply "breathe and count to ten".

[potatocubed]

The scary news is that he told us an 18 year old patient (my daughter is 14) was in the room down the hall scheduling his surgery after having some very similar issues to my daughters. The doctor indicated that there was some "significant asymmetry with his jaw line" and they would need to take some corrective action. So why the hell aren't they taking corrective action with my daughter before there is "significant asymmetry"!?!?

It could be that the asymmetry of his jaw is what's causing the joint issues in the first place. If your daughter's jaw shape is more or less okay, corrective action may not be necessary.

[Dirk Kris]

DEPRESSION HERE!

Story is as follows. There was a certain person I met on a certain online forum and developed a long-distance RL friendship with. I made a grevious error in judgement and tried to pull off something exceedingly stupid and...permanent in nature a few months ago. And since then, this person has stopped speaking with me. And while I understand that they felt the need to protect themselves from further pain and disappointment, it doesn't suck ANY less. I thought I would give it time and see how it worked out, but nothing has changed. I am fairly certain they are ignoring me, and they are not taking my calls, emails, etc.

I thought I was handling it fine.

And then I recently found out that they were making a major change in their life, something we had long talked about. And they hadn't even told me. Seriously, it feels like the bottom just dropped out of my chest. It seems to me that it's the death knell of any hope of rekindling our friendship. And I'm not sure how to deal.

*sigh*
Sad Dirky is sad.

[FdL]

*hugs Dirk Kris*

Well, I think maybe it's not too late to get to talk stuff, and even why s/he didn't talk that stuff with you. I'm thinkiong you'll both feel better afterwards.

About the permanent stuff and all that...I don't know what you might be referring to, I hope it's nothing to extreme. Permanent things can be bad in life, because you're relinquishing control over them for those done voluntarily. And not having control of stuff can be bad, because in life people is bound to change their mind a million times over about most everything.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Dirk, if you want, my PM box is open. *hugs*

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Sorry I've been out of the game for the last few days, folks. I've been recovering from a little trip I took...A trip over a curb, to be precise. Being the consummate klutz that I am, I took a bad spill on Friday, and on Saturday I found myself hurting off the scale. Well, not really...on that "rate your pain from 1 to 10" thing doctors like to use, I was hanging around an 8 when it came to my wrists and shoulders. Nothing broken as far as I can tell, and the pain is getting better...So I'm sorry if those hoping for a response from me didn't get one.

Elm11, I am SO tempted to tell you to "pull a psycho" on these people. Splatter fake blood on you and your clothes, walk into school with a semi-crazed look on your face, and say to the first person that asks if you're okay, "I'm fine...Just fine." Look over your shoulder at an imaginary person and continue, "No, we don't want to kill this one too." Then hand them a room temperature turkey liver and say, "Here. I brought you my someone's spleen." Then wander off.

Several things would follow, however. 1: People do a lot of screaming and the police are called. 2: People become afraid and steer clear of you at all times. 3: People think it's the best practical joke ever and you earn respect. 4: People find it lame and disturbing, and your level of victimization increases.

Final conclusion: DON'T DO IT!

It looks like potatocubed's advice is best.

I was bullied back in what was then called junior high school here in the States, and it took me snapping to make all of them back off. This is not me advocating violence -violence should ALWAYS be your last choice - but here's the story...

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I was picked on fairly regularly, and it didn't help that a girl, (oh, the shame of being flattened by "the weaker" sex), punched me in the stomach and had me on the floor, crying like a baby. I only stress the fact that a girl was the first to victimize me because of its social ramifications, and not that I deem women any les capable than a man. You see, because a girl did this to me in the middle of a crowded lunch room, this seemed to give free license for everyone to target me.

I took it for quite some time, quietly hoping that it would go away. And because there was always the threat of bigger and "better" beatings if I snitched, I just tried to keep to myself.

Then, one day, I finally snapped and dished out a large helping of what I'd been getting. I was leaving the school grounds, riding my bicycle, when one of the kids tried to cause me to wipe out; he tried to shove something into the spokes of a wheel as I rode past. I stopped, parked my bike, and approached the would-be saboteur. He was flanked by two friends, and stood there with arms folded and a smirk that said, "What are you gonna do with my buddies right here?"

I didn't even stop to think. I lashed out and took him down with one punch to the face. Then I delivered a right cross to the git to the main bully's right, and that idiot hit the floor. It was Idiot #3 who thought his best move was to jump on my back and attempt a strangle hold on me. But there's a little something you learn about fighting, even if all you do is TALK about self defense. "Once you leave the ground, you lose all control over the situation. You can't dodge, properly defend, or effectively attack." And this idiot had jumped on my back, hoping that along with the choke hold, his weight would bring me down. So I grabbed his legs, which then prevented him from getting off my back, and ran backward into a nearby fence. The impact knocked the wind out of him, so when I let go, he just sank to the floor.

I left all three on the ground as I collected my bicycle and continued on the way home. One would think I would've been proud. Not only did I take on three bullies at once, but also put them down in mere seconds. There wasn't even enough time for a crowd to gather. But there was one witness, my friend Dave, who saw the whole thing. He ran to catch up to me, and I can still hear his words. "Rob, that was AMAZING!"...

And I was in tears. Anger induces that rather unusual response from me. I cry. And the fact that I had to resort to it didn't make me happier. If anything, I loathed the concept of having raised my hand in anger. I told him I wanted to be left alone, and sped home to be alone in my misery.

But the bullies cleared off. They had the sudden realization that I had my limits, and those limits had been reached. There were other victims for them, and so they moved on.

In retrospect, I was lucky. Their mindset could have been, "Oh, he thinks he's tough? Let's see if he can take me on." Instantly, my life could have been a lot messier. I guess the thing on my side is that I was fit back then. I would ride my bicycle for seemingly countless hours across varying terrains, working my entire body out in the process. One girl went as far as to describe me as "a triangle on a stick," because I was slim in the waist while very broad in the chest and shoulders.

In fact, some of the old bullies tried to come back around in high school to kind of test what I was all about. I was working out in the gym on a leg press (on a universal gym set) that required I lie on my stomach and lift the weights with my calves. I had the pin set around the middle of the rack, and was barely working up a decent sweat....when they came strolling by and asked if they could test my strength. I was rather dismissive when I said, "Yeah, sure. Whatever." They reset the pin, and while I didn't look up, I could hear the smirk in voices. "Okay, go ahead," one of them challenged. And so I started pressing whatever it was they'd set the weight for. The expletives started flying as the shocked bullies stared at me. After a set of ten, I turned to see that they had set the pin so that I would have to lift the entire rack with my lower legs. I can't recall exactly what it was, but I believe it was 280 pounds. And I was only 16 at the time.

And those are my school adventures with bullies. I never earned enough respect that I would be greeted by them, but they didn't come looking for me as a victim afterward.

Again, violence should be your last line of defense, and I firmly believe that if you can find another way, do that instead.

I am afraid to approach this part, as wording it may come across as insulting. That's not my intent at all. But you mention you're slightly overweight, and that it seems to be adding to your struggles. Because you are younger than this broken old man, I sincerely suggest you start working out a bit. You don't need to join a gym and start drinking protein shakes, or even go at it every day...but a light workout to start with will help, and you can increase as you become more fit.

Allow me to present you with Bor's Teenaged Workout!

1: Pushups. Very basic. Work in sets of ten, and don't overwork yourself. I was in my mid-20's when I reached a point of doing 40 pushups a day. Mind you, I did 20 regular pushups, with my feet elevated about three feet off the ground, and then 20 "diamond" pushups. The latter is when you put your hands on the floor with your thumbs and forefingers forming a diamond; this is great for the forearms.

2: Pull-ups. My biggest complaint was finding a place to do them, but my youngest brother had set up a bar in our basement, allowing me to get around 20 in a day...and it took me a while to get to that seemingly lowly number.

3: To work your stomach, lie flat and lift your feet a few inches off the ground. Keeping your feet together, use your feet to draw the alphabet. Honestly, I never got past G during my workouts. (I was a wimp! )

4: Ride a bicycle everywhere! At my best, I could ride 25 miles in a day, simply by riding around aimlessly, listening to music or, quite foolishly, reading a book. (It's amazing I didn't get killed while riding and reading!) Riding up hill a lot will eventually work your entire body.

5: Be sure to get plenty of protein in your diet, while trying to reduce fat content. Heck! Look around online for a good diabetic diet, and you'll find yourself eating healthier with that lone!

6: Drink plenty of fluids when working out in the heat. When it's hot, a workout without fluids is simply dangerous. Make sure you have water when/if you're biking around for many miles under the summer sun.

7: NEVER OVERWORK YOUR BODY! Create a small routine at the start...one that will work your lower body one day, and your upper body the next. You're not training for competition, so you need not "feel the burn" every single day in every muscle. In fact, as a start, I would work the upper body one day, the lower body the next, then take a day off. "Wash, rinse, repeat as necessary." As time goes by, you won't need that day off.

Someone who at least LOOKS fit will been seen as less of a victim. You don't need washboard abs to impress anyone, unless that's something YOU want. And working out NOW will be better for you in the long run. (Being fit in my youth is one of the reasons I haven't lost a leg to diabetes...yet. )

And that's all I have in my mind at the moment. My wrists are killing me after all this typing, but such is the sacrifice I'm willing to make for those about whom I care. I would write more, addressing others...but this broken old man needs his rest.

[Faulty]

Meh, I'm a laid back guy.

Did it start recently or was it a chronic aggression?

It's chronic. Been happening for a while. Maybe pent up from bad experiences when younger, but it still keeps going, and can be triggered by literally nothing.

[arguskos]

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So, I was having a discussion with a friend today. This friend is a player in the D&D game I DM occasionally, and in our conversation an old ruling mistake I made was brought up. I sorta felt bad, because this particular ruling caused the whole party to die, and some bad feelings to spring up in the group. I since smoothed things over and apologized greatly for my mistake. As I see it, no one's perfect, and I admitted I ****ed up pretty bad, but we're friends, let's move on, right?

Well, back to today. This event (about 3 months back now) was referenced again, and I was surprised to find out that this friend is still VERY bitter about it and all manner of upset and angry with me. I wasn't prepared for such a response, and was struck with a severe case of depression.

Really, I guess I'm just being silly, since I did everything I could to rectify the issue, I apologized immensely, I acknowledged that I screwed up, and I can't really change the past. But, it still stings that this friend is SO bitter and resentful that they are spiteful towards me over the event. Oh well, move on, right?

[Faulty]

Your friend is mean, and you should be reconsidering having him or her as a friend, not feeling bad about yourself.

[arguskos]

Your friend is mean, and you should be reconsidering having him or her as a friend, not feeling bad about yourself.

Well, considering which friend it is (friend of the female variety, also known as an other, who is often significant), I can't really do that.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

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So, I was having a discussion with a friend today. This friend is a player in the D&D game I DM occasionally, and in our conversation an old ruling mistake I made was brought up. I sorta felt bad, because this particular ruling caused the whole party to die, and some bad feelings to spring up in the group. I since smoothed things over and apologized greatly for my mistake. As I see it, no one's perfect, and I admitted I ****ed up pretty bad, but we're friends, let's move on, right?

Well, back to today. This event (about 3 months back now) was referenced again, and I was surprised to find out that this friend is still VERY bitter about it and all manner of upset and angry with me. I wasn't prepared for such a response, and was struck with a severe case of depression.

Really, I guess I'm just being silly, since I did everything I could to rectify the issue, I apologized immensely, I acknowledged that I screwed up, and I can't really change the past. But, it still stings that this friend is SO bitter and resentful that they are spiteful towards me over the event. Oh well, move on, right?

Welcome to the wonderful world of serious business! And games - GAMES! - is serious business.

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In the late 1990's, I found a fantastic DM, and he came with a less-than-fantastic gaming group. One of them was the notious "Rules Lawyer." If it was in the books, that's the way it was supposed to be. Now, we're talking about a guy who was fairly intelligent. We practically took turns trying to explain that the books were guidelines, and that the things written in there could be expanded, restricted, ignored...whatever. The moment the DM did something unorthodox, this guy was opening a book and tracking down the page that said the unorthodox thing couldn't happen.

For example, I played a dwarven priest. This was 2nd edition that we were playing, and back then, a cleric could only use blunt weapons. I reasoned with the DM, however, that since my deity used a battle axe, said deity would likely condone a similar practice by his mortal representatives. And this was the dwarven war god. Odds are good he would have let me use any weapon in the book.

When the DM agreed with me, the rules lawyer almost had a stroke. Out came the books, and he started citing the "rules" that said no such thing should be permitted. But I had an idea, took it to the DM, and the DM approved. That's all there was to it. Yet every time I mentioned an action I was taking with my axe, this guy would glower at me.

It got tiring after a couple of months, and the DM took to the phrases, "Because I said so," and, "What the DM says is law." This did NOT fly well with the rules lawyer.

Things came to a head on one particular gaming night, when I called him to say I was about to leave my apartment to pick him up. He lived nearby and didn't drive, while I still had a car and license at the time. He not only cussed me out, but told me to pass on a message of hatred to the DM and the rest of the group. I did exactly that, giving them a word-for-word account of what happened. Then we gamed and had fun. In fact, since we weren't sure what to do with his character, I believe we went badly out of our usual characters and used him to check for traps. That is, in-game we were having him just walk until he set something off. I think he stepped on a dragon.

Players of RPGs need to understand that sometimes "what the DM says, goes," can also backfire on the DM. I was with a gaming group when I was living in NY in the early 90's, and I was playing a fighter. For whatever reason I had when making the character, I had put down a deity on my character sheet. We were ambushed at night, and while we eventually kicked butt, out resident wizard was dying, and we were without a cleric.

Thinking quickly, I had my character drop to his knees and start praying his heart out for divine aid. I even RPed the prayer. I mean, I threw in my character's history with the group, from when they rescued me, (I was captured and to be sold as a slave), right on through to the moment of the wizard's rapidly approaching death. The DM deemed it such good RP that he said, "If you roll d100 and get a 1, you'll get a helpful response. Otherwise, your god is too busy for the lowly likes of you, and it looks like the wizard is rolling up a new character."

I chose two 10-sided die, chose which was first and which was second...and rolled a 1!

Well, the DM's well-planned ambush went to Hades, and now an avatar of my deity HAD TO show up and heal the wizard. Of course, I also owed my deity a favor, which was kinda scary...but the point is that the DM can get caught in his rulings just as much as the players.

Same DM, same character...I was level 2, I believe. This was just after the party rescued me, and we found ourselves face to face with a possessed dragon. While the rest of the party was just high enough to face this threat, I should have been frozen with fear, wetting my armor, or running for the hills. Fortunately for me, everyone forgot about the natural fear factor of dragons, and so I not only charged into battle, but scored the critical hit that killed it!

On the next gaming session, the DM reminded all of us of the major mistakes that occurred. Being a fair player, I asked if we should hit the existential rewind button. He let it slide, and we continued gaming.

Mistakes happen...but it's a GAME! What's more, it's not a game where things CAN'T be undone...like City of Heroes.

Now THIS is serious business. City of Heroes/Villains (CoX) collects a monthly fee from all players for this MMO. Because of this, people feel entitled to certain things. When the developers screw up, the players shouldn't be punished...but we are, and sometimes unjustly.

In the last few months, the devs of CoX updated the game with a "mission archetect" (MA). Players could now write mission content for ANYONE to play. And one of the things advertised during the beta testing of this update was that people could run these custom missions from level 1 to the maximum of level 50. They also included over 100 new badges that people could earn for taking advantage of this new toy.

But what the devs failed to foresee was the ways in which people could exploit MA. Like making melee opponents with no way to close the distance with a player that can fly. Thus, players created boss level characters that gave boss level experience, but couldn't attck...and all the player had to do was hover in the air and keep blasting away. Now take such custom wimps, fill the entire mission with them, and farm it...that is, play it over, and over, and over again.

Yes, people certainly could play in the MA from level 1 to 50...in less than a day! This has made some of us veterans angry as heck, as we had to actually EARN or highest levels.

Seeing people grinding for badges, levels, and in-game money pushed the devs into making some serious decisions, some of which made the game utterly insane. For example, they started examining characters' creation dates, how many hours were played on said characters, and DELETING those that appeared to be powere-leveled via MA.

They also revamped the badges people could earn, effectively deleting over 90 of them. This one got me, because I have ONE character that I consider my badge collector, and he had over 100 of those MA badges. (Oh, the hours spent grinding away for some of them!) Badges become somewhat important in that when you collect a certain combination of badges, you can actually end up with extra powers. Alas, exploits and bugs were allowing too many people to gain the extra power earned through MA, and so they killed many of the badges, as well as revamping how others were earned.

It was MY turn for "serious business!" I posted a rant on the CoX forums about how I paid for the game...(Ummm...not really. My game time was a gift from last X-mas, and is about to run out.)...and how I spent a lot of time earning those badges, and how it's not fair, and that my 675 badges were about to be reduced to a mere 600 or so, and that I should be able to keep my toys, and...on and on I went. The general response to my rant was, "Seriously...get a life. You're taking this game WAY too seriously."

I would argue that money for my account was given to the base company, and that I'd spent a lot of time grinding for those badges when I could've been working on other rewards in-game. But then, I was getting rather close to behaving like those people who throw a fit in-game. They act as though they'd ACTUALLY died, and that now everything was ruined.

It's a game...Let's all move forward, shall we?

So...Ummm...Well, this turned into a bit of venting for me, as I'm still somewhat upset over those dev-bastages taking my badges. "Batches? We don't need no steenkin' batches!" Well I do, dangit!

But yeah, Argus...remind your friend that it's a game, and that what damage was done has been undone. No one's life ended over it, nor were thousands of dollars lost. Along with that, perhaps you might want to add a personal apology. Maybe that's all she needs.

By the way...what's the word on "Operation Nike: The Rescue"?

[Faulty]

Well, considering which friend it is (friend of the female variety, also known as an other, who is often significant), I can't really do that.

If your girlfriend is bitter because you made a mistake in a D&D game three months ago which you later apolgized for, your relationship needs some examination. At the very least, there are serious communication problems you have to deal with.

[arguskos]

If your girlfriend is bitter because you made a mistake in a D&D game three months ago which you later apolgized for, your relationship needs some examination. At the very least, there are serious communication problems you have to deal with.

Well, yes, there is that. I love her dearly, and she's usually better about this, but D&D is a sore spot at times. >_< Still working this kink out in our relationship.

Bor: Interesting stories you have there. I do agree that what's done is done, and she and I need to move on. Sometimes though, just the reminder of the event is shameful. I've been DMing for over 10 years, and playing for 13 (that's since I was 7!) and I'm a better DM than that (usually anyways). Just shameful and depressing.

Also, Operation Nike: The Rescue is awaiting financial detailing that is to occur in the early days of Aug (after bills). Any aid would be greatly appreciated, though not honestly expected. Most likely, it is a go, but don't quote me on that one.

Oh, and I was saddened to hear about your fall. Are you feeling a mite bit less broken now? Or still sore and hurt? If the former, yay! If the latter, *hugs*.

[Zeb The Troll]

She actually has worn one of the mouth plates. It's essentially a retainer for the bottom teeth. We have also already undergone several months of physical therapy and an array of medications over the past year.

I will also say that I fully expected him to NOT schedule a surgery at our furst visit. I would, in fact, have been even MORE nervous if he was planning on putting her "under the knife" after his 15 minute consultation.

This likely won't help with the actual TMJ, but I know my mother-in-law uses one of these at night because she's a compulsive grinder. They're relatively inexpensive, easy to use, and she swears by them. It should at least help keep her from causing excessive damage to her teeth at night until this thing is corrected. Of course, your doctor probably has some thoughts on the usefulness of something like this for her particular problem.

Incidentally, do you guys know which surgical treatment was being considered? I'm just being curious now. I'm guessing they probably weren't considering replacing the joint just yet since she's still young. I'd imagine by now they've also done xrays and scans to see if the joint is shaped right or if the disc is out of place, so reshaping or disc repositioning sound plausible. Have they already done the "joint flush"? This seems minimally invasive and hardly something that would be only done on 3% of patients, so it doesn't sound like this is what they were considering either.

It's too bad she doesn't like the attending, but unfortunately having a good bedside manner and being a good doctor, technically, don't always come in the same package.

*sends more wishes for successful treatment, sooner than later*

[Supagoof]

After dealing with my fair share of Dr.s, Hippie, I am not surprised at his decision. It would be helpful if he gave more reasoning behind the decision though. Also - how much did he reference Hello Fishy's historical records? I know that I've had to *thump* a doctor to look over the records again just so they know what's been done and what hasn't. Different issue in my case, but still. Dr's tend to only focus on the patient when they are with the patient, and their mind's are not as focused when they are away. It's a thing like math - Dr. X has 20 patients, so 1/20 of his brain's free time is spent thinking about a particular patient unless the issue is pressing (like when the patient is in front of them).

Don't be shy in sharing what your thoughts are with him - just because he has the knowledge, doesn't mean you can't get him to share that knowledge with you. His bedside manner may not be great, but he still has to answer your questions - that's what you're paying him for isn't it? And if he still doesn't respond to you liking, then puke on him*. At least, that method works for me.

My prayers are with Fishy and for her getting the right procedure asap.

*Interesting side fact, I recently received a letter for the pump manufacturer about a series of infusion sets (the part that failed that ended me up with my extended vacation in Tenn) being recalled. Now it just so happens that the infusion set I was using was the last one in the box, and I had thrown the box out so I don't know if it was part of the series being recalled, but still more enlightenment as to what may have caused it to fail in the first place.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Bor Adventures!

Spoiler

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For those not following my blog, I thought I'd come here and mention what's going on with my apartment complex, and exactly how mad they've made me. You see, when someone essentially flips me the bird, I usually take it. It's a minor insult at best, and doesn't really alter the course of my life. However, when I went to my landlords and asked if I could vacate my apartment one month early, they gave me some ridiculous excuse that it would be ILLEGAL to let me do so.

So...those who've let me leave early in the past were breaking the law? When Robin and I decided to live together, her lease ended a month before mine did. I went to my landlords and asked if I could leave early, and they didn't even require it in writing. They just said, "Sure. Go ahead, and best of luck in your romance." (Odd how people wish me luck and everything falls apart eventually, eh?)

Now I've gone to the people in charge and said, "My health is deteriorating. I can't live alone like this anymore, and my family wants me closer to other family. Can I hand you a 30-day notice and leave a month early?" That's when they fed me some nonsense about it being illegal, and if they let me do it, they'd have to let others do it...like everyone knows my business.

No...This lifestyle has proven to be too much for me. I can't afford to live alone, and I spend entirely too much time begging for help to get me through each and every month. (I save the begging for my blog, not here; and if you go through the months, you'll see each and every month has SOMETHING there that says, "Please help!") I'm tired of that nonsense. What's more, every time I face a medical crisis, I face it alone. There's no one to look after Nike if I land in the hospital, which is why I've avoided it so much. There's no one to visit should I be hospitalized. No one is around to run errands for me should I be unable to walk. No...I'm simply too alone and too financially insecure.

It started with a joke to a friend over the phone. He's a truck driver, and I had him cracking up when I said, "They messed with the wrong Jew. I mean, we come genetically attached to a lawyer! VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE!"

Sure, I could be vindictive and destroy property, but that's illegal and would make trouble for myself. (Super glue has many evil uses!) Instead, I started with an online search...for the property I live on. Allow me to quote their listing on apartmentguide.com:

SOMETHING SPECIAL AWAITS YOU AT [Complex Name]...carefree city living at its best. Our residents experience the captivating carefree style of the Arizona way of life, and love setting their own pace for entertaining or playing. [Complex Name] is conveniently located off I-17 and just minutes from downtown, Metro Center, shopping, restaurants, entertainment, and much, much more. So...enjoy the convenience, comfort and value at a price you can afford at [Complex Name]!

There is just ONE line of truth in there. [Complex Name] is conveniently located off I-17 and just minutes from downtown, Metro Center, shopping, restaurants, entertainment, and much, much more. Beyond that, I can only assume that the "something special" is management that moves at a snail's pave when it comes to vital repairs to the almost 40-year-old property. (It took them over a year to repair the RUSTING fuse box in my apartment.) "Carefree city living at its best" must be a reference to the prostitution and drug dealing done right here on property! Yes, we set our own pace for entertaining, playing, or seeking cover from gunfire. (You can run or dive; it really is up to you!) It's a coin toss as to whether or not the laundry rooms are in working order, but it's assured that they'll be filthy...as are the grounds. I kid you not...the mailboxes, specifically where mine is located, are encrusted with bird droppings! Nothing here says "enjoy."

True story: Just a few weeks ago, I was heading for the market that's in walking distance, when I passed several police cars parked toward the front of the complex. The cops were standing around, obviously wrapping up whatever the call was that they'd answered.

Me: Y'know, for all the time you guys are here, you should just set up a station here on property.
Cop: No...If we did that, people would be knocking on our door all day and night.
Me: Yeah, but it saves you the gas and time spent getting here.

While most of them laughed, and I walked away, I overheard one of them saying, "You know...he's right."

That's bad.

Okay...So what we obviously have here is a clear case of misrepresentation. Management advertises one thing, and once you move in, you get something completely different. In the wonderful world of "those who are ticked off," we call that FALSE ADVERTISING!

"Quick, Robin! To the Bor-Cave...to contact the FTC!" Yes, I filed a formal complaint with the Federal Trade Commission. And once I did, I called them to ask how long it would take for them to take action. The representative I spoke to couldn't specify the time, but said they would be in touch should a CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT come from my report. Then, after I explained how I was essentially being held prisoner by my lease, the rep said that something definitely sounded fishy, and that I should call the AZ Attorney General. I haven't been able to get through to him, but that call is in the works.

Now, the probable results are as follows:

1. Federal Inspectors will come by and see that this place is a nightmare. (The only reason I've never moved out is because I couldn't afford it.)
2. There are those living here that are...well, it's somewhat political, so let's just say that they are not living here legally, and this carries heavy fines for management.
3. Number two will scare many residents out. Lease or no lease, they will run.
4. Further investigation into the paperwork here will reveal that management has been asking people to sign incomplete leases. Yes, they have asked me to sign leases in which they've left certain spots blank. Maybe others fall for that, but I didn't, nor have a few other residents, who, when I've spoken to them, seem all-to-willing to testify to that.
5. The complex is held to the law. Either make this complex what they advertise, or change the advertisement to what's really here. Somehow, I don't think "holes for rent" will bring a lot of people. Management will also be forced to rent these apartments at their true fair market value, which is about half of what they're charging now. Management will probably have 90 days to comply.
6. It would take a divine act for this place to be brought to code in 90 days. Management will no longer be able to use their "little patches" to get over on an inspector. They have ONE handicap accessable apartment, and because it's a large apartment, it's usually given to a staff member...that isn't handicapped at all.
7. A class action lawsuit ensues. Management can't collect rent while the suit is underway. Serivces that are barely in place now will decline, as they can't pay their employees.
8. Class action lawsuit ends, with a verdict for the plaintiffs. Management has to pay out thousands upon thousands of dollars to EVERYONE they ripped off during their time of misrepresentation.
9. Once they've paid court fees and all the fines heaped upon them, they have no money to pay anyone who won in the law suit, and they file for bankruptcy. Their legacy of being slum lords comes to an end.
10. They never learn that all of this grief for them came from a handicapped guy whom they wouldn't let go one month early!

I could be wrong. I mean, I've spoken to several "legal experts," and the only bars they've passed all had happy hours! Still, once federal investigators get involved, it's hair-pulling time. New management took over about four years ago, and I've been pulling my hair since then. In my time here, there have been approximately six homicides, countless thefts and cases of domestic violence, an evacuation by a SWAT team during a stand-off with a psych patient off his meds who just happened to be armed with a gun, skinny-dipping in the pool during the wee hours of the morning by people you really don't want to see skinny dipping, perpetual rodent and insect infestations, patchwork repairs that never really fixed anything, four floods in my apartment alone, and a major fire that came entirely too close to burning down the north end of the apartment complex...where I live. Management could use a little hair-pulling in return.

Mind you, I don't really enjoy being this vindictive, but to an extent, doing unto others as has been done to you does feel good. And I just needed to vent...so thanks for reading the massive, somewhat un-nice wall of text.

[Manoftyr]

Hello.

Been a long time since I've posted, I suppose I'm something of a lurker but...something inside made me delurk and post in this thread; the short version is...I'm depressed.

Not just depressed, very, very, very depressed, the last time in my life I felt this depressed I was contemplating suicide.

I guess it started earlier this year when I tried going back to college after my complete mental breakdown mid last year forced me to take a bunch of incomplete assignments and complete them over the summer; which I unfortunately couldn't get it together to complete leading to my GPA taking a hit, at the time I was pretty whacked out of my skull. The main reason behind that was a series of medication changes including stopping one outright which lead to some pretty severe withdrawal symptoms that lasted for quite awhile including convulsing, blurred vision and the like...not fun.

Unfortunately the medication configuration I was on more or less stopped working and a lot of my inherited chemical issues started resurfacing and I started becoming a danger to myself and others necessitating such a sudden and painful change, I have some serious inherited issues unfortunately; my family is the *only* reason I am not in an insane asylum right now, and I love them dearly for it. Anyway, when I tried to go back to college this year I *promptly* realized I wasn't ready yet and had to back out pretty early; there weren't any problems but the feeling of failure really got to me, it turned out my medication needed even more changes and fine tuning before I was thinking 'clearly' again.

I was assigned a therapist who I have to go see weekly now, it's actually been helping me somewhat; but I digress. Even if I was thinking clearly once again I felt depressed, I felt like a slave to medication, a slave to my own mind, a slave to the fact that without a chemical supplement I am considered legally insane and cannot function without it. I began to think that the 'crazy' me was the real me and that the functioning medicated me was an illusion, the byproduct of chemical supplement alone and I grew more and more depressed.

I talked to a friend who had always been helpful to me and would cheer me up when I felt down with this problem, I expressed to her how I felt, about how I was depressed about the medication and upset by how I couldn't tell if I was 'real' so to speak...and she condemned me. She condemned and belittled me, calling me weak for being on medication and telling me that I was making myself into a victim, that my issues are essentially 'not real' and that I'm just weak; a slave by my own accord. We weren't friends anymore after that point.

Ever since then I've been feeling more and more and more depressed, I feel so completely and utterly alone in the world, I feel as though my friends and even my family don't 'truly' understand me. I feel as though since it's impossible to accurately describe what it's like to have your sense of reality shattered to hear voices to experience hallucinations to have bouts of paranoia so severe I have to turn every light in the house on and have a mirror nearby so I can look behind me at all times and have a knife on me just so I can tell myself that I'm 'armed' in the event that someone/thing comes after me. It's impossible to describe what it's like to have completely irrational impulses and random grotesque mental images to someone who has never experienced anything like that, I feel as though normal or 'sane' people as a general rule and because they cannot relate to it simply pity me as an inferior being.

I just...feel so utterly, utterly, crushingly lonely and depressed and powerless; at times I feel like there's no point in 'pretending' and I should just flat out stop taking my meds and simply sit back and see what happens, in fact, the only thing stopping me from doing that is the risk I may end up posing to my family and loved ones; not myself in the least.

*sigh* I feel somewhat better now, I guess I just really needed to vent.