By the Power of [insert ancient castle name]

[Belial_the_Leveler]

Sword of Power

By holding up this +10 artifact longsword of aclarity, ruin and exceptional deflection and invoking the power of a legendary magical castle at least a thousand years old, fabulous magical powers are revealed to you;
1) You channel the power of a Titan, similar to shapechanging into one; you grow in size and bulk to the upper limits of your race, your strength changes to 43, your constitution to 39, you gain DR 15/law and SR 32 you are considered huge if it is beneficial (though you might not actually be) and you can wield oversized weaponry as a titan can.
2) You gain a further +5 inherent bonus and a +6 enhancement bonus to constitution and strength.
3) Your clothing, items and armor are replaced by a barbarian's minimalistic half-plate armor, furry loincloth, metal belt and bracers, leather harness and funky boots. The armor is a +5 soulfire half-plate. The loicloth is a loincloth of fortification. The bracers are +8 empyreal bracers, adding to your saves rather than your AC. The belt confers a constant greater heroism effect and the harness functions similar to a starmantle cloak only without the silly stars thing. The boots are boots of swiftness.
4) If you wear pink and you're an important person that must not be recognised when fighting, people will not recognise you with anything short of epic magic-though reading your thoughts or a huge blunder on your part may still break your cover.
5) After all those changes you end up looking like this;


The above changes function for 24 hours or until you choose to dismiss them. Losing the sword does not end the changes (but you still lose a funky artifact sword) but more powerful artifacts with dispelling ability or a powerful epic spell may end them in advance.

[Dragon Elite]

What if a wizard uses it? That would be hilarious.

[AstralFire]

What if you're a woman?

[expirement10K14]

What if you're a woman?

You become a manly woman?

[Myshlaevsky]

What if you're a woman?

[AstralFire]

Eh. Better than looking like MANLYPECS MCSTEROIDMAN. I'll take it.

Edit: I enjoyed it. I think my favorite part is giving the revealing harness a mechanical function. XD

[Melayl]

Hah! I've been wondering when someone would do this. Great job, and quite entertaining.

[Pronounceable]

I wonder why I'm so much amused with this even though I don't like the cartoons that much...

And yes, OP should include a mention of miniskirt and red cape for females.