Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

[CoffeeIncluded]

...AHAHAHAHA--

*Falls off bed*

-HAHAHAHA!!!

[Cracklord]

Uhm, I don't think I'm legal for another two years...

And Water-Smurf, you're one of the best writers on here. (No offense to anyone else.) You could make the Twilight series decent.

I can wait.

Of course, the best thing that could be done for the twilight series was done in warhammer, with their usual subtly. Vlad never loved Isabella, and only kept her alive for all those years because he thought it was funny. In fact, after he made her a vampire, he laughed in her face (Though his later actions suggest this may not be totally sincere. Only mostly).

Anyway, I'm interested in writing the next article of the squickies, presented to best rare character and most disturbing.
I nominate Zz'Dtri for most expanded upon character.
And, of course, Belial or ABD for most sadistic.

Incidentally, great story Discord. I laughed, a thing that is usually measured on a monthly basis.

Water Smurf, HP Lovecraft and Robert E Howard both suffered such insecurity they never tried to get their work published beyond magazines, and yet they've done more for their genre's then Tolkien. Nobody likes their finished product once they've read it a few times Don't worry.

[Lycan 01]

Hah hah! Good one, Discord. Poor Roy... I liked it. Well written, good characterization of Roy, and overall entertaining. Nice job.


I think "2 V's" has become a rather entertaining pairing all its own...

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Very good. I love that that pairing has taken off so much.

Also, that is basically how I picture Roy's thought process during each strip and most crack pairings. "What horrible thing is going to happen today? Oh, Belkar wants me to sleep with a reptile? I can handle it. My Cleric suffered repeated blows on the head while fighting a coconut tree? Is it Tuesday already? Worm the size of a lightning train? Eh...OH MY GOD ELAN LIKES BANJO WAY TOO MUCH! I NEED TO GOUGE OUT MY EYES! AND DRINK!"

[Aaron]

*sighs*
*snip*

Don't feel too bad Water-Smurf, I loved your stories. *joins the hug club and hugs Water-Smurf* Hope you feel better.

[Taekwondodo]

Spoiler

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Worse, he was burning from the inside after Belial forced himself on him, the devil’s juices dissolving him, burning through skin and flesh like molten sand. Belial reaches between his legs, and grabs his testicles. He holds them for a moment, and then squeezes, until he feels the balls crush beneath the delicate skin.

I think you changed tense there, bit confusing. *shudders*

EDIT: Also webcomic with "key" in the title? Was mentioned on this thread?

[Cracklord]

Look, I didn't want to examine what I wrote to closely. I'm sure you can understand.

Do you mean Keychain of Creation?

[Kaytara]

*hugs Water-Smurf*

Discord, that was funny. :)

[The Odor]

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
My work has onece again been slowed by this dread machine. It's this abomination fault that one and a half page of good crack is GONE.

Great award show. Good in all. crack lord all over creepy. Don't eat me.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
My work has onece again been slowed by this dread machine. It's this abomination fault that one and a half page of good crack is GONE.

Great award show. Good in all. crack lord all over creepy. Don't eat me.

Ctrl-S. If it's not a nervous twitch, you aren't saving enough.

[Zanaril]

Sorry to throw this downer out there, but I don't want anyone to have their hopes up.

Well, if you do feel you have to take a break, just promise you'll come back, ok? You promise? Good.

Your stories are some of the best writing here, don't think otherwise about anything you've written. We love it. Not to mention you've left us at a bunch of cliffhangers.

That said, don't force yourself to write if you don't feel like it. Take as long as you need, we're not going to go disappear in the meantime.

[The Succubus]

Snip.

Don't panic everyone, for I have attended the Xykon School of Motivational Management. Let me see....*flips through textbook*....ah, here we go:

"Water-Smurf, should you cease writing your wonderful, well thought-out and much loved stories, I will have no option other to have you chained up, gagged and turn you over to the Oracle."

Oracle: "Yay! Gift-wrapped!"

[The Odor]

Ctrl-S. If it's not a nervous twitch, you aren't saving enough.

No I know I saved it but now I can't find it. I'ave checked every inch of my computer by hand. Or keyboard as the case may be.

[The Odor]

*sighs*

I may drop off the radar for a while. I'm puttering out. Going through some rough stuff and, while it's therapeutic, I hate this wretched spawn masquerading as literature that I've been spewing for the past few days. It's not up to my standards. Characterization is screwed up. Plot line is mussed. Tiasal is one-dimensional and blank. V's canon kids have been butchered. I've turned V and Reddy into piles of goo. Every other phrase is awkward and stilted. It's all total crap. I'm sick of hating everything I make.

I'm going to try to hold off on posting anything until I'm in an emotional state more fit for writing stuff good enough for people to see. I don't know how long that will take. I'm not sure it's going to happen at this point.

Sorry to throw this downer out there, but I don't want anyone to have their hopes up.

Can it be any better. You write better then some published writers I know.

Tiasal is one-dimensional and blank.

Well I cried for Tiasal when her brothers bullyed her. I'am considred completley emotionles by most.

But if you fell you need to take a break do that and don't worry about us. We can always read what you already posted. Hope you feel better soon. By the way, try what I do when I feel down. Butcher zombies in a video game.
Sorry about dubble post

[Zanaril]

Don't panic everyone, for I have attended the Xykon School of Motivational Management. Let me see....*flips through textbook*....ah, here we go:

"Water-Smurf, should you cease writing your wonderful, well thought-out and much loved stories, I will have no option other to have you chained up, gagged and turn you over to the Oracle."

Oracle: "Yay! Gift-wrapped!"

Hey, hey! I though we agreed no kidnapping unless it rolled on the random generator!

*looks over at bag containing choloroform, handcuffs and ductape* *kicks bag out of sight under desk*

No kidnapping Water-Smurf anyway, it's not conductive to good writing.

[The Odor]

By the way. Have any of you experineced this:when the comic updates are you surprised that some of the things that happend in the crack realm did not hapen there. Like the one were Inky got spliced and went after V. When the next comic was realeased I was shocked that Inky was not with the order. I was that close to post something about it. It was that good. Who made that one by the way.

[Zanaril]

By the way. Have any of you experineced this:when the comic updates are you surprised that some of the things that happend in the crack realm did not hapen there. Like the one were Inky got spliced and went after V. When the next comic was realeased I was shocked that Inky was not with the order. I was that close to post something about it. It was that good. Who made that one by the way.

Maybe not that drastic, but yea, you start to think of thing that have happened in fanfics to be as acceptibly correct as things happening in the actual strip.

This is even worse in fandoms based on books: at least here we're continually reminded of what's in the comic because we read the new updates.

[Cracklord]

Hey, hey! I though we agreed no kidnapping unless it rolled on the random generator!

*looks over at bag containing choloroform, handcuffs and ductape* *kicks bag out of sight under desk*

No kidnapping Water-Smurf anyway, it's not conductive to good writing.

Tell me about it. Tolkien hasn't written anything good since I faked his death and locked him in my basement.

By the way. Have any of you experineced this:when the comic updates are you surprised that some of the things that happend in the crack realm did not hapen there. Like the one were Inky got spliced and went after V. When the next comic was realeased I was shocked that Inky was not with the order. I was that close to post something about it. It was that good. Who made that one by the way.

I have convinced myself my Ship is canon (Durkon and Lien, anyway). That's pretty close.

[Zanaril]

Tell me about it. Tolkien hasn't written anything good since I faked his death and locked him in my basement.

Did you remember to feed him?

[Lawyergoblin]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Water-Smurf, without your stories the Crack Pairings won't ever be the same! I think your being much to hard on your self. I think I can speak for everyone on this thread that you are the only person who thinks that stuff about your stories.

[Cracklord]

Did you remember to feed him?

Damn it!

Gotta go.


...What do Tolkien's eat?

[Sstoopidtallkid]

No kidnapping Water-Smurf anyway, it's not conductive to good writing.

Do you know why the caged bird sings? Because I will light the **** on fire if he doesn't!

Also, I'm convinced that Haley hasn't been faithful to Elan ever. Though I'm not sure that's the Crack, it may just be the fact that she's been acting like a cat in heat in half the comics.

[Zanaril]

Though I'm not sure that's the Crack, it may just be the fact that she's been acting like a cat in heat in half the comics.

Haley's a catgirl!

[Cracklord]

Haley's a catgirl!

Inside joke?

[Zanaril]

Inside joke?

No, just the logical conclusion.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

How could we do that? Failed Polymorph? Or just do it along the lines of Haley's an Aasimar or similar arguments(never seen her ears or tailbone and she may have claimed to be part-something at one point).

[Raging Gene Ray]

Anyway, the plot fairy bestowed me with a plot bunny last night, in the form of MikoxHaley. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I can't find anything to change.

Spoiler

Show

There is a writing desk among the ruins of the once-great Azure City. It is almost, but not entirely, unlike a raven, with a scroll top that has rusted shut.

Inside the permanently closed desk is a diary, the kind with a lock, the key to which is some 300 yards away, on a chain around the neck of half of a skeleton.

Inside the diary is a sealed letter; the writing on the envelope is perfect and elegant. The letter is dated three days before the fall of Miko Miyazaki.

----

I do not know why I am writing this letter. I start it knowing you will never read it, never even know that I have set pen to paper to express my feelings towards you. It is a frivolity, a useless expression of foolish sentiments. Yet here I am.

When first I met you, I was struck by your beauty, but firm in my resolution to arrest you for the crimes committed by you and your party. But the knowledge that you are a thief and a common criminal did not keep you from my dream that night.

In my dream, I had returned to the forest behind my childhood home, the monastery. I walked along the overgrown path, and you joined me, red hair loose on your shoulders. We did not speak, merely kept each other’s silent company, walking among the trees.

From that night on, you became a fixture in my dreams, despite continually surfacing evidence that you are merely a lawless burglar with delusions of vitue. I could not understand my fixation with you, though my dreams were rapidly loosing their innocence, and often placed me in positions to compromise my virtue with you.

Interestingly, it was Greenhilt’s clumsy attempts at romantic interaction with me that led me to my conclusion: I had fallen in love lust with you.

How, I do not know. I cannot understand how, I, a paladin of unassailable virtue could feel an emotion other than contempt for a criminal such as yourself.

I have prayed to the 12 Gods for guidance, and I have determined that they placed you in my path as a test. Only a true paladin could resist your charms seductive guile. It is my duty to cast you from my thoughts and renew my staggering devotion to the ways of Goodness and Law.

You are merely a trial. This is what I want to believe, but it rings false even to myself. I have proven that I, Miko Miyazaki, am beyond temptation. I have proven my loyalty to the Gods by sacrificing my chance to confess my feelings to the one I love resisting your wicked ways. I do not understand why the Gods continue to torment me. I have lost my parents, and exist in isolation, even among my allies. Everything happens for a reason, and the great plans the Gods have for me are beyond my human understanding.

My loyalty is without peer.

Thoughts?

I've had some Miko/Haley ideas in my head ever since I noticed Haley seemed shocked as opposed to overjoyed when she heard of Miko's death from the Oracle. I'd like to think she realized that, as leader of the Azure City Resistance, she could have been friends (or at least an ally) with Miko had they met under different circumstances. Kind of like Celia.

Idea of how CheeseMuncher's story could be extended:

Spoiler

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Miko in the pre-Celestia demiplane asks Sangwaan to scry on Haley. (Reasons for them both still being there: Miko's case is taking some time to evaluate, and Sangwaan is busy trying to get permission to use the Epic Divination magic of the plane and share what she learns with Hinjo).

After seeing Haley lead the Resistance and realizing she's not exactly friends with Belkar, she concludes that Haley was intended to be a gift from the Gods, to show her that rogues and thieves could be virtuous (just like a paladin could commit an act like killing her lord), and that if Haley had grown up under the right conditions, she too could have been a paladin.

Miko breaks into tears and is comforted by Sangwaan. In fact, Sangwaan ad libs some words of wisdom that lead Miko to the conclusion described in the above paragraph. Miko then opens up to Sangwaan, who feels overwhelmed by the duty of helping her unload her emotional baggage and rebuild her broken personality. Miko becomes extremely grateful to Sangwaan, bestowing her titles like the Illuminator of Virtue, the Diviner of True Selves, and other such overblown titles dripping with embarrassing amounts of praise.

After a month or two, Sangwaan develops a spell that will allow Miko to communicate with Haley via Haley's dreams (this could be during Haley's stint as Resistance leader or during her travels with Celia before they met the Oracle).

Haley then starts having dreams where Miko apologizes...even going so far as to feed her grapes (ya know, like in Discord's banner). Embarrassed, Haley keeps all this to herself, but doesn't know Miko is dead. She thinks these are simply normal dreams of hers and is wondering why she's having them. She makes a note to try to meet Miko and melt the iceburg if they ever get back into Azure City and find her.

*sighs*

I may drop off the radar for a while. I'm puttering out. Going through some rough stuff and, while it's therapeutic, I hate this wretched spawn masquerading as literature that I've been spewing for the past few days.

I think that you put a lot of effort into your stories, and with all the writing you've been doing, you're just getting burnt out. And you are tragically misinterpreting this fatigue as a lack of talent.

I don't know what rough stuff you are going through, but I hope you overcome it and start doing the things you love again.

[Meg]

*belatedly hugs Water-Smurf.* Sorry you're feeling crappy. Take as much of a break as you need. It sucks having to write without inspiration.

And thank you to everyone who liked my story. I got the idea and started writing it in the middle of the night, so I was a tad worried that the things that seemed like a good idea to my sleep-deprived brain would seem weird to someone who hasn't been mainlining energy drinks for three days.

[Aaron]

Haley's a catgirl!

That she is. Why else is Mr. Scruffy in the party?

[The Dark Fiddler]

That she is. Why else is Mr. Scruffy in the party?

This needs to be written.