Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[Zanaril]

...I actually had to swallow something down after reading that, Zan.

Now I really want to know what you though I meant.

[Nathander]

Now I really want to know what you though I meant.

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I assumed that the elf is wearing the ring, meaning it's conscious. While being fried and eaten. Making it a living, all you can eat elf buffet.

[Zanaril]

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I assumed that the elf is wearing the ring, meaning it's conscious. While being fried and eaten. Making it a living, all you can eat elf buffet.

You only fry and eat one limb at a time, but yeah, that's pretty much it.

We are horrible, horrible people.

[Asta Kask]

Really? I was assuming she meant you could cut off pieces for as long as you want - after all, they grow back...

Edit: and that's been used in a TSR book (Complete Book of Elves, IIRC). Where a couple of elves have a grudge against a dwarf, so they kidnap him and cut pieces off to send back to the family. So far they've sent seven arms and three legs...

Is it scary that I remember these things?

[Zanaril]

Really? I was assuming she meant you could cut off pieces for as long as you want - after all, they grow back...

Well, I suppose it depends how you want your elf cooked, and whether you mind it squirming around and screaming.

[Nathander]

That really isn't much better, Asta Kask.

Well, I suppose it depends how you want your elf cooked, and whether you mind it squirming around and screaming.

I like my elves like I like my dragon eggs.

Pouched.

No, I have no clue how you would pouch an elf. Shut up.

EDIT: I think I have that sourcebook too, Asta. Is that also the one where they have specific stories about elves, and one of them is a version of "Cinderella", where a group of humans have a female elf as a slave? It goes on like most of Cinderella did, except that the "Cinderella" in this instance actually turns out to be the prince's sister, who he was looking for, and after he finds her he horribly tortures the people that had been keeping his sister as a slave?

[Zanaril]

I like my elves like I like my dragon eggs.

I'll sell you some of the ones Closak's looking after. As long as you don't mind them being half developed and possibly half elf.

[Nathander]

I'll sell you some of the ones Closak's looking after.

Funny thing about dragon eggs: they just don't taste as good if you don't get them yourself.

[Asta Kask]

That really isn't much better, Asta Kask.

That wasn't the general intention.

I like my elves like I like my dragon eggs.

Pouched.

No, I have no clue how you would pouch an elf. Shut up.

I think it involves a bag of holding and a brazier of fire elementals.

EDIT: I think I have that sourcebook too, Asta. Is that also the one where they have specific stories about elves, and one of them is a version of "Cinderella", where a group of humans have a female elf as a slave? It goes on like most of Cinderella did, except that the "Cinderella" in this instance actually turns out to be the prince's sister, who he was looking for, and after he finds her he horribly tortures the people that had been keeping his sister as a slave?

I don't remember that story, but that's no guarantee.

[Zanaril]

Funny thing about dragon eggs: they just don't taste as good if you don't get them yourself.

Then how about a map to his lair?

[Nathander]

Then how about a map to his lair?

How much you asking for?

I don't remember that story, but that's no guarantee.

It very well could have actually been their Complete Book of Half-Elves, considering TSR eventually put out a sourcebook for every race and class imaginable.

[Zanaril]

How much you asking for?

Ten doses of grade five love potion and a pint of Dwarven whisky.

[Nathander]

Ten doses of grade five love potion and a pint of Dwarven whisky.

That's a good deal. *hands Zan a bag* Now lets see that map.

[Oooohaloophole]

You only fry and eat one limb at a time, but yeah, that's pretty much it.

We are horrible, horrible people.

YESSS Finaly my antey (Im working on the story you smug jerk)

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Or I can describe like using the stomache as a dipping sause. You dip a torn off limb into the stomach by force and spin it around until it is covoured by intestines. Fry it and youv got a good old Elf fry. Or (Sort of like spagetti You can peal off the skin (Makes a good snack for later) then take the muscle and cut it off carefully strand by strand so it retians it shape and boil it.

I also thought of something kinda disturbing. Well Lets think about tiasal for a sec. How would the dark one think about this? Well the wierd thing is I bet he would actualy be glad. By introducing elven blood into the goblin mix, she recieves a better innate talent for magic (Something that goblins lack) and hiegher intelligence (once agian lacking in goblins) I dont know where to go with this sentance but umm. yeah....So im writing the story, but without the Immunity to self created Disturbing images feat.....and its scary.

[Nathander]

YESSS Finaly my antey (Im working on the story you smug jerk)

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Or I can describe like using the stomache as a dipping sause. You dip a torn off limb into the stomach by force and spin it around until it is covoured by intestines. Fry it and youv got a good old Elf fry. Or (Sort of like spagetti You can peal off the skin (Makes a good snack for later) then take the muscle and cut it off carefully strand by strand so it retians it shape and boil it.

The spoiler is in the spirit of what we were talking about, so nice.

I do have to say though, it's kinda alarming how you constantly insult people whenever you post. If you keep that up, people are eventually just going to ignore you.

[Oooohaloophole]

The spoiler is in the spirit of what we were talking about, so nice.

I do have to say though, it's kinda alarming how you constantly insult people whenever you post. If you keep that up, people are eventually just going to ignore you.

Actualy its the opposite in my school so its hard to get used to.

[Nathander]

Actualy its the opposite in my school so its hard to get used to.

Oh no, I get what you mean. I do it a lot with my real life friends as well.

The thing is, it can be harder to tell sarcasm from sincerity online since there's rarely any kind of facial or vocal tone to register what is actually meant when you say something.

[Oooohaloophole]

Oh no, I get what you mean. I do it a lot with my real life friends as well.

The thing is, it can be harder to tell sarcasm from sincerity online since there's rarely any kind of facial or vocal tone to register what is actually meant when you say something.

Thanks. I reply to all kindess i can recieve. I LIVE IN A NERDS NIGHTMARE THERE ARE NO NERDS IN THE SCHOOL ONLY SOCCER JOCKS AND STEREOTYPED GIRLS ( AMAGIN THE TYPE THAT ARE IN BAD SITCOMS)

[Closak]

Huh, there's someone outside the cave.

...Not one of those... *Sobs in horror*

Nimmy: Meep Meep ROAR!*

*Translation: Get in my belly!

Let's see...Huge black dragon (Me) VS Collosal Abberation with acid, electricity and fire immunity and a overpowered fast healing?

...I'm gonna start running now.

HEEEEEEELLLLLP!!!



And in other news, my mother has gone berserk and is now lashing out at anyone and everything that gets near her.

[Zanaril]

And in other news, my mother has gone berserk and is now lashing out at anyone and everything that gets near her.

Family conflict must be a lot worse when you're a dragon.

[Closak]

No kidding.

My ears hurt now from all the screaming.

[Water-Smurf]

I am amid packing for my trip back to boarding school, so I'm keeping any replies I have for my next post. I have time to ask these two questions, however:

1. How do you think Inkyrius would react if Redcloak was the one explaining the whole 'V is pregnant btw' situation while Vaarsuvius was unconscious for pregnancy-related medical reasons? I think I've asked this before, but I can't find an answer. And, if you have time, please add on how s/he would react if someone else from the Order explained it.

2. I'm thinking of doing a highschool AU. Would anyone be interested or is that just too out there?

[Dark_Stryke]

I am amid packing for my trip back to boarding school, so I'm keeping any replies I have for my next post. I have time to ask these two questions, however:

1. How do you think Inkyrius would react if Redcloak was the one explaining the whole 'V is pregnant btw' situation while Vaarsuvius was unconscious for pregnancy-related medical reasons. I think I've asked this before, but I can't find an answer. And, if you have time, please add on how s/he would react if someone else from the Order explained it.

2. I'm thinking of doing a highschool AU. Would anyone be interested or is that just too out there?

1. Inky is probably level-headed enough to not immediately begin blasting Redcloak. I don't think he would understand the situation, but he'd probably wait for V to wake up before taking any action against Redcloak. He might try to magically discern if Redcloak was telling the truth though.

2. There have already been several stories like this (The ones I remember best were Coffee's and ShinyDelusion's, and both were excellent), so no, I don't consider it too out there.

[Oooohaloophole]

I am amid packing for my trip back to boarding school, so I'm keeping any replies I have for my next post. I have time to ask these two questions, however:

1. How do you think Inkyrius would react if Redcloak was the one explaining the whole 'V is pregnant btw' situation while Vaarsuvius was unconscious for pregnancy-related medical reasons. I think I've asked this before, but I can't find an answer. And, if you have time, please add on how s/he would react if someone else from the Order explained it.

2. I'm thinking of doing a highschool AU. Would anyone be interested or is that just too out there?

1: Probably have a shocked expression, and probable disbelief. Then inner monologue then aftershock AND THEN she begins calling redcloak a ..... Anyway are you talking about I or A?
2:AU?

You know why I hadnt realized you are female? Cause in my school all girls talk like stereotypes from horrible sitcoms, same goes for most of the people ive called ahem DUDE. Its sorta like living under a rock and finaly seeing sunshine. (YES YES THE RUMORS WHERE TRUE THERE ARE FEMALE NERDS =D)

[Dark_Stryke]

You know why I hadnt realized you are female? Cause in my school all girls talk like stereotypes from horrible sitcoms, same goes for most of the people ive called ahem DUDE. Its sorta like living under a rock and finaly seeing sunshine. (YES YES THE RUMORS WHERE TRUE THERE ARE FEMALE NERDS =D)

You know that under a person's avatar there's a little information about them? Their place of residence and gender? Not everyone fills it out, but for the most part the information is readily available.

[Zanaril]

I am amid packing for my trip back to boarding school, so I'm keeping any replies I have for my next post. I have time to ask these two questions, however:

1. How do you think Inkyrius would react if Redcloak was the one explaining the whole 'V is pregnant btw' situation while Vaarsuvius was unconscious for pregnancy-related medical reasons. I think I've asked this before, but I can't find an answer. And, if you have time, please add on how s/he would react if someone else from the Order explained it.

The only time we've seen Inky was in very strained circumstances, so it's hard to tell how he'd react to something slightly less shocking (or at least less lifethreatening dragon related), but judging by how quickly he got ahold of himself after finding out what V had done, I think he's normally pretty level-headed.

Firstly, however, he's going to have to deal with the fact that Reddy is a goblin. Not being an adventurer, he might never have seen one before, or at least may not to be familiar with them except for the usual racial stereotypes. Thank goodness Redcloak doesn't live up to those.

He might be a bit disbelieving a first - after all, this is his Suvie, pregnant. But depending on how he's coped with what V's done recently, he might simply come to the conclusion that he didn't know V as well as he though he did - he never imagined she would make deals with fiends, getting pregnant is just another surprise. That the father's a goblin just makes the whole thing laughably bizzare.

He's going to be angry, of course. He's going to be angry at V both for everything he was already angry at her for, and for the affair, and for not at least contacting them in all this time. But I think he still loves her enough to be forgiving; at least until she's well enough to argue back. He's also likely to be suspicious of how truthful Reddy's being, since V isn't able to confirm what he's saying. I imagine that, being unable to rant at V, Reddy is going to get a lot of the blame thrown his way instead.


I do wonder how V would react to finding out that Inky still loves her.

...Has V actually told Reddy that she was married? I can't remember her doing so, but it could have been off-screen.


Now, if someone else from the Order explained it, it might go down a bit better. Firstly, Inky can't really blame them. They're just the messenger. Secondly, he has someone to be on his side - if they say Reddy is a horrible monster, he has someone to agree with; if he gets an explanation that Reddy is actually an okay person, he at least has reassurance. However, without someone to shout at, all those pent-up emotions are probably going to leave him crying into someone's shoulder.

2. I'm thinking of doing a highschool AU. Would anyone be interested or is that just too out there?

I find most highscool AUs just... weird. You take familiar characters, but then strip them of everything that makes them interesting and put them in a setting that most of us see every day and hate. And since it's AU, it gets rid of any backstory they had. You could give them simmilar roles - Elan could be a musician, Haley could be the kid who shoplifts and sells boodleg packets of crisps in the playground, V could be a computer nerd who gets revenge on someone by rigging up all the school computers to show that person in an embarassing video - but it's not the same.

Now, if you stripped the members of OOTs of their powers and teleported them into a highschool setting, retaining their memories of everything that has happened so far, that could be fun...

There's also the general problem with setting a fic "IRL" or close to it - especially with children - that it's going to seem unrealistic unless you're familiar with how the law/education ststem works. At least if you want to do anything unusual. Maybe I've only read bad examples, but the few Highschool AU fics I have read which try to do anything fun get laughably stupid in that regard.

So yeah, they're good for a laugh with student-related shenanigans - at least the ones I've read on here certainly have been - but anything more than that.... meh.

That said, I'm now wondering what it would be like if you did write one.

[Closak]

Heh, i would love to see the ABD in a high school setting.

Big freaking dragon attending school, the idea makes me giggle like an idiot.


I just had a scene play through my head.


ABD: You sure these rooms are totally soundproof? *Is lying on her back*
???: Yes i'm sure.

And then Miko walks in, sees them, and reports them to the principal.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I find most highscool AUs just... weird. You take familiar characters, but then strip them of everything that makes them interesting and put them in a setting that most of us see every day and hate. And since it's AU, it gets rid of any backstory they had. You could give them simmilar roles - Elan could be a musician, Haley could be the kid who shoplifts and sells boodleg packets of crisps in the playground, V could be a computer nerd who gets revenge on someone by rigging up all the school computers to show that person in an embarassing video - but it's not the same.

Now, if you stripped the members of OOTs of their powers and teleported them into a highschool setting, retaining their memories of everything that has happened so far, that could be fun...

There's also the general problem with setting a fic "IRL" or close to it - especially with children - that it's going to seem unrealistic unless you're familiar with how the law/education ststem works. At least if you want to do anything unusual. Maybe I've only read bad examples, but the few Highschool AU fics I have read which try to do anything fun get laughably stupid in that regard.

So yeah, they're good for a laugh with student-related shenanigans - at least the ones I've read on here certainly have been - but anything more than that.... meh.

That said, I'm now wondering what it would be like if you did write one.

Yeah, but done properly they're a lot of fun. And you can take common scenarios and see how the characters would act.

And I'm a bit surprised that the soundproofed music rooms became so popular. Then again, this IS the crack pairings thread...

Mari, Ribose, don't get scared off by whatever was on the previous page. We tend to go on random tangents here. A lot.

...I think you can see why I get such a kick out of this place.

{Scrubbed}

Okay. Seriously. That's NOT funny. Don't talk to my friends like that. You shouldn't talk to anyone like that, but you ESPECIALLY don't talk to my FRIENDS like that.

[Oooohaloophole]

You know that under a person's avatar there's a little information about them? Their place of residence and gender? Not everyone fills it out, but for the most part the information is readily available.

I honestly didnt notice. SORRY to all the people I called dude (Who wherent one)
Anyway Here is a prezzie . Youll prob use your own anyway.

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[Oooohaloophole]

Yeah, but done properly they're a lot of fun. And you can take common scenarios and see how the characters would act.

And I'm a bit surprised that the soundproofed music rooms became so popular. Then again, this IS the crack pairings thread...

Mari, Ribose, don't get scared off by whatever was on the previous page. We tend to go on random tangents here. A lot.

...I think you can see why I get such a kick out of this place.



Okay. Seriously. That's NOT funny. Don't talk to my friends like that. You shouldn't talk to anyone like that, but you ESPECIALLY don't talk to my FRIENDS like that.

Well sorry for lacking friends. Actualy no, Sorry....I dont want to be a troll ...just as an example of the only dialoge I hear is: "Shut the F*** up" "Your ugly" "Shave off your moustache".