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2010-01-09, 02:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2010-01-09, 02:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
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- Among the spiders
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
It's not being insulted that's attractive, but the dominating personality, the honesty, and the unwillingness to care.
Her mother's and father's absence in her life left a big hole, but it is her father's absence that would be the most appropriate to talk about here. Xykon, from her view of him, fits the 'father' archetype pretty well--dominating, powerful, respected, his rule is law, etc. etc. etc. That immediately makes her want to cling to him. Sure, Aarindarius, Elan, Roy, Belkar, Durkon, Right-Eye... they all fit the archetype as well, and at first she was happy with them filling up the 'father' role in her life as the adult males she knew and loved (yes, Cracklord, even Belkar), and they were the men to take care of her. But Roy, Belkar, and Durkon were often gone on mini-quests to get the things they needed to sustain themselves on the field as well as to find out more about Xykon's whereabouts, and it was painfully obvious that Elan wasn't her father. She didn't mind the species difference that much, but he still treated her like a child that didn't belong to him, though it was always obvious that he loved her very much. He thought it was a way to respect V and Redcloak--I mean, they're the parents and he shouldn't try to replace either of them--but it made the gap they left feel bigger. Aarindarius is getting older and, though it's not obvious at all in an elf, he can't really deal with taking care of a little girl. He can't do the tasks usually set for a father--Elan and Haley usually handles those if not anyone else in the Order--so he gives her intellectual and emotional support. And though he acts like a father and does love her, she's insecure about whether or not his feelings for her are for her or just because she's his replacement goldfish after her mother died.
Right-Eye was probably the most solid example of a father she had, and he wasn't even corporeal. If she still felt she had him, she wouldn't care for Xykon in the slightest. But Right-Eye blew that out of the water.
He's not completely wrong when he blames himself for Tia's growing trust in Xykon.
Xykon has the advantage of unwittingly becoming a father stand-in while not loving her in any shape or form. Loving is starting to turn into a very bad thing in Tia's mind. She's starting to believe that people are incapable of loving her because she's such an abomination in their eyes, so therefore, if someone acts like they love her, they're lying to make her hurt just as much as she was hurt when Right-Eye said the things he did. (He really traumatized her.) Since everyone she has met in her sheltered life has loved or at least cared deeply about her, this means that everyone she knew and loved were just trying to hurt her and Xykon is the only one who isn't. That's attractive. He won't betray her love because he'll never try to give or get it. She won't be hurt because Xykon will always be honest and indifferent towards her. She won't give him feelings other than trust and loyalty, but once she's past puberty, that's enough for her to give him her body if he wants.
Actually, now I sort of want to write it...
A pity indeed. There's so much potential for that pairing. Sexy, ear-stroking potential. Yes, I'm still pining for that lime.
Here's a link. For those who don't like links, it's basically a summary of the theory that only a small percentage of people are exclusively homosexual or exclusively heterosexual. It's usually varying degrees of both.
Wait, seriously? We'll miss you. :<
Spoiler
The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story
Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.
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2010-01-09, 02:48 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
My webcomic!
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Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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2010-01-09, 02:54 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Avatar by CoffeeIncluded
Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
“Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
― Tim Fargo
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2010-01-09, 02:57 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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2010-01-09, 03:01 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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- New York
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Yes. Yes you should have.
When I got swine flu in May and was out for a week (And nearly hospitalized!), when I got back to school, I proudly told everyone that I was out because I had swine flu, I had a 104 fever for almost 3 days, I was nearly hospitalized, and I could only eat ice cubes...While wearing an "I'm not dead yet." T-Shirt.
I'm talking a humans' natural-born stats here.Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-09 at 03:02 PM.
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2010-01-09, 03:08 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2008
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- Ontario, Canada
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
However, I don't think he wants. I could see him maybe letting her hang off his arm or something as a way to hurt Redcloak, but actively trying to pleasure her would probably be seen as a waste of his time. He doesn't get anything out of it (as he lacks anything that could remotely be considered a sexual organ), and he already has (or thinks he has) her loyalty, and it would probably tick Tsukiko off. I suppose he could hold the threat of it over Redcloak's head, though.
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2010-01-09, 03:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Sh! That's supposed to be a secret. Glad I could help. I was excited when I first found out how it worked too.
That could certainly be fun.
If you're really leaving, Discord, we'll miss you! Hope you still stop by with any romantic fics you might write in the future or if you ever do any more crack/romantic fanart.
That is hilarious.
Here's another fic for Murphy's Law. Has the classic, canon, one-sided Janine/Lloyd and a little bit of Radic/Lloyd (also one-sided, as far as we know), thrown in at the end just for fun.
Takes place at night before and partially during (mostly between panels) #11 of Murphy's Law and includes an exerpt from my Belkar/Matt fic (Matt's nightmare).
Spoiler
“Nice try, Ears,” said the Halfling, “But you really should have chosen a disguise that looked like it actually belonged in max security.” With a disturbing suddenness, the Halfling grinned. “Since you obviously can’t break out of this cell anymore than I can… Do you know what they do to pretty, purple-haired little elf-boys like you in prison, Vaarsuvius?”
“It’s Matt,” Matt spat, but his face was paling.
Brandishing the lethally sharp spoon, the madman said, “Because I’m about to show you.”
“Nooooooo!” Matt cried upon abruptly waking, sitting straight up. Rubbing his eyes, he said gruffly but a little sheepishly, “Sorry, I know that’s one of the most annoying clichés in the book, but…” He looked around him. All three of the other adventurers were still asleep. “Okay… Nevermind.” Shuddering a little and trying to push the nightmare out of his thoughts, he slowly lied back down.
“Mmm… Glad you think so Lloyd… Now come here…”
“What?” Matt sat back up, looking around himself again. Everyone was still asleep. He glanced at Lloyd. Nope, definitely not doing anything to Janine. He glanced at Janine—
“Oh, Lloyd, I think I’m wounded…”
“Wounded?” Matt repeated, raising an eyebrow. He’d never heard that one before.
“You must Lay Hands on me…”
Oh. That made sense. He should’ve seen that one coming, really. As Janine’s words dissolved into little moans that made him uncomfortable on multiple levels, he lied back again, muttering, “Who seriously talks in their sleep anyway?” and tried to go back to sleep.
“Let me show you another use for Water Drops…”
Water Drops? Matt frowned. Weren’t those those little pills wizards could make out of water that released mouthfuls of water when you chewed on them?
“That’s right, put it there…”
“What the…?” Matt murmured.
“Now squeeze… Ah!”
“Is she…?”
“Mmm… You know, if you’re Good…” There was a little snorting sound that might have been Janine giggling, “The water tastes sweet… Oh, yes…”
“Oh, no…” Matt said with a grunt, rolling over and clutching his stomach. He did not want to hear this.
“I also know another use for—”
“Gah!” Matt cried, clapping his hands over his ears. How am I going to get back to sleep with this show playing in the background? Well, he couldn’t hear her with his hands over his ears, at least. Okay. I can do this… He started taking deep breaths in an attempt to make himself fall asleep faster while keeping his hands over his ears. Though this method wasn’t quite as efficient as he’d hoped for it to be, after about half an hour he felt himself drifting off. His arms relaxed has he sunk into a peaceful slumber, his hands gently falling away from his ears…
“Oh, Lloyd, I didn’t know you were a sorcerer…”
“Huh…?” Matt muttered sleepily.
“There really are a lot of uses for Prestidigitation… Mmm…”
Ba-dum, ting! Matt’s half-dreaming mind supplied for that one liner as he let out a moan of protest. He tried to sit up again, but realized he was already falling asleep, Janine’s words weaving themselves into his dreams…
---
“Nooooo!” Matt cried out again, awaking while sitting bolt upright for the second time that night. Taking deep breaths to calm himself down, he looked around to find that once again he’d failed to wake up the other three adventurers. It wouldn’t have been all that bad, he mused, wiping the cold sweat from his brow, if there hadn’t been so much… Lloyd. After shooting a glare at the now innocently silent Janine, he lied back and was asleep within minutes.
---
Remus raised his head to make his best you-should-feel-guilty sad eyes at the screaming human but to no avail; the little punk didn’t even glance at him. Apparently no one cares if they wake up just a dog in the middle of the night. As Matt went back to sleep, Remus put his own head back down with a self-righteous sniff, but raised it again after a few seconds.
Remus heard a sound. It sounded like an animal sound, but it wasn’t a familiar sound. A weird tp-tp-tp-tp-tping was prowling in a circle around them. The dog scanned the forest as best as he could, a low growl rumbling in the back of his throat. It was hard to tell now that Radic’s friend had started muttering in her sleep again, but after a few seconds it sounded like the tp-tping had stopped. This didn’t make Remus feel any better. Whining a little, he nudged Radic’s arm with his nose.
---
“Urg, Remus…” Radic groaned, batting her companion’s cold nose away from her, “What is it?”
Remus whined and poked her arm with his nose again.
“Okay, okay,” said Radic, sitting up and scratching him behind an ear, “What’s wrong, boy?”
“Mmrr… Lloyd,” Janine murmured, “You can… Desecrate my temple… Anyday…”
“Well that’s nothing new,” said Radic, playing with Remus’ ears, “Did she wake you up?”
Remus sniffed a little and let out another whimper.
“Northern ambush… Gnnh…” Lloyd was muttering, a sheen of sweat shining on his face.
“Oh,” said Radic, glancing over at him, “Poor guy… Wonder what’s going on in there?”
---
Remus settled down with a sigh while Radic sat down near the boy with a horse, stroking his hair occasionally and whispering little sympathetic phrases. It was just his luck that when he tries to warn her about possible danger, she decides she wants to get a head start on mating with something just because it looked pitiful when it slept. Oh well, he still hadn’t heard any more tp-tping, so maybe they were safe after all.
---
Lloyd seemed to be sleeping more peacefully now, and even though the way his face looked so smooth and elegant in the moonlight made Radic feel warm and giddy inside, at last she decided it was time she got back to sleeping too. As she drifted off next to a a sleeping Remus, oblivious to a faint tp-tp-tping sound approaching the camp from a distance, she decided that this was going to be the best campaign ever.
And don't worry, Coffee, I'm posting it on the Murphy's Law thread too right now!That's what she said.Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.
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2010-01-09, 03:23 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
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2010-01-09, 03:30 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
However, I don't think he wants. I could see him maybe letting her hang off his arm or something as a way to hurt Redcloak, but actively trying to pleasure her would probably be seen as a waste of his time. He doesn't get anything out of it (as he lacks anything that could remotely be considered a sexual organ), and he already has (or thinks he has) her loyalty, and it would probably tick Tsukiko off. I suppose he could hold the threat of it over Redcloak's head, though.
And Why cast Interposing hand when Mordakiens mansion works like a charm..Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-09 at 03:31 PM.
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2010-01-09, 03:31 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2009
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2010-01-09, 03:35 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Dec 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-09 at 03:37 PM.
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2010-01-09, 03:36 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2010-01-09, 03:40 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Haha. Thanks!
Honestly, I dunno. I was going to go fishing for other DnD objects that could have multiple uses (and spells for that matter, since Dream!Lloyd apparently turned into a sorcerer at one point) but I wanted to move on to the brief moment of Radic x Lloyd cuteness and figured it would be better to leave a few things to the reader's imagination anyway.That's what she said.Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.
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2010-01-09, 03:43 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2010-01-09, 03:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2007
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Epic. Level. They can write their own spells to do whatever they want. And if V and Redcloak are annoyed enough, they can ban V's parents from scrying on the entirety of the elven lands for the rest of eternity. Yes, it's difficult, but by level 21, magic can literally do anything. There's a reason the 3.5 section of the forums ignores Epic Spellcasting when considering anything, including Epic play. Killing Gods becomes easy by then. Banning 2 ghosts from ever watching a continent, ever, is more trouble to stat out than to cast.
Also, there are magic items to allow undead to...experience the whole of the world. Xykon can get them fairly cheap, or simply cast Polymorph Any Object to make himself a human(or Elf or incubus or giant bear) for a time(several hours-several days, depending on what he turns into).[/sarcasm]
FAQ is not RAW!Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.
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2010-01-09, 03:48 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
That's what she said.Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.
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2010-01-09, 03:52 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Hey, my sexual frustration has to be channeled somehow.
At one point Radic runs into Janine, who is holding a box while grinning manically.
In the box? Remember the V/Elan/Haley Crack pairing I did before? The one with Haley's fantasy and all the..."Implements?"
...
Janine: *Points to various objects in the box* This one's made of rubber, this one's leather, that one bounces, and this one over here jangles!
Radic: ................................Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-09 at 03:53 PM.
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2010-01-09, 03:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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2010-01-09, 03:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
My work here is done.
Yeah, there is, but I can't seem to write it properly. Aarindarius is too upright.
Out of interest (assuming you're not going to write it) what was that original idea you had for a V/Aandy fic? The one you wouldn't want to post on here?
And that's where it crosses the line twice and I stop reading. Until I'm drawn back by sheer horrified fascination.Last edited by Zanaril; 2010-01-09 at 04:07 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2010-01-09, 03:56 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2010-01-09, 03:58 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2009
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2010-01-09, 04:00 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
OOC Map
Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2010-01-09, 04:03 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2009
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2010-01-09, 04:05 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-09 at 04:05 PM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2010-01-09, 04:12 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2009
Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Hey, if she's getting that much action on a regular basis anyway, she probably has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on alignments.
Hm, now that you've given me the idea, if I ever do that "Nale hooks up with Sabine because he thinks it will be good for his psycological health" thing, someone might make a guest appearance...That's what she said.Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.
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2010-01-09, 04:17 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Eh, you'd be surprised. Janine may be a sex maniac, but she's extremely devout.
Also, she's got a pretty good Charisma score.
Of course, if she failed her Sense Motive on a succubus, or the succubus used a Disguise Alignment spell...
Janine: ...And that was some of the best sex I've ever had.
Radic: I don't need to hear these things.
Yes. Please do so.My webcomic!
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2010-01-09, 04:22 PM (ISO 8601)
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2010-01-09, 04:23 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-09 at 04:24 PM.
My webcomic!
Currently DMing:
Tales of Aequar: Runite's Rise IC
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Playing Natalia Bolts,Jadeite Nocrius, and Soren Lowell
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2010-01-09, 04:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy
Sigh. Cant you try to talk abou anything but sex intercoarses between Stick figures from a comic Spoofing Dungeons and Dragons.