Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Viewing rooms for OotS chracters going at it are just past the kitchen, copies of the essays by Vaarsuvius on the flexibility of the elven form are in the library, various drugs and lust potions are in the drinks in front of you. Have a nice stay.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Various drugs and lust potions are in the drinks in front of you. Have a nice stay.

*Passes Eztheria an unopened bottle of water* You might need this.

[Mystic Muse]

BAH! Brain bleach is for wusses!

or maybe it's for the ones who are sane.

[Eztheria]

*Passes Eztheria an unopened bottle of water* You might need this.

Thank you.

BAH! Brain bleach is for wusses!

or maybe it's for the ones who are sane.

Or those that want to stay sane. Which I do not. :)

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thank you.


Or those that want to stay sane. Which I do not. :)

You're welcome.

And you'll fit in just fine here.

So, who thinks that we should have a...Like a "Rules" or "10 Commandments" of the crack pairings thread?

Like, "Thou shalt always revere the power of the elven ear" or something?

Or maybe "Thou shalt not say, "This might be too squicky for me to post"."

Sorry if these suck; I'm a bit distracted right now.

[Mystic Muse]

Here's are two that should be added to the lists of all commandments.

"Tom and Jerry DON'T TALK"

"the Star wars holiday special doesn't exist"

Yes I realize this has nothing to do with Fan service. That doesn't negate the validity of my statement.

[Zanaril]

You're welcome.

And you'll fit in just fine here.

So, who thinks that we should have a...Like a "Rules" or "10 Commandments" of the crack pairings thread?

Like, "Thou shalt always revere the power of the elven ear" or something?

Or maybe "Thou shalt not say, "This might be too squicky for me to post"."

Sorry if these suck; I'm a bit distracted right now.

Rule 1) If you can imagine it, you can write it.
Rule 2) If you can't imagine it, write it anyway.
Rule 3) If you can't draw it either, post your idea and someone else might write it.

Did you mix these, Zanaril? Not to be rude, but.... :)

But thank you for the warm welcome^^

It's dwarven ale. It's not supposed to taste nice, it's supposed to kill non-dwarven liver cells.

[CoffeeIncluded]

It's dwarven ale. It's not supposed to taste nice, it's supposed to kill non-dwarven liver cells.

So now the dwarfs are druids?

[Meg]

Hey, everyone. Welcome to Eztheria. Just wanted to say I had my name changed from CheeseMuncher to Meg, so it's still me, just under a different name. Sorry to make more work for you, Lira.

[Closak]

Hello, i am back!

And i brought a dozen scrolls of Mind Rape with me.

Anyone want one?

[The Dark Fiddler]

Here's are two that should be added to the lists of all commandments.

"Tom and Jerry DON'T TALK"

"the Star wars holiday special doesn't exist"

Yes I realize this has nothing to do with Fan service. That doesn't negate the validity of my statement.

Also "TIERS DON EXITS" and Rule 34.

And yes, the Star Wars Holiday Special does exist. I loved the Nostalgia Critic's review of it.

[Devixer]

Greetings to Eztheria. If you want to lose your sanity, you'll fit right in here.

[Asta Kask]

Here's are two that should be added to the lists of all commandments.

"Tom and Jerry DON'T TALK"

"the Star wars holiday special doesn't exist"

Yes I realize this has nothing to do with Fan service. That doesn't negate the validity of my statement.

"Highlander was, for some obscure reason, followed by Highlander 3."

[ShippoWildheart]

I'm scared to view what's within this dark thread thanks to some of the sigs I've seen. I've not passed the point yet where I'm willing to rule34 OoTS characters. It's still an innocent comic for me. Of course though, in the off chance I take a peek, I'll gladly take a bottle of Brain Bleach too. How many platinum pieces for one gallon's worth?

Here's are two that should be added to the lists of all commandments.

"Tom and Jerry DON'T TALK"

"the Star wars holiday special doesn't exist"

Yes I realize this has nothing to do with Fan service. That doesn't negate the validity of my statement.

Speaking of don't exist, don't forget Godfather 3.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm scared to view what's within this dark thread thanks to some of the sigs I've seen. I've not passed the point yet where I'm willing to rule34 OoTS characters. It's still an innocent comic for me. Of course though, in the off chance I take a peek, I'll gladly take a bottle of Brain Bleach too. How many platinum pieces for one gallon's worth?

We sell it at cost.

[ShippoWildheart]

We sell it at cost.

I don't know the at cost price for Brain Bleach. In that case I'd be saving money; I'd like 2 containers of Brain Bleach please.

[BatRobin]

1 crack story=3 gallons of Brain Bleach.

Pay up, kiddies.

[Eztheria]

*hands shippo one of her bbs*
I don't need it atm. Feel free to carry it around. Oh, and I better show you around a bit... Not that I know my way around here yet...

[Zanaril]

1 crack story=3 gallons of Brain Bleach.

Pay up, kiddies.

Wait, is that the compensation we have to pay for writing one? Or the compensation we get for having written one?


In other news, I can't believe this.

I've just been trying to work out the distances across the desert, then this comes up.

...and did anyone wonder if there was any significance to how casually Belkar agreed to look out for prostitutes of both gender?

[Devixer]

I'm really not surprised by that particular tidbit. Though to be frank, thanks to my deficit of brain bleach, some of the crazier things that could happen would not surprise me.

[Meg]

...and did anyone wonder if there was any significance to how casually Belkar agreed to look out for prostitutes of both gender?

Well, Belkar does want to lay V.

[Zanaril]

Well, Belkar does want to lay V.

...that's what I was getting at.

[Kyronea]

Well, Belkar does want to lay V.

Who doesn't?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Who doesn't?

If V were ever forced to work at a brothel, all the other hookers would be out of a job.

[Zanaril]

If V were ever forced to work at a brothel, all the other hookers would be out of a job.

Okay, there's got to be a story there.

Damn exams all next week.


Oh, and wish me luck. Maths is first thing tomorrow morning.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Okay, there's got to be a story there.

Damn exams all next week.


Oh, and wish me luck. Maths is first thing tomorrow morning.

Good luck. I've got a Latin test tomorrow.

Ppfff, V/Janine. They wouldn't get out of bed for a week.

[Kyronea]

Okay, there's got to be a story there.

Damn exams all next week.


Oh, and wish me luck. Maths is first thing tomorrow morning.

Good luck, Zany!

Also, totally agree that there's a story there...hmm...

EDIT: Good luck to you too, Coffee.

[Oooohaloophole]

Unholy Crap! Im gone for 1 day to fly back to Ukrain and 3 Whole New pages of Brian Cell destroying information has been posted? We do have No Lives do we.


And If you are going to have Tiasal/Xycon stuff Watermurf I want to say tiasal would have Probably seen Xycon as a Tool. Because he treats her like one and wether or not she complies is just a bonus, The crazy cleric wouldnt will not be able to touch her because she would have at least 3 levels of sorcerer now and a possibly Electrified pelvis sounds dangerous. In an attempt to Restore Meaning to my puberty my mind has attempted to combat the images with this thought

Hey tiasal

AAAAAAAHH

Tiasal! Im coming! Xycon?

That bitch shot me an empowered sunburst spell to the undead grion! (Well it could have gone worse.... Are you serios! She shot us with the undead equivelent of bieng kicked in the balls! Well it could have been maximized)

[Water-Smurf]

EDIT: Wow, Water-Smurf. Is he really dead?

So, who did it? Artemis or Apollo? Or Vesta?

*grins* Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

Water-Smurf: I've really enjoyed Pawn of the Gods. I especially like how you've characterized Yutrin and how deeply the fact that goblins are hunted down has affected his psychology. It's incredibly realistic.

That's what I've been aiming for. Thank you. :> (And even though you didn't ask for it, I'm about to go on a psychology/English nerd rant--skip it if you like.)

The thing with Yutrin is that he's the usual 'shrinking violet' character, but he has an instinct to heal that sometimes clashes violently with his instinct to survive. He's absolutely terrified of Kraagor and Mijung, but he still takes care of them because they are sick, even if he thinks that they will try to kill him once they can. His fundamental flaw is that he's a coward--not that I blame him, mind--but, if he is to grow, he needs at least one characteristic that is stronger than his fear--his compassion for others and his desire to heal.

He turned to the Dark One both because he was afraid and because he wished to be able to help any who needed it. The Dark One is who he clings to when he's afraid. He takes comfort in his faith and is deeply religious to the point where he is able to overcome his fears for the sake of it. He doesn't proselytize or get angry if someone else does not go by his faith's rules, but he becomes brave if someone actively disrespects his religion or his god, like how the non-human man did when he ripped away his holy symbol. He sees the Dark One not as a god of war, as Redcloak does, but as the provider of protection, love, and the gift of healing each other.

He has this desire to heal so he has the ability to grow as a person and as a character. If he didn't have that compassion, he would have been hiding in a corner the whole time he was ill--maybe he would have even tried to kill Mijung and Kraagor--and he wouldn't have allowed Kraagor to use him as a guinea pig the way he did, he wouldn't have stuck his neck out for them with the non-humans, and he wouldn't have taken Mijung when he was running away. He would remain static. His compassion gives him a drive that will cause him to change. Mijung's presence and the circumstances are the catalyst for that change, more so than anyone involved knows at the moment.

As for Xykon, just remember, he's on record (that is, in canon) stating that he's "not one of those disgusting biophiles", at the very least implying that not only does he dislike the idea of having sexual relations with those still living, but he's actively weirded out by it. While he could use a polymorph spell to have his way with her some time in the future, I still don't think he would.

Answer:

(I don't really buy that 'I'm not a biophiliac!' crack Xykon made. I think that was more a way to deter the creepy Theurge chick. Xykon wasn't a lich forever--he was born, raised, and hit puberty as a human. He's going to remain sexually attracted to what he was attracted to in life, presumably living human females, if his 'don't kidnap a virgin' comment in SoD has any bearing.)

The point being, I don't really think his objection is to sex with the living so much as it is to Tsukiko. She's creepy, slutty, and just some kid (she looks like she's a teenager or in her early twenties) who stumbled onto the big leagues where he could use her. He doesn't respect her. Girls who he doesn't respect become playthings, and his sex-drive isn't strong so he doesn't like playthings. He's creeped out by her come-ons.

Even if the possibility of lust is put aside, and it can be in regards to him, he respects Tiasal. She has a spine and isn't afraid of him. He wants to control her, but he respects her enough to not outright humiliate her to do it. A consensual sexual relationship provides a platform for that.

To say nothing of Tiasal herself. I guess she might offer her body to Xykon out of some twisted sense of loyalty to him [...]

She would if she grew up under him. Her stint with him so far is having an effect on her and her psyche, but she would only think to do that if she is a teenager or young woman who has grown up with him (and if Xykon has been careful about her getting too close to Redcloak) she would think of sexual favors as a fine way of offering loyalty. If something happened (like if Xykon lied to her or something) and she became loyal to Redcloak, she'd do the same thing despite their blood relation. (Reddy would probably have a worse reaction than Xykon...)

...but I doubt she'd ever find him attractive. He's a walking skeleton that radiates unlife, such that his very touch paralyses the living. He is not attractive. The only person who finds him attractive is Tsukiko, and even Xykon himself is disturbed by it.

I don't think that she'd find his body (or lack thereof) attractive. Assuming she lives under his thumb past the point of puberty, it wouldn't be the body that made her blood pump. It would be the lack of love and someone fitting the 'father' archetype. (Oh crap. Now I'm wondering if she would develop an Electra Complex for Reddy. Crap crap crap crap...) Xykon, as much as he would scoff at the idea, is unintentionally acting like a father figure. With her Daddy and Mommy issues, that could make her lust for him.

(Though, you're right, if she did somehow become attracted to him, his first reaction would probably be mild amusement, followed by the question 'how can I use this?')

I'm trying to figure if he would gloat to Redcloak about it or keep it to himself as an ace in the hole. I mean, Reddy's reaction would be amusing, but it would also be useful to keep as some secret leverage...

I could see her calling him more of a father to her than Redcloak, though. That's something he could use, and it has the advantage of not needing several years for Tiasal to hit puberty, and is much more believable than her falling for a walking corpse.

True, and it would also have the advantage of being extremely painful for Redcloak. (I mean, could you imagine?) But, provided that we're aiming for a happy ending (which I may or may not be), how would Redcloak do anything about it? And how would Vaarsuvius fit in, should she ever be revived?

Now is the time for sleep, however. Good night everybody!

Did you have sweet dreams? ^.^

She's right, you know. I have half those fetishes.

Same.

And If you are going to have Tiasal/Xycon stuff Watermurf I want to say tiasal would have Probably seen Xycon as a Tool. Because he treats her like one and wether or not she complies is just a bonus, The crazy cleric wouldnt will not be able to touch her because she would have at least 3 levels of sorcerer now and a possibly Electrified pelvis sounds dangerous. In an attempt to Restore Meaning to my puberty my mind has attempted to combat the images with this thought

Hey tiasal

AAAAAAAHH

Tiasal! Im coming! Xycon?

That bitch shot me an empowered sunburst spell to the undead grion! (Well it could have gone worse.... Are you serios! She shot us with the undead equivelent of bieng kicked in the balls! Well it could have been maximized)

How can a 3rd-level sorcerer hurt an epic-level sorcerer? At all?

[Kyronea]

How can a 3rd-level sorcerer hurt an epic-level sorcerer? At all?

You're expecting sense from this guy, when as far as I can tell he exists just to disrupt everything in the Crack Pairings threads?