D&D Philosophy One-Liners

[Saintheart]

"I have nothing to declare but my 25 INT." -- Oscar Wilde on arrival in America.

"There is no such thing as society. Only a Large City with three Lawful Neutral Power Bases and a 2,000,000 gp limit." -- Margaret Thatcher.

"It's the action economy, stupid." -- Bill Clinton, one of our better DMs

[Rasman]

Ok, not a philosopher, but, this came to mind because I've always wanted to make either a PC or NPC that was a Dread Pirate named Roberts

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you reduced my father to -10 hit points, prepare to reroll"

"You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep, no matter how high you roll your move silently check." Old Navajo Proverb

The BBEG is the path. ~Zen Proverb

It is better to know some of the questions than to always just roll for knowledge. ~James Thurber

this last one is just to make your brain go "pop"

Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind. ~Leo Rosten

a LONG time favorite, thus why proverbs are always appropriate for every situation because they're all right every time

[Draz74]

"Surrender?!? Sir, I have not yet rolled initiative!"
- John Paul Jones

Woman: "Sir, if I were your wife, I'd put Black Lotus Extract in your Potion of Cure Light Wounds."
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd fail my Fortitude save against it."

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may be a Focused Specialist, but you have ceased to enjoy the protection of Mirror Image."
- Mark Twain

"I have never let my Knowledge Skills get in the way of my Factotum Levels."
- Mark Twain

"A man who won't read has no advantage over a Barbarian, and he doesn't get to Rage either."
- Mark Twain

"Animal Companions feel very strongly that they should always go with you into the dungeon, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right when you're trying to make a Move Silently check."
- Dave Barry

[T.G. Oskar]

U.S gamers' state and territory mottos:
Alabama: Audemus experior nostra defendere (We dare defend our XP)
Alaska: Prestige Class to the Future
American Samoa: Rogue, let Wizard be First
Arizona: Ditat Confingus plus Moenia Ferrus (Fabricate plus Wall of Iron enriches)
Arkansas:Regnat Magus (The Wizards rule) - is Emperor Tippy from Arkansas?
California: κερδίζω ικανότητα (I have earned a level!)
Colorado: Nil sine orsus (Nothing without initiative)
Connecticut: Qui curatii sustinet (He who heals sustains)
Delaware: Liberty to kill and independence of magic items (the Fighter state, perhaps? Or the state that favors Martial Adepts? It's the dream of homebrewers, perhaps...)
D.C.: ...Experior omnibus (...And XP for all)
Florida: In the gods we trust (...which gods...?)
Georgia: Wisdom, Intelligence and Charisma
Guam: Guahan i tano' guali'ek-klasen (Land of the Lizard-folk) - that was one hard motto to work out!
Hawaii: The life of the adventurer is perpetuated by killing (monsters)
Idaho: Esto perpetua non (Let it not be perpetual) - conditional
Illinois: Magic sovereignity, national dominion (another magocratic state...)
Indiana: the Crossroads of (insert campaign setting here)
Iowa: Our artifacts we prize and our attitude we will maintain
Kansas: Ad hostes hostium per aspera (To the enemy through difficulties)
Kentucky: Divided we stand, united we fall (applies only to AoE spells); deo DM habeamus (let us be grateful to the DM)
Louisiana: Verbal, Somatic, Material (...what...?)
Maine: Dirigo (I lead) - whose adventurer hasn't claimed this?
Maryland: Fatti magi, parole vate (Wizardry deeds, Bardic words)
Massachussets: Ense petit experior sub competo CR experio (By the sword we seek XP, but XP only under appropriate CR)
Michigan: Si quaeris bestiam facile circumspice (If you seek an easy monster, look around you)
Minnesota: L'etoile du école de magie (The star of the school of magic)
Mississippi: Venefice et ferrum (By magic and iron)
Missouri: Salus populi suprema lex esto (Let the welfare of the people be the supreme law) - definitely the Lawful Good state
Montana: Piezas de platino y oro y plata y cobre (Platinum and gold and silver and copper pieces) - well...that was easy.
Nebraska: Equality before the law (and here we have the Lawful Neutral state)
Nevada: All For Our Own Sake (the adventurer's motto)
New Hampshire: Live Free or Die (definitely the Chaotic Neutral State)
New Mexico: Laus crescit eundo (Our fame grows as it goes)
New York: Excelsior (Ever upward) - you ol' New Yorkers have it lucky...
North Carolina: Abscondo quam videor (To hide, rather than to be seen) - the Rogue state.
North Dakota: Arcane and Divine, now and forever, one and inseparable (the Mystic Theurge state!)
Ohio: With Miracle, all things are possible
Oklahoma: Pun-pun omnia vincit (Pun-pun conquers all)
Oregon: Volat magus volat propriis (She flies with her own Fly spell)
Pennsylvania: Order, Virtue, Indecisiveness, Vice, Brutality (the new alignment system as per 4th Edition)
Puerto Rico: Jaela Daran Est Nomen Ejus* (Jaela Daran is her name)
Rhode Island: (Good) Hope (the Bard state?)
South Carolina: Dum video instruo (the Wizard's motto); Littera explosiva in mane procintu (I prepared Explosive Runes this morning) - sound familiar?
South Dakota: Under no circumstance the people rule (Lawful Evil state; sorry South Dakotans, but it's...oddly appropriate. Not exactly intended to be real. You must be good people, I beckon!)
Tennessee: Agriculture OR Commerce, but not both (...I...have no better idea for this one...)
Texas: Friendship (that which is meant to be cultivated on an adventuring party, but most of the time fails to happen)
Utah: (Magic) Industry - again, at a loss for words. I thought that they'd honestly use a Mormon motto, what with Brigham Young founding the city at all...
Vermont: Freedom and disunion (or whatever passes for a Chaotic Evil state...again, no hard feelings, people from Vermont. It's the lottery that's against you!)
Virginia: Sic semper tyrannis (Thus, always the tyrants) - or as commonly translated, "death to the tyrants": the very motto of Chaotic Good.
Virgin Islands: United with sovereign glue
Washington: By and far (if someone knows the Chinook jargon for "by and far", tell me!) - what Washingtonians always say before continuing with "Wizards are the most broken class ever". Or something along those lines ;)
West Virginia: *** Agito Libertas semper liberi (With Freedom of Movement, [you're] always free)
Wisconsin: Forward (perhaps the Ranger state, because when you ask the Ranger "where should we move", they'll probably say this)
Wyoming: Equal stats (the dream of every gamer...or at least, of the MAD classes. Could do with something better, tho...)

*The motto of Puerto Rico is really, really hard, and not because it's my home. It's hard to figure which would be an appropriate D&D equivalent to John the Baptist. Blame the old Catholic Kings for that, not me!

[Volkov]

Charles Darwin:"It is not the strongest, nor the most intelligent species that survive, but the most adaptable. For proof of this, see the Kobolds."

[thorgrim29]

There's something in there about the invisible hand of the dm.

[Volkov]

There's something in there about the invisible hand of the dm.

Are you referring to my quote?

[industrious]

No, he's refering to Adam Smith's "invisible hand".

"Those afraid of the universe as it really is, those who pretend to nonexistent knowledge and envision a Cosmos centered on human beings will prefer the fleeting comforts of playing a fighter"-Carl Sagan

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."-Carl Sagan, on researching epic spells

"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent."-Carl Sagan, shortly before playing the Tomb of Horrors

"One of the greatest pieces of being a wizard is to know what you do not know."-John Kenneth Galbraith

"The only function of arcane magic is to make divine magic look respectable."-John Kenneth Galbraith

[golentan]

"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent."-Carl Sagan, shortly before playing the Tomb of Horrors

You made me choke on my drink. I almost want to sig that, but I don't have room...

[Dimers]

"I am a Bear of Very Little Int, and long words bother me." -- the newly awakened former animal companion, on why he ate his smarty-pants druid master.

[Saintheart]

*The motto of Puerto Rico is really, really hard, and not because it's my home. It's hard to figure which would be an appropriate D&D equivalent to John the Baptist.

That would be the Evangelist PrC, from Complete Divine IIRC.

[Herbstfarben]

Nobody has the intention of casting wall of stone.
- Walter Ulbricht

[Rasman]

"Madness? THIS...IS...CTHULHU!!!!!!!!"

100% Belkar approved.

[Calmar]

Nobody has the intention of casting wall of stone.
- Walter Ulbricht

Hahaha


Another glamorous personality of the multiverse:
"Mordenkainen, Bigby and Tenser. They are the funny trio." *
- Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf

*I admit I probably don't know enough about Greyhawk-politics...

[Adlan]

Summary of:
Darwin's Theory of Class Creep through Players Selection,
Those Classes, which by happenstance are better suited to their player enviroment, are so selected by the Players, and become more popular. Thus, When new classes appear, they are those that are comparable to the already popular classes, and the power level of the overall population of classes increase. Again, this selection happens, producing the vast diversity of min-maxed builds we see in the game.

[Draz74]

"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, Olidammara would permit us to be Rogue/Swashbuckler/Dread Pirates with Daring Outaw." -Mark Twain

[KellKheraptis]

"Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds." ~Vishnu, upon revealing he was Amaranth the high priest, and had a Locate City bomb.

[Jarrick]

A Few from the Hagakure (some altered slightly):

"In Spellcasting it is progress when the material, verbal, and somatic are in harmony, but they are so wont to be disjointed!"
-Master Ittei, on concentration checks.

"If a retainer will just think about what he is to for the day at hand, he will be able to do anything. If it is a single day's work, one should be able to put up with it. Tomorrow, too, is but a single day."
-Ikuno Oribe, on playing a wizard

"Singlemindedness is all-powerful"
-Yamamoto Jin'emon, on wizards multiclassing.

"Having only wisdom and talent is the lowest tier of usefulness"
-Unknown, on monks

"A certain swordsman in his declining years said the following:
In one's life there are levels in the pursuit of study. In the lowest level, a person studies and nothing comes of it, and he feels that both he and others are unskillful. At this point he is worthless. In the middle level he is still useless but is aware of his own insufficiencies and can also see the insufficiencies of others. In a higher level he has pride concerning his own ability, rejoices in praise from others, and laments the lack of of ability in his fellows. This man has worth. In the highest level a man has the look of knowing nothing."

[Swiftest]

Everyone can play D&D, because everyone can roll. You don't have to have a Player's Handbook to roll. You don't have to make your dm and pcs agree to roll. You only need a pouch full of dice, a character sheet generated by love. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Among all the attributes of GOD, although they are (not) all equal, battlefield control shines with even more brilliancy than blasting." - Miguel De Cervantes

-- couple I thought of =X.

[Innis Cabal]

If you meet the Buddha, slay the Buddha. He grants 20,000 XP-Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

[wykydtron]

Nice one!

"2+INT skill points ought to be enough for anyone."

This made my day.

[Kumo]

"Neither a borrower nor lender be, because the sheets we keep track of those things on are easy to lose among friends."

-Shakespeare, Hamlet
The DnD Story

"I came. I spot. I crit."

[Arillius]

"Tis but a scratch"
-So said the barbarian of 80 hp when he lost his arm to a crit deck

[Kumo]

"The needs of the DM outweigh the needs of the PCs."

[acid_ninja]

Henry Ford on Fighters: "You can have any tier you want, as long as its 4"

[Lord Raziere]

"good, evil, I'm just the guy with the +5 great axe"

"If the dm doesn't lead, how can he expect his party members to follow?"
"It wasn't me who was wrong. It was the campaign!"
"The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be PCs!"
"If weakness is chaotic evil, then is power lawful good?"
-Lelouch Lamperouge

[Ajadea]

"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Yes. Thread Win. This is practically the reason I play D&D. Can I sig this, Lycar?

[Kumo]

"good, evil, I'm just the guy with the +5 great axe"

"If the dm doesn't lead, how can he expect his party members to follow?"
"It wasn't me who was wrong. It was the campaign!"
"The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be PCs!"
"If weakness is chaotic evil, then is power lawful good?"
-Lelouch Lamperouge

I LOVE that show


"If it's fine to kill off hobos because they're npcs, then logically i can kill off your blackguard while you're in the bathroom since he's not being played."



"i LOVE ruling my game with an iron fist!" -Arlian King



"Even if i were to just walk away right now, and not turn in the quest, he would have ten less beaver tails than if i did. Whoop-de-friggen-do." -Simmons, on the pointlessness of quests


"He may have been an NPC, but he was MY npc. You had NO RIGHT to decide what to do with him." -DM to a godmodder



"And so i'm supposed to wait for you to change things?! I guess you'd rather just sit down at the table and tell your players 'don't worry, the rules suck but there will be a new edition real soon!'" -Yuri Lowell, on the correct way to pursure justice (it's kinda like Suzaku/Lelouch)



"Can't pick up chicks on a dragon..." -Tucker



"Wait a minute, did you just survive a 40hp blow when you had 20hp?"
"Yeah?"
"That's against the rules, isn't it?"
"Screw the rules, i have damage reduction!"



"Love changes people and world, shaping them into who or what they should be, making them stronger than an ox, yet weaker than a flea. It can save or destroy, bless or damn, heal or harm. And above all, it makes little to no sense to anyone outside. Love... is a crappy plot device."



"The sea is like a beautiful rogue: ye can love her, but ye can't trust her." -Pirate. Name unknown.

[katans]

Dead are all the PHB gods, now we want Pun-Pun to live !
- Friedrich Nietzsche

All the marvels of magic items and the gains of new spells belong to the party as a whole, and never again will Wizard's brain and Outsider genius be used for oppression and exploitation.
- Vladimir Lenin

Character optimization can only be understood backwards, but it must be played forwards.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The fighter dies and his rule is over; the wizard dies and his lichdom begins.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Death of Tier 5 party members is the price we pay for progress through the dungeon.
- Alfred North Whitehead

The party's main problems are not spell preparation time, charges left in the wand of CLW, shared tavern and brothel costs, or resurrecting the Rogue. The party's main problem is the lack of mutual understanding and mutual agreement about how to proceed with those problems.
- Ken Wilber

The real intent of my DMing is not to say, you must play in this way. The real intent is: here are some of the many important facets of this extraordinary game; have you thought about including them in your own character?
- Ken Wilber

[mucat]

"Blasphemy? Before whom? The Giant? Mods repulsed by their miserable board members? I will not be shackled by thread-necromancy rules. The only blasphemy is to wallow in outdatedness. I have taken refuse of your guidelines' failures and I have triumphed. It lives! This thread LIVES!"

- Herbert West, Reanimator


(EDIT: Just in case Dr. West was unclear, check the delay between posts 201 and 202.)