NarutoITP OOC IV: Exam Time! Shouldn't Hurt a Bit!

[Frozen_Feet]

In the main thread, genins are going over the first portion of chunin exam. Sometime during the chunin exam, Shoku will commence an attack on Konoha. Several Shoku members have already slipped in the village, and back in Amekagure more people are preparing under the command of Shaolong Wong. If your character is criminal, he could pop up in Ame and sign in for the Shoku operation.

[Maximum Zersk]

And on the lighter side of things, Taika and the Hamkage are about to face of in a challenge of epic proportions.

[Me.]

Finished my second character (I hope.) So, would like to know what ya'll think. Please respond soon, is almost time for me to go to bed.

[Innis Cabal]

People have actually already weighed in. It needs work. Alot of it. I'll try to find the subsiquent posts.

[Me.]

Great, now I feel nervous. I try to make them less powerful, but it's so HARD............. I re did it, so if you all could look it over.

[Innis Cabal]

I think, if I remember right, its an A class who is still a chuunin. People had issues with that. It was meant to be a genjutsu user but really came across as a fire jutsu user mostly. You make little to mention of her having a pet fox but reference it as if its important info.....thats all the stuff I can remember off the top of my head.

[Me.]

Wel, as i've said, I changed her some. Please tell me (and please don't kill me) what you think. However, will have to log off in about an hour or so. I hate having to get up early for school.

Also, quick question. Saw the beach thread. Is that for EVERYONE or just people in a certain group? (strokes chin thoughtfully).

[Anyr]

Chihiro walks into town and decides to go to the local bar. She gets some saki and then begins to play on her ocarina and dance a little to it, Hiita, long since used to this, is sleeping peacefully in her jackets hood.

Meanwhile, Cohaku smiles at Miragata impressed on how his reputation precedes him. He then says "I've heard of you too, don't worry, only good things. Goodbye." he then leaves to find the Kazakage.

He soon tracks down his chakra, and when he notices what's going on, he decides to hide in a tree and observe the Kazakage. He's never seen him fight, but he's really interested to see what it'll be like...

Putting your character into the IC thread without even waiting to address concerns about them is somewhat impolite. Having a few 'establishing shots' is fine, but please don't pin anything important down in canon yet.

Also, your other character still seems to be 'sensing' chakra with no explanation, despite previous warnings. Is there a reason for this, or did you just miss the earlier comments?

[Me.]

Missing lots of comments, hate having homework and campouts and visiting aunts down in Ohio. I now hang my head in shame.

And yes, I now realize I was impolite, but I don't think I revealed any important info, did I?

This is so embarrassing. I hate being not very talented at much.

I guess I'm what happens when you combine too much creativity and not enough reality.

[Innis Cabal]

Also, quick question. Saw the beach thread. Is that for EVERYONE or just people in a certain group? (strokes chin thoughtfully).

+1 to Anyr

Also, its for specific people.

[Me.]

Got it. *shame, embarrassment, and any synonyms to these*

Also, methinks mechanged Cohaku and explained in a somewhat decent manner his chakra sensing abilities, again, I hope...

[Innis Cabal]

visiting aunts down in Ohio.

Yes. Ohio does in fact suck.

[Me.]

Yes. Ohio does in fact suck.

Not at my aunts...

[KnightDisciple]

The entry has been revised, so I'll have to go over this fresh.
Character registry.
My original thoughts on the subject.
So, here we go.

Spoiler

Show

Name: Chihiro Yukimora (first, last)
Age: 23
Class: High A rank Junin

Well, if nothing else, the rank matches better. But I still have to wonder why the character has to be this high of a rank. Not in the sense of "well it matches the given powers", but more of a "why does she need so many powers, thus giving such a high rank" kind of thing.

Bloodline: Chihiro doesn't know it, but her incredible chakra controlling abilities came from her mom's blood. In fact, her mom used to be a well known ninja, but she went into early retirement, no one knows why.

Ninjutsu: This her best area, thanks to her chakra control effect, she is able to do incredible jutsus.

Genjutsu: This her weakest are of expertise, she is able to just do basic stuff.

Taijutsu: This is her second best area. She mostly uses her chakra control and puts energy into moves with her zai (plural for sai).

This all isn't too bad. However, chakra control is more for making jutsu efficient, rather than, by default, allowing "incredible jutsu". Incredible control thus would fit best with techniques that require a large amount of precision.

Siren song: A genjutsu that occurs when Chihiro sings or plays on her ocarina a single note that sounds to those she wishes to effect like an orchestra of music. This will usually make her enemies feel tired, and want to just rest. Or for those really mentally weak, it'll make them want to fight on her side. enemies who like women will also probably feel a sudden strong attraction towards Chihiro.

The bolded part is a problem. If genjutsu are her "weakest" area, radically changing someone's behavior seems way out of capability. I mean, I don't recall something like that being accomplished without major seal work (Sasori, who was a puppet master and big on using seals). This is, frankly, too good when you consider everything.

Man-beast Clone: She's able to turn Hiita to look like her and then can use shadow clone to clone him or her, making either a lot of her and one Hiita or a lot of him and one of her.

Ok. You're doing a little better mentioning the fox, but...
You've essentially taken a core technique from the Inuzaka family in canon, and casually given it to a character who's not at all focused on this series of techniques. It just...doesn't fit. She's a fire user. Why does she have a jutsu like this? How did she learn it? I mean, I've seen nothing to suggest the Inuzaka don't exist in this setting. Even more than that, she didn't get Hiita until she was 17, only 6 years ago. She was already a Chuunin. Already had an established fighting style. And yet now she suddenly adds a major factor like this? When she has no training or context to do such a thing?

Fox attacks: Chihiro has a strong connection to Hiita and is able to mentally commune with him and can send him to attack her enemies.

I'll address this more fully further down, but...I'm not so sure about this. The Inuzaka, the canon dog companion users, didn't have mental communication with their dogs. They had to use verbal commands of some sort. And they spend their whole lives doing so. Working with specially trained and bred ninja dogs, one of whom can talk. A random pet animal wouldn't really be able to meet the same criteria.

Fire jutsu: I'd recommend maybe taking the list down by 1/3 or so. Also, maybe check what things are duplicated by existing jutsu. I realize this is basically an Avatar:The Last Airbender Firebender, but the rules of the universe do work differently.

Fire Style; Rising Star: Chihiro flies up into the air and flames burst out from her arms, legs, and mouth. Burns nearby enemies. Chakra cost: high.

This one really seems needless, and is still a kind of flight, which this character doesn't really seem geared towards.

Mind read: Can channel her energy to that around her and use it to read surrounding things minds. With humans it's harder, since their minds are more complex, and also takes a lot of chakra. But with easier things, like Hiita, it's not as hard and costs less. In fact, she communicates with Hiita like that.

Ok, if Genjutsu are her weakest area, what the heck is she doing reading minds?
That's not even a Genjutsu! That's much more something that's either a forbidden jutsu, or a bloodline. Except she already has one, and someone getting two is a bit much. Especially since this is really kind of a game-breaking/meta-game potential ability.

Overall, the fact is that this character still feels disjointed. I'd again recommend going over her fire jutsu list. Make sure everything fits well. Check to see if there's a specific Naruto jutsu that's similar, or if you can combine them into a smaller number of jutsu. Again, I realize Firebender powers are cool, but the mechanics are a little different with Naruto.

I'd recommend rethinking having "good chakra control" as her bloodline. If you're set on her having a bloodline, I'd instead recommend "incredible chakra reserves", because all these things are going to each chakra faster than a husky man at an all you can eat buffet.

Also, if you change a character entry, it's good to link the entry, so we can more easily see the change.

And Innis is right. The beach thread is for the 7 Swordsmen. It's happening in basically the same timeframe of the initial stages (at least) of the Chuunin Exams anyways.

[KnightDisciple]

Ok, wow.

So Cohaku is a blind medic ninja who has chakra radar, the ice using bloodline, lots of water, wind, and ice jutsu, can influence peoples mind with "genjutsu" (even though he's "not very good at them"), and can summon hawks?
Edit: Reworded, I think you need to sit down on this character, and try to focus his abilities somewhat. He's all over the board. Far too much over the board.

[Me.]

Some of the things you mentioned I did change. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to link...*embarrassment*

I have to leave now, bedtime, but please, keep posting, I'll try to get on tomorrow and read them all.

Bye.

[Innis Cabal]

Some of the things you mentioned I did change. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to link...*embarrassment*

I have to leave now, bedtime, but please, keep posting, I'll try to get on tomorrow and read them all.

Bye.

We're not trying to be overly agressive, we're all just trying to help hammer out the characters so they can stay as much the character you want to play without being unfair to everyone else in the game through imbalance or it not fitting right.

[KnightDisciple]

Some of the things you mentioned I did change. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to link...*embarrassment*

I have to leave now, bedtime, but please, keep posting, I'll try to get on tomorrow and read them all.

Bye.

What Innis said. I'm sorry if I come across a little agressive.

Incidentally, this is how you link:
[\URL= a web address/link ""]here's the description[/URL], only drop the "\" in that first set of [], before the "URL" bit.

[Lord_Asmodeus]

Hmm, I'm thinking that growing an extra eye in the back of his head (even if concealed beneath hair) or on his hands, or increasing his hearing so he can hear people mutter to themselves would be a noticeable shift in Chakra that the Byakugan could see, right?

Just in case it was missed.

[Callos_DeTerran]

He isn't sensing the entire time, at random intervenes (or for the very astute genin a very carefully timed pattern) he activates his Byakugan for exactly ten seconds. If he had it on all the time, nobody would be passing this test.

Also, Me., don't worry too much about the shame. That feeling will fade, what you need to do is fight past the embarrassment, look at the points brought up, and think on how to fix them. Then you've gone beyond the need for shame.

In any case, the problem that both your characters seem to have is being a bit...spread out over what they can do. And no in general areas like being proficient in a 'common' taijutsu style or using elemental techniques, but spread out with very specific areas. Take your newest character, she's weak at genjutsu but can read minds and control/heavily influence them. Both are very powerful abilities, I have a genjutsu character myself who can hypnotize people but it requires eye contact, verbal instructions, and a buttload of chakra. Or the fox. Having a pet fox to help out with stuff, distracting enemies and what not, is one thing but the Man-Beast Clone or communicating with it telepathically is going a little too far again and should be reserved for a specialist of that type. So on and so forth.

Course, this was all from looking at your last copy of the character, I'll have to read the new one.

[horngeek]

New Naruto is out:

Spoiler

Show

GAH! The suspense is KILLING me right now.

[Silverraptor]

Takeshi

This test is waaay too easy, but I might as well fail some other sap... Takeshi said, scribbling wrong answers onto the test. He purposely got up at the same time as another Genin, using a subtle Genjutsu to make it seem like he was carrying his paper.
Obviously, he wasn't.
Takeshi then tripped, landing on his face and sending papers around him scattering.
He stole one from the air, apologized for his clumsiness, and handed in his new paper.

I don't think they're supposed to turn the test in. You should wait for the final question.

[Callos_DeTerran]

Everyone do the cheating test for the first part of the exam? If not, then I'll hold off the tenth questions.

[Moon Wolf]

I have yet to read the new Naruto. I hope that either Sasuke or Sakura dies because I hate both of them with a passion. (Have I mentioned that? )

[Mina Kobold]

I have yet to read the new Naruto. I hope that either Sasuke or Sakura dies because I hate both of them with a passion. (Have I mentioned that? )

Wouldn't the former end in Naruto having no goal and the later in several chapters of angst?

That's at least how it would end if it happened in volume 35.

[Moon Wolf]

Erm. Right now there are 47 volumes out and probably about another 10 volumes worth of chapters translated online. You'd better get up to speed, newbie!

[Mina Kobold]

Erm. Right now there are 47 volumes out and probably about another 10 volumes worth of chapters translated online. You'd better get up to speed, newbie!

I'm waiting for the translators, remember?

They'll catch up someday, they always do (and have to slow down publishing)

Don't you call me newbie, ya dang whippersnapper

[Innis Cabal]

ALL IWA-NIN!


Or those who will be playing Iwa-Nin. Please PM me as soon as its convinent.




KUMO-NIN!!!!


Please don't forget, Kumo has just undergone a MASSIVE civil war, while brief, it was fairly violent, and ended with the disapperance (assumed assasinated) Raikage.


That is all

[horngeek]

@Innis: Not really a civil war. They just had the Raikage assassinated.

BUT, Taiki should be bringing news of a new Raikage.

Said new Raikage will be known to be radically against the Sandaime's policies, as in he's a bit of a warmonger.

[Moon Wolf]

*gasps* I can just smell the possibilities....they smell like something went to Kumo and died.