"What did you just say?"

[Marillion]

The worst one I heard was when I was visiting a zoo. I no longer recall which one, though I'm thinking it might've been Washington DC.

Anyhow. It was a few years ago, so I no longer remember the conversation exactly, but it went something like this:

Kid: Daddy, what do giraffes eat?
Father (perfectly serious): Anything in sight.
Kid: Would they eat the roofs off of houses?
Father: Yes, that's why they have such long necks.
Kid (scared): Do they eat people?!
Father (still dead serious): They're carnivores. They'll eat anything.

We later saw these two in the gift shop area, where they were still talking in this vein in a perfectly serious manner. I believe the same man mis-identified several animals despite the signs, but I don't remember those well enough to relate them.
I hope it was all a very subtle joke.

That right there is the difference between responsible parenting and fun parenting.

[Eldan]

Oh god yes. My father had a lot of fun with that stuff when I was a kid.

"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Are there lions in switzerland?"
"Oh yes. . But around here, they are as big as elefants, and grey, so you don't see them in the city."
"How can I stop them from breaking into my room at night?"
"Oh, you don't have to. See, your mother's secretly a witch, and she cast a spell to protect the house."

I directly blame him for becoming a nerd

[Zocelot]

Heh, I have some gangsta's in my Java class. They act cool, use slang, sag, play WoW and wear Pokewalkers. They're kind of amazing.

When I go down to a gaming store, I notice that not just some, but most people playing Yu-Gi-Oh are gangster looking people who I would not want to meet in a dark alley. I don't know what it is about Yu-Gi-Oh that attracts that type of people to it; Magic: The Gathering is made up of pasty white nerds .

[Reshbj]

I have one, but it's not very good. Forgive me if I don't recall all the details.

*absurdly stupid comment*
*rant about how stupid the comment was*
"Somebody's using long words today."
"The longest word I used was 'consciousness'. As in your lack of it when I'm done."
"Is 'consusness' even a word?"

[Maximum Zersk]

Huh. I thought that it said "bag" as in "baggy pants".

I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean by "their back sags", though. Do you mind explaining it to a poor, frazzled not-down-with-the-lingo forumite?

As in their bag arches. It isn't straight. Their shoulders droop. Need I go on?

What's wrong with baggy pants?

[evisiron]

"...even Canadians."
"Dude, that's why we never go to Canadia"
-Random guys in Florida

[zeratul]

But are they real gangstas? :P

Also, what does "sag" mean?

Sagging means when you have your pants below your boxers basically. It's pretty common among gangster type kids. I'm pretty surprised my knowledge of ghetto stuff would be useful in anyway on this forum .

[ApeofLight]

Something a friend told me that someone said to him.

"A grain of salt, yo. No two cups."

I'm still wondering what it means or if it's just gibberish.

[Maximum Zersk]

Sagging means when you have your pants below your boxers basically. It's pretty common among gangster type kids. I'm pretty surprised my knowledge of ghetto stuff would be useful in anyway on this forum .

Oh! That sag! I thought it was sagging back. You know, when it's not straight.

But, yeah, that's kind gross. I've heard of it before.

[Amiel]

Ah, so that is what sagging is, I'm surprised they don't regularly fall flat on their faces


Girl 1: "Airforce is like the army right? Only in the sky"
----
Boy to mates: "Oh, it's my birthday this afternoon"
----
Girl 1: "I think we should have Easter one week after Easter"
Girl 2: "Why?"
Girl 1: "So we can buy all the Easter eggs and bunnies really cheap"
Girl 2: "Oh yeah, so true and they should even move Christmas one week after Christmas"
----
Train announcer: "For security reasons, this train will be stopped for a while due to an alienated passenger"
----
Guy: "The only time I can sleep is when I am tired"
----
Guy: "Why is there a staple in these dollar bills?"
Girl: "Oh, one of my mates did that. They thought it was paper"
----
Boy to girlfriend: "I have to tell you something, it's over"
Girl: "Yeah, well I've been seeing your best friend"
Boy: "April fools!"
Girl: "Oh ****"
----
Girl talking about job interview: "They want me to come back in and proofread a document with a few other girls"
Someone who overheard: "That's stupid, because obviously someone has typed it up and already used spell checker. What a stupid exercise"

[Cobalt]

This happened to me today, and it fits perfectly.

(After looking at the average hours per week of a job)

Girl: The work hours are 40?!
Boy: A day?

I don't know which is sadder: That the boy here is me, or that the girl didn't notice until I pointed it out...

[Cealocanth]

Boy 1: Hey guess what I found out today? Apparently the method for freezing chicken was invented during the Rennaisance.
Boy 2: That's impossible! Who do you think invented it anyway?
Boy 1: It was a guy named Francis Bacon.
Boy 2: Now i know you're lying. Francis Bacon innvented bacon, duh! Why else do you think they call it that?

Voila! proof that our education system is declining. Boy 1 is me, boy 2 is an Indian that transferred from a private school into an american gifted school. There's something wrong here.

[Dust]

Overheard in the local university:

"It's so crazy they're getting ready to send people to MARS when they still haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon yet."

[Mystic Muse]

"It's so crazy they're getting ready to send people to MARS when they still haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon yet."

I hate to say it but I need this one explained to me. Are we not sending people to Mars or was my dad lying/ignorant when he said we haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon?

[Dust]

We haven't had any manned landings since the 70s, but there have been a total of six.

[mucat]

I hate to say it but I need this one explained to me. Are we not sending people to Mars or was my dad lying/ignorant when he said we haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon?

There were about a half-dozen manned moon landings in the late 60's and early seventies. What your dad probably meant (and what the random university guy may have meant) is that after that series of Apollo missions, humans have not yet gone back to the moon.

[Mystic Muse]

There were about a half-dozen manned moon landings in the late 60's and early seventies. What your dad probably meant (and what the random university guy may have meant) is that after that series of Apollo missions, humans have not yet gone back to the moon.

ah. Thank you. and you dust.

so, out of curiosity why haven't there been any other moon landings other than those?

[Serpentine]

Just so's Kyuubi doesn't feel (too) stupid: I didn't get it either.

[Mystic Muse]

Just so's Kyuubi doesn't feel (too) stupid: I didn't get it either.

I didn't really feel stupid. I don't really care that much about the moon landing, space travel or any of that.. It's not that I don't consider it a big deal, it just doesn't really interest me. (unless I can get Samus Aran's suit.)

[Serpentine]

That's the last time I throw in a word of support for you! D=
Not really. Probably someday I'll leap to your defense in an overreactionary manner. Just the way it is.

[Mystic Muse]

That's the last time I throw in a word of support for you! D=
Not really. Probably someday I'll leap to your defense in an overreactionary manner. Just the way it is.

Sowwy.

Thanks anyway.

[Dust]

Indeed, the Moon Landing one wasn't so good for a first entry. It made me facepalm enough that it was the first thing that came to mind upon seeing this thread, but I can see how it's not common knowledge.
In an apologetic manner, I humbly extend the list below.
Some more I found from my old journal, where I used to jot down amusing things I heard throughout the day. Some of these are not precisely 'wait...what?' but amusing nonetheless.

"God really is the Omega. If not to live life for love from Him, then why is love worth obtaining?"

Woman: "I...I'm scared because I don't like needles."
Woman's doctor: "So, obviously, you don't want surgery?"
Woman: "No."
Woman's doctor: "TOO BAD! HA!" *walks out*

"The woman's bathroom spells like roses. In fact, that's the first time I've peed on the seat and felt obligated to clean it up!"

"Ugh...it feels like a Sunday."
*checks watch*
"Wait, it is."

My Ex-girlfriend: "Ok, so I was walking and this big dog was all like 'YIPYIPYIP' and what a boring stretch of highway, seriously. Except there was this constellation that I was all like 'hm, I wonder where that frickin' north star is,' and also there was ths white horse so I had to guess a bunch of horse names, like, Clopper Princess. 'Cause that is the sound that horses make."

Me: "If you had ten minutes, completely consequence free, what would you do?"
Friend 1: "I'd probably kill you."
Friend 2: "I'd hump a cat."

"I've got this wierd rash. I must be allergic to butter. It's all I've eaten all day."

Friend 1: "I mean, how do you respond when your girlfriend says that in ten years, she sees you married and with kids?"
Me: "I was in that situation once. And as I am bad at politely getting out of things like that, I called her fat and ran away."

"How come in real life only bald people in wheelchairs get superpowers?"

[Mystic Muse]

one from a while ago but I couldn't find a post mentioning this so I'll say it (possibly again)

There was this girl, walking a dog. She comes right through a big group of people (me, some of my cousins/relatives and one of my brother's friends.) and this other dog (who is owned by my brother's friend.) comes out to start interacting with the other dog. The dog starts barking and its owner starts complaining saying "that thing should be on a leash." "She doesn't like big dogs." and "we have leash laws for a reason" So my brother's friend grabs his dog and takes her out of the way to be nice. Now here is the relevant info.

this was a big group of people.
My brother's friend's dog was definitely visible
the "big dog" was about an inch or two bigger than hers
and last but not least There was very little traffic where we were if any. She could easily have gone around.

Yeah, she was a *****. her dog was too.

[Agamid]

I remember when i was in high school a girl i once overheard a girl in the library complaining to her friend as she was reading 'The Two Towers'
"This is all wrong! None of this stuff happens in the movie!"

[Serpentine]

"Dogs are all horrible, viscious beasts that should be destroyed" in response to my being sad about my dog dying was a fun one.

Wish I had some good ones... I've already posted them all. I need to listen better =/

[Thajocoth]

...when I passed by the Earth Science class:

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"

When I was in Earth Science, our review was done Jeopardy style. Being out of context, this could simply be a case of that.

[Serpentine]

Yeah, it could've been something along the lines of "what is the sun made of?" I can't explain that. Can you? Something about super-hot gases or somesuch.

[Delta]

so, out of curiosity why haven't there been any other moon landings other than those?

Well, to put it simple, because it's not worth it. We got most of what we needed to know about the moon from those missions, and there's pretty much nothing you need humans up there that a machine can't do as well, and as you might imagine, it's incredibly more expensive to send humans into space than machines. And if you want to do something in space that you need a human for, well that's what the ISS is for (which as a whole lot closer to earth than the moon, obviously, so it's a lot cheaper to send people up there)

When we send a manned mission to Mars one day, it will not be because it makes sense financially (because it most likely won't) but to prove that it can be done.

For Serpentine: Hydrogen and helium. Lots of it. Very hot. Basically, it's as simple as that

[Amiel]

Yeah, it could've been something along the lines of "what is the sun made of?" I can't explain that. Can you? Something about super-hot gases or somesuch.

Pumbaa: [...] Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh … got stuck up in that big bluish-black thing up there.
Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.

From the Lion King; who knew Pumbaa was the most insight and knowledgeable of their motley trio?

[Anuan]

That right there is the difference between responsible parenting and fun parenting.

Yeah. I thought he was stupid not because of the teasing his kid thing (assuming he was, of course, joking) but because he said "They'll eat anything, they're carnivores."

Carnivores only eat meat >.>