Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier

[Quincunx]

1) . . .You're even thinking about this?! It's womanhood. It requires diagnosis about as much as random half-hearted erections do, that is to say not at all.

2) Ok, this is, if it exists in her own head and given you are making #1 into a problem I am not sure that it is, a legitimate concern. Again, and more gently this time, the problem may be more in your own head (as the wage-earner A) than in hers (as the guaranteed income B). We could ease the problem with doing as little with joint accounts as possible--bill A was always to be paid by person A, bill B by person B, etc.--but there wasn't anything we found to lessen the fact that A had uncertainty about income and B did not. B had to derive more self-worth from being a creator, whereas A could coast on the knowledge that life was spent earning income.

[Syka]

Glug, good for you. :) You know that you can do it now, and you gave her a very nice compliment in the mean time.


Naoto:

1. What kind of problems? On my low-dose Pill, I've never had issues skipping periods (I've been doing so for a year on this Pill). On the regular dose Pill, I had few issues when doing the normal period-every-month deal, but when I went to continuous (skipping periods), it went downhill. Some physical, some mental. Switching back to a low-dose alleviated those problems.

Also, if she's never skipped before it may just be her body adjusting to it. Keep in mind- it's USED to the period-every-month thing. Even though the period on the Pill is not medically the same as a period off the Pill, your body has trouble recognizing that sometimes. For instance, I've been doing a period every three months. Every month, without fail, around the time I "should" have a period I end up getting some minor cramping. In this case, her body might be making up for lost time, so to speak.

It can't hurt to talk to a doctor, though. Whenever my body does something weird I ask my mom and if she doesn't know, my doc gets a call, lol.

2. I understand where she's coming from. Yes- money is money. But if you feel you have done nothing to earn it it makes you feel bad when you are with people who did work to earn it- especially when said people want to treat you to something. What you can tell her, if that's the problem, is that you make the money so that you can do stuff you want with it. And what you want to do with it is make her happy. Ergo, she should let you spend it on her.

[Totally Guy]

Glug, good for you. :) You know that you can do it now, and you gave her a very nice compliment in the mean time.

Yep.

But clearly my current life pattern is not one that frequently crosses paths with girls, that are single and like guys.

When I do try to break out of that I just end up in the city centre shops where the ubiquity of the crowds make me feel very alone.

[Superglucose]

Naaah, it's a compliment, you know if a woman wants to believably lie about her age, she has to start young

Seriously though, are you sure this kind of thing isn't just rationalization for you chickening out a little? I know I used to come up with all sorts of explanations, but eventually you need to get over this kind of excuse to start talking to people.

Well I wish it wasn't a rationalization but it's happened like three times now and I'm kind of sick of "So, are you going to school here?" "Nah, I'm a high school student" "Well that's wonderful! I'll be going off now trying not to seem like a creepy pedo..." *sprints off into the sunsest*

[Syka]

Well I wish it wasn't a rationalization but it's happened like three times now and I'm kind of sick of "So, are you going to school here?" "Nah, I'm a high school student" "Well that's wonderful! I'll be going off now trying not to seem like a creepy pedo..." *sprints off into the sunsest*

I never thought of people who did that as pedo's. Heck, when I was 15 I had a guy think I was a sophomore at the college we were at (it was for a concert thing). It was flattering rather than creepy, mostly because the mild flirting he'd previously been doing stopped. Had he kept going (like I had another guy do later that year), that is when it moves in to creeper territory.

[Pyrian]

Quincunx: I don't think I should sig that (half-hearted...), but I would've.

Superglucose: Don't let it throw you! The vast, vast majority of potential relationships don't work out but we need to keep trying.

[Superglucose]

**** it I'll go for it. Besides, if I recall correctly she's been working there for at least a year and a half now (I go intermittently) and I know from experience that the youngest person they hire is 16.

[Coidzor]

Well I wish it wasn't a rationalization but it's happened like three times now and I'm kind of sick of "So, are you going to school here?" "Nah, I'm a high school student" "Well that's wonderful! I'll be going off now trying not to seem like a creepy pedo..." *sprints off into the sunsest*

Hm. This exit strategy you have for disentangling yourself from awkwardness seems to only breed further awkwardness.

Needs review and possibly modification by the joint chiefs of staff.

[Superglucose]

Perhaps if I tried it earlier in the day?

[Umael]

Super: You can try something like this:

"Hey, I was wondering something and I was hoping you could answer. So first, is it okay with you if I ask a semi-not-really-personal question? Okay? Great. So I was thinking that either you are very cute and in college, in which case I want to ask you out, or you're in high school, in which case I cry because asking you out makes me look like a creep. So... which is it?"

[Superglucose]

Alternatively just ask her out and then find out what she's doing/planning on doing/etc. during the coffee-drinking/walk-taking/whatever-doing meeting and then hastily change my intentions based on the information gathered.

[Eadin]

yeah, that should work...

[Dallas-Dakota]

We hung out for eleven hours.

And it was awesome.
Yeah, just telling you guys.

[Eadin]

Yaaaay for DD

[Superglucose]

I think after much deliberation that I may have a burrito for dinner

(I better put the whole rejection process up a few days, right? Faster I do it, faster I get shot down, faster I get over it)

[Eadin]

I want a burrito...
why go for rejection?

[Superglucose]

I'd be willing to buy you one if you were closer. I mean seriously, a veggie burrito is $4.50 a pop where I'm going, that's pocket change! But a flight out to Belgium costs about what, $1100? $1104.50 is a bit pricey for a burrito. They're pretty good, but they're not that good.

That got me to thinking as well, what are people's "standards" for dating? Me, personally, it takes a lot for me to be interested in a girl to the point where I'd ask her out. But part of the reason rejection sucks so much for me is because it would similarly take a lot for me to be so disinterested in a girl that I'd say "no." I mean if any guy or girl was like, "Do you want to hang out?" my initial reaction is always "Yes," even before checking my schedule. If it turns out I'm not interested in dating them, I can just say "Sorry, I only like you as a friend." But honestly, most of a relationship isn't about the physical beauty, it's about who the people are... and saying "no" before you even know a person strikes me as premature.

Of course I know a girl who refuses to date anyone she's not already friends with. I think she's nuts, that would not work for me at all. How about any of you? What's your opinion?

As for the rejection thing? I find joking about a situation makes it easier. Humor, as they say, is a defense mechanism for me. If my jokes start to seem forced, it's probably time to start hugging me and telling me everything's ok. Except the jokes I force just because I want to be funny but actually I'm not so all my jokes seem forced. Those are ok

[Pyrian]

why go for rejection?

It's like DM'ing. You're not trying to make an encounter that'll wipe out the entire party. You're just trying to make it difficult enough that they get some decent XP and a sense of accomplishment in fending you off. ...Or maybe that's just me?

EDIT: Honestly, I'd rather just be myself and get rejected for that than put a whole lot of effort into doing things "right" and still get rejected. But I suppose I'm kind of absurdly bitter about it all, these days.

[arguskos]

Of course I know a girl who refuses to date anyone she's not already friends with. I think she's nuts, that would not work for me at all. How about any of you? What's your opinion?

I'll only date someone I actually like as a person and/or would be friends with otherwise. I won't say no to going out a few times, but to make it more serious requires that I actually like them.

[Superglucose]

I'll only date someone I actually like as a person and/or would be friends with otherwise. I won't say no to going out a few times, but to make it more serious requires that I actually like them.

I don't disagree with that, but what I'm talking about is an attitude wherein she will not even go on a first date with you unless you've previously been friends.

By the by, girl I was going for at the restaurant wasn't working. I elected to throw caution to the wind and throw out the line on the asian girl from the XKCD meetup.

I also kind of am starting to feel sleazy. I seriously am not interested in dating more than one girl at a time! But I'm not dating any of them! So it's not like I'm being polygamous! I swear! Serpentine makes matters slightly worse but honestly, I'm just looking for some quality companionship. So far I have found none.

[Coidzor]

haha. Completely different game in terms of looking for a date.

[MountainKing]

I need someone to drop a great big tactical nuke into my mind. Just, wipe everything out and leave me empty. I feel awful; I want off this goddamned emotional rollercoaster.

I just want to be friends with her again... I'm giving her some space now, as of yesterday, but... it hurts. It feels like I've physically distanced myself from my heart (which, oddly enough, is NOT off to the left side of my chest; it sure as Hell feels like it's dead in the center...).

I know, I'm probably too attached... that, maybe I should walk away... but I can't. I genuinely care about this girl. As frustrating as it can be, I have some kind of tunnel vision; now that I've met her, she is unshakably set in my eyes. Other women are just that; other women. I don't mean it to sound creepy, it's just how it feels. None of them seem to compare, and while I know that, were I to just sever everything, in time, that would fade... I also don't *want* them to compare.

She told me the night before yesterday that she doesn't know if she'd want to see me again... I haven't been able to untwist my stomach since.

...I want my friend back... I want her to be happy... I want to hear her say she loves me again... I want this cluster**** to end, so everything can go back to normal...

Sorry. I don't know if this is really the appropriate thread. Maybe it isn't. It's not a follow-up to my last couple posts concerning this matter... more like an aftermath...

[Syka]

Mountainking, I'm sorry. It sucks when things can't go back to normal.


Super, if I have not had so much as even superficial interactions with someone, I won't go on a date. Cold calls don't sit well with me. Some stranger on the street approaches me to tell me I'm attractive? I'm flattered. To actually ask me out? Not happening.

If it's a situation where there has been some previous interactions, even something like a customer I've seen a few times, I would maybe do it. In general, I'd prefer to have had more rather than less interactions prior to going on a date or really anything delving into a romantic relationship. The best way to approach me would be as a friend, rather than prospective romantic partner.

[J.Gellert]

I know, I'm probably too attached... that, maybe I should walk away... but I can't.

Yes, you can. I can't say anything else, except that everyone's at that point eventually (I should know, got it twice).

Bottom line is, yes you should walk away, no it's not easy, but you can do it. Mankind has been doing that kind of thing for generations. And it beats being Mr Clingy Guy who can't let go.

[Syka]

Currently having issues coming to terms with the fact that I am old enough to have attended school and grown up with people who now have multiple children. At least one couple is pregnant with their third, another's wife is pregnant with their second. These people are my age.

I mean...wow. I just can't believer we're old enough. My sister getting married has elicited similar responses from me.

I'm going to go play Pokemon Blue now...

[Pyrian]

I'm 36 and have a friend my age who's a grandparent.

[arguskos]

I'm 36 and have a friend my age who's a grandparent.

...what.

Ok, so they had a kid at 18, and their spawn did as well, and so they're a grandparent at 36.

That's messed up dude.

Also, the girl I dated in my senior year of high school had a kid like a year ago. That was a good "mind=blown" moment.

[Superglucose]

I mean...wow. I just can't believer we're old enough. My sister getting married has elicited similar responses from me.

One of my friends is engaged. This is absurd and freaking me out because every time I think about it I go, "WTF He's ENGAGED!" and my other friends go "Yeah, that's pretty much how we react." And I'm several years younger than you >.<

ALso I know a girl my age who has a little boy who she had at 18.

I'm going to go play Pokemon Blue now...

I may be in the minority but I think that series peaked in the second generation.

[Syka]

How old are you, Super? I could sworn I saw somewhere on here that you're 21. oO I mean...you can't be THAT much younger than I (I'm 23).

I've long passed by the "shocked at engagement" phase for people my age, lol. That was pretty much over when my sister (2 years younger than I) got engaged at 19. It didn't help that one of HER friends got married BEFORE my sister got engaged.




Also, Blue is nostalgia for me. I, admittedly, loved Silver and even Crystal. I haven't played any since 3rd Gen, though. Probably because I only have a GBColor, lol. My sister has still shelled out for the new gen pokemon games, though. Apparently it's still very popular among the college group as evidenced by the many people my sister runs in to with PokeWalkers like her.

[Superglucose]

I'm 20 and I feel my age for a variety of reasons, mostly concerning my 7 year old little brother.

And if you knew the guy I was talking about, you'd be like, "He's... engaged? What?"

I occasionally get off my butt and play on Netbattle, but other than that I don't do much Pokemon anymore. In 3rd gen I could build a party in my mind, and in 4th gen I haven't been able to do so... I just don't know what's out there anymore. Playing the games through once or twice helps you learn what's out there in terms of type coverage and stats...