Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier

[Superglucose]

And my point is that if the things you'd rather do outweigh the relationship, you end the relationship.

I think it's wrong to say that your freedom to chose chocolate is limited by the presence of vanilla, therefore you're happier without vanilla even being there.

[Coidzor]

And my point is that if the things you'd rather do outweigh the relationship, you end the relationship.

It's insane to say that your freedom to chose chocolate is limited by the presence of vanilla, therefore you're happier without vanilla even being there.

:P Well, Syka's Syka and You're You, so what's it matter?

[Superglucose]

'cause she's WRONG on the INTERNET about her OPINION! THAT"S WHY!

I've known for a long time that my way of seeing things is horribly different from everyone else's. It makes it difficult to communicate at times, since I'm coming from waaay over in left field and you're coming from waaay over in right field.

[xPANCAKEx]

And my point is that if the things you'd rather do outweigh the relationship, you end the relationship.

FULLY BACKED.

syka - get oz to come over to our side of the pond with you. do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

[loopy]

well sorry to be the fly in the ointment guys - but being single ROCKS...

I can't even stress how much this is true.

And my point is that if the things you'd rather do outweigh the relationship, you end the relationship.

Also very true. Hence the rapid dissolution of all my relationships.

[Superglucose]

FULLY BACKED.

syka - get oz to come over to our side of the pond with you. do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Instead you should get Oz to go with you to sacramento, I know a D&D group or three that'd love to have you, and our food is much better (homegrown!)

[Teutonic Knight]

Question. How many instances of true love have you witnessed or observed? If they "believe" that they have found their life partner, how long do think it lasts?

[Pyrian]

if you're in a bad relationship, usually the only positive is that you can free yourself from it almost any time you want

It's an awesome perk, though.

But I can't say a little of me doesn't miss the freedom of not having to worry about whether a significant move will effect someone.

This is interesting. I am very, very reticent to move away from San Diego because this is where the vast majority of my friends are.

Question. How many instances of true love have you witnessed or observed? If they "believe" that they have found their life partner, how long do think it lasts?

Meh. I'm not particularly willing to categorize people's loves as "true" or "false", except maybe in extreme cases of the latter.

[Superglucose]

Question. How many instances of true love have you witnessed or observed? If they "believe" that they have found their life partner, how long do think it lasts?

Hm.

I personally have felt truly "loved" twice in my life. I have also met two people I could say that I love enough that we could have been life partners if it came to that.

[Coidzor]

Also very true. Hence the rapid dissolution of all my relationships.

That's not very nice to say. People are people, not things.

[Serpentine]

Can't judge. Maybe if you look at very old people at the end of their lives who have been together since being teenagers, but that's about it.
Personally, I don't believe in "one true love". That idea is incredibly depressing to me: There are more than 6 billion people in this world. If there is only a single person "meant" for me, then my chances of finding them are miniscule, far lower - if I recall correctly - than the estimated probability that the first atomic blast would destroy all life on Earth.
What I do believe in is multiple "true loves": a multitude of people with whom one could happily be mate to, and grow old with.

[MountainKing]

Question. How many instances of true love have you witnessed or observed? If they "believe" that they have found their life partner, how long do think it lasts?

I can say with confidence that I've seen it in person once. It wasn't reciprocated, but while the relationship ended, the love is still there. It's the day to day acceptance of fact and the reinforcement of the fact that I'm still alive, and life is actually pretty cool when I let myself stop and think about things that are coming up soon, that as a project, occupies the majority of my time lately.

It doesn't get any easier day to day, but it aches a little less... and for that, while I'm not happy, I am contented.

[zeratul]

Thanks to the people who advised me the other day, now I'll just have to wait till fall to implament that advise once the next school year begins.

[Coidzor]

Can't judge. Maybe if you look at very old people at the end of their lives who have been together since being teenagers, but that's about it.
Personally, I don't believe in "one true love". That idea is incredibly depressing to me: There are more than 6 billion people in this world. If there is only a single person "meant" for me, then my chances of finding them are miniscule, far lower - if I recall correctly - than the estimated probability that the first atomic blast would destroy all life on Earth.
What I do believe in is multiple "true loves": a multitude of people with whom one could happily be mate to, and grow old with.

Question. Does that chance mean if we set off enough Atomic bombs, we'll eventually get one that does it? Or does that just mean they were ignorant of what actually happened?

[Serpentine]

Before they tested the first atomic bomb, they weren't totally sure that it wouldn't destroy the world. They thought it probably wouldn't, but they had worked out the probability that it would. But it didn't (yet ). But yeah, it's a "they didn't know", not an "it could still happen". Do you think if it were the latter, people would be even more sparing with them?

*waits for someone to point out that the above is just an urban legend or somesuch*

[Pheehelm]

Connection's been crummy the past few days. Ahem:

Moving on after breakups -- Personally I always admired the approach taken by JD on Scrubs: after dumping Elliot, he decided he wouldn't date again until she did. Not saying that should be a societal rule or anything, but as a personal decision by the character, it seemed nice.


Singledom -- Relationships are hard work. For now, I'm lazy and overwhelmed by inertia.


True love --

If there is only a single person "meant" for me, then my chances of finding them are miniscule, far lower - if I recall correctly - than the estimated probability that the first atomic blast would destroy all life on Earth.

Woman: I believe there is one special person for everyone.
Dilbert: He must be very tired.

As for the question of "how many," it's a tough call. Couples can seem all perfect and healthy but have major problems beneath the surface, invisible to onlookers if not also to themselves. Some of you may remember my being rudely reminded of this a few months back.

And on that note, since we're re-railing the thread and all, what's everyone's nightmare scenario in a relationship?

Spoiler

Show

Mine's about what I described above: getting into what I think is a happy, all-around healthy relationship but it actually being a co-dependent/hyper-independent involvement, or one of us being accepting/encouraging of behaviors they really shouldn't be, or she'll be unhappy with something but not communicating, or something along those lines. In theory any problem I can perceive* I can address, if only by learning to accept it or ending the relationship, but what the heck do you do with what you can't perceive?

*Denial counts as not perceiving.

[Superglucose]

Question. Does that chance mean if we set off enough Atomic bombs, we'll eventually get one that does it? Or does that just mean they were ignorant of what actually happened?

There was a discussion about a possible chain reaction. They realized shortly that it wouldn't happen. It was in one of those "Ok, what on earth could possibly go wrong with this experiment?" sessions.

[Coidzor]

Do you think if it were the latter, people would be even more sparing with them?

*snort* No. People still have unprotected sex even knowing there's STDs.

Someone just said that it would feel manipulative to sleep with someone they flirted with. Strange times. But interesting.

Also, is there any way to overcome white boy dance syndrome?

[ForzaFiori]

Question. How many instances of true love have you witnessed or observed? If they "believe" that they have found their life partner, how long do think it lasts?

I cannot say for certain that it is true love (not being a member of the relationships I am about to mention) but from what I can tell, and seeing how the people interact, I can think of a few (strangely, all in my church. Not saying religion has to do with it, I just happen to know alot of the adults there)

The relationships:
My pastor and his wife
My youth pastor, and her husband
the couple that helps out with youth.

All three of these at least seem as though they are what people consider "true love". The two people involve get along excellent, even if not agreeing on the same interests, stimulate each other (no, not just that way you naughty people), and generally mesh well with each other.

I can also think of several friendships that are like that, at least two of which I am in, one of which being the girl I mentioned a few posts back, and the other being my male best friend.

[Keld Denar]

So...this date I have tomorrow...girl narrowed it down to Despicable Me or Knight and Day. I've already seen Despicable Me, but its so awwwwwwwwwtastic that I'd see it again. On the other side, I haven't seen Knight and Day.

VICTORY!!!!!

Went to a nice mexican place, had a couple margaritas and some tasty food, talked and laughed a TON, then went to see Knight and Day. About 1/3 of the way through the movie, I got bold, slid my hand over and nudged her hand. She picked her hand up and set it on mine! We held hands for a while, then I put my arm behind her and held her as well as one can in a theater who's arm rests won't move. After a little while of that, my hand went to sleep and we went back to holding hands again, well she held my hand, mine was numb.

After the movie, it was late and we both have to work tomorrow, so I walked her to her car. Got a nice hug AND A GOOD NIGHT KISS!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Now time to go to sleep, and then start planning a 2nd date!

[Zeb The Troll]

I now have an image of Cthulu doing the cabbage patch in the parking lot after she leaves.

[Coidzor]

I now have an image of Cthulu doing the cabbage patch in the parking lot after she leaves.

I always forget that's a dance. So I thought Cthulhu was doing something especially bad there.

Bloody hell. 3 months. No, over three months. They've been in the ******* honeymoon stage. And now it's gotten even harder to get ahold of her rather than easier. I want to just take their skulls and crack them open on one another right now. I don't even know why I'm so put off by it.

[Malfunctioned]

Connection's been crummy the past few days. Ahem:

Moving on after breakups -- Personally I always admired the approach taken by JD on Scrubs: after dumping Elliot, he decided he wouldn't date again until she did. Not saying that should be a societal rule or anything, but as a personal decision by the character, it seemed nice.

So that means I could of started dating three days after T dumped me?....Interesting....

Anyway, so now I've become friends with another girl I'm interested in and things are going okay actually, we've been speaking on Skype (Not just us two most of them time) and me, her and a couple of friends are going to a goth club tomorrow. She also seems to really like my voice, which isn't anything that anyone has ever really said to me before, but I'm just going to see how this plays out. She knows of my tendency to become....amorous...okay, well according to some people I become amorous when drunk, according to others I become a flirtatious charmer. Hopefully I'm going with the second one for this.


And to the whole 'enjoying being single thing': I have no problems with being single and I do enjoy myself most of the time. It's just that I really do prefer being in a relationship with someone that I care about.

[Quincunx]

If you put on the face every time you're around a couple, I can see why they would make themselves difficult to contact.

[Coidzor]

If you put on the face every time you're around a couple, I can see why they would make themselves difficult to contact.

Yes, because I've totally let my disgust at their sappiness known to their faces.

If I did that, the point would be moot because they'd have deleted me from their contacts online and no longer even occasionally answer my phone calls.

Or are you saying I should just go ahead and do that and be done with them? Because if you are, well, just say it.

I'm mostly annoyed and bothered by how she mostly just finds fault with me these days since she started going crazy for the girl she's dating. Why the hell do I have to compete with her girlfriend in some kind of moral judgment when I'm not even trying to date her?

[The Succubus]

Did someone say morally justified?

I've just realised something important - we're going to need a title for the new thread soon. "Relationship Woes & Advice Thread Fourteen - Not Just For Teens."

I'm sure someone can do better ;)

[Pyrian]

Also, is there any way to overcome white boy dance syndrome?

Are you sure you want to? Unless you naturally feel rhythms in your limbs, you have to put in a lot of hours of training.

[xPANCAKEx]

Instead you should get Oz to go with you to sacramento, I know a D&D group or three that'd love to have you, and our food is much better (homegrown!)

as my garden can atest, home grown veg is abundant over here. And theres even services where you can have organic food delivered right to your door step (probably in a nice polluting diesel van!)

as for the food being 'better' - this is london. We have some of the worlds best restaurants, and food from far too many cultures than i care to count. The only thing that sucks is the prices.

Connection's been crummy the past few days. Ahem:

Moving on after breakups -- Personally I always admired the approach taken by JD on Scrubs: after dumping Elliot, he decided he wouldn't date again until she did. Not saying that should be a societal rule or anything, but as a personal decision by the character, it seemed nice.


Singledom -- Relationships are hard work. For now, I'm lazy and overwhelmed by inertia.

I play the 21 day rule - don't start something new until at least 3 weeks after a split. Gives both sides time and space to sort themselves out, appologise and ask to be taken back if neccessary, and say anything they have to say without anyone else in the way. And in fairness, 3 weeks is a fair chunk of time if someone really has something important to say then they've got more than enough time to say it. After that... well... you've had your time, should have spoken up a bit quicker

There are a few things that nullify the 21 day rule:
1) you dont respect the other person (i'll leave the reasons for this up to you)
2) they've moved on (then its up to you)

neither of the above two should oblige you to not follow the 21 day rule (or even move on at all), but they're the only 2 i can think of that allow a justifiable violation of it


coidtron 3000

if its still the honeymoon stage and they're too wrapped up with each other, leave them be - spend time with other friends. You'd be "fighting a losing battle". Cut your friend a bit of slack for now, but if it goes on for too long then re-evaluate how close you are, and all social benifits that entagles (such as how much of a shoulder to cry on you'll offer if it all goes tits up)

[Diva De]

The most important thing in a relationship - any relationship - is communication. Being able to talk about things (feelings, interests, working through disagreements) is something that is monumental. All the people I have known for years and care for the most are people I can TALK to. Doesn't have to be for hours or every day or whatever. That's what I love about my best friends. Whatever happens, we can either laugh about it or talk through and find a way to deal with it. And a new perspective is always nice. And it's much easier to, for example, date someone a few times and say, "You know, I like you but this just isn't working for me," than to drag it out, make excuses, try to fix it, spare someone's feelings, etc. Honesty? Sure - but being able to express that effectively is the way to go.

...this coming from a girl in the midst of a divorce...

[Dallas-Dakota]

This, so much. Always.

Rules Of Relationships:
#1- Communicate. If you can't talk with your partner, it's probably not going to work.
-Syka