GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III

[Melayl]

If no one else objects, then, I'll shoulder the creation of my opposing number and finish it up today. That's probably the best way to preserve the original vision of myself and Mangles' creatures anyways.

Go for it. I'd like to see the original concept.

Everything is clean though, so if your creation is done, not just bare bones, and you haven't been critiqued yet, let me know and I'll go over it. Those already critiqued will also be looked at as time permits.

I wouldn't mind a critique when someone gets the opportunity. Mulletmanalive gave me good feedback during the creation process, but critique by someone not involved is always helpful.

As for helping with critiques myself, I'm great at concept but not always at execution, so I don't know how helpful I'd be.

[Admiral Squish]

Well, if you're having that much trouble with it, I can try my hand at reviewing to take some of the load off.

[Jergmo]

Whoo! It's been some time since I've entered one of the monster competitions - this is one that's made me excited. The Kettumere and Ramovita are in for the lovely borked up contest that is D&D's wilderness.

My partner, Ganara, is unlikely to be on the forums - if there's any critique or message for him, I can pass it along.

[Debihuman]

Thanks for the offer of help. The more eyes checking, the better it will be.
Debby

[Draken]

There. The beast is complete. Just have to wait on Draken.

Wait no more, for the barrier wyrm has been completed.

You might need to buff the Herzen a bit. The powers I took ended up giving the Meinung a titanic armor class and some pretty wicked saves.

The initiative is lame, however.

[strawberryman]

Gave it some psi-likes to compensate. Not sure what else I can do. >>

[Draken]

Add Metaphisical Claw to the Psi-like abilities. It gives a much needed enhancement bonus.

Also, psionic Keen Edge is for manufactured weapons only. Duodimensional Claw is the natural weapon variant.

[The Glyphstone]

The Shadefeather and Dawnwing, two sides of the same feathery coin, are now posted for review.

A bit of commentary from (one) of the creators regarding the intial vision of the pairing: We had wondered about a pair of creatures deliberately blurring the line between predator and prey - at first, this was having them be constant predators of each other, but that was deemed as not suiting the concept. Instead, we went with two creatures that repeatedly exchanged their roles, taking turns as the predator and prey. Our visual inspiration was the sun and moon - like the celestial bodies they draw power from, the Dawnwing and Shadefeather are deliberately locked into a neverending cycle, effectively light and dark mirrors of each other. Their special abilities were chosen with this in mind, each having a powerful offensive dive and a selection of passive auras to choose from, while becoming much less powerful outside their respective time of ascendancy.

[Admiral Squish]

Alright, I'm gonna sink my teeth into some crunch, then.

Let's begin with Spectre Breeders
From the top:

Well, all of your numbers seem accurate. There are a few things that seem oddly-worded. For example, 'Immune: Flanking, criticals, weapon damage, mind affecting' should be 'Immunity to flanking, critical hits, weapon damage, and mind-affecting abilities'. Also, you should mention Hitchhikers in special attacks.

Environment is also off. 'Magically infused swamps' isn't technically an appropriate entry. I'd just call it 'Warm Swamps'.

In you fluff description, you describe them as the size of 'an undersized honeybee', which is honestly not all that descriptive. Perhaps you should just pick a different insect to compare them too. Like, they resemble a bee in shape, but they're more like the size of a fly.

Also, I had to look up interstitial, and I like to think I have a pretty impressive vocabulary. Perhaps a simpler word would be advised.

You mention 'the fabric of the target', which makes me think more along the lines of eating the targets clothes as opposed to the consuming the very fabric of their existence. Might want to clarify that. Also, wouldn't it be a case of swarm breeder larvae? The eggs themselves don't really do anything.

You refer to them as 'swarm breeders' in the hitchhiker ability, which I'm assuming to be a relic from an earlier draft.

In describing vile honey, you seem to have lost track of your brackets for a moment. I'd suggest simply removing the [ before 'further details'. Also, you contradict yourself in terms of the frequency of doses being produced, saying at first that they produce a dose every two hours, then later that they continue producing one dose per hour even after the target is dead.

Otherwise, I see no real issues with it.

Moving on to the partner-beast the Skyclimber Lizard

Numbers all seem fine...

You call it concussive blast in the block, and concussive breath in the combat section. Which is accurate?

Environment is the same concern I had for the spectre breeders.

Normally combat section includes a short description of tactics and other such things.

On concussive breath, how do you have a 5 -foot-wide cone? Isn't that mechanically a 10-foot line? I'd just say 10-foot cone and leave it, it's not that impressive.

I think force body should, instead of granting natural armor, just make mention that their natural armor applies against incorporeal touch attacks. The natural armor already exists, the force body should just clarify that it applies.

Force Armor seems fine, though it doesn't look like it has much purpose on this beastie.

Your shield ability, I'm sorry to say, doesn't work that way. The shield spell is very specific. It just grants a shield bonus, it doesn't produce a force plane you can manipulate. Instead, you should say it instead creates a 5x5 wall of force. to be honest, you could roll a lot of these abilities into one so there's not SO MANY entries in the combat section.

They don't need spider climb, just give them a climb speed. It's functionally the same, but it can't be dispelled or antimagic-ed. They do lose the ability to run vertically, though...

Sky climb seems fine.

Your force subtype seems rather... bare bones. I'd think a lot of the lizard's abilities would actually be better suited to be parts of the subtype.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go discuss creations with my partner. I'll be back to do some more reviews later.

[Debihuman]

Peaching to continue here....

Maltressor

It is missing Advancement.

AC is worded oddly. The base 10 is understood and should not appear in that line. Also, the numbers normally appear after the Touch and Flat-footed breaks separated by commas. No brackets are needed.

Armor Class: 23 (+7 Dex, +4 Size, +2 Natural), Touch 21, Flat-footed 16

Attack lines are missing the word "melee" and the Critical modifier X2 never appears as that is the standard modifier. Only Threat Ranges other than 20 and Critical modifiers other than X2 should appear in the stat block as those are standard.

Attack is BAB + Strength Modifier + Size Modifier (+5, -5 + 4 = +4)

Attack: Claw +4 melee (1d2-5)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +4 melee (1d2-5)

Champion of Krav

Armor Class: 32 (+20 Natural, -8 size, +10 Dex), Touch 12, Flat-footed 22

Numbers should go after the the designator.

Full Attack line should have "Or Magma Jet +52 Ranged Touch (20d6 fire)" as that appears in the Attack line above.

Nice use of Special Abilities as they really complement this creature.

Spectre Breeders

Speed is written oddly and the maneuverability (which is missing) should be Perfect because it is incorporeal. Squares is only noted in Land speed.

Speed: 5 ft (1 square), Fly 40 ft. (Perfect)

As was noted earlier, Environment is odd (and misspelled).

Advancement is strange. Creatures normally increase in size when they double their hit points. They shouldn't suddenly go from Fine to Large.
Of course, this also greatly belies their description as "undersized."

Advancement: 7-12 (Diminutive) 13-24 (Tiny) 25-36 (Small)

Vile Honey is a a very nice touch.

Skyclimber Lizard

You should note the Type and Subtype without the words of either.

Tiny Magical Beast (Force*) and the asterisk should reflect that Force subtype listed below the entry and should be repeated there as well.

Attack lines do not require brackets. See for example creatures that make Fire attacks.

Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d4-3 Force)
Full Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d4-3 Force)

Normally the space and reach are written 2 1/2 ft./0 ft. (or 2½ ft./0 ft.).

What would normally be excessive for a creature with 2 HD is the Damage Reduction, actually makes sense when considering its favorite prey, the incorporeal spectre breeders.

However, this makes its other Special Abilities seem a tad excessive when taken together.

A general rule of thumb is 1 special Ability per HD . Your creature has 10. I'd actually recommend that you increase the number of Hit Dice to at least 5 and maybe lose a Special Ability. Now both darkvision and low-light vision are from its Type so those you need to keep.

Force Armor and Force body do similar things so I'd recommend picking one or the other. It doesn't look like the armor bonuses should stack as they both are Force bonuses. I'd recommend losing the Force Body as it is only intermittent.

Sky Climb would be a lot easier to explain by levitation spell which is the basis of an Immovable Rod. This is a matter of keeping it as simple as possible. I understand that you like the idea of it climbing on an invisible platform, but that's not an Immovable Rod does. It would be like climbing on a branch. Better would be using Floating Disc as the basis and it could use Spider Climb to hang upside from underneath the disc.

More to come later.

Debby

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Herzenterich (Heart Drake) by strawberryman

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Man, that was a lot of calculation, and you got pretty much all of it dead on. Good work

Here's what I found for you to look over:

A swallowed creature can cut its way out by dealing 50 points of damage to the herzenterich’s digestive tract (AC 25).

I believe this would be AC 20 as internal AC is 10 + half natural AC.

Aggressive Heart (Ps)
A herzenterich is a creature of emotion, most commonly that of unbridled rage. It is constantly under the effect of a Barbarian's rage of 20th level (these changes are reflected in its statistics); however, it may still manifest and concentrate on powers.

If this is the case he needs to add a +4 to Will saves and a -2 to AC.

Improved Natural Attack (flail)

This is basically a useless feat because you, the maker, determine how much damage it does to begin with. Feats such as this are only useful for when improving an existing monster by HD. As it becomes bigger and stronger you can make its attacks nastier. However, for the base creature it has no purpose.

Might I suggest Improved Initiative?

In addition, any creature within 30 feet of the herzenterich must make a Will save every round (DC36) or also be affected as a barbarian's rage of 20th level, or their level, whichever is lower.

Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Augmented Critical (Ex)
A herzenterich's tail flail deals quadruple damage on a critical hit, and its threat range is 18-20.

Full Attack: Flail +77 melee (6d6+52, 15-20/x4)

Duodimensional claw specifies that: "This benefit does not stack with other effects that improve a weapon’s threat range."

Not to mention duo doesn't say it doubles crit range, just that it lowers it to 19-20. So even if they did stack, the text doesn't allow for it.

Meinungenterich (Mind Drake) by Draken

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Abilities: Str 35 (+12), Dex 14, Con 33 (+11), Int 35 (+12), Wis 28 (+9), Cha 29 (+9)

Armor Class: 83 (+30 Natural, +13 Insight, +10 shield, +22 Armor, +2 Dexterity, -4 Size), 31 touch, 68 flat-footed.

I believe the shield bonus would be +13.

+4 base. Then +1 per 4 additional levels. 36 divided by 4 is 9.

9 augmented + 4 base = 13.

Saves: Fort +43, Ref +35, Will +37

Fort +31, Ref +22, Will +29

Base saves for a 37 HD dragon is 20, and I couldn't find anything but your stat bonuses to increase them. Am I missing anything?

Base Attack/Grapple: +28/+52

Dragon base attacks are always equal to their HD.

It should thus be the following:
+37/+61

Attack: Bite +45 melee (3d8+12) or Claw +45 (2d6+8) or Tail Slap +45 (4d6+12)

Base Attack 37 + Str mod 12 + Offensive Precognition 13 - Size mod 4 = +58 melee

Special Qualities:

Special Qualities: needs boldened

Any darkvision in there? Dragons normally have it.

A successful reflex save (DC 39) halves the damage and prevents the slow effect.

Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Typical Powers Known (Power Points: 574; Save DC: 22+power level):

I get 565 power points.

Base power points are 343. Ability modifier 12 x your manifester level 37 / by 2 = 222

343
+222
565

Is there a feat or anything I might be missing?

[Admiral Squish]

Champion of Krav

Armor Class: 32 (+20 Natural, -8 size, +10 Dex), Touch 12, Flat-footed 22

Numbers should go after the the designator.

Full Attack line should have "Or Magma Jet +52 Ranged Touch (20d6 fire)" as that appears in the Attack line above.

Nice use of Special Abilities as they really complement this creature.

Yay, more review! I have fixed the aforementioned problems. Also, while I was looking, I noticed i said +1 enhancement instead of +10 enhancement under obsidian talons, which is a pretty big discrepancy.

And thanks! I try.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Hey all, I request all of you take a page out of Admiral Squish's book here and add who your prey/predator is, such as he has.

[The Glyphstone]

Bleh. That means I'll have to decide which of the birds is supposed to be the primary predator...I guess I'll make it the Dawnwing, as its abilities are more offensive in nature overall.

[unosarta]

Peaching to continue here....

Maltressor

It is missing Advancement.

Added it now.

AC is worded oddly. The base 10 is understood and should not appear in that line. Also, the numbers normally appear after the Touch and Flat-footed breaks separated by commas. No brackets are needed.

Armor Class: 23 (+7 Dex, +4 Size, +2 Natural), Touch 21, Flat-footed 16

Is that really a big deal breaker? The second bit about numbers coming after I see, and have edited in, but I really don't get why the format I use is "wrong". (not that I am quoting you as saying such, but the general sentiment seems to be going that way). They literally say the same thing.

Attack lines are missing the word "melee" and the Critical modifier X2 never appears as that is the standard modifier. Only Threat Ranges other than 20 and Critical modifiers other than X2 should appear in the stat block as those are standard.

Fixed.

Attack is BAB + Strength Modifier + Size Modifier (+5, -5 + 4 = +4)

Attack: Claw +4 melee (1d2-5)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +4 melee (1d2-5)

Debby

... and fixed.

[Edit]:

Hey all, I request all of you take a page out of Admiral Squish's book here and add who your prey/predator is, such as he has.

Added it.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Champion of Krav by Admiral Squish

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This guy has some seriously flavorful mechanics, but right now just focusing on stats.

Base Attack/Grapple: +50/+80

Grapple would be: +81

(Base Attack 50 + Str mod 15 + Size 16)

Feats: Multiattack, Improved Multiattack, Flyby Attack, Improved Flyby Attack, Dodge, Mobility, Power Attack, Great Flyby Attack, Diving Charge, Hover, Track, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Defensive Sweep, Spellcasting Harrier, Hostile Mind, Epic Will.

Epic feats always go on a second line.

Feats: Multiattack, Improved Multiattack, Flyby Attack, Improved Flyby Attack, Dodge, Mobility, Power Attack, Great Flyby Attack, Diving Charge, Hover, Track, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Defensive Sweep, Hostile Mind
Epic Feats: Epic Will, Spellcasting Harrier

Those who do not attempt attacks of opportunity must succeed on a DC 45 Reflex save or be engulfed

Any weapons that strike the Champion of Krav must succeed on a DC 35 fortitude save or melt into useless slag.

All creatures with fewer HD then the Champion of Krav that can see it must make a DC 45 will save or become shaken for the next hour.

Need to make mention what the save DCs are based off of.

[Admiral Squish]

Well, since I already gave my review for the Soldiers of Misfortune, and since VT has covered the Herzenterich, I might as well take a crack at the Widow's Weed. Let's see...

Numbers seem accurate, though you should note the increased crit for the tendrils. Also, perhaps the speed should go down to 10 or so? Since it doesn't have any specialized structures designed for mobility, I would see it moving much like an assassin vine. Slow and crawly. Plus, it's not like their prey is moving or anything, it's dead.

Moving on to abilities, absorption seems to be worded such that it would avoid any DR, but you may want to include a specific note.

Feed looks good, though you may want to fix 'it can engulf the corpse the corpse'. Also, you mention it can only gain HD by consuming undead with greater HD than itself. If that's the case, you should include a scaling max HD for the command undead and absorption abilities.

Other than that, looks cool, and you two have a nice dynamic.

[Draken]

Herzenterich (Heart Drake) by strawberryman

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Man, that was a lot of calculation, and you got pretty much all of it dead on. Good work

Here's what I found for you to look over:


I believe this would be AC 20 as internal AC is 10 + half natural AC.


If this is the case he needs to add a +4 to Will saves and a -2 to AC.


This is basically a useless feat because you, the maker, determine how much damage it does to begin with. Feats such as this are only useful for when improving an existing monster by HD. As it becomes bigger and stronger you can make its attacks nastier. However, for the base creature it has no purpose.

Might I suggest Improved Initiative?


Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.



Duodimensional claw specifies that: "This benefit does not stack with other effects that improve a weapon’s threat range."

Not to mention duo doesn't say it doubles crit range, just that it lowers it to 19-20. So even if they did stack, the text doesn't allow for it.

Meinungenterich (Mind Drake) by Draken

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Abilities: Str 35 (+12), Dex 14, Con 33 (+11), Int 35 (+12), Wis 28 (+9), Cha 29 (+9)


I believe the shield bonus would be +13.

+4 base. Then +1 per 4 additional levels. 36 divided by 4 is 9.

9 augmented + 4 base = 13.


Fort +31, Ref +22, Will +29

Base saves for a 37 HD dragon is 20, and I couldn't find anything but your stat bonuses to increase them. Am I missing anything?


Dragon base attacks are always equal to their HD.

It should thus be the following:
+37/+61


Base Attack 37 + Str mod 12 + Offensive Precognition 13 - Size mod 4 = +58 melee


Special Qualities: needs boldened

Any darkvision in there? Dragons normally have it.



Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.



I get 565 power points.

Base power points are 343. Ability modifier 12 x your manifester level 37 / by 2 = 222

343
+222
565

Is there a feat or anything I might be missing?

Saves receive a +13 Insight bonus from Defensive Precognition.

Epic Monsters - as per the ELH - abide by the same rules as characters as far as BAB and saves are concerned, they don't advance, but they get a +1 Epic attack bonus at every even level and a +1 epic save bonus to all saves at every uneven level.

So my saves are actually missing one point.

I did make a mistake in regards to the AC, it shall be fixed. Thanks for pointing the rest.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Saves receive a +13 Insight bonus from Defensive Precognition.

Ah, keep missing it also adds to saves.

Epic Monsters - as per the ELH - abide by the same rules as characters as far as BAB and saves are concerned, they don't advance, but they get a +1 Epic attack bonus at every even level and a +1 epic save bonus to all saves at every uneven level.

Do you have a page quote for that? I don't believe monsters do follow that. I just went over some in the ELH to verify and all of them follow the same formula of Good saves are half HD +2 and bad saves 1/3 HD.

Considering we have 20+ HD creatures even in the Monster Manual 3.5 and nothing is mentioned of using epic rules (and I verified they don't, all the monstrous vermin at least), I conclude that they don't.

[Admiral Squish]

Champion of Krav by Admiral Squish
*snip*

Alright, I fixed the grapple and the feats. Didn't know that thing about epic feats being on a second line... I also added what the DCs were based off of and corrected the actual DCs for the abilities. The engulf ability actually included a line later on that detailed that it was strength-based, but somehow I got the numbers wrong.

Also, Draken, I'm not so sure. The Tarrasque is clearly epic, but it's got a BaB equal to it's HD, and it's saves progress normally.

[Draken]

Then checking again, I am full of fail in that part. Going to edit.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Champion of Turtia by centuriancode

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Abilities Str 46 (+18), Dex 18, Con 54 (+22), Int 10, Wis 20 (+5), Cha 14

Hit Dice: 50d10 + 1100 + 50 ~= 1425

No squiggling

Also forgot the +3 from Toughness.

Standard format with corrections:
Hit Dice: 50d10 + 1153 (1428 hp)

Feats: Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Awesome Blow, Improved Grapple, Improved Swimming (effect not included in swim speeds listed here – stopping distance for swimming does not double to match), True Believer (Turtia), Defensive Strike, Toughness, Improved Toughness, Endurance, Die Hard, Iron Will Remain Conscious.

Be in order these alphabetical need to

Still missing a few. You get 17 feats.

Also, with Improved Swimming, that note needs to be put at the bottom of the page.

Armor Class: 66, -4 Touch, 42 Flat-footed.

This needs finished up.

[b] Base Attack/Grapple: +50/+84

Bold is broken.

Attack: Slam, +60 mêlée (2d8+18)

Since you only have one attack the strength mod to damage would be 1 1/2.
Attack: Slam +60 mêlée (2d8+27)

Looks like you're still working on this so I'll save the rest of my critiques until it is. A note, special qualities and special attacks are not put separately with the details below. You just list all abilities, qualities and attacks, alphabetically.

Also be sure each ability has an extraordinary (Ex), supernatural (Su) or spell-like (Sp) beside each name, and that they, with the qualities/attack's names, are boldened.

[strawberryman]

Herzenterich (Heart Drake) by strawberryman

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Man, that was a lot of calculation, and you got pretty much all of it dead on. Good work

Here's what I found for you to look over:


I believe this would be AC 20 as internal AC is 10 + half natural AC.


If this is the case he needs to add a +4 to Will saves and a -2 to AC.

This is basically a useless feat because you, the maker, determine how much damage it does to begin with. Feats such as this are only useful for when improving an existing monster by HD. As it becomes bigger and stronger you can make its attacks nastier. However, for the base creature it has no purpose.

Might I suggest Improved Initiative?

Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Duodimensional claw specifies that: "This benefit does not stack with other effects that improve a weapon’s threat range."

Not to mention duo doesn't say it doubles crit range, just that it lowers it to 19-20. So even if they did stack, the text doesn't allow for it.

Woo! A compliment. At any rate, changes accommodated.

[Admiral Squish]

Movin' right along, a review of the Kettumere:

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That climb speed is odd. Usually, creatures have either half-speed climbing, or full-speed climbing. If you don't like either of those, I'd still suggest bumping it up to 40 feet, since that's a nice, round speed and makes the book-keeping slightly simpler.

You could include the +4 to survival when tracking by scent in the skills section, without needing to make a separate line.

Generally, when creating a monster, one gives the DCs of the monster's abilities as it is described in the stat block. Also, I'm not sure why one of them id DC 14 base, and the other is DC 12 base. According to my calculations, both parts of the pheromone spray should be be DC 15 saves.

I would suggest using the standardized glide format for the glide ability, which is usually something like 30 ft of forward movement for every 10 feet of descent, and includes a line about being able to glide to the ground safely after a fall of any height.

Finally, I am concerned by the physiological uses. That's a lot of cash to put in the hands of level 1 PCs.

And why not, I'll do it's companion the Ramovita as well!

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Numbers seem okay. Though, I'm not sure how it's supposed to 'get away' if it's camouflage fails with a speed like that. Also, your tongue entry should read 'tongue +5 melee touch (Improved Grab)'

You shouldn't have ability focus as standard feats. Those are generally reserved for when you advance your creation's HD. You can simply handwave in a +2 racial bonus to the DCs.

In your poison spines, you missed an 'are' before 'coated with a potent toxin'. Also, just say HD instead of racial hit dice, it's faster and it's unlikely an int 3 beast will be growing character levels. Also, 'targeted' square, since you didn't actually specify what square beforehand. Really, I think the whole reflex save is unnessecary. It's a ranged attack. Multishot doesn't offer it's targets a reflex save to avoid the arrows. It's the same principle.

Well, the physiological uses are a lot less unbalanced in terms of raw cash gains than the kettumere, though I remain slightly concerned.

[Jergmo]

Movin' right along, a review of the Kettumere:

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That climb speed is odd. Usually, creatures have either half-speed climbing, or full-speed climbing. If you don't like either of those, I'd still suggest bumping it up to 40 feet, since that's a nice, round speed and makes the book-keeping slightly simpler.

You could include the +4 to survival when tracking by scent in the skills section, without needing to make a separate line.

Generally, when creating a monster, one gives the DCs of the monster's abilities as it is described in the stat block. Also, I'm not sure why one of them id DC 14 base, and the other is DC 12 base. According to my calculations, both parts of the pheromone spray should be be DC 15 saves.

I would suggest using the standardized glide format for the glide ability, which is usually something like 30 ft of forward movement for every 10 feet of descent, and includes a line about being able to glide to the ground safely after a fall of any height.

Finally, I am concerned by the physiological uses. That's a lot of cash to put in the hands of level 1 PCs.

And why not, I'll do it's companion the Ramovita as well!

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Numbers seem okay. Though, I'm not sure how it's supposed to 'get away' if it's camouflage fails with a speed like that. Also, your tongue entry should read 'tongue +5 melee touch (Improved Grab)'

You shouldn't have ability focus as standard feats. Those are generally reserved for when you advance your creation's HD. You can simply handwave in a +2 racial bonus to the DCs.

In your poison spines, you missed an 'are' before 'coated with a potent toxin'. Also, just say HD instead of racial hit dice, it's faster and it's unlikely an int 3 beast will be growing character levels. Also, 'targeted' square, since you didn't actually specify what square beforehand. Really, I think the whole reflex save is unnessecary. It's a ranged attack. Multishot doesn't offer it's targets a reflex save to avoid the arrows. It's the same principle.

Well, the physiological uses are a lot less unbalanced in terms of raw cash gains than the kettumere, though I remain slightly concerned.

Thanks, Admiral Squish - fixed on the pheromone junk, and I did decrease the value of the kettumere's stuff, although I don't see a first level party having an easy time of catching it anyway. I don't know anything about the standardized glide dealie, but I'll look around - I had it based off of a skill trick.

Also, I mostly put the scent bonus on a separate line because I put the * next to the skill itself.

...Apparently, my partner doesn't care about any critique or if anything needs to be fixed. So...I guess the Ramovita is staying the way it is.

[Debihuman]

Is that really a big deal breaker? The second bit about numbers coming after I see, and have edited in, but I really don't get why the format I use is "wrong". (not that I am quoting you as saying such, but the general sentiment seems to be going that way). They literally say the same thing.

Technically, it's wrong. It isn't "a deal breaker" here because we're fairly lax about the contest. However, this is good practice for learning the proper way to do things. Just "good enough" is okay here, because we have fairly low standards¹. If you want to see a contest with high standards, I recommend you check out the Paizo's Superstar Contest.

I could make this a long and boring screed, but I'll condense it to the things I consider important.

It's important for people who are learning to know the right way from the wrong way. I wish I had time to edit and proofread the main texts, but I'd wear out my keyboard changing "it's" to "its" among other such things.

Monster design isn't just good number crunching, it's also an art. However, there are some things that just make good sense. I have a list of 6 things that I keep in mind when I'm making or critiquing a monster.

• Be respectful of the material: How will it challenge the players, how will other DMs will use it, and how does it fit in its world.
  
• If a creature has a higher CR than HD, there's almost always a problem with it.
  
• If it has more Special Abilities (except for those given for Type and Subtype) than HD, there's frequently a problem with it.
  
• If a special ability does something but lacks a game mechanic for it, there's a definite problem with it.
  
• K.I.S.S. principle. (Keep It Simple, Stupid).
  
• Sometimes, it's okay to break the rules.

Those are things I think are important. The advice is free.

¹Voting is strictly subjective. Monsters aren't disqualified for misspelling, improper grammar, incorrect formatting, stat block errors and bad design. If they were, we'd run out of things to vote on.

Now back to the regularly scheduled programming...

Hey all, I request all of you take a page out of Admiral Squish's book here and add who your prey/predator is, such as he has.

Done.

Debby

[LOTRfan]

Well, since I already gave my review for the Soldiers of Misfortune, and since VT has covered the Herzenterich, I might as well take a crack at the Widow's Weed. Let's see...

Numbers seem accurate, though you should note the increased crit for the tendrils. Also, perhaps the speed should go down to 10 or so? Since it doesn't have any specialized structures designed for mobility, I would see it moving much like an assassin vine. Slow and crawly. Plus, it's not like their prey is moving or anything, it's dead.

Fair enough. Changes shall be made.

Moving on to abilities, absorption seems to be worded such that it would avoid any DR, but you may want to include a specific note.

I'll add that in right now.

Feed looks good, though you may want to fix 'it can engulf the corpse the corpse'. Also, you mention it can only gain HD by consuming undead with greater HD than itself. If that's the case, you should include a scaling max HD for the command undead and absorption abilities.

I'll see what I can do.

Other than that, looks cool, and you two have a nice dynamic.

Thanks!

[unosarta]

Technically, it's wrong. It isn't "a deal breaker" here because we're fairly lax about the contest. However, this is good practice for learning the proper way to do things. Just "good enough" is okay here, because we have fairly low standards¹. If you want to see a contest with high standards, I recommend you check out the Paizo's Superstar Contest.

But it's one thing. Like, literally, I dislike that you are suggesting that my monster is just "good enough" because I don't format the Armor Class the way that WotC does, even though they are functionally the exact same. Anyone who understands the WotC format can understand the format I use. Anyone who simply looks at my format can understand it. Honestly, format, style, font, don't matter. What matters is whether the DM can use it. If the format were so ridiculous that no DM could understand or use it, then I would change it, and happily.

D&D is a game, meant to be played by a DM and players. Balance, numbers? Sure, they are important to keep an overall even play experience. Anything past that is really just kind of meaningless. If the DM and players can understand, and it works, then nothing else matters.

[The Glyphstone]

Armor Class: 23 (10+7[Dex]+4[Size]+2[Nat]), touch 21, flat-footed 16

Armor Class: 22 (-1 size, +4 Dex, +9 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 18

Frankly, I see no functional difference between the two - the addition of a few superfluous brackets make it look a little oddly nested, but it's inconsequential enough that I wouldn't have noticed without it being called out specifically.

[unosarta]

Frankly, I see no functional difference between the two - the addition of a few superfluous brackets make it look a little oddly nested, but it's inconsequential enough that I wouldn't have noticed without it being called out specifically.

Actually, I think the math on the second quote is off. 4+9=13, 13-1=12, 12+10=22, not 23.

[Edit]: And the flatfooted needs to account for the size modifier, which was probably what was throwing it all off.