Famous stories, translated to lolcat

[Maximum Zersk]

No, definately anarachy. You know, when society breaks down to the point where the most common currency is sacs of live spider eggs?

I have seen the future, my son, and I shall be making sure I stay fairly wealthy, and stay in the wealthier regions, where we'll only use ears of corn for money.

Meh, could be worse. If the many-worlds theory is right, then the future could be different in many ways.

One way, for example, would be that North America blows up for no reason and penguins take over the world with the help of zombie Presley.

[Erts]

This is starting to remind me of the "True Art" argument.

Heartily agreed, but before we raise our standards to the level of Roger Ebert, I suggest we look back and remember that one thing.

This is comedy, it is not meant to be a work on par of the things themselves, and it still remains funny.

So we would need to start an entirely new argument over what is comedy...

[Nimrod's Son]

lolcat is inherently fail.

we should not be encouraging the degradation of culture, spelling and grammar here. Nothing good can come of this.

Perhaps you should lead by example and stop using "fail" as an adjective, then.

[Helgraf]

Which is pointless and time-wasting, better more creative things can be done, and there is something called standards. There is a reason we have them.

There are reasons you have your standards, I have my standards, and Jimmy da Gooch has his standards. To try and imply there are, in fact, universal standards that just happen to coincide with your standards is frankly, hubris of the first order.

[PhoeKun]

Which is pointless and time-wasting, better more creative things can be done, and there is something called standards. There is a reason we have them.

So much time is wasted complaining about degraded standards that could otherwise be spent producing works of the supposed required quality to save humanity, or whatever the deal is supposed to be, that I have long since been convinced the problem lies somewhere other than those writers who take it upon themselves to do something silly and fun.

When society doesn't collapse tomorrow, remind me to say I told you so.

[Sneak]

I get it. These stories are intended as humorous. And I'm not really seeing the whole "OH NO LOLCATS ARE THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE" thing.

Personally, though, I just don't find the story funny.

If you guys enjoy it? Good for you.

I don't see any need for debate about the slippery-as-a-vaseline-covered-salmon definition of art here.

[Maximum Zersk]

I get it. These stories are intended as humorous. And I'm not really seeing the whole "OH NO LOLCATS ARE THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE" thing.

Personally, though, I just don't find the story funny.

If you guys enjoy it? Good for you.

I don't see any need for debate about the slippery-as-a-vaseline-covered-salmon definition of art here.

No, I'm not doing the art definition thing. It's just that this argument reminded me of that for one big reason. It's entirely pointless to whether you enjoy it or not.

[The Tygre]

Seems appropriate;



On topic, I thought it was hilarious. Myths need to be told from their own perspectives and in their own formats, the way the storyteller calls for. Else, how can a myth evolve? How can it change or grow or be universal? How can it be a myth?

[lord pringle]

My god happy.
just when I thought you couldn't get anymore awesome.
If i was lurking this would make me join
I can die happy.
not that I'm gonna die or annything but well you know so yeah >.>

[Cealocanth]

That was such a weird story. I demand more!

[happyturtle]

I'll write another one... one of these days... *pokes low energy levels*

[Terry576]

I'll write another one... one of these days... *pokes low energy levels*

Jesus happy, I wuz al lyk suferin from ensomkneea and ten i saw tis tread.

And if we're really complaining about the degradation of human society, can I just link to XKCD and let you go through the archivez?

And now I want to make the Fall of Cronos into lolcat.

[Geno9999]

*helped translate the lolcat bible* >.>

Lolwut!?!? *falls off chair*
O Rly? No Wai!Help me....

[Terry576]

Lolwut!?!? *falls off chair*
O Rly? No Wai!Help me....

"Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem."

Genesis 1:1.

[Cizak]

This made me smile x) Gief moar.

[dsmiles]

@happyturtle: I can haz War and Peace? kthnxbai! This would be an epic undertaking.

[hamishspence]

I remeber reading a rather interesting novel, in which the character reads various Greek myths, and describes them in gangster terms.

So, I like the concept.

Anthony Horowitz also wrote a compilation of myths (Greek, Norse, etc) phrased for the modern generation of children- it was good.

[SlyGuyMcFly]

I don't usually say this sort of thing, but the circumstances justify it: I lol'd. Gief moar funnehs plz.

[Lord Loss]

That was... than was brilliant, good sir. You win the internet.

For what it's woth, The Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel and Gretel would be funny. Those I'd like to see most, however are The Raven or A Midsummer Night,s Dream or Romeo and Juliet...

[Bongos]

Are you currently taking requests, happyturtle? I would love to see a lolcat story of Romeo and Juliet.

Yes, this would be a great story for the lolCats treatment.

[Maximum Zersk]

Ohai gaiz.I'm heer to tell you of 2 hawses, both like in digniteez and dertee johkez,
In teh Veronaz, where we dooz the storiez and cheezburgerz,
Frum reely reely old gruj brayk too nyoo mewtinee...

Something like that? But more double entendres?

[happyturtle]

The Raven
An illustrated translation

One night I wuz tie-tie, an try taek nap, but soem one nok on dor. I ignoer an tri go baek a asleep.

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Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

I had a sad cuz of Linor.

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Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

Then I haz a scaired.

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And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

I open dor but nobody iz der.

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Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

I haz bad dreamz at dor. Must haz fall sleep on feet.

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Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Den I here noiz agin!

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Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Ohai, iz birdie!

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Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

I not haz sad nao!

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Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Omnomnom!

The End

[billtodamax]

Awesome work again HT.

[Serpentine]

I remeber reading a rather interesting novel, in which the character reads various Greek myths, and describes them in gangster terms.

So, I like the concept.

Anthony Horowitz also wrote a compilation of myths (Greek, Norse, etc) phrased for the modern generation of children- it was good.

I have a pair of books of politically correct fairy tales ("Once A More Enlightened Time"), and politically correct holiday stories ("Politically Correct Holiday Stories").
And I just discovered that they have my name in them in my dad's handwriting. Who buys their 10-year-old a book of politically correct fairy tales? Well, my dad, obviously, but still.

[Maximum Zersk]

I have a pair of books of politically correct fairy tales ("Once A More Enlightened Time"), and politically correct holiday stories ("Politically Correct Holiday Stories").
And I just discovered that they have my name in them in my dad's handwriting. Who buys their 10-year-old a book of politically correct fairy tales? Well, my dad, obviously, but still.

The same people who "forget" the stuff in the ancient Greek myths that would make Kratos cringe?

[happyturtle]

Zersk, you should definitely go on with the Romeo and Juliet translation.

[hamishspence]

I have a pair of books of politically correct fairy tales ("Once A More Enlightened Time"), and politically correct holiday stories ("Politically Correct Holiday Stories").
And I just discovered that they have my name in them in my dad's handwriting. Who buys their 10-year-old a book of politically correct fairy tales?

The Horowitz ones weren't exactly politically correct Good though.

[Maximum Zersk]

Zersk, you should definitely go on with the Romeo and Juliet translation.

R-really?

But I have so much I should be doing right now! Three FFRPs, a webcomic, an RPG, a crossover fanfic, and a worldbuilding project...

I don't know, I'll see.

[super dark33]

im thinking about a DnD translating to famous stories like: then he took his
+5 longsword...
and such things

[IcarusWings]

gief Beowulf! Kthxbai.