Relationship Woes and Advice: A Sleepless Fortnight

[Superglucose]

Well I'm being ''dragged'' to a bar tonight.

I don't drink beer and they serve little else, not much of which I'm allowed to buy.

Also I'm supposed to be meeting girls, by randomly talking to them. Talking up to totally strange girls. Eek.

While sober. EEK.

Sober is the best way to do it my friend.

[YPU]

Sober is the best way to do it my friend.

I say relaxed is the best way to do it, if that takes a beer then so be it. But quite a few people don't become any more relaxed.

DD, since I know you a bit in real life. I would say you can be quite cool and relaxed. You will be fine.

[Syka]

Just don't get drunk. As I always warn, having more than a drink or two in you can lead to more negative repercussions (not reading body language right, or just even general awkwardness). Sober, truly, is better.

[arguskos]

Just don't get drunk. As I always warn, having more than a drink or two in you can lead to more negative repercussions (not reading body language right, or just even general awkwardness). Sober, truly, is better.

While non-sloshed is good, I think YPU has the right of it:

I say relaxed is the best way to do it, if that takes a beer then so be it.

Relaxed is best, and if that means you aren't 100% dry, well ok then. A beer or two might be wise. One must always walk the fine line between sober and tipsy, just as one in other situations must walk the line between tipsy and smashed.

EDIT: This is also coming from someone who is never relaxed around anyone ever, since the last time I relaxed, I got barred from half my family for an off-handed comment they seemed to take well. So, here, have a salt-shaker.

[snoopy13a]

Gatorade is a bad choice. Electrolytes and sugar late at night is just not a good decision.

Depends. If you're really drunk, Gatorade makes an excellent hangover preventer. It is also great for treating hangovers the next morning. Of course, when you're really drunk, you usually forget to hydrate yourself before going to sleep.

[Keld Denar]

Sykafox, ENJOY!

I'm meeting girly again in about 2 hours to go to the bonfire! I'm so excited. We'll probably end up taking her car, though, since mine smells like a STINKY FREAKIN PAPER MILL!!!!! Blech, I should ask for compensation, most smokers would probably turn their noses up at the stench that has penetrated my car...at least I can't smell it anymore, I think the chemicals have destroyed my sense of smell...

[Pyrian]

Sadly I can't be here constantly enough to respond to everything in real-time, and the conversation has moved on. I do, however, feel a personal obligation to respond to some of the charges leveled against me by Superglucose.

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And yes, I will discard and avoid people who call me fake. I don't have the time or desire to show them that I'm wrong. Oh, and we're not talking about an instantaneous "Oh you don't implicitly trust me immediately" we're talking about people who go out of their way to point out how I am being fake, when I am not.

See, I don't have a problem with that, and if that had been what you'd written in the first place, I certainly wouldn't have criticized it.

If you think I mean "Omg after one hangout you're not spilling your life secrets oh dear god never talk to you again" may I submit that you read it horribly wrong?

...That's an exaggeration, but a mild enough one that I'm willing to work with it. You see, I have reviewed the passage in question. May I submit that you wrote it horribly wrong? Will you take a hard look at what you wrote - the post I was responding to - and honestly consider that possibility?

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Yes, my emotional array is approximately that of a golden retriever

The worst part is, you meant it as a joke but most of the fools out there take it as me being needy or clingy. I'm sorry I give a damn about you as a human being. Oh wait, no I'm not! The fastest way into my doghouse, as it were, is to reject the fact that I care for you as something that it's not. Yes, I'd like to see you happy ('you' being a general term for everyone). If you've got a problem with that, you're not worth my time. Bye. Later. I don't need anyone who's going to actively work against any attempt I make to make their lives a bit easier and a bit more enjoyable.

Look at what you've actually, literally posted, here. I.e., what I saw and responded to. You've explicitly defined "you" as "everyone" and said "everyone" is "not worth my time" if they "work against any attempt" to make their lives easier. That's... That's scary sounding. That literally means "accept ANYTHING I do or get lost". And the actual words in the actual post still mean that, even though you've since made it clear that that's not what you actually ever intended.

SuperGtothelucose - Now that you've clarified what you meant, that really does change my opinion a great deal, primarily because that's a completely different situation.

Yes. The original posts on the subject are categorically different from the later ones. You went from complaining about people who merely don't accept your help (an IMO unacceptable standard) to complaining about people who call you fake and spread vicious rumours behind your back. And somehow you expected me to get the latter from the former, and accuse me of a failure in reading comprehension for not picking out things that were never in the posts I read in the first place? Nonsense. I deny the accusation of my failure in reading comprehension entirely.

I find that I approach everyone from a standpoint of love. I care about people as a general thing, and I care about people I'm close to.

What drives me nuts more than anything on earth is when people assume that's fake, and don't give me a chance to show that it's not. But people who don't give me a chance don't deserve a chance.

Does that clarify it? Or are my friends still gullible?

Honestly? I think you still need to work on your phrasing, here. Since you've written more on the subject, I know you're actually quite okay with acquaintances who merely don't accept your caring, but that's not how this passage comes across.

When you rip into me for something I didn't say or something I've never done, then I end up pissed because you aren't being fair to me.

Well, when you rip into me for responding to what you DID say by claiming that you DIDN'T say it, don't expect too much sympathy.

Yes, my emotional array is approximately that of a golden retriever

Did not mean that as an insult. ...Meant it as a compliment (lovable protaganist, for heaven's sake). Indeed, didn't cross my mind, even after your response (obvious in hindsight).

As to the Nigeria crack, well, remember that I was talking about what you wrote rather than what you meant. You referred to "you" specifically as "everybody" (which of course includes strangers) and excoriated them for not accepting your help. Accepting "help" from strangers is precisely the hook of the Nigerian bank scam trap. I was merely trying to point out the most obvious problem with the expectation you rather explicitly posted (but didn't actually mean).

Regardless, I'm sorry for offending you and I'll try to be more careful in the future.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I say relaxed is the best way to do it, if that takes a beer then so be it. But quite a few people don't become any more relaxed.

DD, since I know you a bit in real life. I would say you can be quite cool and relaxed. You will be fine.

Yeah, I'm quite relaxed. It's just that I become incredibly shy when anything (serious/)flirty or such comes up IRL.

Syka, people, YPU is right.
The thing is, I don't really like beer, usually I drink other stuff.(Which I drink mainly for the taste)
Another thing is, combined with my weirdness, I can come across tipsy pretty easily. I become tipsy after some, but it takes a lot to make me actually drunk.
I know my limits and such in that.

SuperG: In my case, I respectfully disagree. It's all about knowing where your limits are, when you become tipsy, when you're (becoming) drunk and such.

Ps. Ty for the compliment, YPU.

Oh right, what happend, nothing much, hung out with some people, met loads, forgot loads of names, remember a few
Romantic? Naw, nothing. Yes I had some beer, but eh, nothing much.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

Funny story about girls and how they like Bad Boys.

First girl I dated came after me because I seemed mysterious.
While we were dating, she would constantly ask me what I was thinking. I never told her.
She broke up with me because I -was- mysterious.

[Pyrian]

Gotta love people who seek out exactly those qualities they don't want in a partner.

[skywalker]

I am serious when I say this: I have no interest in getting together with the person R is now. No interest at all. That being said, I very much miss those precious moments.

The first thing I said (are you sure you're over her?) was a joke. Perhaps it will help you to say that (seeing as how she's now a different person) those moments aren't coming back, and missing them isn't going to get you anything at all?

Skywizzalker - Awww, maaan... I'm one of a very few people I know who actually like the bottled stout... forsooth... Haters gonna hate, I guess.

Hater? Hardly. I've never had bottled stout, actually... I don't buy six-packs (well, not of Guinness, you don't want to show up to the party and be that guy), and most of the places I go to seem to have only extra stout in a bottle, no regular stout if it's not on tap...

Relaxed is best, and if that means you aren't 100% dry, well ok then. A beer or two might be wise. One must always walk the fine line between sober and tipsy, just as one in other situations must walk the line between tipsy and smashed.

Also, in certain situations, people will relax 100x more around you if you have a beer in your hand. Nobody wants to make a fool of themselves with a sober person, but if you're both drunk (or at least drinking) you can be more relaxed together and of course you're "part of the club."

Depends. If you're really drunk, Gatorade makes an excellent hangover preventer. It is also great for treating hangovers the next morning. Of course, when you're really drunk, you usually forget to hydrate yourself before going to sleep.

Yeah, yeah... Way to bring up the exception. I'm actually well aware of the preventative powers of Gatorade... But then you're probably no longer in a "late night snuggly" situation, are you?

I actually buy Gatorade before every major drinking situation I participate in... And when I get drunk, I start taking care of people, which means nobody has hangovers in the morning because I start pushing my quart bottle of Gatorade at everyone as soon as I get drunk. I think that's pretty good synergy.

But everyone knows blue Gatorade is the low Gatorade on this particular pole. Lemon-Lime is the best for sports, because it won't taste good unless you need it. Orange is the best "every day" Gatorade. Fruit Punch is the best "chaser" Gatorade, because it tastes good, making it easier to literally chase with, and something you're more likely to drink when you're drunk and making less informed choices than you ordinarily would...

[Superglucose]

The first thing I said (are you sure you're over her?) was a joke. Perhaps it will help you to say that (seeing as how she's now a different person) those moments aren't coming back, and missing them isn't going to get you anything at all?

Ok. I just know that my mom doesn't believe me so I suspect most others wouldn't either And I won't stop missing those moments just because they won't come back just like I won't stop missing my puppy just because she'll never come back.

And I think I'm happier knowing I'll never forget the good times, you know?

[Pheehelm]

First girl I dated came after me because I seemed mysterious.
While we were dating, she would constantly ask me what I was thinking. I never told her.
She broke up with me because I -was- mysterious.

The idea is you're supposed to open up and show her the scared, vulnerable little kid hiding behind the walls of aloofness and enigma. For one reason or another she came away disappointed.

...she didn't happen to be kind of the flighty, happy-happy, super-outgoing sort, did she?

Another thing is, combined with my weirdness, I can come across tipsy pretty easily.

Heh heh, yeah, I know this. I've had people sighing "[Pheehelm]'s drunk again" when I've never really even had a drink.

[YPU]

Another thing is, combined with my weirdness, I can come across tipsy pretty easily. I become tipsy after some, but it takes a lot to make me actually drunk.
I know my limits and such in that.

I wanted to comment on this, but then realized I might not be one to judge on account of weirdness.

[Coidzor]

But everyone knows blue Gatorade is the low Gatorade on this particular pole. Lemon-Lime is the best for sports, because it won't taste good unless you need it. Orange is the best "every day" Gatorade. Fruit Punch is the best "chaser" Gatorade, because it tastes good, making it easier to literally chase with, and something you're more likely to drink when you're drunk and making less informed choices than you ordinarily would...

Ahh, thanks for the reminder. I couldn't quite remember offhand what the totem pole was, haha. x.x Been too long since I've had gatorade.

So I'd been scared to start again because I couldn't remember which one was right for what situation.

In other news, am I crazy for not finding dating (I'm guessing from the reaction of it being brought up, the idea of asking someone on a date and going out with them without being in a formal relationship) extremely unnatural, forced, and uncomfortable?

[YPU]

In other news, am I crazy for not finding dating (I'm guessing from the reaction of it being brought up, the idea of asking someone on a date and going out with them without being in a formal relationship) extremely unnatural, forced, and uncomfortable?

I think its mostly due to a lack of options, and tradition. But dating is diving right into it in a way many people might not be comfortable with. You might like somebody and want to get to know them better, but if you ask them on a date it becomes directly apparent you want to get to know them better in THAT way. And some times your not even sure of that yourself.

However for some other people a "date" is just going out with one person and having fun, nothing necessarily romantic involved. Its complicated.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

The idea is you're supposed to open up and show her the scared, vulnerable little kid hiding behind the walls of aloofness and enigma. For one reason or another she came away disappointed.

...she didn't happen to be kind of the flighty, happy-happy, super-outgoing sort, did she?

She totally was.

Also, I was the only guy she ever dated (there were a lot of others) who didn't have sex with her and who wasn't a colossal jerk. These two facts are possibly related. Again, with all the others being colossal jerks, I think she went looking for the jerks and regretted finding them.

[skywalker]

Ok. I just know that my mom doesn't believe me so I suspect most others wouldn't either And I won't stop missing those moments just because they won't come back just like I won't stop missing my puppy just because she'll never come back.

And I think I'm happier knowing I'll never forget the good times, you know?

I don't know. Do you smile when you remember them, or cry? What sort of effect is "I miss [blankety-blank]" having on you? Because any sort of trending-to-negative effect should be eliminated, in my book.

Ahh, thanks for the reminder. I couldn't quite remember offhand what the totem pole was, haha. x.x Been too long since I've had gatorade.

So I'd been scared to start again because I couldn't remember which one was right for what situation.

You're quite welcome. Any time.

[Superglucose]

I don't know. Do you smile when you remember them, or cry? What sort of effect is "I miss [blankety-blank]" having on you? Because any sort of trending-to-negative effect should be eliminated, in my book.

With R it's more of a sad smile as I think, "Man, that used to be so much fun."

[ReluctantReaper]

So recently i met someone at the beginning of july on a random chat site and she sent me an email containing her phone number. I didn't respond right away and just sent a few emails before I decided to try calling her and seeing if she was real. Turns out she is a great person that I am completely in sync with and we have many common interests. We are currently trying to date and its going well with phone calls now and then, it just the distance. She isnt too far away and has family in the state that I am in. I just don't know if i should tell this girl how I truly feel about her before I meet her or not, we plan on meeting face to face sometime next month when she is visiting family. Im just really complaining I guess about the distance thing and wondering if anyone has any advice on Long distance relationships.

[Syka]

What do you mean that you aren't sure whether or not to tell her how you truly feel? You are dating and like her, yes?


Anyway, general LDR tips:
Communication is a huge one, even more important than in normal relationships.
You've got to have trust.
Try to always know when the next visit will be, even if it's 6 months down the line.
If possible, and if it is serious, try to have an end to the LD part in sight. This helps a lot.
Abuse the crap out of webcam programs such as Skype to keep in contact. I didn't have a web cam for either of my LDR's and I can only imagine how much nicer that would have been. The investment is worth it.

[ReluctantReaper]

Yeah we are starting to talk on the phone every night and we text all day. She is looking into the skype because I told her it'd be nice to talk face to face...sorta. Thanks for the information Syka.

[xPANCAKEx]

dont tell her how you feel now

its not that your feelings arnt valid - more that in person feelings can be vastly different for better or worse

and also it may scare her off if you rush things

[Dallas-Dakota]

Woes and yays of being cute:

Will get you free drinks.
Will get you hugs.
Will get you attention.

Woes:
Will not get you a girl to view you romantically or anything of the sort.

Side note: Though the other girl said I was cute and manly.:

[term1nally s1ck]

Attraction is triggered by the very simple iea of appearing better than average in some way. This is easiest to detect via confidence...if someone is confident, they must have reason to be confident -> attraction.

[Coidzor]

Woes and yays of being cute:

Will get you free drinks.
Will get you hugs.
Will get you attention.

Woes:
Will not get you a girl to view you romantically or anything of the sort.

Side note: Though the other girl said I was cute and manly.:

*shrug* Most of the girls I've shtupped have found me to be cute.

Are you sure it's not more that you don't roll for initiative?

Because, as I was telling my friend who adamantly believes he can't date because "girls don't view me that way," you can't start the encounter until you've rolled for initiative.

Also, who in the world was buying you drinks that you couldn't palpably tell they were wanting to find out if they wanted in your pants?

[xPANCAKEx]

Woes and yays of being cute:

Will get you free drinks.
Will get you hugs.
Will get you attention.

Woes:
Will not get you a girl to view you romantically or anything of the sort.

Side note: Though the other girl said I was cute and manly.:

all depends on how you respond to the attention

if your bashful, then yes, its hard for them to view you as attractive

but if you play up to the attention and you're a bit of a flirt in the process its a whole different ballgame

[Dallas-Dakota]

I've tried both reactions a lot, and I usually go with the latter for some time now. Makes me come across as more self-confident/mature or something, I think.

But still, most women.

[Coidzor]

But still, most women.

Well, duh. We purposefully inflict bad ideals onto our women so that the ones who are worthwhile naturally stand out, after all.

Why? Because consumerism makes us masochists.

[ForzaFiori]

Ok, so, I would like the advice of the playground.

Me and A girl have been talking, and we're trying to decide of we wanna have an open relationship (She doesn't wanna make any commitments yet, cause she's about to move to go to college). I REALLY want a relationship with her, but I have horrible jealousy problems. Like it makes me jealous when she flirts with guys right NOW, and I just like her. If I were to have an open thing with her, it'd be even worse. I don't wanna have that happen and wind up hurting one of us, since I don't want her hating me or vice versa.
NOTE: We've been out on several dates in the past, and are good friends. The open thing isn't so she can get to know me better or anything, but to see if we can handle her moving, and if she finds anyone that she would like better at her new college (and me the same at mine).

So I don't know whether to go for it, or to pass on it to avoid the possibility of loosing a good friend.