LGBTAitp - Part Twelve

[Alanzeign]

Yea, I was kind of aware that most people arguing the point would use that type of argument. "Hey, if people are allowed to eat pork then people might start eating babies." Just saying it doesn't make much sense, although I guess making logical sense doesn't amount to much when you're talking about change.

[ArlEammon]

Can I Haz PM pleazz!! :(

I need someone to talk to and I feel like crap.

[Mystic Muse]

Can I Haz PM pleazz!! :(

I need someone to talk to and I feel like crap.

I'm not sure how much help I'll be, but I'll try.

[celtois]

Can I Haz PM pleazz!! :(

I need someone to talk to and I feel like crap.

In case you still need another person to talk to I'd be glad to lend an ear.

[ArlEammon]

PM sent. :)

Glad to see such concern.

[Alanzeign]

Hope you feel better. I'll be around for an hour or two if you need to talk as well.

Edit: Looks like you have some chat buddies though.

[turkishproverb]

*pat pat* There, there. We still want you around regardless.

Yay. I is wanted.

[Rainbow Servant]

Yay for hugs and cookies! I should have dropped by sooner.

So, ummmm, here's something relevant. I've never "officially" come out to my parents - they know I'm gay, I know they know, they know I know they know, and so on and so forth.
It just hasn't been raised in conversation ever... partly because I'm vehemently against the idea that I need to point out to everyone that I'm somehow different, but anyhoo. That can be talked about some other time.
All that baggage aside, I think that because I haven't actually said anything, they're avoiding bringing up anything to do with it in conversation out of some sort of politesse.
Now, on the one hand, I don't have to put up with "So are you seeing anyone?" which I always found really annoying... but I don't want them to feel they can't talk to me about it.
So! They're visiting me next weekend and I'm thinking at some point I should just say "You know I'm gay, right?"... but the phrasing is... awkward.
Ideas for a nicer way to say it?

[Heliomance]

polyarmoury

Is that when you give weapons to parrots?

[Coidzor]

Is that when you give weapons to parrots?

Well, we're already arming bears...

[KenderWizard]

Yay for hugs and cookies! I should have dropped by sooner.

So, ummmm, here's something relevant. I've never "officially" come out to my parents - they know I'm gay, I know they know, they know I know they know, and so on and so forth.
It just hasn't been raised in conversation ever... partly because I'm vehemently against the idea that I need to point out to everyone that I'm somehow different, but anyhoo. That can be talked about some other time.
All that baggage aside, I think that because I haven't actually said anything, they're avoiding bringing up anything to do with it in conversation out of some sort of politesse.
Now, on the one hand, I don't have to put up with "So are you seeing anyone?" which I always found really annoying... but I don't want them to feel they can't talk to me about it.
So! They're visiting me next weekend and I'm thinking at some point I should just say "You know I'm gay, right?"... but the phrasing is... awkward.
Ideas for a nicer way to say it?

Maybe you should say that you really like being able to talk to them about stuff, in a general way, especially now you're not living with them (I'm making assumptions here), and you hope they feel the same way. You want to be able to talk to them about life, work, relationships, etc, even as an independent adult, and you still have a special place for them. Then you could say you thought it was nice of them not to badger you when it became apparent that you had an non-standard sexuality. Or something. It's hard to know without knowing about your relationship with them. I think you should just be open with them and tell them exactly what you want them to know, if you think things are vague between you.

[Callista]

Maybe there could be a legal way to declare yourself a "household"--that wouldn't include just group marriages, but your parents staying with you or your grown children or your siblings sharing a house--with the usual joint bank accounts, group tax returns, etc.

What would worry me though would be that it might get taken advantage of by people to control other people's finances. That already happens with regular marriages, in abusive relationships; but now think if you have ten people in a group marriage... I dunno, it could almost work like a cult, because not only do you have two people influencing each other; now you have the whole group dynamics issue that can totally overwhelm a single person. I think for now we ought to keep it to two people, see how that works out, and figure it out as we go along.

Slow change is best because if we change too quickly we might end up making laws that hurt people without realizing it. There's no laws against people living together in groups without marrying legally, and I'd rather err on the side of caution before doing anything that would make it easier for the sociopathic sorts to dominate other people.

[Danne]

Yay for hugs and cookies! I should have dropped by sooner.

So, ummmm, here's something relevant. I've never "officially" come out to my parents - they know I'm gay, I know they know, they know I know they know, and so on and so forth.
It just hasn't been raised in conversation ever... partly because I'm vehemently against the idea that I need to point out to everyone that I'm somehow different, but anyhoo. That can be talked about some other time.
All that baggage aside, I think that because I haven't actually said anything, they're avoiding bringing up anything to do with it in conversation out of some sort of politesse.
Now, on the one hand, I don't have to put up with "So are you seeing anyone?" which I always found really annoying... but I don't want them to feel they can't talk to me about it.
So! They're visiting me next weekend and I'm thinking at some point I should just say "You know I'm gay, right?"... but the phrasing is... awkward.
Ideas for a nicer way to say it?

In all honesty, if you think it's going to be any sort of a Big Deal, it's probably best to just be direct about it. My observations indicate that people like you to be straight with them (pun not intended) instead of dancing about the subject trying to be polite. I find it helps me if I write down what I'm going to say first. That way, even if the conversation deviates from the script (it usually does) I still going into it feeling prepared.

[rayne_dragon]

Is that when you give weapons to parrots?

Quite possibly. It seems more likely I need to start using a spellchecker on my posts because I seem to like including letters I didn't mean to.

At least I spelt it right the first time.

[Rainbow Servant]

Maybe you should say that you really like being able to talk to them about stuff, in a general way, especially now you're not living with them (I'm making assumptions here), and you hope they feel the same way. You want to be able to talk to them about life, work, relationships, etc, even as an independent adult, and you still have a special place for them. Then you could say you thought it was nice of them not to badger you when it became apparent that you had an non-standard sexuality. Or something. It's hard to know without knowing about your relationship with them. I think you should just be open with them and tell them exactly what you want them to know, if you think things are vague between you.

Your assumptions are correct!

In all honesty, if you think it's going to be any sort of a Big Deal, it's probably best to just be direct about it. My observations indicate that people like you to be straight with them (pun not intended) instead of dancing about the subject trying to be polite. I find it helps me if I write down what I'm going to say first. That way, even if the conversation deviates from the script (it usually does) I still going into it feeling prepared.

See, it's not a Big Deal though, and I don't want to inadvertently turn it into one. Which is probably why I've never brought it up. (This would be so much easier if I had a serious boyfriend I could just introduce them to.)

Welp, thanks both, I think you've given me enough to think about that I can sort this out. Go go gadget teamwork!

Also, parrots really don't need any extra weapons, those beaks can be dangerous enough as is.

[Kneenibble]

Ah, the gay old times. I looked at a photograph today from 1930 showing a "protest party" at the University where I work. A group of young men in formal dress with their dates -- young men in drag. They all look so wonderful: some of the drag is camp, yes, but some of it is damn good too. Even in 1930, there's "boob" grabbage and some pretty borderless cuddling between the pairs. This is a treasure. I'm slowly building up a battery of archivaria to write a novel about turn-of-the-[20th]century male love in this place.

The students were protesting the separate seating of the sexes at formal college events. There is an interesting play of x-social/x-sexual to be close-read there.

I'd post the photo but for possible legal issues that complicate this particular collection, in spite of its age.

Hope someone finds this as interesting as I do.

[Worira]

Hey look it's that Canada

[turkishproverb]

Is that when you give weapons to parrots?

Now joke funny.

Well, we're already arming bears...

Old Joke funny.

It's all good.

[Derjuin]

I've been thinking recently...I haven't tried to advance any of my goals regarding transition since I came out to my parents (who have all but completely forgotten about it...or are ignoring it, but I prefer to think of them forgetting rather than ignoring...). Not for lack of a certain brand of motivation, I get a bit of reinforcement from those I really care about; but, there's close to nothing close by resource-wise that I can take advantage of. Inexperienced (in gender studies) psychiatrists, no transition programs, no college groups (the one in my school closed down because we had 2 members, the president-secretary and the vicepresident-treasurer)... Unless there's some kind of hidden-in-the-woodworks group, this area is pretty much devoid of aid for trans individuals.

It's a little depressing that the closest place I can go to even talk about my issues with someone who isn't 99% in the dark is over two and a half hours away, in Rehoboth, Delaware. Then, once I get there, I don't even know what to talk about. I've been horrible at expressing myself for a very long time, ever since I was a kid I'd wager.

I don't know I guess I'm just complaining here about how hopeless my situation feels, living with a family that forgets about me occasionally (and forgets things about me), and being unable to access face-to-face help.

[rayne_dragon]

*snip* *snip* *snip*

*Breaks out the hugs and cookies*

That's rough. I know it's bad enough for people in big, "cultured" cities trying to transistion (the local LGBT group here is a little lacking in support for the T, according to people who would know better than me), so I can imagine how difficult it is somewhere like you seem to live.

If you want someone to talk to you're always welcome to PM me. I've also heard a lot of good things about TS Roadmap - which IIRC has a section on what/how to talk about certain things that might be of some help to you. It might also help you find any hidden resources near you.

[golentan]

Okay, entering Superfunk mode and could use you guys to snap me out of it.

Valentine's day always gets under my skin, and I am rapidly reaching "lose will to live" levels of depression because of it.

[Serpentine]

Look forward to the super-cheap chocolate on the days after it!

[Mystic Muse]

Okay, entering Superfunk mode and could use you guys to snap me out of it.

Valentine's day always gets under my skin, and I am rapidly reaching "lose will to live" levels of depression because of it.

What does Valentines day do to do that to you?

I'm willing to listen if you have anything you need to say.

[golentan]

Mmm... Chocolate.

[rayne_dragon]

Maybe just imagine everything red or pink is actually on fire. That will also help you feel warm if you're anything like me and can't stand the cold this time of year (unless you live someplace nice and warm, like I have recently moved to).

This also sounds dumb, but it can help if you use the holiday as an affirmation of love for yourself and that you do indeed have the strength not to need someone else to feel good about yourself.

[Serpentine]

OR, just remember that it's all a money-making exercise by Hallmark, and mock all those silly people buying into their cynical scheme.

And then stock up on cheap chocolate the day after.

[rayne_dragon]

And then stock up on cheap chocolate the day after.

Are you hinting to someone that you want some chocolate?

Or do you just like chocolate that much? 'Cause I totally do too! It is entirely the best part of any overcommercialized holiday!

[Serpentine]

It's pretty much the only interest I have in Valentine's Day.

[golentan]

I'm going to focus on the chocolate. That one's potentially true. Discount chocolate mmm...

[Lix Lorn]

(buys chocolate for Serpentine?)