Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Omeganaut]

1198: I may no longer use my bardic music abilities to win or avoid every random encounter we come across.
1199: I may not then attempt to convince the party to put me in charge, despite many previous rules to prevent that from happening.
1200: I may not start wars that I have no way of having any control over.

[Drazik]

1201 i may not promise one king to spy on an enemy kingdom, then go to the enemy kingdom and promise to spy on the first one and then send both kingdoms false info to start a war soly for the purpose of starting a war profiteering buisness and eventually getting enough combined income to buy out one of the kingdoms and win the war against hte other one after promising peace, thus conquering both kingdoms and then proceeding to take over the rest of the country.

1202 especially if i am a lawful good character

[Sith_Happens]

1203. If we've infiltrated the evil megacorp's cargo ship full of subdued mutants, I will not suggest sinking said ship within earshot of the character with Trickster 6.

[Ksheep]

1204: When we find the demon mini-boss after crawling through half the dungeon at a tortuously slow pace, it is generally in poor form to banish him in the first round.

[Randomguy]

1205: I'm not aloud to make cursed rings of water walking that only function while the user is underwater.

[Siosilvar]

1206: Even though I waited two months before asking again, Iron Heart Surge still doesn't do that.

[GunbladeKnight]

1207: I may not create a warforged warlock that shouts "Booyah!" every now and then, and enjoys to tinker with modes of transportation.

1208: I may not make a monk that wears a mask and requests to be called by a bird's name.

1209: I may not make a shadow caster who chants "Azeroth Metrion Sinthos" with each cast.

1210: I may not make a female warlock that is too happy, naive, and uses strange words.

1211: I may not make a shifter druid.

[Vknight]

1207: I may not create a warforged warlock that shouts "Booyah!" every now and then, and enjoys to tinker with modes of transportation.

1208: I may not make a monk that wears a mask and requests to be called by a bird's name.

1209: I may not make a shadow caster who chants "Azeroth Metrion Sinthos" with each cast.

1210: I may not make a female warlock that is too happy, naive, and uses strange words.

1211: I may not make a shifter druid.

1212: I may not play a aquatic elf fighter with ranks in linguistics

1213: The villain cannot be rogue, assassin, wizard, who believes he's a sorcerer and cannot die.

[The-Mage-King]

1214: I may not, under any circumstaces, play a genderbent version of a character who is already genderbent.
1214a) If I do, I'm responsible for cleaning up the mess when people realize it.


1215: If I should happen to be playing an overpowered epic wizard, I am not to create numerous magic items designed for trolling and give them out like candy to apprentices. It won't end well.

[Ksheep]

1205: I'm not aloud to make cursed rings of water walking that only function while the user is underwater.

Hey, I already did this one on page 10:

520. Not allowed to deliberately make a Ring of Water Walking cursed so that it only works when under water.

[Vknight]

1216: I may not post the same thing after 685other things I may no longer do to make the DM cry
1216b: I can however at 1000

1217: My epic level wizard cannot make magic items the copy the paladins abilities and give them to the fallen paladin to make them think nothing happened.

[Krazzman]

1218: I shall not play elves anymore...

[Doorhandle]

1219:When choosing the sex for my character, not to put down "Yes please."
1219)B:Or "Both"
1219).C: or "Neither."
1220).Even if fantastic racism is integral to the setting, not to play a Klu-Klux Klan warlock.
1220)B."But they have pointy hats" is not a valid explanation.
1221)If we are playing in a futuristic setting, not to refer to it as the post cyberpocalypse,
1221).B I will not "Brast" things out of my "Gunz,"
1221).C And I cannot play as a legendary basketballer, his son, or a cyborg dwarf.
1222)Putting a sight on my chainsaw does not improve my aim enough to justify a bonus.

[Ksheep]

1223: Not allowed to cast a Maximized Retributive Shivering Touch on myself right before the dragon fight.
1223B: Same goes for Contingency Maximized Shivering Touch.
1223C: Maximized Shivering Touch is not allowed.

1224: Meleeing as a magic user is a BAD idea.
1224B: Especially when most of your spells are illusions.

1225: If one illusion failed against the BBEG, that does not mean that I should try it again and again, hoping that he'll fail his will save.

[Sith_Happens]

1221)If we are playing in a futuristic setting, not to refer to it as the post cyberpocalypse,
1221).B I will not "Brast" things out of my "Gunz,"
1221).C And I cannot play as a legendary basketballer, his son, or a cyborg dwarf.

LOVE that game.

1226. I may not play a Kender Paladin.
1227. If I do play a Kender Paladin, I do so with full knowledge that "finding" too many "previously"-owned objects will in fact cause me to fall.

[maximus25]

1228. I may not, in a game where ECL rules are handwaived, make a Half-fiend Ragewalker and kill the DM's pet Dracolich in 3 turns with factotum and blinding speed giving me 3 standard actions a round.
1228a. Nor may I almost kill 2 other characters who stand near me when I have my chains just flailing about.
1228b. Even if it was their faults for walking into the range in the first place.

[kaomera]

1215: If I should happen to be playing an overpowered epic wizard, I am not to create numerous magic items designed for trolling and give them out like candy to apprentices. It won't end well.

1215A: It will end awesome.

1229: I will no longer make the mistake of believing that "awesome" is the fourth alignment on the good-evil axis.

1230: Not allowed to put anything on my character sheet that it would be entirely unreasonable to expect any other human being to have to put up with hearing uttered.
1230A: Especially with the expectation that I will be asked by the GM to read it off.

[GunbladeKnight]

1231: I may not convince friend Computer that he is in fact a Communist mutant traitor, and must report for termination.

[Doorhandle]

1232) Not to hack The Computer and replace all instances of "termination" with "promotion."
1233) Not to hack The Computer and put in a command line Redefining war as "food fights," Freedom as "wearing ridiculous hats." or my P.C's name as "Doubleplusgood."
1234) My troubleshooter is not O'Brien, nor is he Winston Smith.
1234.B) If he becomes big brother at any point, my troubleshooter dies. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.

[I.care.0]

1235 - I'm not allowed to prove that yes, I actually can oneshot that dragon BBEG that the DM is so proud of.

1235a - Even if the DM challenged me.

1235b - Especially if the DM challenged me.

1235c - I'm not allowed to challenge someone else to do so either.



1236 - I'm not allowed to use Revert Gravity anywhere near a group of gnomes to create a "Gnome Fountain".

1236a - I'm not allowed to use Revert Gravity to cave-in any kind of construction.

1236b - I'm not allowed to use Revert Gravity to launch objects inside a 2x6 inches area into stratosphere. This includes someone's else's spellbook.

1236c - Revert Gravity, gnomes, and well placed Prismatic Walls doesn't emulate Pong.

1236d - I'm not allowed to use Revert Gravity

[Shotaro]

1237 - I may NOT juggle Thermal Detonators
1238 - I do NOT have permission to "shoot the prisoner anyway"
1239 - I must NOT go off alone and deliberately get kidnapped - it causes too much work for the DM
1240 - Asking someone if they have a concealed weapon is not a sense motive check, ESPECIALLY if it is a spy game...

[Elric VIII]

1241. I may no longer refer to the fortitude save cause by a coup de grace as my opponent's "opposed diplomacy roll."

1242. Knowing speak with dead is not an excuse to kill questgiver NPCs "just in case they are evil."

1243. Commune is not for prank calling god.

1244. Being harder to kill than the BBEG does not mean you get to mock the DM's optimizing skills, it will result in 10000 damage, so save, no SR.

1245. When the DM arbitrarily kills me, I am not allowed to cast delay death, then drown myself.

[Exelbirth]

106 splintered bones do not work as a good replace ment for lock picks when breaking out of a jail cell.

Just read this one from a long time back, but it reminded me of when our party was locked up in a dungeon. Our crusader managed to use a fork to pick the lock on her cuffs and the cell door, then used a butter knife to one shot a guard with a critical hit divine surge. We later made that knife an enchanted weapon. Who knows, it might go down in history as a legendary weapon eventually.

[legomaster00156]

Just read this one from a long time back, but it reminded me of when our party was locked up in a dungeon. Our crusader managed to use a fork to pick the lock on her cuffs and the cell door, then used a butter knife to one shot a guard with a critical hit divine surge. We later made that knife an enchanted weapon. Who knows, it might go down in history as a legendary weapon eventually.

Dead Guy 1: So, buddy, how did YOU die?
Guard: I was stabbed.
Dead Guy 2: With what? Spear, sword, dagger?
Guard: With a butter knife. That was thrown.
Everyone: ...

[Randomguy]

1246: I will not use a tactical nuke in hand to hand combat.

[jindra34]

1246.B. Nor may I use tactical nukes as sniper rounds.
1246.C. This does not mean I can use something as either just because its not a tactical nuke.

[Hawkfrost000]

1247: I may not use 50kg tungsten carbide shells in a mass driver as a "sniper" weapon.
1247b: Or small asteroids
1247c: Or moons
1247d: I may not use a focused Coronal Mass Ejection on the BBEG

1248: I may not use any weapon more advanced than a rock or sharp stick
1248b: I may not use sharp sticks

true story

[Ksheep]

1249: May not use anything from a Magic: The Gathering card as the basis for my attack strategy.
1249A: Especially if it's a goblin card.
1249B: This goes double if it's based solely on the flavor text.
1249C: This goes triple if it's from Unhinged or Unglued.

1250: If I mention anything based on Munchkin, I will be thrown out of the room.
1250A: This also applies to Killer Bunnies and any other similar games.

[kaomera]

1251: No colony drops.
1251A: Put down that moon and back away slowly...

[Hiro Protagonest]

1251: No colony drops.
1251A: Put down that moon and back away slowly...

1251b. As a DM, I may not use the Happy Mask Salesman and have him sell Majora's Mask to the PCs.