Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Hiro Protagonest]

If that's wrong, then NOTHING is right!

100. Not allowed to make a character whose to-hit chance is "YES".

100a. Even if he's a spellcaster who doesn't need to ever roll attack.

[Welknair]

If that's wrong, then NOTHING is right!

My party's barbarian actually does that.

101. "Leeroy Jenkins" is not an appropriate battle cry.

102. Neither is "For Pony"

[DiBastet]

103 - I won't make an artificer with mercantile background and exceptional artisan that sells party loot for better than the rest of the party (and asks for a comission) and that make custom magic items for the party for 5% less than what they can find in town.

[Hatchet91]

104 im not aloud to "convince" another party member to check the depth of a quicksand trap no matter how well i roll on a bluff check to say how good of an idea it is. (nat 20 vs 1 with lots of ranks in bluff vs no ranks sensemotive)


105 not aloud to use bluff as my go to skill check when cought by anyone when cought dooing something frowned upon like convincing one player to throw a rock at another play for "comic" relief. or when breaking my way out of jail.

106 splintered bones do not work as a good replace ment for lock picks when breaking out of a jail cell.

107 not aloud to make char's who are refferred to as captain charisma despite how many points i put in bluff.

[Kris Strife]

108: Smite Evil is not an appropriate bedroom technique.

[Notreallyhere77]

106 splintered bones do not work as a good replace ment for lock picks when breaking out of a jail cell.

Meh. Just the usual -2 penalty for improvising tools.

[Hatchet91]

109 not aloud to have a sparrow familiar named captain jack.

[Tyrmatt]

One my players have forced upon them
110. I will not interrupt the evil demonic entities growling, carefully planned monologue laced with clues for direct directions as to where to kick his ass.

I laughed for a full five minutes, which rather diminished the impact of my undead creating demon king thing (Orcus essentially but for another system) as I was forced to choke my way through the rest and then give up.

[Axinian]

108: Smite Evil is not an appropriate bedroom technique.

108a. Neither is Flurry of Blows...

[Hatchet91]

108a. Neither is Flurry of Blows...

108b. Neither is Sneak attack or sudden strike.

[Ksheep]

109. When offered 100 acres of my choice for saving a kingdom, I'm not allowed to ask for a 15' wide band around each of the kingdom's cities.

110. Not allowed to then erect a wall and charge a high toll fee to pass through said wall.

111. DEFINITELY not allowed to include a secret back door, info of which I then sell to the enemy kingdom in exchange for 100 acres of my choosing in their kingdom.

[Kris Strife]

108a. Neither is Flurry of Blows...

108b. Neither is Sneak attack or sudden strike.

108c. Nor are any of them appropriate for babysitting, homework or walking dogs.

[Axinian]

108c. Nor are any of them appropriate for babysitting, homework or walking dogs.

108d. Nor am I allowed to use Iron Heart Surge as birth control.

This can probably be its own thread.

112. Play a truenamer.

[Welknair]

108e. Rage isn't an appropriate technique either.

108f. Nor is Stunning Fist

113. I may not play anything with more than six classes.

[Flame of Anor]

108g. No woman likes a man with Rapid Shot.

108h. Tireless Rage, however, can be interesting for the kinkier sort.

108i. Or even Two-Weapon Fighting, if you can manage it.

108j. Iron Body is right out.

[Welknair]

108k. Barkskin is as well.

[Shadowknight12]

108l. Grease, on the other hand, is actually a requirement.

[Ravens_cry]

108l. Grease, on the other hand, is actually a requirement.

108m Especially if someone is using Shillelagh.

[Janus]

108n. Bardic music, while applicable to the act of seduction, is also not recommended within bedroom activities.

114. No matter how suspicious the situation, I may not discuss plans to take the baron hostage right in front of his servant who is taking us into the throne room at that very moment.

[Welknair]

108o. Body of War is a no-no.

[Shadowknight12]

108m Especially if someone is using Shillelagh.

108mI: Shillelagh is not a valid target for the Enlarge Spell feat.

[Shadow Lord]

115: I may not create recursive loops. No, not even then.

116: I may not make dirty jokes in front of Lawful Good paladins, about their broadsword.

117: I may not bluff the party ( Female ) bard into making dirty jokes about the Paladin's ( Male ) broadsword.

118: Nor am I allowed to then use bluff to get the Paladin to show the Bard just how big his broadsword is.

119: Nor am I allowed to then point out how awkward the situation is, and how un-Lawful it is.

[GFawkes]

120. If the Storyteller spent more than five minutes planning out a complex puzzle based dungeon, I may not simply make a Wits + Academics roll and solve the thing in less than ten seconds.

121. Ever since that one time, not allowed to use mass suggestion on every living being.

122. If the class works by draining a percentage, it doesn't work on gods.

123. It can always get MUCH worse, depending on how much the DM hates me.

124. Encountering a large number of cattle does not qualify as any kind of close encounter.

125. Tanglefoot bags are not substitutes for glue

126. Bloodwalk is not a toy

127. Neither is the paladin's sword

128. Same goes for the paladin

129. No matter what the dice say, I did not just one-shot a dragon with a hand crossbow.

[Welknair]

130. I may not use Craft: Basketweaving in conjunction with Exemplar to seduce barmaids.

[Flame of Anor]

108p. Craft: Basketweaving is also a bad idea in bed, no matter how many puns and half-rhymes one can make with the word "wicker".

130a. Making a Bluff check in front of said barmaid to convince her father that I am an upstanding nobleman and plan to marry her is not an appropriate seductive use of my Exemplar powers either, no matter how well I roll.

[Welknair]

(Thanks to Serpentine for the image)

[Frozen_Feet]

108: Smite Evil is not an appropriate bedroom technique.

108n. Bardic music, while applicable to the act of seduction, is also not recommended within bedroom activities.

My Bard / Paladin / Sacred Prostitute disagrees.

131: If granted a wish by a Faustian Demon, I will not use it for something as trivial as wealth, killing another party member, or cake.

[Welknair]

132. I will not use a Candle of Invocation to summon an Efreet and ask for another Candle of Invocation.

[Kris Strife]

My Bard / Paladin / Sacred Prostitute disagrees.

They use Smite Evil on their partners?

[Shadow Lord]

133: I may not ascend before 13th level.