Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[Sholos]

So, my date went well!

What's a good idea for a second date? I was thinking a quiet meal and more talking.

[The Succubus]

How about cooking dinner together at home? It can be quite romantic and a lot of fun, plus you have a couch handy afterwards to cuddle on. Make it a really fancy meal and dress up for it. Go the whole hog with candles and even a little soft background music.

[dehro]

How about cooking dinner together at home? It can be quite romantic and a lot of fun, plus you have a couch handy afterwards to cuddle on. Make it a really fancy meal and dress up for it. Go the whole hog with candles and even a little soft background music.

or make her bring a movie of her choice

[Vella_Malachite]

So, my date went well!

What's a good idea for a second date? I was thinking a quiet meal and more talking.

What about doing an activity beforehand and then coming home to a meal and a movie? Something like roller blading or bowling or something like that? Then you'll have dinner and some nice experiences to talk about and laugh over and all that sort of stuff.

For me, I've got a question for the Playground:

I've met a guy, and he's amazing. We've been talking over Skype for at least two hours every night for the past three weeks and he's taken me out to dinner twice, but it was not explicitly a date. From what of our conversations my friends have seen/heard of, the verdict is "either the most oblivious guy on the planet or trying to tell you something". So interest isn't really the problem at the moment (apart from my paranoia that tells me I could be reading EVERYTHING ALL WRONG, but that's...different).
My problem is that he's really busy with a major deadline and some other problems which make me think I don't want to put too much more stress on him.
I really want to find the courage to ask him out, but I don't know if I should wait until after his major deadline when he'll be more relaxed and a relationship might not seem like "Aw, no, not another thing to do..." (the deadline is only about two weeks away, so it's not long to wait).
My question is twofold: One, should I wait? And two, what can I do in the meantime to make sure he knows I'm interested as well, and he doesn't think that I'm holding off because I'd say 'no' if he asked me.

We're going to a concert together on Sunday, so is there something I can do there? (it's a sit-down concert by an a-capella quartet, if that helps...)

Thanks in advance...

[dehro]

somebody tell this girl she's dating a guy and halfway in a relationship with him

[Ursus the Grim]

Vella, why don't you set up a date for after the deadline? It definitely sounds like you're pretty much dating him anyway. A date with you could be a great thing for him to look forward to once he's done with his deadline. Maybe sometime next week bring it up with him and either explain to him that you know he's busy and would like to wait until he's got more time or just make it sound like you're not available for another week. You've kept his attention for the last three weeks, and through this workload. I'm sure you can keep it for a little longer.

[Kalmageddon]

somebody tell this girl she's dating a guy and halfway in a relationship with him

My exact thought!

[Sholos]

How about cooking dinner together at home? It can be quite romantic and a lot of fun, plus you have a couch handy afterwards to cuddle on. Make it a really fancy meal and dress up for it. Go the whole hog with candles and even a little soft background music.

or make her bring a movie of her choice

Oooh, both great ideas. Unfortunately I don't have accommodations for that. I kind of have a kitchen, but I'm in a hallway-style dorm, so that's pretty much out. But she's got her own place, so I'll keep those in mind (using her place to cook is allowed, right?) for future use. We decided dinner at a local restaurant would be a good idea. Though who knows, maybe afterwards....

[dehro]

We're going to a concert together on Sunday, so is there something I can do there? (it's a sit-down concert by an a-capella quartet, if that helps...)

Thanks in advance...

must. keep. mind. out. of. gutter.


but seriously, what Ursus said is pretty much spot on. set the date for after the deadline..that way he'll have something to look forward to..or a shoulder to cry on if he doesn't make the deadline.
it looks a lot like you guys are already dating anyway...

[Vella_Malachite]

@ Ursus and Dehro,

I will, thanks for the advice. I guess the other thing I'm having trouble with is that we're flirtier online than in real life, and I'm a little out of my depth...would it be OK to try to continue that level of flirt in meatspace, or should I be dialling it down so he's not made too uncomfortable?

Edit: Oh, man, I just realised how that sounded. To clarify, we've traded no NSFW jokes or actions online, nothing beyond PG rating, anyway. It's mostly teasing...

[Coidzor]

Like the prisoner's dilemma, the winning strategy is to make the overture to work together and then respond in kind to his responses.

So, yeah, flirt in real life, especially if you're running into awkward pause territory because he's not sure whether you're open to being flirted with IRL in that way because people very frequently are different in meatspace than online. And if he reciprocates then you're golden and can continue or even escalate as the music leads you and if he responds coolly, then you cool it in kind.

[dehro]

been there... the easy way out there is to remind yourself one or two items of your latest innuendos/flirts..and bring them up with a smirk in real life..ideally confronting him with something complimentary/amusing he said (I don't see why I should be the only guy on the planet embarassed thusly )..and asking if he stands by it IRL.
banter is bound to occur...and if he picks up on it (if he doesn't you're allowed to clobber him with a frying pan), you'll see for yourself if this is going anywhere.

[Triscuitable]

Alright, so here's some quick questions:

- How do I ask a girl out?
- How do I propose when the date should be?
- How do I ask a girl for her name (no, I'm serious)?

[Coidzor]

What have you been doing up till now?

[John Cribati]

Alright, so here's some quick questions:

- How do I ask a girl out?
- How do I propose when the date should be?
- How do I ask a girl for her name (no, I'm serious)?

(Assuming you should know her well enough to know her name)
Say you got a new cell phone and need everyone's numbers. Produce a book/sheet of paper that contains the names and numbers of several of your friends. Hand it to her, along with a pen. (Yes, I have used this)

(Assuming you met her a few times, or are just meeting her now, in fact)
First, you look at her curiously. Make sure she sees you looking at her curiously. Then wave at her and walk over to her.
"I swear know you from somewhere, but I am very horrible with names." (I have used this as well).

[Triscuitable]

(Assuming you should know her well enough to know her name)
Say you got a new cell phone and need everyone's numbers. Produce a book/sheet of paper that contains the names and numbers of several of your friends. Hand it to her, along with a pen. (Yes, I have used this)

(Assuming you met her a few times, or are just meeting her now, in fact)
First, you look at her curiously. Make sure she sees you looking at her curiously. Then wave at her and walk over to her.
"I swear know you from somewhere, but I am very horrible with names." (I have used this as well).

Good god man, these are ingenious. Thank you.

What have you been doing up till now?

Mostly just walking, talking, walking with her to class, smiling at each other.

[DeadManSleeping]

"So, I was going to ask you for your number, but then I realized I don't have a name to put it under. I figured maybe I should start there, and if you'd like, we could work our way up to numbers."

Has that "accidentally cool" vibe to it. Shy and awkward on the very surface, but oozing confidence.

Or.

"So, yeah, I totally just realized that I've been enjoying hanging out with this girl whose name I have up until now not actually learned, so I feel like kind of a tool. Help a guy out?"

I could keep going, but I think you get the idea. There's lots of ways to admit that you don't know something important about someone, but you still care about them/like them.

[Coidzor]

Mostly just walking, talking, walking with her to class, smiling at each other.

Meant more along how you were doing these things up to now, sorry.

[Triscuitable]

Meant more along how you were doing these things up to now, sorry.

Oh, fantastic! I'm passing all my classes in school (barely passing English, but that's easily rectified), I'm maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and I've found someone I'm going to ask out to frozen yogurt tomorrow (suggestion from a friend, she says girls love this place downtown. She has a girlfriend, so she knows these things. Convenient to have someone on the "inside").

[DeadManSleeping]

Tip #1: Having vaginas does not make people of one mind. Not every girl will love the same thing, even if some girls tell you that they do.

Tip #2: However, people who don't like going out for frozen yogurt are either lactose intolerant or have no soul, so you should be safe if you can get that cleared up.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

So, I have a date. Um, yeah that's basically it. This girl is like, my perfect match, so I hope I don't mess this up?

[Triscuitable]

Tip #1: Having vaginas does not make people of one mind. Not every girl will love the same thing, even if some girls tell you that they do.

Tip #2: However, people who don't like going out for frozen yogurt are either lactose intolerant or have no soul, so you should be safe if you can get that cleared up.

Tip #1 kind of dropped the ball. Also, you're thinking of a vulva. That's the visible organ. Most people mistake the vagina as such, but that's actually internal, and not visible.

As for tip #2, this is SPRINGTIME IN WASHINGTON! This means days are blistering cold, snow still comes down every now and then, and days are gloomy and unpleasant. What better weather to buy frozen yogurt, and go to the beach? But seriously, I LOVE ice cream. Best stuff ever.

[Coidzor]

Oh, fantastic! I'm passing all my classes in school (barely passing English, but that's easily rectified), I'm maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and I've found someone I'm going to ask out to frozen yogurt tomorrow (suggestion from a friend, she says girls love this place downtown. She has a girlfriend, so she knows these things. Convenient to have someone on the "inside").

...What does that have to do with how you were trying to get this information or do these things before coming to us to ask us for advice?

Knowing what you were doing before would help in reaching ye golden mean by having some idea of what way you were having difficulty in the first place.

Tip #1 kind of dropped the ball. Also, you're thinking of a vulva. That's the visible organ. Most people mistake the vagina as such, but that's actually internal, and not visible.

Vagina's kinda just a catch-all in general speech. I would recommend against correcting people on that unless it becomes a technical discussion.

[Triscuitable]

...What does that have to do with how you were trying to get this information or do these things before coming to us to ask us for advice?

Oh, I misread that as what I've been doing up until then.

Well that is what I've been doing to prepare. Just make sure my schedule isn't clotted with work so I can have some free time.

[Heliomance]

Tip #1 kind of dropped the ball. Also, you're thinking of a vulva. That's the visible organ. Most people mistake the vagina as such, but that's actually internal, and not visible.

How is that relevant? The appearance is not what was being referred to regardless of whether you can see it or not, and t-folk aside, girls possess vaginas and boys do not. And having a vagina, as pointed out, does not make girls part of a hive mind. I'm not seeing why you felt the wrong word was being used.

[Moonshadow]

How is that relevant? The appearance is not what was being referred to regardless of whether you can see it or not, and t-folk aside, girls possess vaginas and boys do not. And having a vagina, as pointed out, does not make girls part of a hive mind. I'm not seeing why you felt the wrong word was being used.

Really? Last I heard, IUDs were capable of recieving and transmitting radio waves... a hivemind is a possiblity

[Serpentine]

Tip #1 kind of dropped the ball. Also, you're thinking of a vulva. That's the visible organ. Most people mistake the vagina as such, but that's actually internal, and not visible.

Yeah... That has nothing to do with anything. You can't tell by what he wrote which bit he meant, and either way it's irrelevant to the point of "girls don't have hive minds". Having vaginas does not result in a hive mind. Having vulvas also does not result in a hive mind. Also most people who have one, have the other. Also, spellchecker doesn't recognise "vaginas" and "vulvas". Oh... apparently that's because it's "vaginae" and "vulvae". Neat.

Uuuum... I feel like I should have relationship-related stuff to say. On the small-r side of things, I've met heaps of people here I really like, does that count?

[Grinner]

Uuuum... I feel like I should have relationship-related stuff to say. On the small-r side of things, I've met heaps of people here I really like, does that count?

We love you too.

[Vella_Malachite]

Gwyn:
Good luck! I'm sure you'll do fine.

Serp:
Flattery always counts, didn't you know that?

And small update of my own, unrelated to anything here, just if folks are interested...I've just found out that the group of people going to the concert has been reduced to just me and my crush due to other parties having things they're doing. Is that opportunity I smell?

[Sholos]

Third date is in the works!