Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[DeadManSleeping]

*wanders in with a silly mustache*

All-natural, ladies and gentlemen

*ahem*

Anyway, after a couple months apart from my last girlfriend-like-thing, I think it's time to start fishing again. I will be setting up an OKCupid account. There will probably be more on this as I get things moving.

[Grinner]

Anyway, after a couple months apart from my last girlfriend-like-thing, I think it's time to start fishing again. I will be setting up an OKCupid account. There will probably be more on this as I get things moving.

Best of luck.

[Triscuitable]

Since I'm going to leave the whole girlfriend business alone for a while, I've decided to take up the bass. I need something to get my mind off track for a while, and I can take it to school to play during off-time.

Maybe I'll buy a wah-wah pedal for it.

[Serpentine]

Mmmmmmmmaybe. Yes. And for the benefit of everyone else, no it's not Serpentine

Awwwwww
...
Wait...

So is there a new development, or are you just being paranoid? If the latter, I think the fact that you've made your intentions clear and that you're still hanging out - and in sometimes couply sorts of ways - is pretty important.

[Malfunctioned]

Soooo long story short. That girl I was kinda with? I decided that I couldn't really even somewhat be someone who is so incredibly inconsistent with everything. She was going from basically climbing over me to claiming she has no interest whatsoever, telling me how much she wanted us to just go out and then indefinitely putting it off So yeah. That's not happening.

So I started talking to some other people and one person in particular. She's a friend of mine who lives in Wales but goes to uni in England, but not still quite far away. However if I go to uni in Liverpool I'll only be about a 2 hour train ride to her. Suffice to say I'm into her. A lot, and I'm almost 100% certain she feels the same. Make that 100% sure. This is a good thing.

So yeah. I'm really hoping I get into that uni.

[dehro]

It's ok though, stick with us northerners and you'll be safe.

that can't be right

[Dvil]

Awwwwww
...
Wait...

So is there a new development, or are you just being paranoid? If the latter, I think the fact that you've made your intentions clear and that you're still hanging out - and in sometimes couply sorts of ways - is pretty important.

Just me being paranoid, in all honestly. I tend to get panicky.

[DeadManSleeping]

It's not entirely finished, but who wants to go over my OKCupid profile with some critique? I promise to upload a picture sometime this afternoon (EST).

[dehro]

I don't know about your neck of the woods, but in mine you'd do well to tone down the nerdiness..unless you're looking for an extra member for your RPG game party.
if you have any other interests that are not part of the "nerd cliché" you might consider listing them.
if not, well..nerd is the new-cool... they say.
let's hope it's true.

because this spells:
I'm a nerd


no..seriously, I am a nerd.

oh..did I mention I'm a nerd?

surely there are more ways to define yourself other than your nerdiness?
even girls who are nerds or like nerds might want a little bit more than just a declaration of nerdiness

[fergo]

It's not entirely finished, but who wants to go over my OKCupid profile with some critique? I promise to upload a picture sometime this afternoon (EST).

I'm definitely not an expert, but it looks ok . Maybe you want to show a bit more confidence--saying that you don't remember something about yourself looks a bit... uncertain, maybe a bit scared of saying too much about yourself. It looks like you're either worried, or that you're a bit scared, trying to stay reserved, not telling anyone too much about yourself.

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it .

I didn't feel the nerdiness thing too strongly, but maybe you should add a few more interests

that can't be right

The North is where it's at. Fact .

[UserClone]

The bit about looking for casual sex is very likely to turn off a lot of very nice girls who otherwise would be perfectly happy to have some casual sex with you. No, don't think about it too hard. Just delete it.

[arguskos]

The bit about looking for casual sex is very likely to turn off a lot of very nice girls who otherwise would be perfectly happy to have some casual sex with you. No, don't think about it too hard. Just delete it.

...if they're favorable to casual sex and see that he is too... I don't really see the issue. I'd leave it.

[fergo]

As I see it, the trouble is that there's a whole list of different things DeadManSleeping says he's looking for; it may give off a sort of 'will take whatever you offer' sort of vibe, maybe seem a little bit desperate .

And it may just be me, but while all of the rest are pretty compatable with each other, the casual sex sticks out like a sore thumb. Without it, it seems kind of friendly, looking to meet new people, maybe a relationship as well... the casual sex just doesn't fit, really.

So it's up to you . Like I said, I don't know anything about these sorts of sites.

[Reluctance]

DMS:

Spoiler

Show

Userclone is spot on. You may want it to look like you're trying to be open minded to all possibilities. You're not a girl who gets at least one crass come on a day. Things would work differently if we were all beings of pure rationality. Given that we're all mere mortals and given the things girls have to deal with regularly, they're understandably skittish at any overt mention of sex.

Otherwise, it's generic. I could walk you through all the common flaws and cliches*, but it'll be easier on me and more instructive for you if learn for yourself. Do a search, guys around your age, sorted by match%. Learn what everyone does. Learn what makes you groan when you see the same things said in practically every profile. And then realize that girls see the same thing every time they search, and every time look at the profile of someone who messaged them. Doing a quick spot-check on the competition is one of the best wake-up calls for an online dating newbie.

*(I'll say this much, though. Show, don't tell. It's one of the most basic rules of writing, and it's there for a reason.)

[Sturmcrow]

Now I am really curious what people would say about my profile

[fergo]

The first thing that jumps out at me is the whole strategy games thing. It seems really out of place . Apart from that, it looks fine to my untrained eye . Maybe not as polished as some others, but more personal.

(Also, Rise Against ).

[DeadManSleeping]

Okay. My profile has been revamped somewhat. I'm not sure I eliminated all the problems, so further help is appreciated.

If you could do it in a slightly less eviscerating fashion, though, I'd like that.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

I don't know how to post a link to mine. Serpentine knows it, though.

Could you post the link? You were going to send it to me, I think, but maybe you forgot.

[DeadManSleeping]

I don't know how to post a link to mine. Serpentine knows it, though.

Could you post the link? You were going to send it to me, I think, but maybe you forgot.

Go to your profile and hit the "about" button. It should give you a link like mine, but with your username.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

This is me.

[Form]

I have a question: What is the best way to approach a girl one doesn't know at a party? Most the time people tend to cluster together with their friends and I can't help but feel a little intrusive if I were to just join such a group without actually knowing anyone in it.

[Eadin]

This is me.

I'd flirt with you for the hat alone
Edit: And again for the rest of the profile.

@Form: I honestly never dare to. Are you going with a friend? If the friend knows the group, he can introduce you.

[fergo]

I have a question: What is the best way to approach a girl one doesn't know at a party? Most the time people tend to cluster together with their friends and I can't help but feel a little intrusive if I were to just join such a group without actually knowing anyone in it.

Argh . Not something I know anything about (my advice would be to wait until everyone was getting drunk ).

[Edit] Just got advice: just go for it, but don't try and be flirty, at least at first.

Okay. My profile has been revamped somewhat. I'm not sure I eliminated all the problems, so further help is appreciated.

If you could do it in a slightly less eviscerating fashion, though, I'd like that.

Looks much better . You come across much more confident.

Although for non-nerds' sake, you may want to delete the bit about online RPGing. While I don't think it'll put most girls off, it won't really be especially attractive to any either, so I think it'll probably do more harm than good .

[Form]

I'd flirt with you for the hat alone
Edit: And again for the rest of the profile.

@Form: I honestly never dare to. Are you going with a friend? If the friend knows the group, he can introduce you.

It's not quite my preference either, but knowing how to seems like it might be useful some day should I decide to try. If a friend of mine is part of the group then it's easy to join since I've got a perfectly valid reason to.

I'm curious as to how to approach if that is not the case. I'm not sure how to easily join the conversation. Both simply saying hi and introducing myself as well as standing there waiting to chime in seem a bit odd. The latter is perfectly fine if I already know a member of the group but otherwise...?

[fergo]

Depends on their conversation, I suppose. If you feel you can add something meaningful and/or witty, then it'll be easier . If it's something personal, then maybe it's better to wait for later.

You could always just wait for a better opportunity, when she's part of a smaller group or on her own for some reason (although ambushing someone on the way to the toilet probably isn't a good idea... Yes, I've tried to do that in the past ).

Or you could try and get a friend to introduce you .

[Maeglin_Dubh]

I'd flirt with you for the hat alone
Edit: And again for the rest of the profile.

I guess I did -something- right then.

[fergo]

I guess I did -something- right then.

Your page comes across much more confident than most I've seen .

[Eadin]

Yes, the confidence is a plus. And it's good confidence, not arrogant confidence.
Your profile gave me a "Hi, this is me in a nutshell." vibe and not a "Look how cool and interesting I am!" vibe you find on a lot of profiles.

[dehro]

If you could do it in a slightly less eviscerating fashion, though, I'd like that.

it looks good to me

[DeadManSleeping]

Although for non-nerds' sake, you may want to delete the bit about online RPGing. While I don't think it'll put most girls off, it won't really be especially attractive to any either, so I think it'll probably do more harm than good .

Having known members of the female subset of the human population, I can say with complete certainty that there are plenty of women who would be more attracted to someone for playing RPGs. And, honestly, I don't think I'd have much in common with someone who was actually turned away by them.