Wisdom for the Way of Mrs. Cosmopolite

[shadow_archmagi]

So, my latest D&D character is based off of Terry Pratchett Character Lu Tze, who among other things collects the sayings of a completely ordinary housekeeper and treats them like zen koans.

Example phrases are "Don't pick at it" "I wasn't born yesterday" and "Eat up, it'll make your hair curly"

I was hoping the forum could contribute other things their mothers say every day that could be passed off as deep wisdom.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Well, my grandmother's favourite phrase was "god damn you kids anyways", and variations thereof.

[Eurus]

Hah, I love Mrs. Cosmopoliteism.

"Celebrity is as celebrity does."

"Now just who do you think you are?"

"If you keep making that face it'll stick that way."

EDIT: ^ Lovely! I favor "hey you kids, cut that out" myself.

[Logic]

If it hurts, don't do that!

Pain is a harsh but effective teacher. (From my father)

[Eldan]

"If you don't finish your meal, the weather will be bad tomorrow", was my Grandmother's favourite.

[Castaras]

Eating bread crusts makes your hair curly.

[Fragenstein]

If it hurts, don't do that!

Pain is a harsh but effective teacher. (From my father)

But a fool will learn from no other.

[Eldan]

Asking never hurt anyone.

[Fragenstein]

Asking never hurt anyone.

I've asked a few questions in the past that has gotten myself hurt. Plus the one time I asked a friend to borrow his gun seeing as how the police missed it when they frisked him a bunch of us got into trouble that day.

"Hey. Before we start this fight. Do you wanna wrap our hands in heavy twine, dip them in glue and they roll them around in glass first? Sounds fun."

[KuReshtin]

'The only stupid question is the one left unasked.'

[Serpentine]

One from my mum I actually use: "Less haste, more speed."
Also "toe-curlingly good", which I never got 'til after I left home.

[KuReshtin]

One from my mum I actually use: "Less haste, more speed."

I heard a similar one used in the film 'Shooter' with (Marky) Mark Wahlberg:

"Slow is smooth, smooth is fast."

[factotum]

One from my mum I actually use: "Less haste, more speed."

It was always "More haste, less speed" for me...in fact, I'm pretty sure Gollum uses that phrase in The Hobbit that way.

[Karoht]

Asking never hurt anyone.

My grandmothers variation.
"You don't ask, you don't get."

[SiuiS]

I heard a similar one used in the film 'Shooter' with (Marky) Mark Wahlberg:

"Slow is smooth, smooth is fast."

Fabulous martial arts mantra, that.

Also "toe-curlingly good", which I never got 'til after I left home.

heeheehehee *snort*


-

Eat up, there are starving kids who don't have what you do.
Treat others how you want to be treated.
Leave your brother alone, dammit.
If you don't like the cops, you deserve them coming after you.

[Slipperychicken]

"Think before you speak."

"Keep whites and colors separate." [Only in context of laundry, of course]

"You always find it in the last place you look."

"You will always lose cheap sunglasses, and need to replace them constantly, but the expensive ones will be yours forever."

[Lentrax]

"If he jumped off a bridge, would you?"
"He's not your father."
"Would you like it if I did that to you?"

[Heliomance]

Here you go.

[Whiffet]

"Did you remember to pack everything? Do you have a coat? What about your toothbrush and toothpaste? What about shampoo? Do you have enough underwear to last a week? How about shirts? Do you have clothes for if it rains? What if it's really hot? Did you pack enough shoes and socks? Did you pack extra clothes in case we get stranded? Don't you want to bring books? Don't you want more books than that? Do you have your iPod? Is it charged? Your cell phone? Are you sure you don't want to bring more books? Do you want a water bottle? How about a camera? Do you have your wallet? Where are your glasses? Did you get your retainer? What about your coat? I meant your extra coat. How about a hat?..."

[Lentrax]

"Make sure you wear a clean pair of underpants in case you get in an accident and they take you to the hospital."

You know that one never made any sense at all to me.

I think if I was in an accident bad enough to have to go to the hospital, the condition of my drawers is at most secondary, if not way, way down on the list.

[Serpentine]

"Did you remember to pack everything? Do you have a coat? What about your toothbrush and toothpaste? What about shampoo? Do you have enough underwear to last a week? How about shirts? Do you have clothes for if it rains? What if it's really hot? Did you pack enough shoes and socks? Did you pack extra clothes in case we get stranded? Don't you want to bring books? Don't you want more books than that? Do you have your iPod? Is it charged? Your cell phone? Are you sure you don't want to bring more books? Do you want a water bottle? How about a camera? Do you have your wallet? Where are your glasses? Did you get your retainer? What about your coat? I meant your extra coat. How about a hat?..."

Oh. That reminds me of another one of mum's I actually use.

In the context of that last minute "oh no, what have I forgotten?!" panic:
"Do you have your wallet? Keys? Phone? Ticket? Passport? That's all you need to take. If you've forgotten anything else, you can just buy a new one."

[Mauve Shirt]

"If there's a patch of blue in the sky big enough to make a Dutchman's pants, it's not going to rain." One from my grandmother. This is not a good way to judge whether or not you should bring an umbrella.

[Eldan]

THere are a few I know that are really hard to translate into English.

"Those who don't want, had", is the word for word translation, which doesn't make sense. Hm. "Those who say no had their chance to say yes"? "Those who say they don't want something had their chance to take it"? Something like that.

"We don't have any "I don't care."" I got that one every time in this situation: "Do you want Red or Blue?" - "I don't care." "We don't have any "I don't care", only Red and Blue."

[Ravens_cry]

"Life happens." and a shrug.
It's practically my catch phrase.

[Asta Kask]

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought him back."

Personally I like the idea that curiosity nudges the wavefunction closer to killing the cat.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

That's life, that's the train station.

And

Life sucks, then you die.

[Themrys]

THere are a few I know that are really hard to translate into English.

"Those who don't want, had", is the word for word translation, which doesn't make sense. Hm. "Those who say no had their chance to say yes"? "Those who say they don't want something had their chance to take it"? Something like that.

"We don't have any "I don't care."" I got that one every time in this situation: "Do you want Red or Blue?" - "I don't care." "We don't have any "I don't care", only Red and Blue."

I, too, have some German phrases that are hard to translate into English:

"If you don't eat up, it will rain/the weather will be bad".

"You could do that, but you could also drill a hole in your knee and look if you find oil there/wait for oil"

Something that an old woman would say referring to sewing or stitching: "Long thread, lazy girl"


If you find occasion to use them, please write in this thread in which situation you used them. I love Lu Tzes approach to wisdom...and would love to see the reactions you get with that.

[Weezer]

"You could do that, but you could also drill a hole in your knee and look if you find oil there/wait for oil"

I really like that one.

[Serpentine]

More of a dad one: "Better than a punch in the face."

[Eldariel]

Some Finnish ones, translating to the best of my ability:

"Play with fire and you get burnt." - for obvious cases.

"Care doesn't capsize the boat." - when somebody's complained about worrying too much.

"Cold coffee makes you beautiful, but even it doesn't do miracles." - just seems somehow appropriate.