Personal Woes and Advice 2

[Ialdabaoth]

Well, psychologically speaking, you may sense that something is 'wrong' or 'off' because of your morals, traditions, and thought processes.

Why do you find rape wrong?

Because other people really freak out if you don't say you find rape wrong - unless it was someone they think was asking for it. Most people don't find prison rape wrong, for example - at least, not judging by the jokes they make about it.

Why do you dislike that font so much?

Why does it matter whether I like or dislike a font?

Why is that behavior unacceptable?

Because people with power can hurt people for behaving that way, and the people who behave that way don't like being hurt.

[Thajocoth]

The mind records & modifies patterns (memory). When replaying these memories, that which doesn't fit the patterns set will feel "wrong". For example, if someone is playing a song you've heard a thousand times & randomly adds an extra note in the middle, that note will feel wrong to you.

This mechanic exists to point out changes so we can:
- Correct them ("Dude, play the song right!")
- Avoid them ("Ugh, I'm going somewhere else where they know how to play music right")
- Adapt to them ("You know, it actually sounds a little better with that extra note...")

It forces them to the front of our mind, possibly with a little adrenaline (but usually not much). In any of these cases, a new pattern is set, and the emotion you reacted with is stored with it. This emotion will also be recalled when the pattern is recalled in the future.

[Ialdabaoth]

- Correct them ("Dude, play the song right!")
- Avoid them ("Ugh, I'm going somewhere else where they know how to play music right")
- Adapt to them ("You know, it actually sounds a little better with that extra note...")

This is why I keep objecting to the process. I no longer have the capacity to correct, avoid, or adapt, so why does the process continue?

[Thajocoth]

This is why I keep objecting to the process. I no longer have the capacity to correct, avoid, or adapt, so why does the process continue?

The mind is consistent. It does not contain checks to decide whether or not to provide feedback. For example, a migraine will still hurt after you take Advil, until the Advil takes effect. The body will not say "Oh, you did something about it, so I'll stop complaining now. Thanks a lot!" The body, really, contains no checks. It will send it's signals regardless of possibilities.

[HalfTangible]

Why?

Read the next paragraph - it explains why it's relevant.

But to elaborate - if something feels 'off' and you don't know what it is, that could be completely benign, or could potentially be very very bad. Your body can't always tell the difference between the two so it just tells you something is off and worth looking into.

Why would an arm falling off be 'wrong'?

Because an arm is supposed to stay attached.

[Negativethac0]

Thanks Succubus and rogueboy for the advise.

I was there today, and wont go again.

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I didn't particularly like her, and disliked the atmosphere there (too many ticking clocks. They made me nervous.) and during the session itself I felt uncomfortable, not just because I was nervous. I noticed the "not willing to tell certain things" thing – I told her that I was writing stories about elves, but didn't say that these elves are hermaphroditic, genderless and polyamourous. She asked if she could read the stories and while I'm usually happy about everyone who shows interest in them, I don't want her to read them. Needless to say, I didn't say anything about LGBT.
I also felt as if she couldn't really help me. Of course she did say some useful things, but while talking to her I even felt like it was absolutely useless to go even to any therapist because I could as well talk to my mum and my issues seemed unimportant, small and not "bad" enough to need the help of a therapist ...
Even before the middle of the session I had already decided that I didn't want to go to her again. Deciding that was way easier than I had thought...

So now I have to find another therapist. *sigh*

While this is still relatively new, I thought I might as well chime in with a small perspective from ‘the other end’, as I’ve been treating anxiety (as graduated psychologist) for years.

I’m sad to hear about your troubles and that you have to go through another ordeal of finding someone who might be able to help you. I know for a fact that isn’t easy, especially if you don’t know that many people who can give you recommendations. I still think, however, that all who need help should have it, you included. I’ve spoken to many people who didn’t think their issues were ‘worth it’, but they often are. You too deserve to get better.

As The Succubus correctly points out, therapists are nervous too. Especially in the beginning and some of us never really learn to ‘stay cool’. Some become really good at it but most of my colleagues still tell me they’re a bit on edge during the first few sessions. We often wish to make a good impression and wonder a lot whether we will match up with the client we haven’t even met. That might not really improve much on your situation, but I thought you should know the feeling can indeed be mutual, because a lot of us really care and want to do a good job. That’s what drew many of my colleagues to the profession in the first place.

The whole match-up thing is so complicated. There are still people researching this area and what non-specific factors actually make up for a good alliance. I’ve seen people who’ve had several experienced psychologists to no avail, suddenly meeting a fresh graduate and the alliance did everything the others cold not. It’s definitely a field that needs more research, at least in my opinion.

My best advice for you would be to keep at it, even though it is hard. Your problems aren’t worthless and though the journey might be rough, you might just eventually feel someone you click with. Clinicians spend various amounts of time getting to know their patients, but it can often help if you inform them about your concerns early on the process. A good clinician will take your concerns seriously, and from there on, feel it in your stomach and in the air in the room whether it’s something for you. I've heard that patients say ‘they just knew it was right’ when they finally found someone they could trust in.

Good luck!

[Chen]

This is why I keep objecting to the process. I no longer have the capacity to correct, avoid, or adapt, so why does the process continue?

We don't have full active control over everything in our bodies or minds. We cannot turn off pain at whim or turn off feeling. You've decided you can no longer correct/avoid/adapt but its not like you can tell your body that. If I have a broken bone and its penetrating my skin, I can't simply will it to stop hurting. And this is probably a good thing. As people have mentioned the body (and mind) send signals when things are not working like they are supposed to. This is meant to drive you to remedy these situations not to simply mask the problem by removing the feedback.

[Thajocoth]

We cannot ... turn off feeling.

Technically... You can completely shut off emotions. It's a really bad idea though. I'd know.

[Chen]

Technically... You can completely shut off emotions. It's a really bad idea though. I'd know.

I said feeling not emotions. Your brain chemistry and the like will still be working. If you're feeling out of sorts its not something you can just turn off. You can ignore emotions (or try to) but its not just turning them off. You're still going to feel what your body and mind make you feel.

[Thajocoth]

You can ignore emotions (or try to) but its not just turning them off.

You can turn emotions completely off. I have done so in the past. It's very different than ignoring them & comes with a lot of problems.

But I suppose you could've meant physical feeling in the previous post, rather than "feelings".

[TaiLiu]

You can turn emotions completely off. I have done so in the past. It's very different than ignoring them & comes with a lot of problems.

But I suppose you could've meant physical feeling in the previous post, rather than "feelings".

Completely off?

How?

[Thajocoth]

Completely off?

How?

It involves dividing the self. I was already divided at the time, into three pieces. I was only trying to turn one emotion off, and only for a week. They were all off for 8 years, and it took me 4 years for them to regain a decent (but still decreased) strength. I stayed there for at least 6 years before they started to increase again to their original strength.

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It happened long ago... My intelligence, emotions & body all didn't get along. I was therefore divided. My conscious mind was with my intelligence, so I considered that part to be "me" and the rest not to be. Emotions were stronger than they should've been and overpowering. I was generally either content, crying or plotting revenge. My intelligence would question my emotions on this, but the emotions would always have an excuse.

One day, the intelligence did not accept the emotion's excuse. The character in question was fictional, so such an extreme emotional reaction to their death was unacceptable. That night I chose to shut off sadness for one week. I awoke in a state of simple apathy. Things were easier... simpler... I could do all that I needed or wanted to.

When the week ended, there was no impetus to turn them back on. My life was better without them. I had what was essentially apathy, and I suppose some occasional enjoyment. There was no sadness. No anger. It was like a storm just stopped. This was quarter 3 of 3rd grade. It stayed this way until quarter 3 of 11th grade. My grandmother's death didn't even phase me.

Have you seen (or read, I suppose) Horton Hears a Who? Remember the "Yop"? The impetus that made me want to fix it, after 8 years with them off, was kinda like that Yop. They were all closed off until a little bit of one broke through. It was small, but it was good. I saw someone I did not know enjoying a game I made on their graphing calculator in math class. This means a friend of mine transferred it to their calculator. It was a strong enough good emotion to break through the fog that had them all trapped.

They turned on slow, like a dimmer switch. Even some things I didn't expect to be emotions were part of what was returning, like hunger. Previously, I would eat based on the time or feeling pain. I never actually wanted food... (Hunger's still a rare one though.)

When they reached a strong enough level to advise me, but not control me, I stopped adding strength to them. It was just enough without being a storm.

My girl, however... She's bipolar. Her emotions are stronger than mine ever were. I feel some of her emotions. If she's sad, for example, it will make me sad. During my time with her, my emotions have gotten stronger again, but now I've had them within my control for long enough that I still do. I can understand concepts I couldn't before, like why someone would feel any compulsion to break something of theirs just because they're angry.

The only part that has slipped out of my control is that I can no longer decide not to cry if I reach a certain level of sadness...

Also, I am whole today. My intelligence, mind & body are one entity now. They are all me. I used to value the intellect above any other trait or skill. I have learned how folly this is, and don't even rank it all that high anymore. It's a good trait, but there are much better traits out there.

I made a D&D character built around Int. Only character I've ever regretted playing. They were my first... An Eladrin Wizard. Trained & skill focused in every type of knowledge. I'd much rather play a Barbarian. Nice and simple.

[pkoi]

It involves dividing the self. I was already divided at the time, into three pieces. I was only trying to turn one emotion off, and only for a week. They were all off for 8 years, and it took me 4 years for them to regain a decent (but still decreased) strength. I stayed there for at least 6 years before they started to increase again to their original strength.

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It happened long ago... My intelligence, emotions & body all didn't get along. I was therefore divided. My conscious mind was with my intelligence, so I considered that part to be "me" and the rest not to be. Emotions were stronger than they should've been and overpowering. I was generally either content, crying or plotting revenge. My intelligence would question my emotions on this, but the emotions would always have an excuse.

One day, the intelligence did not accept the emotion's excuse. The character in question was fictional, so such an extreme emotional reaction to their death was unacceptable. That night I chose to shut off sadness for one week. I awoke in a state of simple apathy. Things were easier... simpler... I could do all that I needed or wanted to.

When the week ended, there was no impetus to turn them back on. My life was better without them. I had what was essentially apathy, and I suppose some occasional enjoyment. There was no sadness. No anger. It was like a storm just stopped. This was quarter 3 of 3rd grade. It stayed this way until quarter 3 of 11th grade. My grandmother's death didn't even phase me.

Have you seen (or read, I suppose) Horton Hears a Who? Remember the "Yop"? The impetus that made me want to fix it, after 8 years with them off, was kinda like that Yop. They were all closed off until a little bit of one broke through. It was small, but it was good. I saw someone I did not know enjoying a game I made on their graphing calculator in math class. This means a friend of mine transferred it to their calculator. It was a strong enough good emotion to break through the fog that had them all trapped.

They turned on slow, like a dimmer switch. Even some things I didn't expect to be emotions were part of what was returning, like hunger. Previously, I would eat based on the time or feeling pain. I never actually wanted food... (Hunger's still a rare one though.)

When they reached a strong enough level to advise me, but not control me, I stopped adding strength to them. It was just enough without being a storm.

My girl, however... She's bipolar. Her emotions are stronger than mine ever were. I feel some of her emotions. If she's sad, for example, it will make me sad. During my time with her, my emotions have gotten stronger again, but now I've had them within my control for long enough that I still do. I can understand concepts I couldn't before, like why someone would feel any compulsion to break something of theirs just because they're angry.

The only part that has slipped out of my control is that I can no longer decide not to cry if I reach a certain level of sadness...

Also, I am whole today. My intelligence, mind & body are one entity now. They are all me. I used to value the intellect above any other trait or skill. I have learned how folly this is, and don't even rank it all that high anymore. It's a good trait, but there are much better traits out there.

I made a D&D character built around Int. Only character I've ever regretted playing. They were my first... An Eladrin Wizard. Trained & skill focused in every type of knowledge. I'd much rather play a Barbarian. Nice and simple.

I am not a doctor, but that sounds more like chronic depression to me than turning your emotions off.
I'm not sure that people can just turn their emotions off without some chemical/neurological intervention. There are meditative techniques to observe the self, but even those are limited to very short periods.

[Thajocoth]

I am not a doctor, but that sounds more like chronic depression to me than turning your emotions off.
I'm not sure that people can just turn their emotions off without some chemical/neurological intervention. There are meditative techniques to observe the self, but even those are limited to very short periods.

Wasn't sad. I was fine. Apathetic, content, and fine.

[Trekkin]

So.
I know now. The one grad school to give me an interview rejected me.
I might still get in somewhere, after a year of working as a lab tech or whatever.
Maybe.
But it will never change the fact that I failed. I'm not on the fast track anymore. I'm a failure.
I've broken down three times since getting that oh-so-politely-worded email saying I'm not good enough. I've told my best friends horrible things, then deleted my every way of contacting them. I have tried to sleep and woken up screaming.
And in the back of my mind, always that I failed.
That I should stop.
That everyone who ever called me worthless was absolutely right.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know who I am anymore.

[Coidzor]

I just realized that I wished I could just hate just about everyone I care about deeply. Now to figure out where the hell that one came from.

I mean, I know where it's coming from with the girl who I keep trying to find some other way of contextualizing my feelings for her other than love because she's engaged to another woman and lives on the other side of the country at least. A deep resentful hate followed by a good infantile lashing out at would settle matters pretty conclusively and might even be cathartic since lashing out at myself for my role as basically all of this is counterproductive and doesn't get me anywhere despite my best efforts.

It's the other people like my parents and close friends that I'm sitting here and looking at that thought and knowing it wasn't completely out of left field by the shape of it that's got me wondering where it did come from then.

I'm not sure that it's relevant. I'm trying to understand why my body and mind keep trying to convince me that 'wrongness' is a relevant concept/state/sensation to perceive at all.

Well, probably because it's quite relevant to being human.

So.
I know now. The one grad school to give me an interview rejected me.
I might still get in somewhere, after a year of working as a lab tech or whatever.
Maybe.
But it will never change the fact that I failed. I'm not on the fast track anymore. I'm a failure.
I've broken down three times since getting that oh-so-politely-worded email saying I'm not good enough. I've told my best friends horrible things, then deleted my every way of contacting them. I have tried to sleep and woken up screaming.
And in the back of my mind, always that I failed.
That I should stop.
That everyone who ever called me worthless was absolutely right.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know who I am anymore.

People who call others worthless are best disregarded because they're worthless people. It's a pointless thing that only those who are frustrated by their own lives and yet can't work out how to change them or know what they need to do and can't be arsed or in the most bitter examples are unable to really affect their circumstances so they lash out at others.

If you don't know who you are after not getting into grad school, then it's just a wake up call for grounding yourself in you that's been overdue. This is off the cuff and all, but my suggestion is that you start looking for yourself if you don't know what to do.

Wasn't sad. I was fine. Apathetic, content, and fine.

That's not necessarily a definitive no or even any form of no per se, really. The context suggests that if a professional has not already been consulted though, one should be.

[Grinner]

So.
I know now. The one grad school to give me an interview rejected me.
I might still get in somewhere, after a year of working as a lab tech or whatever.
Maybe.
But it will never change the fact that I failed. I'm not on the fast track anymore. I'm a failure.
I've broken down three times since getting that oh-so-politely-worded email saying I'm not good enough. I've told my best friends horrible things, then deleted my every way of contacting them. I have tried to sleep and woken up screaming.
And in the back of my mind, always that I failed.
That I should stop.
That everyone who ever called me worthless was absolutely right.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know who I am anymore.

Why did you want to do computational biology so badly in the first place?

[pkoi]

Wasn't sad. I was fine. Apathetic, content, and fine.

I'll repeat the advice of Coidzor and suggest professional assistance.

So.
I know now. The one grad school to give me an interview rejected me.
I might still get in somewhere, after a year of working as a lab tech or whatever.
Maybe.
But it will never change the fact that I failed. I'm not on the fast track anymore. I'm a failure.
I've broken down three times since getting that oh-so-politely-worded email saying I'm not good enough. I've told my best friends horrible things, then deleted my every way of contacting them. I have tried to sleep and woken up screaming.
And in the back of my mind, always that I failed.
That I should stop.
That everyone who ever called me worthless was absolutely right.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know who I am anymore.

It took me a long time to realize the fast track isn't necessarily where a person needs, or even wants, to be. I think you should contact someone who can work with you on where you're at, such as a life counselor or a therapist. It's impossible to look at ourselves objectively, and sometimes our perspective can get really skewed.

[TaiLiu]

So.
I know now. The one grad school to give me an interview rejected me.
I might still get in somewhere, after a year of working as a lab tech or whatever.
Maybe.
But it will never change the fact that I failed. I'm not on the fast track anymore. I'm a failure.
I've broken down three times since getting that oh-so-politely-worded email saying I'm not good enough. I've told my best friends horrible things, then deleted my every way of contacting them. I have tried to sleep and woken up screaming.
And in the back of my mind, always that I failed.
That I should stop.
That everyone who ever called me worthless was absolutely right.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know who I am anymore.

It's a rejection, yes, but what's stopping you from reapplying next year? The 'fast track' will only be slowed by a small amount of time.

There is no dishonour or failure for not being on the 'fast track.' In a decade or two, when you are in your chosen profession, who would care about this 'fast track?' The result is the same; the big picture is the same. Your job will be the same.

[inexorabletruth]

Whaaaaaaat?!!

I'm a six time college drop-out, and I'm still applying to more colleges. In fact, I start attending a correspondence school next semester.

For the record:

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I'm not stupid, or a quitter. Life just gets in the way sometimes.

Dude, grow a few callouses. Failure is just another part of life, and that's the part that makes you stronger and wiser. It's the part that makes you appreciate the good things you earn from that struggle.

I know this sounds harsh, but it's just tough love: you sir, have to get used to disappointment. Life isn't easy. Things go wrong. People struggle and mess up. You've got to deal with it and keep fighting. No matter how hard life gets, you've got to be harder. You punch, and you kick, and you scratch and claw your way through life until you breathe your last breath. There is no shame in that. In fact, I call that honorable. Hold your head high soldier. Get back in that fight and don't quit trying to accomplish your dreams until you've either made it or died trying, knowing that you have every right to be proud of who you are and what you've done because you earned it by the sweat of your brow.

"It does not matter how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get up."
-Vince Lombardi

or if you prefer:

"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward."
-Rocky Balboa

[stsasser]

Without regard to any previous person, post or woe, I will state the best advice I ever got:

'Suck it up, Nancy.'

Not because it accomplished any particular goal or addressed any particular problem, but because acting was, in itself, liberating and good for me.

YMMV

[Thajocoth]

I'm not opposed to seeing someone for other issues, but the issue I mentioned has already been dealt with on my own. I do not need help with it.

[Trekkin]

"It does not matter how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get up."
-Vince Lombardi

or if you prefer:

"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward."
-Rocky Balboa

Not in academia it's not. Academia works by cashiering you out of any hope of ever making a difference as soon as you so much as sneeze; it's how any system responds to such a glut of people. At least in my little corner it does.

That's not to say I won't keep trying, of course.

And in answer to Grinner- Because I thought I was good at it, and because I know it can help a lot of people in a lot of ways and vastly accelerate our understanding of biology beyond reductionism.

So no good reason, I suppose. I just wanted to do something lasting and beneficial with my life, in a way that was both fascinating to me and in line with what I thought were my particular talents.

[Grinner]

And in answer to Grinner- Because I thought I was good at it, and because I know it can help a lot of people in a lot of ways and vastly accelerate our understanding of biology beyond reductionism.

So no good reason, I suppose. I just wanted to do something lasting and beneficial with my life, in a way that was both fascinating to me and in line with what I thought were my particular talents.

I have no personal experience in this field, but I recall someone mentioning a page back that a PhD is not strictly necessary for these sorts of things. If you're not in it solely for the money and if you basically have the needed skills, I see no reason as to why you cannot contribute to the sum of human knowledge in some fashion.

I recall my parents once telling me that people rarely end up working in exactly their field of study. Perhaps it's time to start researching other options?

[rogueboy]

Not in academia it's not. Academia works by cashiering you out of any hope of ever making a difference as soon as you so much as sneeze; it's how any system responds to such a glut of people. At least in my little corner it does.

Here's a question for you to think about, and it's related to my earlier point that Grinner brought back up: Is academia where you want to be? If it is, then yes, a PhD is pretty much required. However, if you, like me, have no interest in being a PI (with all the politicking, grant requirements, etc), then it is incredibly dependent on what you want to do ('lab'-work, management, work as a tech, etc) and the company you work for whether you need an advanced degree or not.

One of your recent posts makes me think you haven't completely figured out both what you want to do, and (at least as importantly) what that will require. It's possible that graduate degrees are going to act as an alternative to a similar amount of time working, along with possibly increasing the ceiling on advancement (but again, if the ceiling with your current degree covers what you want to do, why do you need a 'better' degree?). Know that graduate work is a lot of hours for not a lot of pay (if you're lucky enough to be in a field that pays you, rather than the other way around), and generally leaves you stressed out of your mind (this is a generic you, based on everyone I know in grad school).

[Archpaladin Zousha]

I have another problem I can't talk about in public. If you wanna talk about it, PM me. All I'll say is that I've received some severe criticism about my hygienic habits. Habits my family sees as wasteful and obsessive-compulsive.

[HalfTangible]

I have another problem I can't talk about in public. If you wanna talk about it, PM me. All I'll say is that I've received some severe criticism about my hygienic habits. Habits my family sees as wasteful and obsessive-compulsive.

I would, but my inbox is full and circumstances prevent me from deleting anything right this second

[Keld Denar]

Anyone have any experience in depression with young children? My girlfriend's 7 year old is now in counseling for what is looking like depression (doc hasn't made a diagnosis yet). Their father is a diagnosed "classic narcissist" and we feel is putting a lot of emotional abuse on the children. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is really hard to document. He has court mandated visitation on one weekday and on every other weekend.

She's basically gone from a fearless 5 year old who could make friends on any playground and would play on her own for HOURS to a frightened worried 7 year old who breaks down and cries for "no reason" (her words) 5-6 times a day and who won't leave line of sight to her mom for any reason and doesn't like to make friends or talk to strange girls. Her worst times are bed time, and she'll often wake up in the night scared and come into bed with us which messes with our sleep schedule.

We give her tons of attention, but we don't indulge her tantrums. I don't know what else to do other than to shower her in love and keep her in counseling. I've never dealt with depression in myself so I'm having issues empathizing with this little frightened 7 year old. Any resources or information or advice anyone has on how I can better help her cope with a big scary world would be appreciated.

PS, Doc said she needs more "strong little girl" role models. Anyone have any recommendations for books that either she can read or that we can read to her with strong/brave female protagonists? Something at or around the 1st grade reading level? She's a good reader, for a 7 year old, but she is still just a 7 year old.

[The Succubus]

Hmm, that's a toughie.

Are there any times when she's better or worse? Does she seem happier when she is away from her dad for longer periods of time or vice versa? Has anything happened at school perhaps?

Something that may help - love and affection is good but perhaps you could give her small responsibilities; things she is in charge of. If she feels like she has something she has control over and can see it improve because of her actions, that will improve her self confidence quite a bit. One idea that springs to mind - do you have a garden of some sort? Perhaps if she had her own small section of it to grow flowers, feed, water them, etc it's a task that can produce tangible results at the end. You can say "all those flowers in your garden? They grew only because you took care of them and looked after them." It's a useful metaphor for helping her with other aspects of her life.

EDIT: You keep re-iterating something in that post that's nagging at me. You keep describing her as "frightened". This almost demands the question - "what is she frightened of?" I've dealt with depression myself and being angry, being mopey, being self deprecating and yes, a little nervousness in groups is not unusual but flat out fear? That's not a depression thing.

[Keld Denar]

It's usually when she is NOT with her dad. He doesn't tolerate any emotions in his house that aren't happy emotions. It seems like she bottles up all of her fears over there. She is afraid to be afraid around him because he'll just tell her to suck it up and stop whining. She's generally happiest when she gets home from school and during the day before bed time.

The worst times are generally right before bed, or anytime she has to leave the house to go anywhere. I don't think it's an anxiety about crowds or anything because once she's out, she is generally fine. We (including the Doc) have asked her WHAT she is afraid of, and she seldom knows. She just has a "feeling". It has even manifested into physical responses. She gets a lot of tummy aches when she is afraid or sometimes ear aches.

And yea, we've been working on giving her more responsibilities. I like your idea about gardening, we are just starting to garden over here. Watering the plants isn't really something we need to do, however, because...it's Seattle. The giant man in the sky waters them daily, sometimes twice a day, or just all day long. She's still a bit too little to wield many of the gardening tools or do any of the heavy lifting.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis. The Doc will handle that. Maybe it's depression, maybe it's not. I'm just looking for some advice on what I as a concerned parent can do to help build up this little girl's confidence and independence. I'm trying to instill in her that it is OK to be scared, but that being brave is doing what you need to do even though you are scared. It's working to a degree but when she has meltdowns, she goes completely irrational and there is almost no reasoning with her beyond hugs.