More Funny D&D Stories

[Gizmogidget]

This is way less funny than some of the stories on here but here it goes.

Our party was playing with a very new DM, and we had come upon a mansion with zombies in a room just above us behind a locked door. Two of the players get into a shouting match,(IC not in real life) and in the commotion bust open the door keeping the zombies from getting at us. Then one of the players uses some sort of mind control effect to have me cast grease and then he threw a torch on it which resulted in a large fire that killed most of the zombies.

So the effect wears out and we are stuck on the top floor with no way out because the doors are made of concrete or something. So the two players with me at the top ended up rolling a natural 20 and breaking through the floor of the mansion directly upon the evil necromancer the rest of the party was facing instantly knocking the current BBEG unconscious.

TL;DR-The two pranksters in the party end up destroying the top floor of a mansion, and end up breaking through the floor which results in the defeat of one of the BBEG's

[snowman87]

So the two players with me at the top ended up rolling a natural 20 and breaking through the floor of the mansion directly upon the evil necromancer the rest of the party was facing instantly knocking the current BBEG unconscious.

Nice. Was Yakety Sax playing over top of these events?

[Zoozle]

One session, we had a Lizardfolk Druid (Wakka), a Half-Elf Rogue (Mouse), an alcoholic Elven monk (Isa), and my wizard-illusionist (Theod).

During our adventures, we came across a Gnome trading caravan. Their cart of goods got snagged on some rocks while they forded a river and they needed help pulling it to safety. Wakka was min-maxed like crazy (his INT was -5 and he couldn't speak Common; I was the only person in the party that knew Draconic and thus could communicate with him) and was thus the only one of us that could swim out to get it. I was not entirely paying attention to what was going on and so I decided that I would entice the Gnomes (whom I thought were stuck on the cart in the river) to swim to shore. My incentive? I conjured the image of a Gnome stripper.

A quick clarification: when I described my brilliant plan to my DM, I asked for a "well-endowed Gnome dancer." By well-endowed, I was thinking mostly of a female Gnome with a great allotment of breast tissue...

The Gnome was a dude and had an enormous... snake familiar, let's call it.

So there's this Gnome illusion. The way it described, he's got a tight loincloth barely sheathing his monster. He's dancing and having a great time. The tangible Gnomes are unimpressed. Feeling stupid, I decide to go help with the whole cart thing. I take one step into water (with my 7-STR wizard) and... trip and proceed to drown. Isa & Mouse are killing themselves laughing. Isa quickly takes pity on the "Noble Noodle" as I had already come to be known as and, with her superior strength steps into the river to assist me.

She flubs her roll and trips as well.

Mouse is laughing her arse off (she was a little sadistic, probably more on the CE side of things than we thought) and is not that strong, so no help from her. Wakka is too far away and too busy for us to call him. My solution? Turns out I used a high-enough level illusion spell making the Gnome that it could talk. I may have played fast & loose with the rules on this one, but I used my action concentrating to speak THROUGH the Gnome in Draconic. While this Gnome gyrated, it was screaming in garbled Draconic that the wizard and monk were drowning! Thus he turned around to save us. Meanwhile, the cart was washed away by the river. We failed to help the now pissed-off Gnomes, but we defeated the river! We gained no XP.

To this day, my friends still joke about this now-running gag. This story has also become a household favourite amongst many of my friends; they often tell THEIR friends and coworkers to the point that I have been introduced to people as "you know, the Gnome Stripper guy I was telling you about!" Now, the Gnome illusion is an illusionist-assassin-antagonist in the campaign of 5E I'm running.

[Gizmogidget]

There was no yakety sax, it was just very comedic and completely by chance.

[FlumphPaladin]

Oh Lord . . . a neon neko. That just about takes the cake.

Neon Neko? Wasn't that the villain that scared Daffy Duck?

[nijineko]

Oh Lord . . . a neon neko. That just about takes the cake.

...................

[FlumphPaladin]

...................

Everything okay there, Rainbow Cat?

[nijineko]

Everything okay there, Rainbow Cat?

just fine. ^^ i was just wondering if a neon neko just about takes a cake, what could a rainbow neko manage?

[Souxicide]

First time poster here but I do have a good one.

We are running the premade module (for a bit) in the 5e books. The party I'm in is all coworkers of mine through Hell(Wal-Mart) and one my coworkers husband and a mutual friend.

The cast is 4 dragonborns and 1 half-elf.

Brandon (Lucifer) - Black Dragonborn Barbarian who took Path of the Totem Warrior. Ended up taming an Owlbear named Julio(Don't ask)

Danielle (I forgot her character name) - Half-Elf Bard

Justin (Forgot his name as well) - Blue Dragonborn Cleric who took Life Domain who is also DMing this part of the campaign.

Vicki (Aryn) Brass Dragonborn Ranger who took up Archery Specialization. Ended up with the Barbarians old Wolf totem.

Myself (Dox) Bronze Dragonborn Rogue/Arcane Trickster as well. I ended up DM and changing my class to be warlock through the lovely power of Cthulhu.



The story starts us off as Justin and myself being student teachers at a school to train new student in their respective classes. Danielle is my student and so is Vicki. Brandon is rumored to be the headmasters long lost son, whose character looks like the headmaster just fatter. The headmaster was the BBEG but we didn't know it at the time. It was rumored that he was a lich but couldn't be proven. The only ones that knew that it was true were the teachers and certain student teacher, i.e. Justin and myself.n We were tasked to search for something as it would be our students final exam and should they complete it they pass and if not then we all die.

The funny part goes that the party had just finished fighting some goblins and owlbears. Brandon had tamed a wolf earlier in the story and wanted the owlbear. Dm ruled that if he wanted to have the owlbear he would have to give up the wolf. He did so begrudgingly. Vicki ended up taming the wolf for her and said wolf held a grudge against Brandon. After the cave crawl with the goblins and narrowly escaping a Beholder, the group go into town. Brandon has also acquired the ring of Doolittle which allowed him to speak to the owlbear. After everything, we ended up in the tavern. Brandon and the owlbear went up to the barkeep and ordered two barrels for each other to start a drinking contest. Being the trickster that I am, decided now would be a good time to have some fun since the other party members didn't know the path that i chose. Passing a note to the DM:

Me: I use mage hand to knock over the barrels so that the barbarian barrel falls over and hits him in the head.

DM: Roll for it.

Me: *Rolls D20* 19

Dm: OK. Brandon at this point while chugging the barrel above your head, you feel it slip your hands and hit you in the head.

Brandon: What the hell?! Who did that?!

He the turns to his owlbear and starts to argue with it and decided to slap it's barrel out of it's hand. Hilarity for me ensues as they start fighting that turns into wrestling. I then turn to the bar and start taking bets on who would win. The owlbear then kicks Brandon's character in the nuts and started to drag him to the center of the town by his head. The owlbear bit him and fit the Brandon's character's head in its mouth. The owlbear ended up winning as Brandon's character was way to drunk to continue fighting. We made a cool 50g from that fight.

There are more stories with this group especially the bard and her epic blowing skills or the time she broke both of her ankles(in game while actually haven broken 1 ankle IRL) while fighting a Bullywog Chieftan. I shall tell those stories another time.

[Joe the Rat]

Nice. Was Yakety Sax playing over top of these events?

I actually have it in my Roll20 Jukebox for when things go sideways. Or there's a chase scene.


A brief one: Can't sneak one in on the wizard.

So our party cleric has been waiting for 5th level and those precious, precious 3rd level spell slots. Between sessions, the cleric and rogue (offline) conspire to start poisoning the goblin henchmen to raise them as well-preserved zombies. There was much (email-based) snickering about how long it will take the party to notice.

After missing a session, the two conspirators catch up to the rest of the party on the road, with goblins in tow...

DM: "Gnishgnash and Alfonso (two of our goblins) are their usual selves, though Bob seems a bit quiet."
Elf Wizard: "I poke Bob."
Bob: "Gnrrr."
Elf Wizard: "Zombie."
Cleric: "DAMMIT!"

[ellindsey]

Last night in my Pathfinder game. The players are up against a really tough fight: a Huge water elemental and four lizardmen with class levels equivalent to the PCs, in a flooded city, after they'd already expended many of their limited-use powers for the day. The players are just hanging on, with the elemental nearly killing the party's Ranger before it was taken down, and the Cleric's Channel Energy being the only think preventing the entire party from being wiped by Fireball spells cast from a rooftop sniper. The party is starting to turn the tide of battle, and the Ranger who is now just barely back up comments that it's OK, that a good campaign should have the change of getting killed or else there's no challenge.

At this point the party Cleric, who worships a trickster god, pipes up with "We'll win because my God is awesome and won't let us loose!" and similar sentiments. A few of the other players point out that it's not wise to tempt fate like that when you worship a trickster.

The very next combat action is one of the Lizardman barbarians, who attacks the party's Dragon Disciple, scores a crit, confirms it, and then rolls max damage, dropping the PC in a single hit. I swear that I did not fudge these rolls.

Everyone then turned and looked at the Cleric accusingly.

The party survived the battle, but only barely, and hopefully have learned a lesson about not taunting the dice gods.

[GuesssWho]

That sounds like a trickster's sense of humor if ever anything did. I think Loki was watching you play :D

[turbo164]

Heh, we had a similar thing happen a while back, though without the trickster diety being specifically mentioned. Party was fighting a giant zombie with lots of hp, but low armor. After seeing a teammate land a hit with a low number,

Ranger: "Pretty sure I literally can't miss this guy." *rolls natural 2, when a 3 would have hit*

Next round, they picked up a Bless from the Cleric, giving them another +1 to attack rolls.

Ranger: "Now I can only miss on a 1!" *rolls 3 natural 1's out of next 8 attack rolls*

[Souxicide]

Another story that I remember from the same campaign and the same cast with the addition of one new player.

I had taken over DMing at this point and was running the party through a wizard's tower(not original but different from what they were used to. The tower is an ever shifting one in which there is only one floor above but the stairs feel like they are moving you up to the next floor. Each floor also changes depending on situation or DM fiat. There's a backstory to the tower but the party didn't ask and didn't care). They were in there as part of a task made by the assassin's guild of the world to kill the wizard who owns it. When they were in they found the newest addition to the party. It was a mutual friend of our who was playing a gnome paladin/rogue(i believe). The gnome was part of a party in which he was the only surviving member.(the last time he and I gamed was with another group of people and that was his character as well).
They met him after climbing the stairs to the room he's in, only to be met with 4 Minotaurs as guards. My rogue trickster intimidated 2 of the minotaurs and the party dispatched the other two. The floor size is larger than it should be and after nearly an hour of walking the come up to a cage containing the gnome pally. Introductions were made as well as several back and forth quips, the bard decides to open the cage door by blowing on her panflute(it should also be noted that our cleric had altered her panflute, with his God's blessing, to have a sonic enhancement on to it. Meaning depending on her roll and whether she plays it as an attack or musically, the results will vary.) After rolling a nat 20, she blows apart the cage door and sending the gnome to the other side of the cage and knocking him out.
When he gets up, he looks at her and says;

Gnome: Thanks for that but if you wanted to blow me you could have opened the door first.

Bard: The door was open?

Gnome: Yes! Did you even try before deciding have your mouth hurt me?

We all started dying of laughter both in and out of game.


Oh another scenario is with the same group and in the same place. The come to a door that wouldn't open for them. They opened it but the other side was just a brick wall. The gnome(again messing with the bard) decides to throw his voice and convince her that there is someone on the other side. Talking as two different people, she is having a conversation with no one and the party looks at her like she is insane(more than usual). The rest of the party is deciding how to proceed when the Ranger persuades the Barbarian to walk through the brick as it could be an illusion. He fails his wisdom save and walks into it. Then the Cleric persuades him as well. Barb fails his roll again and walks in to the wall another time. I persuade him a third time and the Barb fails again. We are all fighting our laughter and can't hold it in anymore. After the third time he decides not to listen to anyone and actually makes the save.

[The Great Wyrm]

From the Red Hand of Doom campaign I'm DMing:

A Quaal's Feather Token Tree was grown as a readied action so that a flying dragon crashed into the tree.

The fighter getting dominated (failing the Will save); the wizard casts Protection from Evil on him, to block mind control, and the fighter makes the Will save and resists it. The wizard gives up and hides in a barrel.
The fighter then kills the NPC bard whom nobody liked anyway.

The ranger dies every other session (and the player keeps making rangers and Leeroy Jenkins-ing into mobs of enemies). Recently, the Ghostlord made him into a Gravetouched Ghoul, much to the chagrin of the cleric.

[Florian]

Recently, we had a test run with the PF occult adventures book.
One player picked the Mesmerist class, a class that is pretty much all about stareing at someone and using mind tricks while being at it.
We played a rather investigation-heavy module and said player was really into it, dominating the scenes and pretty much hogging spotlight by using his mental powers, when they reached the point to interrogate two crucial npcs, a nymph and a medusa...

It was pure gold when said player realized what that means and only uttered a small and whimpy "Eff me.."

[GuesssWho]

Recently, we had a test run with the PF occult adventures book.
One player picked the Mesmerist class, a class that is pretty much all about stareing at someone and using mind tricks while being at it.
We played a rather investigation-heavy module and said player was really into it, dominating the scenes and pretty much hogging spotlight by using his mental powers, when they reached the point to interrogate two crucial npcs, a nymph and a medusa...

It was pure gold when said player realized what that means and only uttered a small and whimpy "Eff me.."

Okay, yeah, that is totally ****ing gold.

[AGCIAS]

I actually have it in my Roll20 Jukebox for when things go sideways. Or there's a chase scene.


A brief one: Can't sneak one in on the wizard.

So our party cleric has been waiting for 5th level and those precious, precious 3rd level spell slots. Between sessions, the cleric and rogue (offline) conspire to start poisoning the goblin henchmen to raise them as well-preserved zombies. There was much (email-based) snickering about how long it will take the party to notice.

After missing a session, the two conspirators catch up to the rest of the party on the road, with goblins in tow...

DM: "Gnishgnash and Alfonso (two of our goblins) are their usual selves, though Bob seems a bit quiet."
Elf Wizard: "I poke Bob."
Bob: "Gnrrr."
Elf Wizard: "Zombie."
Cleric: "DAMMIT!"

Utterly wonderful; I wish I had been there. Not original, but funny. This happened in a 5th Ed. game tonight. We were trying to get into houses set on fire by pirates. The first one our warforged, Stovepipe, smashed the door open and we rescued three townsfolk. We moved on to the second building and Stovepipe readied to smash a second door. I noticed an odd look in the DM's eye so I reached down and lifted the latch. The warforged hit a door that was already swinging open. Luckily the first floor was not on fire.

Anyway, we got started telling orc jokes and I recounted the following....

Meanwhile, back in the village of Arumpit near Wooly Bay, Krit Tzannar, the “Laughing Rogue,” finishes an hour-long litany of orc jokes with “And why does an orc's funeral only have two pallbearers? Only two handles on a trashcan!” Later that night the orcish brothers Grmblz and Snazzarfrak report that they saw Tzannar, bound hand and foot, throw himself from a bridge onto several arrows and a dagger.

This has nothing to do with our adventure, but I thought I'd mention it.

[Sgt. Cookie]

Alright, here's one:


The party had just undergone a series of battles and were heading back to the local inn for an overnight rest. During the night they heard a strange beeping sound but no one went down to check. The next morning the Dwarf Fighter went downstairs to look for a magic specialist. And, coincidentally, there was a guy downstairs. He was a delivery guy with a package for "The local adventuring party", so they went outside.

Outside was a very modern truck labelled Beelzebub Inc and there was a crate on the floor. It was a modern transport crate, with like "This way up", "Fragile Contents", etc labels on it. The delivery driver, after a brief discussion, bangs on the crate a couple of times, the front pops off and a humanoid figure steps out and says: "I am Warlock Unit Alpha 4A. How may I blast your enemies?"

Then, the truck drives off into a portal back to hell.



And that's how my third Warlock in as many sessions was introduced to the party.



Beelzebub Inc would like to interject: Always remember to keep your Warlock insurance up-to-date.

[EvilAnagram]

I was running a game for some friends. They were trying to find supplies in a town off a caravan route, and when they got there it was completely empty. They ttok some time to investigate and could fin no signs of a struggle. They slowly realize that they are surrounded by magpies... in the trees, on houses and fence posts... all of them staring directly at them. Then they saw a child running towards a--

"I'm out."

What?

"Yeah, I've seen this movie. I'm not chasing after creepy kids in fields."

They couldn't convince the caravan owner to leave without supplies, so they eventually took up the hooks. They were not expecting the gibbering mouther in the hag's cauldron.

[Verbannon]

My party spent an hour at the entrance to a Kobold warren trying to draw out the Kobolds, eventually through lots of jingling of coins and calling the kobolds gnomes, the main force of the Kobolds left the cave to fight the party. The Kobolds of course had rigged the ground all around the cave to collapse while the party was hurling insults, but none the less the Party won. They rushed into the cave and were confronted by a handful of the weakest kobolds of the warren. Maybe a dozen 1 hitters. They were however at the back of the cave guarding the treasure. So the party charged forward and every single last member of the party got caught by a bear trap hidden just under the floor. Half of the kobolds raced forward positioning themselves to charge and shove the party back into the bear traps if they escaped. While the other half continued to just pelt the party with stones.

And thats how a bunch of one hit kobolds tpked a party.

[Inevitability]

My party spent an hour at the entrance to a Kobold warren trying to draw out the Kobolds, eventually through lots of jingling of coins and calling the kobolds gnomes, the main force of the Kobolds left the cave to fight the party. The Kobolds of course had rigged the ground all around the cave to collapse while the party was hurling insults, but none the less the Party won. They rushed into the cave and were confronted by a handful of the weakest kobolds of the warren. Maybe a dozen 1 hitters. They were however at the back of the cave guarding the treasure. So the party charged forward and every single last member of the party got caught by a bear trap hidden just under the floor. Half of the kobolds raced forward positioning themselves to charge and shove the party back into the bear traps if they escaped. While the other half continued to just pelt the party with stones.

And thats how a bunch of one hit kobolds tpked a party.

Damn right. When you fight kobolds, you don't run at them and hit them with pointy/blunt/sharp objects. You either launch a fireball from max range or summon a bunch of monsters to trigger all the traps. If you lack either, a barrel filled with stones rolled down the path you want to travel will work.

[TheTurboTornado]

I have a funny story to share with y'all. D&D 5e.

Spoiler: Characters

Show

Conjurer wizard 9, pervert
Life Cleric 7/Paladin 2
Open hand monk 7/Diviner wizard 2
Some other characters useless to the story
Me, the DM

Spoiler: The Story

Show

So the party is in a wizards lair, plundering it. They come across a room that is seemingly empty.
All the players at once: I MAKE A PERCEPTION/INVESTIGATION CHECK!!!!!!
Me:*sighs* you spot about 50 pressure plates scattered across the floor.
Monk: I grab my 10-foot-pole out of my Gi of Holding(Yes. It's a gi with a bag of holding inside. Don't ask me how.) and tap the closest pressure plate.
Me: A streap of fire shoots across and sets your pole on fire.
Monk: *IC asks wizards and cleric for help* I'll need a Haste spell, Cat's grace, and protection from fire. Just hang on a sec...
*Grabs genderbender statuette out of his Gi of holding*

Now first some information on this statuette. A few dungeons ago, the party rogue tried to nick it, but it changed him into a woman. Spellcasters were working their asses off trying to get her back to normal, because an angry Chaotic Evil Rogue is great for encouragement. Now, the statuette can change someones gender whenever said person says the trigger word. Wizard wanted to hold on to it, because he's a pervert, so the monk, being the packing mule because of aforementioned Gi of Holding, stored it.

Back to the story. The monk activated the statuette and turned into a girl. Why? Because I had noted before that turning into a girl with this specific thing gave you a +1 to dex, among other things. Wizard had to make a Wis save against being stunned. Of course, he fails. Cleric, being a dwarf and thus not really bothered, casts Cat grace and Protection from Fire, but the wizard has to cast the haste. Wizard snapped out of his stupor and tried to... touch the monks... chest.
Me: Make an attack roll.
Wizards player:*Rolls high* f*** yea!
Monks player: Well, too bad for you. I use my Portent ability to replace that roll with a 4.
Wizards player: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
Me The wizards hand goes for your... chest... and at that moment, something flashes across your mind, and you dodge. Monks player: Great! Now I attack him.
Me and all the other players, exept wizards player: WHAT!?!???!
Monks player: I slap him across the face, put my knee in his stomach, raise my leg, and kick him in the back of the head with my heel. If all goes according to plan, his face will slam into the ground with enough force to at least break his nose.
We all sat there, stunned at this show of cruelty from monks player.
Me, after a minute or so: Very-very well. Make your attack rolls. And of course, all exceed his armor class. The wizard was lying on the ground, crippled in pain. His hand reached out to the monks leg, and he cast Haste on her.

That was when the fun really started.
Monks player: Now I want to dance from pressure plate to pressure plate, preferably ballet-ish.
Me: Of course you do. *grabs a lot of d20* Go right a-f*****g-head.

All of the rolls succeeded, apart from one. All these 50 fire traps, wasted. Because of rule of awesome, I said that all the traps had only one charge. I felt beaten enough to give the monks player his victory.

But that was not all.

You see, the monks player knows a lot of songs, and tends to play songs on his phone corresponding to the situation. Know which one? Maniac by Michael Sembello.

The monks nickname from this point on had officially become "Maniac".

[dehro]

I don't have a funny story yet, but my first level whisper gnome rogue who was meant to be a clever spy adept at finding informations and juggling informants or coaxing what he needs from unwitting dupes, has turned out to have a grand total of 3 points in charisma.
Methinks I shall focus on lockpicking and stealth instead

[TheTurboTornado]

But what if he's got a BoH in his BoH, with another BoH in this second BoH, Ad Infinitum? All but the first are opened, and when he opens the first...

One does not simply put a BoH in another BoH. Or HHHaversack. Or portable hole.

[dehro]

One does not simply put a BoH in another BoH. Or HHHaversack. Or portable hole.

Ooh, I did that.
Put a handy haversack in a rope trick.
Caused a rift in reality, a portal through which a flottilla of flying cities of invading githzerai stormed our world, and I lost an arm in the explosion.
Also, the DM pulled a face and literally threw away a notebook full of the rest of our campaign plot and setting.

[Inevitability]

One does not simply put a BoH in another BoH. Or HHHaversack. Or portable hole.

Actually, you can only not put one kind of extradimensional storage space in another kind. Two bags of holding can perfectly exist within each other.

[GuesssWho]

Actually, you can only not put one kind of extradimensional storage space in another kind. Two bags of holding can perfectly exist within each other.

. . . how?

[ReaderAt2046]

So literally just happened.

I was scrolling trough my facebook feed when I saw that one of my friends had shared a post that said "Grab the nearest book to you and go to page 45. The first sentence describes your love life." And what happens to be the nearest book? The Pathfinder core rulebook.



Already imagining what hilarious things it would say, I cracked it open and flipped to page 45. Guess what page 45 starts with? The description for the evil domain. "You are sinister and cruel, and have wholly pledged your soul to the cause of evil."

I get: "You'll be happy to hear we don't have time for regular lessons today."

[The Random NPC]

. . . how?

While there is some vague and ill defined danger with putting extra dimensional spaces in other extra dimensional spaces, the only known interaction is between Bags of Holding and Portable Holes.