More Funny D&D Stories

[Inevitability]

. . . how?

1. Take back of holding.
2. Open bag.
3. Take second bag of holding.
4. Place second back of holding in the first.
5. Close bag.

It is not particularily difficult, really. Neither 3.5, nor 4e, nor 5e says BoH's can't be put into other BoH's.

[GuesssWho]

But aren't they portals to the same plane or something? Kinda hard to have an opening to the Astral Plane IN the Astral Plane or whatever . . .

[ComaVision]

But aren't they portals to the same plane or something? Kinda hard to have an opening to the Astral Plane IN the Astral Plane or whatever . . .

How do you figure? I wouldn't find it odd if there was a portal between two cities in the material plane.

[GuesssWho]

How do you figure? I wouldn't find it odd if there was a portal between two cities in the material plane.

It just seems a bit odd for some reason. Kinda unintuitive.

[JBPuffin]

4th edition, 7th level party. We've captured two prisoners, one a kenku and the other a wilden (dryad-type creature). My Bard goes to interrogate the wilden - +12 on intimidate naturally, a +2 bonus, and the option to roll twice. Foolproof, right?

I roll 2 d20s at once...and get two natural ones.

Having sufficiently made a fool of myself (having previously back-flipped off a wooden wall into the ground trying to climb over it), I go to the kenku, ready to try him.

DM: "He's dead. You took forever killing the rest of them."
Me: *Distressed* "Nooooooo! I tried so hard to save him...I loot his corpse."

Much laughter was had at Leaonard's expense that day. I need new dice :P.

[goto124]

But aren't they portals to the same plane or something? Kinda hard to have an opening to the Astral Plane IN the Astral Plane or whatever . . .

You can have more than one door to a room

[GuesssWho]

You can have more than one door to a room

Yeah, but generally one door isn't contained within the other door.

[goto124]

I'm so sorry.

[dehro]

I'm so sorry.

A rather common occurrence, actually

[GuesssWho]

Not quite the same as being within the other door, though.

[FlumphPaladin]

Not quite the same as being within the other door, though.

It's not within the door; it's through it. The second BoH is stored within the space that the first is a portal to, and the first is stored in the material plane.

||   ��  ||
||Goodies||
||_______||
| BoH #2  |
|_________|
  BoH #1
Material Plane

[The Random NPC]

But aren't they portals to the same plane or something? Kinda hard to have an opening to the Astral Plane IN the Astral Plane or whatever . . .

Kind of. From what I remember, a Bag of Holding takes some material from the Astral Plane to create a larger room. It might also exist on the Astral Plane, but it still works, because you're traveling to different spots on the Astral Plane.

[GuesssWho]

So this just happened. (For reference, most of the DMs at the local AL work as assistants to the handicapped, so some of our players are, well, a little slow.)

James, our usual That Guy, was playing at a table DMed by Brandon--who is also a bit of a That Guy, only a lot more self-aware and likable. James' character up and randomly goes for a walk in the middle of the night. He climbs a ladder, stumbles around aimlessly for a bit, is startled by a statue of a spider due to being the most inept drow ever, and then jumps back down off the ladder. Which is 30 feet high.

After he knocks himself out the rest of our party, laughing helplessly, give up on him ever being useful. One of them even makes a bet with another as to whether he'll even manage to get back. Which is why the other half of the hilarity ensued, as Brandon is not the kind of DM who reigns people in. Brandon has the mind of a scholar, the appearance of a true gentleman and the personality of a class clown.

In pursuit of the bet, we hid James' PC behind a rock with the aid of prestidigitation and left them there. We cut a rope bridge so they couldn't reach us. Once it finally dawned on James that he needed to get back to us, and we had done our best to explain that his PC wouldn't know where the **** we were, he decided to resolve this by yelling for us at the top of his lungs. In a cavern that had a drow outpost in it. And then one of the PCs that had bet in favor of him returning yelled back.

The session ended just as a whole ****load of drow realized where we were.

[dehro]

is startled by a statue of a spider due to being the most inept drow ever.

[GuesssWho]

That happened twice, actually. It was a very surprising statue.

[Brion]

Reading someone else's post reminded me of some funny moments in our current Pathfinder campaign.

Party level: I think we were level 4 at this point, maybe only 3.
Party:
Human Oracle NG (Kaled Caan, Battle Mystery, me)
Human Paladin LG (Nicknamed Red, don't remember the character's actual name)
Human Ranger CG (Cauldon)
Human Sorcerer N (Nezlar)

The Scene:
We just slogged our way through a brutal dungeon crawl through a mine, and we're low on resources. We decide to try and find a safe place to rest but haven't found one, so we decide the next room will be it. Well, it certainly was. Turned out to be the boss's lair in an underground temple. The door opens to a 10ft. wide, 20 ft. long hallway with a door to the right. Straight ahead is a floor made of sand, overlooked by a balcony. The boss was a cleric with sorcerer support on the balcony and some generic archers. Since the cleric is melee based (and heavily buffed up) he jumps down and the fight begins. Things are going very poorly as the cleric is in half-plate with Shield of Faith and Barkskin (potion) up and we are barely landing any hits. Nezlar lands some heavy damage on their sorcerer and he goes down. The cleric is lighting me up. The archers are barely nicking us, but it's adding up fast and both myself and Red are out of healing.

We decide to fallback to the hallway just inside the doors to get out of archer fire. Of course the cleric followed us back. It turns out the door in that hall leads up to the balcony. Before we knew that, the cleric was on us but we scored some major hits and he was feeling woozy. Then the door opened with the archers standing in the hallway. On Cauldon's turn, he closed the door and landed a crit on the cleric that dropped him. When the archers opened the door again, our readied attacks went off, killed the one in front, and we closed the door again. To buy us a little more time before we headed in to finish them off.



Fast forward about 10 levels.

We are in a ziggurat that is evil beyond all comprehension. Somehow no one in our party has died and we even recruited a gnome bard follower (Allie). The very first door we open once we are inside the ziggurat, we are hit with a readied Blasphemy. All 3 of our Good characters proceed to fail their saves and are dazed + weakened. Nezlar makes his and gives us the bad news. The room contains a corrupted Ghaele Eladrin and 2 corrupted Sword Archons. Our solution? Since they're grouped together, Nezlar drops black tentacles on them, succeeds at grappling them all, and then closes the door. He spends the next couple of rounds shutting the door in the sword archons faces as they are constantly getting re-grappled (the Eladrin teleported out) and are spending all their actions to break the grapple and then open the door.

So now our combat tactics, when possible, always include slamming doors in the face of evil.

[FlumphPaladin]

So now our combat tactics, when possible, always include slamming doors in the face of evil.

This all has a strange Philips CD-i vibe to it... shutting all the doors, Faces of Evil...
Nobody has ever addressed any PC or NPC as "muh boy," have they?

[Mono Vertigo]

3 months ago, first NWoD session with friends (mostly newbies to the hobbies), I GM. While the most awake players are trying to figure out a plan, A states, with the utmost confidence: "I have 3 dots in Larceny."
(Nobody is discussing anything to do with that skill.)
It's so random we all start chuckling. I ask him to elaborate on what exactly he's trying to do in-character. He insists very seriously, without actually explaining (possibly because he's half-asleep at that point): "That's a lot in Larceny."

Skip to today, 2nd session. Just as the players are facing another complication and A - who didn't remember much at all from the first session, and especially not any of his actions - crashes the other players' unrelated discussion again to say, once again, deadpan, and without any more description of what he's trying to do: "I have 3 dots in Larceny."

Later, A tells me he'd like to change his character's name. Fair enough, their characters had been made in a rush, and we had not gotten far enough into the story that changing details like these isn't going to matter much.
He says he wants his character's name to be: "Nacor the Blue Rider".
I blink, because we're playing Demon: the Descent, aka biomechanical entities in a modern setting, and his character's cover as a human is that of an investigative journalist.
"I've read that great book with that guy called Nacor and..."
I blink again, and try to make sense of this in-character. "O-okay. Look. You're playing an investigative journalist. Well, a demon playing one. Remember? You, err, you could take it as your demon name, though. The pseudonym you'll keep among demons if you get other covers. Your human name is still Richard unless you want to change it, though."
"I'd decided to call myself Richard? That's something I did? Sweet! I'll ride on that horse and terrify-"

Nobody had decided on their demonic form, so admittedly, a demonic form that's that of an eldritch horse rider could be quite cool.

That all being said, I'm starting to consider instead a campaign of Exalted with the guy.


Bonus: after 10 minutes of the players discussing how to put explosive traps in an abandoned warehouse, then considering directly blowing up the bad guys, I suddenly realize that we're in a flat in real life, that we have neighbours, and that due to recent events, this is not a very good time or place for passionately discussing the setting up of bombs.
Pointed out: "You ARE aware that if you blow up that warehouse you'll have a news flash about a terrorist attack in an industrial area, and about the amount of trouble that this'll get you, well, where do I start."


TL;DR: 3 dots in Larceny is a big deal, Nacor the Blue Rider is a great name when you're anything but a human in a modern setting, and I should stop suggesting explosive/firey powers to new players when they don't know what to get.

[GuesssWho]

Yay, Larceny! LOL

[dehro]

our magical resources being thoroughly depleted halfway through a dungeon crawl, we decided to teleport the heck out of dodge, which required for us to split up in two groups, none of our casters being high level enough to carry us all in one go.
My half minotaur character counting for two in the carrying capacity rules, I ended up being teleported by a beguiler, together with a sorceress.
The beguiler rolled a.. I think 97. We ended up somewhere at the wrong end of faerun and had a narrow escape from an ancient white dragon by teleporting even further away.
The next day, the sorceress takes matters in her own hands and teleports us somewhere closer to home. We land next to a large pit that housed a creature a few sizes bigger than my minotaur. I ready my weapons, the creature, an enormous scorpion, moves next, trapping me in one of its pincers and lifting me off the ground.
Next up is the sorceress, who utters the following words...
"I'm out of here" and proceeds to teleport herself and the beguiler home... Leaving me to be slowly eaten by the creature.

I think my next character better watch his back...against his allies

[Quertus]

I'll give it a try...

Spoiler: The Greatest Archer in the Land - Don't try this at home.

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We're creating new characters at 1st level in 2e D&D. It's a large group, with diverse skill levels, and some players get done creating their characters before others. So some of the people who are done get bored, and decide that their characters meet in a bar.

Turns out, two of the characters have the same backstory: "greatest archer in the land". So they decide to settle this with an archery competition. Sounds reasonable enough. They choose to use a "Johnny Appleseed" contest, where they try to shoot the apples off of each other's heads. The two proceed outside, to find a secluded spot with some apples.

The first archer goes, and succeeds in shooting the apple of the second's head, reinforcing his claim of greatest archer in the land.

The second archer's turn. He fumbles the attack roll, shoots and kills the first archer.

Yup, still the greatest archer in the land.

So when the DM finishes up helping the last player, he starts calling out for people's character names, AC's, etc, and, to his surprise, one of the first players done says he's still working on it, as his first character already died!

So, in addition to being the better archer, the 1st character also won the group award for fastest death in the the group's history, at something like "T minus 20 minutes".

Spoiler: The Greatest Archer in the Land, part 2 - When is an archer not an archer?

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Same group, possibly same campaign, a different character who is the greatest archer of a different land (we don't want a repeat of last time, after all).

Skipping lots of sessions and lots of plot, this archer acquires a special magical arrow. Character hordes it away for later use to hang over his mantle when he retires.

Skipping lots of sessions and lots of plot, the party comes across a monster they can't damage. After several rounds, and numerous failed attempts to find some way to penetrate the creature's defenses, the archer realizes that, based on some of the script written on its shaft, the treasured magic arrow described above is specially designed to kill this creature. The archer digs through his possessions, and pulls out his prized arrow. He nocks the arrow, and draws a bead on the creature. But he hesitates. In the midst of roiling combat, he doesn't have a perfect shot - and he only has one arrow. He only gets one shot. What if he misses?

In a flash of inspiration, he throws down shoulders his bow, runs over, and stabs the monster in the back with the arrow. As the arrow sinks into the creature's flesh, a brilliant light erupts from within. The monster lets loose a horrific scream as the arrow destroys it from the inside out.

As the dust settles, the archer stands proudly over his kill. "And that," the archer proclaims, "is why I am the greatest archer in the land."

Spoiler: Cleric of Death - This one goes to 11.

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3.x did a lot to fix the rules of D&D.

Before 3e, AC started at 10, and went down. So AC 2 was better than AC 3; AC -10 was the "limit" in many campaigns, because that's where the AC table ended. <shudder>

Back in 2e, the phrase "AC 10" was thrown around a lot. Whenever we would say, "Touch AC" these days, 2e said "AC 10". In addition, if you were paralyzed or asleep, you were "AC 10". Helpless, bound in chains? AC 10. "AC 10" quickly became code for, "The worst thing imaginable."

So, imagine my surprise when, one day, I realized that, if you had no armor and a Dex penalty, you could actually have an AC worse than AC 10.

This was the seed for a new character concept. I invented a religion to facilitate this character, a cult that followed a god of death unlike any before it. A death god whose stricture required its followers to not avoid death. They were forbidden to wear armor, were trained to not avoid blows (ie, they had a *maximum* dex of <whatever gave a penalty to AC>. They had a special granted "power" that prevented them from gaining any benefit from AC-enhancing items, spells, etc, so that they did not accidentally avoid death.

I only played this character when I knew that the DM would call out for character's stats, including AC, at the beginning of the game. Invariably, when I would respond with "AC 11", jaws would drop, people would tell me that that wasn't possible, etc. Queue me pointing to how, in the rules, this was a completely legitimate build. Yes, this one goes to 11. Thus, new groups would be introduced to the fact that a) I was a rules lawyer; and b) I did not necessarily do it for my or the party's benefit. Seeing somebody manipulate the rules to make their character worse in order to match their vision would quickly draw out the roleplayers (yay!), who would often question my character about his religion. He even got a few converts.

Spoiler: Intimidation 101 - Ogres

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Second edition D&D, starting off at first level, I had a character who was way overpowered (sort of), with a build... that relied on a number of custom things (unique to the group/campaign/setting/whatever), and, even without those, would still probably not be legal in most any other campaign. I demonstrated what he can do for the DM by having him throw a lightning bolt... for 1d6 damage... expending most of his "juice", and rendering him non-functional for several rounds thereafter. Impressive, but probably not completely world-ending - especially since I had to make several checks to pull that trick off.

The DM, who knew my skill with manipulating the rules (probably having seen my Cleric of Death), knew that this character could be a powerhouse if I wanted him to.

After showing off for the DM's benefit, the character didn't really do much of importance for a while, but the DM never forgot that the character had potential.

Then we encounter, not one, but a group of ogres. The party is terrified. My character simply hails the ogres, and nonchalantly strolls up to them. The ogres are hostile, but confused. Why is this sickly, jaundiced humanoid dressed in tattered rags not afraid of them? Why is he encouraging them to bring their friends, and why does he seem even more confident now that there are more of them than they can count (they don't have but 2 hands, after all - so they only know that there are "more than second thumb" of them, vs one of me)?

With unshakable confidence, my character proceeds to intimidate the ogres as a group, and bully them into serving us... by guarding the area they were already guarding. Basically, getting them to focus on the "the scary creature that is smarter than us and can count past second thumb and so knows not to be afraid of us even though we don't know why has even more allies that will be coming soon" part, the "doing what they were already doing" part, and the "happy that the request was so reasonable" part, so that the stupid creatures were too confused to really notice the "don't kill us" part.

After the fact, the DM asks me what my character would have done if the ogres had attacked. I shrugged and replied, "Died".

Spoiler: Intimidation 201 - Balor

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So, same character (and same party) as the above story, but a few levels later. I don't actually remember what the creature was, but some very high-end demon or devil - something a low-level party should never stand a chance against.

Now, a little about the party. Because party in-fighting was common with this group, the DM had declared that the characters of the two players most likely to try to kill each other's characters were "old friends" who had gone their separate ways, and were meeting back up at the start of the adventure. We all went off to our own corners to build our characters. When we returned, we discovered that our group consisted of a Paladin, an Assassin, an Undead Hunter, and his old friend, the Undead Master. And my character, the undauntable, sickly, "slowly undying" historian. Anyone in their right mind would have scratched this party before we even got started; fortunately, we were all insane. We used (DM invented) items and talents to conceal alignments, undead, etc. Even with all these tricks, it was clear that some of the characters didn't trust (and didn't like) each other.

To finish setting the tone, I should point out that my character didn't care about anyone - including himself. He cared about researching and recording history, and would do so to his dying breath - and beyond it, if possible. Only his mission mattered; anything that got in his way would have to get with the program, kill him, or die. Thus his unflappable intimidation of things that could turn him into a thin red yellow paste.

So, we're searching through our current dungeon of choice, when the Undead Master trips a trap, and falls through a portal... into an extradimensional space that is serving as a prison for the aforementioned Balor. My character wins initiative, walks up to the portal, casts (probably) Protection from Evil 10' Radius, and begins negotiation with the Balor. The rest of the party doesn't take any aggressive action; the Paladin walks up beside me while the Demon grabs the Undead Master. The Demon presses against my barrier, and tries to convince me to let it out. At first, the tone is more like, "let me out now, and I promise you a swift death." Oddly, we reject that offer. As time passes, the tone slowly shifts to "let me out now, and I'll return your companion". The Demon is a bit surprised that we don't accept that offer, either - and that I/we seem completely unconcerned about what it by this point likely considers to be my (surprisingly durable) apprentice. Eventually, the tone shifts to a much more subservient, "what do you want?" It never quite adds, "master" to the end of that sentence, but, once we get to this point, the Demon gives in to all of my demands.

At the time, I was very confused by this; after the fact, I realized that the Demon was judging our power by how long the Protection from Evil spell lasted. Because of the Paladin's aura, it appeared that we were actually god-like beings, so far beyond the Balor that it was hardly worthy of our time, and that my character's confidence was actually warranted. The Paladin used very strategic placement, made sure we moved together, etc, to sell this illusion, and convince this creature not to mess with us.

In the end, we got our party member back, and the demon agreed to write 100 years of history for my character - which, in a flash-forward, was revealed to be an autobiographical account of how it tortured this being and corrupted that soul etc throughout its career.

[EvilAnagram]

This is the story of how a forgetful DM leads to ridiculous outcomes in a very tense session.

One of my players took Booming Blade as a cantrip. For those of you unfamiliar with 5e, Booming Blade is a cantrip that allows you to make an attack. After you attack, the enemy will take thunder damage if it willingly moves.

Let's look at some menacing creature that exploded spectacularly because I forgot about that:

• A Blink Dog.
• A possessed scarecrow
• A goblin
• A monstrous Peryton

Tense, sometimes downright terrifying encounters ended in gore confetti, tk everyone's amusement.

[Brion]

I'll give it a try...

Spoiler: The Greatest Archer in the Land, part 2 - When is an archer not an archer?

Show

Same group, possibly same campaign, a different character who is the greatest archer of a different land (we don't want a repeat of last time, after all).

Skipping lots of sessions and lots of plot, this archer acquires a special magical arrow. Character hordes it away for later use to hang over his mantle when he retires.

Skipping lots of sessions and lots of plot, the party comes across a monster they can't damage. After several rounds, and numerous failed attempts to find some way to penetrate the creature's defenses, the archer realizes that, based on some of the script written on its shaft, the treasured magic arrow described above is specially designed to kill this creature. The archer digs through his possessions, and pulls out his prized arrow. He nocks the arrow, and draws a bead on the creature. But he hesitates. In the midst of roiling combat, he doesn't have a perfect shot - and he only has one arrow. He only gets one shot. What if he misses?

In a flash of inspiration, he throws down shoulders his bow, runs over, and stabs the monster in the back with the arrow. As the arrow sinks into the creature's flesh, a brilliant light erupts from within. The monster lets loose a horrific scream as the arrow destroys it from the inside out.

As the dust settles, the archer stands proudly over his kill. "And that," the archer proclaims, "is why I am the greatest archer in the land."

Hah! I love it. My oracle (Pathfinder) ends up something like this pretty often. The first few rounds of combat I am usually in the back ranks throwing up buffs and supporting the field. When I join the melee, things are already low on hp so I walk in and finish them off. It's pretty common to roll an 80+ damage crit on something that had less than 10 hp remaining and boast about how great I am.

[TheIronSoldier]

Completely new to this forum, so excuse me if I do anything wrong. My bad, please let me know.

ANYWAYS. I'm still new to D&D, had my first game less than half a year ago. 3.5 edition, Seven swords of sin campaign. DM is super laid back, and he let me make some shenaniganry up for my character. So I'm playing a level 4/3 Cleric/psychic warrior Geode Golem as my player character, the crystals inside the golem are psionic crystals so psychic warrior. (I only speak Terran and dwarvish). Rest of the party is a 7th level sorcerer Changeling (Who speaks just about every language.), a human rogue who's 6th level rogue 1st level trueblade (Only speaks common), A "blue monkey" paladin who is possessed with smiting evil (Speaks common), and a Druid who's a snow elf. (Speaks common, sylvan, druidic and elvish). I came in late to the party, so I (The geode golem) wound up running into the party in the middle of a dungeon.The story is this: The others are just entering a room with a huge lakeish thing in the center of it. They hear some metallic grinding from the room ahead. They send the rogue over to go and look since she has the best move silently skill. She opens the door on the far side of the room to come face to rock with my geode golem, who has just walked through the ventilation fans in the next room. The rogue panics and runs back to the rest of the party.

Aaaaaand the Giant squid that was in the lake now rears its ugly head. A tentacle comes up, swipes at the majority of the players. The paladin is the only one that makes reflex save to not get hit/grappled by tentacles. The druid gets knocked across the room and the sorcerer and rogue get grappled. The sorcerer drops below 0 in the first round of combat, is promptly dropped by the squid, and falls face first into the lake. The rogue fails to get out of the grapple and gets squeezed even tighter and is now very close to dead. The druid is stunned from his flight. The Geode golem rushes into action and Dimension swaps the sorceror. The sorcerer is now unconcious on dry land and the Golem is quickly sinking. The paladin swings and misses.

Next round begins, The rogue drops below zero and is dropped by the squid. Sorcerer still unconcious. Druid gets up and begins attempting to cast Flaming sphere. Golem is now at bottom of the lake, looking up at the bottom of the squid, a little more than 2 feet above him. He draws his kopesh. (Yes, the golem has a kopesh. It's +1 frost.) And stabs the squid from underneath. The squid FLIPS out. Paladin gets grabbed but manages to keep hold of the twin-headed flaming flail and hits the squid a couple times.

In the next round the Druid flaming spheres the living daylights out of the squid, the Golem continues stabbing and the Palading keeps smiting. Eventually we kill the squid and the Golem burns all of his healing spells on the sorcerer and rogue. Then proceeds to have a heated discussion about squids and the anatomies of squishies with the sorcerer in Terran.

TL;DR: First game of D&D, I ganked a squid.

[Lil fudge]

I've been reading this thread for a while now, and it's pretty awesome, so I decided to post a story of my own (I would use spoilers, but I don't know how). The specific members of the party aren't particularly important for this.

So, we were tracking some guy through a dense forest, and his trail ended at a tree. I decide to climb the tree and look for any sign of his passage with no luck (the DM didn't actually plan on us following him, so it pretty much failed whether we wanted it to or not). The paladin in our group rolls a spot and gets a 1, managing to disturb a nearby raccoon by looking at it "threateningly". So it jumps on his face and starts biting him. One critical later, and the raccoon is decapitated. Well, it turns out there was a family of raccoons in that tree that just watched papa die, and they were all surrounding me. I quickly jumped out of the tree but not before one crawled into my sack. I decided to grab it closed and go back to camp while the rest of the party fights its family. Now there are two parts to this story. The first is my party's experience, and the other is mine.

The party

So, the raccoons attack, and one of them crawls into the fighter's armor (this fight wasn't hard. Just amusing. We were level 5s) He successfully manages to grab the raccoon by the tail and proceeds to maul them with it. He kills 3 of the 4 (one of the 3 being the weapon) and the paladin kills the other. Now the fighter has a raccoon head tied to his tower shield, which was presented to him by the paladin in honor of his "valor".

Me

I'm back at camp at this point, with a very angry raccoon thrashing around inside my bag. I wasn't really worried because all I had in it was some gold and my thieves tools (i was playing a spellthief). So, I decided to mess with it, and started poking it with a stick, making it even more angry. At this point, my DM looked at me and said, "remind me, what was in your bag again." It was only then that I remembered that all of my rations were in that bag. I quickly brought the bag down on my knee in an attempt to kill it and rolled extremely low. My tools ripped a hole in the bag large enough for the raccoon to escape, climb up my leg and bite me. I was mad now, so I grabbed it and threw it in the fire, but my DM really liked this raccoon so he let it live (even though raccoons have a max hp of like 2). As it ran away, I shot it with my corssbow, and only managed to shoot through it's tail, pinning it to the ground (like I said, the DM really liked that stupid raccoon). About then, I noticed a really bad smell coming from the bag. Upon further investigation, I found that all of my food was gone, and it had been replaced by FREAKING RACCOON FECES. I was so pissed that I went up to the struggling raccoon and branded it with a flaming stick. It then barfed on my armor as it died.



Well, the DM gave me a -4 to all charisma checks involving people as long as I still had the armor and bag with me. So I burned them. Armor and all. When the party awoke the next morning, our camp smelled like crap and singed fur. There was also the fact that the dead raccoon was surrounded by flowers now and had a picture of his raccoon family next to him. A funeral had been held for him by his family overnight (extended family of course, since his immediate family was kind of dead).

[goto124]

Speaking of raccoon funerals.

[dehro]

This made me laugh much more than it should've

[TeChameleon]

Speaking of raccoon funerals.

For context, if anyone is curious/cares, the dead raccoon was on a sidewalk in Toronto. After someone contacted Animal Services to get it removed, it took more than twelve hours before it was picked up.

The moral of the story appears to be 'Canadians may be polite, but we will deploy weapons-grade snark when the occasion calls for it'.

[turbo164]

I've seen similar pictures of roadkill deer with a "Get Well Soon" balloon tied to its leg, and a bunny with a spilled basket of colored eggs

[AGCIAS]

So, I told my gaming group one of the tag lines from here (not the Smith thing again) and they rolled on the floor over it. Totally two orders of magnitude over what I expected. I sat down to write about it. And suffered a complete and total meltdown. I have no idea what I was going to write. I love senility. So here's another meanwhile...

Meanwhile, in the village of Siz-boom-balla near the Bright Desert, Smegma the Odiferous fumbles a summoning spell and gets two oval patches of cloth marked “Dr. Soul's Odor Eaters.” Smegma subsequently vanishes and is never seen or heard from again.

This has nothing to do with our adventure, but I thought I'd mention it.