LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

[Mina Kobold]

So I had my first therapist appointment today. I really got lucky because even though it was just an evaluation thing and so I got a random therapist until the evaluation is complete, the therapist I talked to had experience with trans* issues and was really understanding. Even though I was really nervous, it felt so good just to physically tell someone about being trans and not just endlessly turn it over in my head.

I missed this too, sorry for that. ^_^'

Congratulations on getting an understanding therapist and it going so well, I hope the next many sessions will be just as good or even greater.

My sister stopped being properly blonde recently. (I used to be blonde, I think it's a family thing to be blonde as a kid and then get darker after a while.) But now she's acting "blonde". She just entered middle school. Supposedly she's fairly intelligent, but she certainly acts the vapid ditz very well. I suppose it's good she waited until not being blonde to act this way, so at least she's not reinforcing the stereotype, but I still think of her as blonde, so she's reinforced the stereotype in my mind.

It is also a Danish thing. :3

Many children here, whether they later end up as brunettes, blondes, auburns or possibly even other colours, start out as very blonde and later have their hair darken and change. Same thing happens to eye colour, I think, only experienced the hair myself (very bright blonde to dark blonde).

[EvilAvocado]

It is also a Danish thing. :3

Many children here, whether they later end up as brunettes, blondes, auburns or possibly even other colours, start out as very blonde and later have their hair darken and change. Same thing happens to eye colour, I think, only experienced the hair myself (very bright blonde to dark blonde).

It's also a German thing. I have four brothers and 3 of us (me included) were blonde until 11-13ish. Something about going through puberty maybe?

[Coidzor]

But no, not really, as gender is a part of the software, not hardware. You can run Windows on a Mac platform and it's still windows, despite being put in the "wrong" case. If gender were such a simple choice, merely one f societal construction or physical convenience, then it stands to reason people with gender issues wouldn't get so upset (if they had issues at all).

Not necessarily. Or has the idea that at least some of trans* issues derive from brain-sex not matching body-sex become entirely discredited since I last checked? Certainly I haven't found anything that discredits the idea that our brain hardware either is entirely or in large part our mental software, so I'd be quite interested in some edification there.

In a world where the mind can actually be entirely divorced from hormones and the original neurochemistry that spawned it, well, who knows? We've got a fair bit of neuroplasticity, but is that just from the lipid and meat in our heads? Or would our minds become more malleable due to not having to wrangle all of that meat or more set in stone due to the way data is stored?

*shrug*

[noparlpf]

It's also a German thing. I have four brothers and 3 of us (me included) were blonde until 11-13ish. Something about going through puberty maybe?

Well, my German family tend towards brown and red hair. The childhood blonde thing came from my mum's side, I think. They're Russian.

[supernerd]

It's also a German thing. I have four brothers and 3 of us (me included) were blonde until 11-13ish. Something about going through puberty maybe?

Well I was bleach blonde at two and at 16 have medium hue brown. And I'm half Latino half white.

[Irish Musician]

Well I was bleach blonde at two and at 16 have medium hue brown. And I'm half Latino half white.

Being American, I am a mut, with Irish & Germans mostly with some Scot thrown in there, and I was born with Bright Red Hair and it has now turned a Strawberry blonde now that I am older. However, my facial hair still comes in as red as can be. There have been multiple occasions where people have asked me if my facial hair is dyed.

[Castaras]

Hair changing is definitely just a Caucasian thing rather than any specific country. Here we have a lot of people who start off light and go dark. My little brother started off very blonde and is now a darker blonde. Many of my friends hair changed colour to all sorts as well.

Hair colour often changes in general when growing up. Some people go lighter, some darker, some to red (and some people get the irritation of going grey early... )

[Mynxae]

I was born with bright orange hair, but mostly now it's a faded orangey-brown (and I'm only 18). I've dyed it brown before and liked the look, but it's better just after it's faded.

EDIT: Night all! Don't post a million things while I'm asleep!

[pffh]

Being American, I am a mut, with Irish & Germans mostly with some Scot thrown in there, and I was born with Bright Red Hair and it has now turned a Strawberry blonde now that I am older. However, my facial hair still comes in as red as can be. There have been multiple occasions where people have asked me if my facial hair is dyed.

Ah yes the red facial hair it's the curse of the irish blood I tell ya and I too suffer from it. Although I have dark brown hair so I'm a dark haired, red bearded and bright extremely blue eyed person.

[Mina Kobold]

Being American, I am a mut, with Irish & Germans mostly with some Scot thrown in there, and I was born with Bright Red Hair and it has now turned a Strawberry blonde now that I am older. However, my facial hair still comes in as red as can be. There have been multiple occasions where people have asked me if my facial hair is dyed.

I will believe that they are correct and that your facial hair is dyed in the blood of the Troll Monarchs of the Highlands and that you quested for the Strawberry blonde hair of Unicorn Valley to balance it. :3

Silliness aside, that sounds very pretty. I wish I had interesting melanin combinations, but I am just a Blue-Eyes Blonde not-Dragon. I am not even orange, even though my avatar is. DX

[noparlpf]

Ah yes the red facial hair it's the curse of the irish blood I tell ya and I too suffer from it. Although I have dark brown hair so I'm a dark haired, red bearded and bright extremely blue eyed person.

My dad is German on both sides and he has dark brown hair and a reddish beard. So it's not just the Irish. Although his isn't quite bright red. And now it's grey anyway.

[supernerd]

Hair changing is definitely just a Caucasian thing rather than any specific country. Here we have a lot of people who start off light and go dark. My little brother started off very blonde and is now a darker blonde. Many of my friends hair changed colour to all sorts as well.

Hair colour often changes in general when growing up. Some people go lighter, some darker, some to red (and some people get the irritation of going grey early... )

Maybe our innocence is stolen bit by precious bit until we are left with our cold human selves, willing to cause pain to others for our own convenience with little thought to it.

also, I'll leave this here. it's in the middle of the series but it's relevant, and Tonya is the antagonist, so wait for the end-ish. It made me smile.

[KenderWizard]

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While not against adoption, we do want biological descendants. That's why I chose the word 'breed' actually!

You hit the nail on the was though. It's a matter of which problem do we think we can manage the best. I think that specifically, raising a child with two mothers, especially one who is trans, would be easiest (as a separate problem from just raising a child, period <_<;). I am fairly certain my filly thinks that dealing with my issues of suppression would be easiest. It's, to paraphrase Garrus Vakarian, "the brutal calculus of life".

I do need to sit and talk with her about it, though. It's obvious now, where it was sort of just a good idea, before.

Well, that's good, then, that you know what the next step needs to be. Good luck!

I've put on a lot of weight again and am feeling really unattractive despite efforts to exercise and watch what I eat.

Solidarity five? I was making some progress until all this stress happened. Stress -> fatigue flare-up -> bizarre metabolism fluctuations plus exhaustion (plus other things) -> eating too much and not exercising enough -> weight gain -> low self esteem -> more stress.

So I had my first therapist appointment today. I really got lucky because even though it was just an evaluation thing and so I got a random therapist until the evaluation is complete, the therapist I talked to had experience with trans* issues and was really understanding. Even though I was really nervous, it felt so good just to physically tell someone about being trans and not just endlessly turn it over in my head.

Hey, that's brilliant! Good for you! Well done for taking that step!

I basically agree with SiuiS on the poster, but I do worry that it reinforces the stereotype that women, and blondes in particular, are stupid and vapid. Granted, Miss Hilton does a fine job of reinforcing it herself, but as the son of a brilliant blonde woman who got discouraged from pursuing a number of careers she would have kicked ass at and as a researcher in a field that has benefitted from the insights of more than a few blonde women, I'd prefer it if people erred on the side of caution on that subject. Surely there are enough old white men who've said similar horse hockey that they could use.

I like this kid. #blondefemalescientist I think it would be more of a problem if it was just a "random homophobe" played by an actor and they chose a vapid blonde girl. At least people know who Paris Hilton is. We can blame her instead of the ad campaign!

My sister stopped being properly blonde recently. (I used to be blonde, I think it's a family thing to be blonde as a kid and then get darker after a while.) But now she's acting "blonde". She just entered middle school. Supposedly she's fairly intelligent, but she certainly acts the vapid ditz very well. I suppose it's good she waited until not being blonde to act this way, so at least she's not reinforcing the stereotype, but I still think of her as blonde, so she's reinforced the stereotype in my mind.

This is actually a fairly common phenomenon, where people, especially academically-talented girls, underplay their intelligence in school when they realise they're taking flak for it. I've seen it happen and heard about it a lot. Girls are basically told by culture/media that they're cuter when they're unthreatening and not very smart, and that no one likes dowdy, snappy intelligent women, like ugly female scientists. It makes me angry.

Ah yes the red facial hair it's the curse of the irish blood I tell ya and I too suffer from it. Although I have dark brown hair so I'm a dark haired, red bearded and bright extremely blue eyed person.

Heyyy. One, totally not a curse! And two, why blame the Irish when there are Scots and Russians to blame?

[noparlpf]

This is actually a fairly common phenomenon, where people, especially academically-talented girls, underplay their intelligence in school when they realise they're taking flak for it. I've seen it happen and heard about it a lot. Girls are basically told by culture/media that they're cuter when they're unthreatening and not very smart, and that no one likes dowdy, snappy intelligent women, like ugly female scientists. It makes me angry.

Well, the attitude is also carrying over to her academics. (Admittedly, I am probably the worst role model a younger sibling could have when it comes to school. I'm smart enough that I flew through without having to work at all.) She'll try to do something (whether it be academic or otherwise, say I'm trying to teach her something, like when she asked me to teach her how to build a character for D&D), and then very quickly give up if it takes even the slightest bit of thought.
Yes, I do realise it's a fairly common phenomenon. It's a very irritating one conceptually (like you say), and even more irritating in person.

[Asta Kask]

Heyyy. One, totally not a curse! And two, why blame the Irish when there are Scots and Russians to blame?

The Scots are Irish raiders, sent over there in the 7th century.

[pffh]

This is actually a fairly common phenomenon, where people, especially academically-talented girls, underplay their intelligence in school when they realise they're taking flak for it. I've seen it happen and heard about it a lot. Girls are basically told by culture/media that they're cuter when they're unthreatening and not very smart, and that no one likes dowdy, snappy intelligent women, like ugly female scientists. It makes me angry.

Yeah that especially sucks when you like and prefer intelligent partners. I have tried dating less academically inclined women and quite frankly eventually it becomes quite frustrating not being able to discuss scientific things that interest you without this vapid look of boredom appearing on your partners face.

Heyyy. One, totally not a curse! And two, why blame the Irish when there are Scots and Russians to blame?

Because our genetic material is about 45% Irish, 50% Norwegian and only 5% misc (that is for the men, switch the Irish and Norwegian numbers for the women). Also we were most likely settled by the irish centuries before the Vikings got here. So totally an Irish curse.

Not that your curses are that potent. Ye can't even do proper rune magic.

[Coidzor]

Yeah that especially sucks when you like and prefer intelligent partners. I have tried dating less academically inclined women and quite frankly eventually it becomes quite frustrating not being able to discuss scientific things that interest you without this vapid look of boredom appearing on your partners face.

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Or the alternative where they reject it so much that they take a man or in some cases anyone else equaling or exceeding them as an insult while simultaneously viewing anyone less intelligent or academically gifted as they are as morally inferior.

Nature and Nurture have a lot to answer for with some people.

This is actually a fairly common phenomenon, where people, especially academically-talented girls, underplay their intelligence in school when they realise they're taking flak for it. I've seen it happen and heard about it a lot. Girls are basically told by culture/media that they're cuter when they're unthreatening and not very smart, and that no one likes dowdy, snappy intelligent women, like ugly female scientists. It makes me angry.

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It's rather a shame that it harms some people while leaving the amount of irascibility and mean-spiritedness in the general female population untouched. That way I could at least wish that more was made of telling boys to not go out of their way to be jerks.

Though it is kind of amusing that there actually is a definition for snappy that actually would contradict the dowdy part of that.

Hmm. Actually, come to think of it, I can't remember ever seeing ugly female scientists in visual media. ...Or really reading about them except in obviously partisan screeds. The worst I can remember is women with their hair done up in a silly, out-dated manner.

Noparlpf: Well, hopefully it's just a phase. I hear a lot made out of people generally dipping into total reprehensibility during middle school and then realizing what ponces they are to some extent to get on with high school's varieties of silliness.

[noparlpf]

Hmm. Actually, come to think of it, I can't remember ever seeing ugly female scientists in visual media. ...Or really reading about them except in obviously partisan screeds. The worst I can remember is women with their hair done up in a silly, out-dated manner.

Not to bring discussion on this video back, but I thought female scientists all looked like this.

[Thajocoth]

I made a chart on sexuality and was curious to get feedback on it...

Society places people in sexuality buckets. "Straight", "Bi", "Gay"... Even if you use Kinsey's scale, you still get buckets, there are just more of them. My chart is basically saying that these things are not buckets. They're on a fluid scale.

I also think it makes more sense to label "likes men" & "likes women" than it does to label "straight" & "gay"... In part because the latter requires more other information to understand (the person's gender), and partly because there are genderqueer & androgenous people. A friend of mine, for example, would select "Androgenous" for gender (he even plans to have surgery for this eventually) and would be closer to "Likes women" than to "Bisexual".

An empty chart:
http://oi48.tinypic.com/n1t44i.jpg

The depth of each triangle refers to how much that triangle applies to that person... The top being a strong "neither" option to the lower corners.

A chart filled out by two sample people who are a couple (Blue dots are one person, purple's the other):
http://oi46.tinypic.com/1id1rl.jpg

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As for intelligence:
I usually like intelligence in anyone I'm around. That includes my partners. Someone taking flak for being smart sounds bad to me. The only time I dislike intelligence is when people have the compulsive need to prove they're smarter than everyone around them by making everything a debate, but most smart people don't seem to do this.

I've got a bachelor's degree. My girl is just finishing up the clinical portion of her second master's degree. I do not feel intimidated by this at all. I feel proud that she stuck through it and is smart enough be capable of it. It's awesome that she'll be helping people regain their ability to communicate.

[golentan]

I made a chart on sexuality and was curious to get feedback on it...

Society places people in sexuality buckets. "Straight", "Bi", "Gay"... Even if you use Kinsey's scale, you still get buckets, there are just more of them. My chart is basically saying that these things are not buckets. They're on a fluid scale.

I also think it makes more sense to label "likes men" & "likes women" than it does to label "straight" & "gay"... In part because the latter requires more other information to understand (the person's gender), and partly because there are genderqueer & androgenous people. A friend of mine, for example, would select "Androgenous" for gender (he even plans to have surgery for this eventually) and would be closer to "Likes women" than to "Bisexual".

An empty chart:
http://oi48.tinypic.com/n1t44i.jpg

The depth of each triangle refers to how much that triangle applies to that person... The top being a strong "neither" option to the lower corners.

A chart filled out by two sample people who are a couple (Blue dots are one person, purple's the other):
http://oi46.tinypic.com/1id1rl.jpg

I like the chart system. I think it works nicely.

I will also come in swinging on preferring intelligent partners regardless of gender.

[Coidzor]

I made a chart on sexuality and was curious to get feedback on it...

Society places people in sexuality buckets. "Straight", "Bi", "Gay"... Even if you use Kinsey's scale, you still get buckets, there are just more of them. My chart is basically saying that these things are not buckets. They're on a fluid scale.

Well, yeah, no one wants to give even a shred of creedence to malarkey about gays having a conspiracy to turn others gay. Because it's a ridiculous sentiment and rightly lampooned.

And unless I've managed to just forget all of my language, a lack of concrete sexual identity is implied by a fluid scale.

I also think it makes more sense to label "likes men" & "likes women" than it does to label "straight" & "gay"... In part because the latter requires more other information to understand (the person's gender), and partly because there are genderqueer & androgenous people.

Genderqueer and "androgynous" people generally still have the requisite bits to have a physical sex regardless of how they feel about social roles and constructs. And I don't even want to think about how one would set up a urinary tract without something down there.

[Thajocoth]

{Omitted, as I'm unsure if even quoting this part may be against the rules.}

I have never heard of this and don't see how it would have anything to do with what I posted.

And unless I've managed to just forget all of my language, a lack of concrete sexual identity is implied by a fluid scale.

That's a fluid sexuality. I'm saying the scale itself is fluid. To use math, I'm likening the usual model to set of multiples of 10 and my chart to the set of all reals. It simply allows one to be far more specific by selecting between the buckets used by the usual system... But it's still a plotted point.

Genderqueer and "androgynous" people generally still have the requisite bits to have a physical sex regardless of how they feel about social roles and constructs.

A physically male individual who identifies as a woman and finds women much more attractive than men: Would you call her straight or a lesbian? I know that some people answer that one way & some answer it the other. I would call her a lesbian. This means that I'm using the terms based on mental gender and I should be consistent.

Also, if you use physical gender: What about hermaphrodites? They're born as both genders.

And I don't even want to think about how one would set up a urinary tract without something down there.

I do not know the specifics of the intended surgery.

[Jeff the Green]

The only time I dislike intelligence is when people have the compulsive need to prove they're smarter than everyone around them by making everything a debate, but most smart people don't seem to do this.

I don't think that has anything to do with intelligence. More *******ness.

Edit: Okay, let's try "rectumness"

[Coidzor]

That's a fluid sexuality. I'm saying the scale itself is fluid. To use math, I'm likening the usual model to set of multiples of 10 and my chart to the set of all reals. It simply allows one to be far more specific by selecting between the buckets used by the usual system... But it's still a plotted point.

Ah.

A physically male individual who identifies as a woman and finds women much more attractive than men: Would you call her straight or a lesbian? I know that some people answer that one way & some answer it the other. I would call her a lesbian. This means that I'm using the terms based on mental gender and I should be consistent.

Well, it's tricky even there, because if she has sex with a woman and has male genitalia, well, then you're defining lesbian sex as including male genitalia. Or maybe just messy, like all human things are.

Also, if you use physical gender: What about hermaphrodites? They're born as both genders.

My understanding was that true hermaphrodites did not occur and that true intersexed individuals are not so much both as superficially having the trappings of the opposite sex, such as with women with pronounced CAH.

I do not know the specifics of the intended surgery.

I should hope not. It was less to talk about this friend of yours in particular and more an aside than anything else.

I don't think that has anything to do with intelligence. More *******ness.

Edit: Okay, let's try "rectumness"

I find the asterisks work a lot better on the whole anyway. Sometimes I just type a string of asterisks of variable length when I don't even have an expletive in mind and I just want to convey that level of flippancy/visceralness/etc.

[golentan]

Saw this gem on facebook a minute ago.

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[Mynxae]

Saw this gem on facebook a minute ago.

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That is gold.

[Thajocoth]

My understanding was that true hermaphrodites did not occur and that true intersexed individuals are not so much both as superficially having the trappings of the opposite sex, such as with women with pronounced CAH.

Most true hermaphrodites are modified shortly after birth to be what the parents want them to be. It does occur.

[Eurus]

Most true hermaphrodites are modified shortly after birth to be what the parents want them to be. It does occur.

Really? Wikipedia says, in reference to individuals with both ovarian and testicular tissue, "there are no documented cases in which both types of gonadal tissue function" (for pregnancy/impregnation). It is only Wikipedia, so grain of salt and all that, but the sources seem fairly legit.

[Jeff the Green]

Most true hermaphrodites are modified shortly after birth to be what the parents want them to be. It does occur.

Really? Wikipedia says, in reference to individuals with both ovarian and testicular tissue, "there are no documented cases in which both types of gonadal tissue function" (for pregnancy/impregnation). It is only Wikipedia, so grain of salt and all that, but the sources seem fairly legit.

The surgery is just on external genitalia, and it's usually not to "what the parents want them to be," it's usually to female, since that's easiest for the doctors. It results in a lot of problems later on, so there's been some movement to avoid assigning a gender surgically until the child can make their preferences known. Not anywhere near enough movement, but some.

[Thajocoth]

Yeah, if someone wants their body modified, go for it, but such things should not be pre-decided for them. Circumcision, surgery on hermaphrodite babies, etc...

I'm half circumcised. They only removed about half of what they normally do from me. I would not have selected it.