LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

[turkishproverb]

I just got hit with all this triggering cissexism and it made me really sad. Could I entreat some trans-allied hugs from you lovely people?

*hugs lilac and gives a pizza*

What? I figured you might be tired of chocolate.

[Coidzor]

Things like this manhwa say a lot about our society. A bunch of guys hit on some girls and they're creeps and jerks. A horde of women attempt to forcibly romance a guy and it's sexy? What? I can't imagine that even a straight guy could be into that. People are hard to understand.

Edit: For context maybe go back a few pages.

Who can say what direction is up with the interplay of sex and power and fantasy? Well, maybe someone who knows their theory could shed light on it.

[turkishproverb]

A Wild Coidzor appeared!

Turkishproverb used *HUG*

[lsfreak]

I will admit to loving good romantic comedies. They can be good fun, and are one of the genres where I'll keep an eye out for real gems. Many of them are bad, but Sturgeon's Law always holds true across genre.

What I find more annoying are movies that are labeled "romantic comedy" but aren't. University's philosophy club watched a movie that was full of (dark) humor and happened to be about a guy trying to find his girlfriend... but only by a huge stretch of the imagination was it a romantic comedy. It was solidly black humor.

Or maybe I'm just too picky about wording.

[Heliomance]

If you don't mind a personal question hun, do you think if your dad had done something similar, it would have helped grant you a better understanding of your gender-fluidity? =)

No clue, though the idea of dad in a skirt is hilarious!
Also, I didn't work out I was genderfluid until about February, and while I had had feelings of wrongbodyness for years before that, I hadn't told anyone.

[Mono Vertigo]

I must say, I did not expect so many people to despise romantic comedies as much as I do.
But yeah, I'd like to see romantic comedies with quirky straight secondary characters, just for the novelty of it.
Which reminds me I watched I love you Phillip Morris not long ago. It's... a bit like a romantic comedy. Kinda. Well, it's more like a comedy with a lot of black humor, which happens to have a plot based on romance. Also, there is very little homophobia (at least none of the soul-crushing kind) toward the gay characters, which is refreshing when you live it or read way too much about it. I recommend it.

(No spoiler, but a couple friendly warnings: if you think the movie's too sad, keep watching, it'll get better. If you think the movie's too happy, keep watching, it'll get better. It's much closer to Catch me if you can than to your average romantic comedy.)

[Castaras]

I'm guilty of liking a few Rom-coms. Did like The Holiday. If I'm going for chickflicks I'd rather go for something like Devil Wears Prada.

[Coidzor]

A Wild Coidzor appeared!

Turkishproverb used *HUG*

Avast, ye! *ze hugz of doomz*

[bluewind95]

I don't like romantic comedies either. Mostly because they're so predictable. And because the things that are treated as "so romantic", usually come across as disgusting or creepy to me.

There's also the fact that my sister watched one called "10 things I hate about you" and decided that I was just like one of the main characters (the loner sister, I think?) and then decided that all that was needed to "fix" me was just to get a good boyfriend *ROLLS EYES*. She never stopped bugging me about it and it's left a rather bitter and gross aftertaste.

[Asta Kask]

Remind me again of your personal preferences.

[KenderWizard]

I don't like romantic comedies either. Mostly because they're so predictable. And because the things that are treated as "so romantic", usually come across as disgusting or creepy to me.

There's also the fact that my sister watched one called "10 things I hate about you" and decided that I was just like one of the main characters (the loner sister, I think?) and then decided that all that was needed to "fix" me was just to get a good boyfriend *ROLLS EYES*. She never stopped bugging me about it and it's left a rather bitter and gross aftertaste.

Ah, that's a shame. I quite liked 10 Things I Hate About You! As teen romances go. Some romcoms can be good, but definitely, there are many many problems with the genre, including but not limited to (a) a veritable worship of heteronormativity and (b) huge pushing of gendernormative roles.

[Irish Musician]

I just got hit with all this triggering cissexism and it made me really sad. Could I entreat some trans-allied hugs from you lovely people?

*Looks over at Lilac, gets a running start, and GLOMPHS AND HUGS ALL OVER*

[Lix Lorn]

What I find more annoying are movies that are labeled "romantic comedy" but aren't. University's philosophy club watched a movie that was full of (dark) humor and happened to be about a guy trying to find his girlfriend... but only by a huge stretch of the imagination was it a romantic comedy. It was solidly black humor.

Or maybe I'm just too picky about wording.

Black humour IS comedy.
Although I do see your point!

[bluewind95]

Remind me again of your personal preferences.

Me? Asexual hetero-romantic. An odd and annoying combination.

I find the notion of being "fixed" by getting a boyfriend terribly offensive. It kind of implies there's something wrong with me if I'm not dating. But it is really not like I can just... go and date. I don't FEEL the first spark, the attraction. I take ages to develop romantic feelings, and only rarely do they even happen, at that. It's not like I can just meet someone and start dating.

And for a long time, I didn't even want to date, for a lot of reasons. And because I showed no interest in dating, my sister(and I believe other people) then began to "fear" I was a lesbian, which just annoyed me further. Not because they'd think I'm a lesbian. But because it just HAD to be in their minds that I was interested in SOMETHING, and they couldn't accept that wasn't the case. Even now my family doesn't believe I'm asexual. They think I'm just repressed. Which is incredibly annoying as I can't even talk about male friends without my sister wondering (and oftentimes asking) if I want to bed them. Goshdang it, no!

[Asta Kask]

*chaste hug* for bluewind95.

It's diffficult when people try to be helpful but just don't get the smegging point.

[Coidzor]

Me? Asexual hetero-romantic. An odd and annoying combination.

Odd? That's one of the two most common forms of asexuality, I had thought.

[bluewind95]

Asta: Yes... yes it is. And thanks for the hugs!

Coidzor: Not odd as in uncommon! Odd as in strange for me to understand and figure out!

[Irish Musician]

But because it just HAD to be in their minds that I was interested in SOMETHING, and they couldn't accept that wasn't the case.

It is hard for people to accept the fact that someone thinks/feels like this, I think. Of course, there is nothing wrong with not having strong feelings for one gender or the other, in my humble opinion. To be honest though, I don't understand it......but that is because I am a super-romantic person myself. BUT just because I don't understand something, doesn't mean I can't accept it, which is what I do

GO THEN!!! Be your Asexual self!! FRIEND ALL THE PEOPLE!!!!

[supernerd]

*hugs for bluewind95* that is frustrating. Would cupcakes make things better?

However I rather enjoy a significant number of romantic comedies.

[Mono Vertigo]

Me? Asexual hetero-romantic. An odd and annoying combination.
*snip*

We've got something in common there. The reason I'm so annoying about defending demisexuality (and asexuality in general, of course) is that it's very different from the way most people work. They see someone they find attractive and attempt positive social interactions from there, or they become friends with someone with the explicit hope of having it blossom into reciprocated love, or they even skip the friendship phase and start dating immediately. As for us asexuals, we (generally) just have attraction-free relations, and maybe, maybe, if the stars are right, after a sufficiently long amount of time, it turns into romance. It's not a matter of standards or slut-shaming.

Spoiler

Show

And because it works in such a specific way, I believe that, like homosexuality/heterosexuality (depending of the relevant circumstances), it may be important to point that out before a potential date. "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you or anyone else right now, and I can't guarantee it will ever change", that's something that may be as important to say as "sorry, that won't work, nothing personal, I'm gay/straight".

I am pretty sure my mother, who is sex-positive (which is a good thing) wouldn't understand that either, even though she's quite LGBT-aware. The bright side is that she's never, NEVER asked me about any facet of my sentimental/sex life before my boyfriend, and even now, all she asks is if everything's okay between us. So I'm very fortunate the subject might never pop up.

I rambled again.
Anyway.
*asexual hugs!*

[noparlpf]

Me? Asexual hetero-romantic. An odd and annoying combination.

How is it odd? Annoying sure, finding an asexual boyfriend or a guy who's willing to forgo sex is hard. I hear about that from my ex, who is in the same boat as you. Her bf is bi, which I thought was an amusing combination.
And I think I understand how you feel, a bit. Lately I've kind of been missing the feeling of being in love, probably because I'm lonely at a new school and I'm already missing friendship too, but I don't seem to be equipped to go about romance at all.

I find the notion of being "fixed" by getting a boyfriend terribly offensive. It kind of implies there's something wrong with me if I'm not dating. But it is really not like I can just... go and date. I don't FEEL the first spark, the attraction. I take ages to develop romantic feelings, and only rarely do they even happen, at that. It's not like I can just meet someone and start dating.

This I completely agree and sympathise with.

And for a long time, I didn't even want to date, for a lot of reasons. And because I showed no interest in dating, my sister(and I believe other people) then began to "fear" I was a lesbian, which just annoyed me further. Not because they'd think I'm a lesbian. But because it just HAD to be in their minds that I was interested in SOMETHING, and they couldn't accept that wasn't the case. Even now my family doesn't believe I'm asexual. They think I'm just repressed. Which is incredibly annoying as I can't even talk about male friends without my sister wondering (and oftentimes asking) if I want to bed them. Goshdang it, no!

The hardest part about explaining asexuality to people, in my experience, is that people simply can't understand not wanting to screw something. I've run into people who seem to understand bestiality or incest or other really taboo sexual inclinations more easily.
And I get the same thing at home. Except because I dated a girl once they don't think I'm gay. But anything I mention a female friend my mother expectshopes that I'm into them.

[Asta Kask]

Asta: Yes... yes it is. And thanks for the hugs!

If you had an only-romantic relationship with someone, would you agree to an open relationship? Or would it have to be celibacy?

[Coidzor]

Asta: Yes... yes it is. And thanks for the hugs!

Coidzor: Not odd as in uncommon! Odd as in strange for me to understand and figure out!

Ah. Sorry. Though I must admit that your saying that makes me curious. I know I believe and am somethings that always seem odd to me as to how I've developed or just... been the way that I am.

From what I've experienced and what I've usually heard from what others have, it just seems like attraction and desire or the lack thereof are the more clear-cut parts, even if we don't really have words for what it is or why and people like to give those with "non-standard" setups a hard time or worse.

Hmm. I'm trying to ask a question here, since you've piqued my curiosity, but how to phrase it is failing me.

[Lentrax]

Hello, all! I've been lurking these threads for quite some time now, and I feel that now is the time for me to pop my head in and say hello.

For quite a long time now, I have been doing some soulsearching, trying to find answers to questions that I cannot even form, let alone answer, on my own. But the one I did know, the one I still have yet to find a true answer for is the simplest.

"Who am I?"

Spoiler

Show

Simple, but at the same time complex. I was born male, and grew up male. My home was predominately male, and I had expectations placed upon me. Then I became a victim of bullying to such an extent that I broke. I began to fear that with all the name calling and physical abuse I was going through that there was genuinely something wrong with me, and that I had to find what it was and fix it.

And so it went for years. I tried on different 'me-hats,' changing one thing or another about myself. I would spend months trying to see what, if anything made my life better. Or more specifically made me feel better. At the advice of my psychologist, I made a list of things I liked about me, and things I hated. And that was when I started crossdressing. I changed everything about myself. Not just one or two things, but everything. I spoke to counselors, psychologists, anyone who worked with the mind or soul.

Some were encouraging, trying to give me hope that I could be happy again.

But I wasn't. Not even going through my metamrphosis helped. I changed schools, changed my name, changed everything I could, but I was still broken. I went one dates in high school, went with guys and gils alike, searching for someone who could help me not feel so broken.

Anyway, to make a long(er) story short, I never did find what I was looking for. But I did learn the most important thing. I was never broken to begin with. I still don't know who I am, or even what I am, but I hope to find out.

I really hope that wasn't too long for everyone. Like I said, I want to know who I am, and if that means sharing myself with others, then all the better right? Its time I shared myself. I am tired of living with my shattered reflection.

[Asta Kask]

To say "I don't know" is the beginning of all knowledge. Welcome!

[Irish Musician]

Hello, all! I've been lurking these threads for quite some time now, and I feel that now is the time for me to pop my head in and say hello.

For quite a long time now, I have been doing some soulsearching, trying to find answers to questions that I cannot even form, let alone answer, on my own. But the one I did know, the one I still have yet to find a true answer for is the simplest.

"Who am I?"

Spoiler

Show

Simple, but at the same time complex. I was born male, and grew up male. My home was predominately male, and I had expectations placed upon me. Then I became a victim of bullying to such an extent that I broke. I began to fear that with all the name calling and physical abuse I was going through that there was genuinely something wrong with me, and that I had to find what it was and fix it.

And so it went for years. I tried on different 'me-hats,' changing one thing or another about myself. I would spend months trying to see what, if anything made my life better. Or more specifically made me feel better. At the advice of my psychologist, I made a list of things I liked about me, and things I hated. And that was when I started crossdressing. I changed everything about myself. Not just one or two things, but everything. I spoke to counselors, psychologists, anyone who worked with the mind or soul.

Some were encouraging, trying to give me hope that I could be happy again.

But I wasn't. Not even going through my metamrphosis helped. I changed schools, changed my name, changed everything I could, but I was still broken. I went one dates in high school, went with guys and gils alike, searching for someone who could help me not feel so broken.

Anyway, to make a long(er) story short, I never did find what I was looking for. But I did learn the most important thing. I was never broken to begin with. I still don't know who I am, or even what I am, but I hope to find out.

I really hope that wasn't too long for everyone. Like I said, I want to know who I am, and if that means sharing myself with others, then all the better right? Its time I shared myself. I am tired of living with my shattered reflection.

Very Much Welcome. , and *Hugs* to you!

Trust me, I am about to turn 28 and I still am finding out new things about myself, even now. And Asta is right, the first step to knowledge is knowing you don't know anything. I definitely know it is easier said than done, and it sounds like you are kind of, maybe, a little bit there already, but don't put so much pressure on yourself to "figure everything out." Answers will come in due time and you will find the real you that is hiding int here somewhere.

All I can say is don't give yourselves absolutes, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. You are who you are, and there isn't anything in this world that can change that, not should it. You are exactly as you should be, whatever that happens to turn out to be.

[supernerd]

Hello, all! I've been lurking these threads for quite some time now, and I feel that now is the time for me to pop my head in and say hello.

For quite a long time now, I have been doing some soulsearching, trying to find answers to questions that I cannot even form, let alone answer, on my own. But the one I did know, the one I still have yet to find a true answer for is the simplest.

"Who am I?"

Spoiler

Show

Simple, but at the same time complex. I was born male, and grew up male. My home was predominately male, and I had expectations placed upon me. Then I became a victim of bullying to such an extent that I broke. I began to fear that with all the name calling and physical abuse I was going through that there was genuinely something wrong with me, and that I had to find what it was and fix it.

And so it went for years. I tried on different 'me-hats,' changing one thing or another about myself. I would spend months trying to see what, if anything made my life better. Or more specifically made me feel better. At the advice of my psychologist, I made a list of things I liked about me, and things I hated. And that was when I started crossdressing. I changed everything about myself. Not just one or two things, but everything. I spoke to counselors, psychologists, anyone who worked with the mind or soul.

Some were encouraging, trying to give me hope that I could be happy again.

But I wasn't. Not even going through my metamrphosis helped. I changed schools, changed my name, changed everything I could, but I was still broken. I went one dates in high school, went with guys and gils alike, searching for someone who could help me not feel so broken.

Anyway, to make a long(er) story short, I never did find what I was looking for. But I did learn the most important thing. I was never broken to begin with. I still don't know who I am, or even what I am, but I hope to find out.

I really hope that wasn't too long for everyone. Like I said, I want to know who I am, and if that means sharing myself with others, then all the better right? Its time I shared myself. I am tired of living with my shattered reflection.

Whoever you are, you sound totally awesome. *welcome hugs and cookies*

[noparlpf]

Hello, all! I've been lurking these threads for quite some time now, and I feel that now is the time for me to pop my head in and say hello.

For quite a long time now, I have been doing some soulsearching, trying to find answers to questions that I cannot even form, let alone answer, on my own. But the one I did know, the one I still have yet to find a true answer for is the simplest.

"Who am I?"

Spoiler

Show

Simple, but at the same time complex. I was born male, and grew up male. My home was predominately male, and I had expectations placed upon me. Then I became a victim of bullying to such an extent that I broke. I began to fear that with all the name calling and physical abuse I was going through that there was genuinely something wrong with me, and that I had to find what it was and fix it.

And so it went for years. I tried on different 'me-hats,' changing one thing or another about myself. I would spend months trying to see what, if anything made my life better. Or more specifically made me feel better. At the advice of my psychologist, I made a list of things I liked about me, and things I hated. And that was when I started crossdressing. I changed everything about myself. Not just one or two things, but everything. I spoke to counselors, psychologists, anyone who worked with the mind or soul.

Some were encouraging, trying to give me hope that I could be happy again.

But I wasn't. Not even going through my metamrphosis helped. I changed schools, changed my name, changed everything I could, but I was still broken. I went one dates in high school, went with guys and gils alike, searching for someone who could help me not feel so broken.

Anyway, to make a long(er) story short, I never did find what I was looking for. But I did learn the most important thing. I was never broken to begin with. I still don't know who I am, or even what I am, but I hope to find out.

I really hope that wasn't too long for everyone. Like I said, I want to know who I am, and if that means sharing myself with others, then all the better right? Its time I shared myself. I am tired of living with my shattered reflection.

Well, welcome aboard. And Asta's right, knowledge starts from "I don't know", and self-discovery is a lifelong journey. Best of luck.


So I think I just actually felt how it feels to be a minority for the first time. Grokking it has always been kind of hard, having grown up white and cis-male. Anyway, I was just being frustrated at neurotypical people for taking stuff like empathy for granted and then not appreciating it and not even making use of it half the time, when for some of us it's such hard work.

[SiuiS]

If you had an only-romantic relationship with someone, would you agree to an open relationship? Or would it have to be celibacy?

Having been on the other side of that, it takes knowing before hand to even be feasible. Otherwise it seems like there's something wrong with you, especially if the asexual I the two says anything thy sounds een remotely like try find someone else attractive.

Circumstances being what they are though, there are noun to be an entire book's worth of extenuations.

Hello, all! I've been lurking these threads for quite some time now, and I feel that now is the time for me to pop my head in and say hello.

For quite a long time now, I have been doing some soulsearching, trying to find answers to questions that I cannot even form, let alone answer, on my own. But the one I did know, the one I still have yet to find a true answer for is the simplest.

"Who am I?"

Spoiler

Show

Simple, but at the same time complex. I was born male, and grew up male. My home was predominately male, and I had expectations placed upon me. Then I became a victim of bullying to such an extent that I broke. I began to fear that with all the name calling and physical abuse I was going through that there was genuinely something wrong with me, and that I had to find what it was and fix it.

And so it went for years. I tried on different 'me-hats,' changing one thing or another about myself. I would spend months trying to see what, if anything made my life better. Or more specifically made me feel better. At the advice of my psychologist, I made a list of things I liked about me, and things I hated. And that was when I started crossdressing. I changed everything about myself. Not just one or two things, but everything. I spoke to counselors, psychologists, anyone who worked with the mind or soul.

Some were encouraging, trying to give me hope that I could be happy again.

But I wasn't. Not even going through my metamrphosis helped. I changed schools, changed my name, changed everything I could, but I was still broken. I went one dates in high school, went with guys and gils alike, searching for someone who could help me not feel so broken.

Anyway, to make a long(er) story short, I never did find what I was looking for. But I did learn the most important thing. I was never broken to begin with. I still don't know who I am, or even what I am, but I hope to find out.

I really hope that wasn't too long for everyone. Like I said, I want to know who I am, and if that means sharing myself with others, then all the better right? Its time I shared myself. I am tired of living with my shattered reflection.

hello friend! I wish you a good journey, and of not a peaceful one, then ten times as fruitful.

[Mina Kobold]

Me? Asexual hetero-romantic. An odd and annoying combination.

I find the notion of being "fixed" by getting a boyfriend terribly offensive. It kind of implies there's something wrong with me if I'm not dating. But it is really not like I can just... go and date. I don't FEEL the first spark, the attraction. I take ages to develop romantic feelings, and only rarely do they even happen, at that. It's not like I can just meet someone and start dating.

And for a long time, I didn't even want to date, for a lot of reasons. And because I showed no interest in dating, my sister(and I believe other people) then began to "fear" I was a lesbian, which just annoyed me further. Not because they'd think I'm a lesbian. But because it just HAD to be in their minds that I was interested in SOMETHING, and they couldn't accept that wasn't the case. Even now my family doesn't believe I'm asexual. They think I'm just repressed. Which is incredibly annoying as I can't even talk about male friends without my sister wondering (and oftentimes asking) if I want to bed them. Goshdang it, no!

Much agree on that. Though I have never actually experienced it myself, I find the notion that not being partnered off equals being broken scary. It makes it sound as if there is only one type of sane personality. ._.

*Hugs/cookies*

Both the fact that they saw that possibility as fearsome and that they did not consider the possibility of not being interested in any group is sad. I hope they wise up in the future.

Hello, all! I've been lurking these threads for quite some time now, and I feel that now is the time for me to pop my head in and say hello.

For quite a long time now, I have been doing some soulsearching, trying to find answers to questions that I cannot even form, let alone answer, on my own. But the one I did know, the one I still have yet to find a true answer for is the simplest.

"Who am I?"

Spoiler

Show

Simple, but at the same time complex. I was born male, and grew up male. My home was predominately male, and I had expectations placed upon me. Then I became a victim of bullying to such an extent that I broke. I began to fear that with all the name calling and physical abuse I was going through that there was genuinely something wrong with me, and that I had to find what it was and fix it.

And so it went for years. I tried on different 'me-hats,' changing one thing or another about myself. I would spend months trying to see what, if anything made my life better. Or more specifically made me feel better. At the advice of my psychologist, I made a list of things I liked about me, and things I hated. And that was when I started crossdressing. I changed everything about myself. Not just one or two things, but everything. I spoke to counselors, psychologists, anyone who worked with the mind or soul.

Some were encouraging, trying to give me hope that I could be happy again.

But I wasn't. Not even going through my metamrphosis helped. I changed schools, changed my name, changed everything I could, but I was still broken. I went one dates in high school, went with guys and gils alike, searching for someone who could help me not feel so broken.

Anyway, to make a long(er) story short, I never did find what I was looking for. But I did learn the most important thing. I was never broken to begin with. I still don't know who I am, or even what I am, but I hope to find out.

I really hope that wasn't too long for everyone. Like I said, I want to know who I am, and if that means sharing myself with others, then all the better right? Its time I shared myself. I am tired of living with my shattered reflection.

Hiya! Welcome to the thread! ^_^

*Hugs/cookies*

Being bullied like that is terrible. Nobody should be made to feel broken or worthless. ;_;

I cannot say that I am sure who I am myself, but as Asta mentioned, it is only the beginning of a journey to say that you do not know. Whatever you discover, adopt as part of you, learn or choose on your quest, I hope it will be an adventure worth many great memories.