Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again

[Jallorn]

She said, "I only like black guys" if it makes a difference. And she was a great friend (I haven't really talked to her since this - I've only seen her once, and I kinda wanna figure out how I feel about everything first.). We got along fine, had shared interests, she even seemed to get my typically weird humor, and I thought we were even flirting a couple times (though she could just be one of those people that flirts with everyone...). She was even really nice when she turned me down, which made the reasoning seem even stranger too me.

If it simply is that she's only attracted to black guys, that should be fine. I wouldn't take it personally, I know a number of people who I could totally have great chemistry with, except I'm not attracted to them, and on the flip side people who I think are incredibly hot, yet I'd never date them because that would never work. As a way of putting this whole thing in perspective, many of the former are guys, and I'm not gay, hence why there's no attraction.

[Serpentine]

That's bizarre, and I would humbly submit that you dodged a bullet.
I admit that I have some reservations about getting with people with dramatically different cultural backgrounds to me, but that's because I can't handle language differences and am worried about different expectations. There are also some features of certain ethnicities that I find more or less aesthetically pleasing (e.g. I adore really pitch-black skin of some African and Australian aboriginal people, but I prefer Asian (Japanes/Korean/Chinese, maybe Indian) hair). But refusing to even consider dating anyone other than a very specific ethnicity on no other basis but that ethnicity... That seems really weird.
Out of curiosity, what's her ethnicity?

[Acanous]

You know, skimming the last two pages of the thread, I gotta say;
When a girl turns you down because she's already got a boyfriend, the perfect recovery is actually "Oh. Think he'd be up for a three-way?" followed by a Groucho Marx eyebrow wiggle.
It disarms the situation with sexual humor, while letting her know you're still interested, all while you don't have to go all "Oh... Okay" and follow with awkward silence.

Plus, who knows? Maybe he is, and you end up with a REALLY interesting story for the thread >.>
And hey, then you still got the girl...kind of <.<

[Coidzor]

She said, "I only like black guys" if it makes a difference. And she was a great friend (I haven't really talked to her since this - I've only seen her once, and I kinda wanna figure out how I feel about everything first.). We got along fine, had shared interests, she even seemed to get my typically weird humor, and I thought we were even flirting a couple times (though she could just be one of those people that flirts with everyone...). She was even really nice when she turned me down, which made the reasoning seem even stranger too me.

Regardless of anything else... Weird. I don't even know how to read all of that. Good luck getting your head pointed all in the same direction on this one.

[ForzaFiori]

That's bizarre, and I would humbly submit that you dodged a bullet.
I admit that I have some reservations about getting with people with dramatically different cultural backgrounds to me, but that's because I can't handle language differences and am worried about different expectations. There are also some features of certain ethnicities that I find more or less aesthetically pleasing (e.g. I adore really pitch-black skin of some African and Australian aboriginal people, but I prefer Asian (Japanes/Korean/Chinese, maybe Indian) hair). But refusing to even consider dating anyone other than a very specific ethnicity on no other basis but that ethnicity... That seems really weird.
Out of curiosity, what's her ethnicity?

She's white. Argentinian American, if that makes a difference. Despite the fact that she's a yankee, we had alot in common - similar musical tastes, same major, similar humor, we had alot of the same hobbies, we've had a couple philosophy classes together and we even were usually agreeing there as well. And you kinda hit what's messing with me right on the head. I can understand finding one ethnicity better looking than another. I have a thing for Asians, but it's not like I'd refuse to date a cute white/black/latino/whatever girl if we had chemistry. I would even have understood if she had just told me I'm not attractive enough for her - She's really hot, and I kinda expected her too anyway.

[Heliomance]

Well there is that old cliche - once you go black...

[dehro]

meh.. I was FWB with a black girl who told me she could never date an asian man.. for the record, I myself am white.
also, a number of women whom I know for a fact not having a racist bone in their body told me that they couldn't see themselves being attracted (I'm guessing on a purelly physical basis) to non white men.
a childhood friend of mine (that is, we spent summers together in the seaside place he lives at and I went to) once told me he doesn't "understand" or know how to relate to non catholics..he didn't know I'm jewish and was rather stumped when I told him so.
personal tastes, ignorance, prejudice and racism are very different things..sometimes they overlap, sometimes they don't. dabbling in places and things that aren't exactly forum friendly, I've encountered the "I only go black" thing before.. rarely it's just a personal preference.. more often it's mingled with expectations of a certain kind.. not unlike the expectations I have met myself in the UK when introducing myself as Italian.
sometimes those expectation are cultural bias, sometimes genuine fascination to a "type"..sometimes it's just people thinking with their *insert reproductive organ of choice*.
hard to tell.. but yeah.. if that's how she thinks, best just walk away from a dating prospect but accept that she's not necessarily being a racist and for all you know you might end up gaining that reputation with her if you steer clear from her because she dates black people...
the fact that you do that because she only dates black people, and thus has no interest in you, might be irrelevant in her eyes. you might want to salvage your friendship

[The Succubus]

I think she just expressed herself a little clumsily, that's all, which isn't to be expected when you've just been asked out and are a little flustered. Everyone has their own aesthetic preferences for attractiveness in a partner and it's not something she should be penalised for.

Of course, if she's expressed other sentiments, especially in a derisive manner than that's a whole other barrel of ducks.

[Castaras]

You know, skimming the last two pages of the thread, I gotta say;
When a girl turns you down because she's already got a boyfriend, the perfect recovery is actually "Oh. Think he'd be up for a three-way?" followed by a Groucho Marx eyebrow wiggle.
It disarms the situation with sexual humor, while letting her know you're still interested, all while you don't have to go all "Oh... Okay" and follow with awkward silence.

Would certainly make me laugh, and my bf would probably be tempted to agree to it...

[Thufir]

Would certainly make me laugh, and my bf would probably be tempted to agree to it...

Oh really?
...
*eyebrow waggle*

[Serpentine]

Speaking of threesomes and triangles and trinities: I seem to have been a catalyst for the kindlings of some sort of relationship and am currently acting as broker, negotiator, spy and cheat-sheet between two good new friends to whom I am extremely attracted but for whom I have no serious romantic intentions. It's a really weird situation and honestly I'm half-waiting for it to all go up in flames, but in the meantime I'm enjoying myself immensely.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

Speaking of threesomes and triangles and trinities: I seem to have been a catalyst for the kindlings of some sort of relationship and am currently acting as broker, negotiator, spy and cheat-sheet between two good new friends to whom I am extremely attracted but for whom I have no serious romantic intentions. It's a really weird situation and honestly I'm half-waiting for it to all go up in flames, but in the meantime I'm enjoying myself immensely.

Sounds fun. Here's to hoping it doesn't go up in flames.

Triads, even casual ones, can work out quite nicely with the right people.

It's the last part that's the trick.

Proper setting of expectations is also oft the key to a good start.

[Coidzor]

also, a number of women whom I know for a fact not having a racist bone in their body told me that they couldn't see themselves being attracted (I'm guessing on a purelly physical basis) to non white men.

Everyone's a little bit racist.

I think she just expressed herself a little clumsily, that's all, which isn't to be expected when you've just been asked out and are a little flustered. Everyone has their own aesthetic preferences for attractiveness in a partner and it's not something she should be penalised for.

Of course, if she's expressed other sentiments, especially in a derisive manner than that's a whole other barrel of ducks.

Granted, most people don't get so flustered they go with the least tactful and maximally insulting thing possible to say. And then don't roll a saving throw later on to try to save a little face. Well, not unless they'd want to cuss the person out anyway or are so self-absorbed that alone is reason to rethink associating with them.

[dehro]

Everyone's a little bit racist.

that's one way to look at it... the other is that if you look hard enough you'll find a racist thought or behaviour in anyone..or at least something that can be construed as such..
I prefer making a difference between .. say.. being mindful of the risks involved in walking at night through a dark alley and finding yourself the subject of attention of some illegal immigrant who's got no business lurking in the alley to begin with, and looking down your nose at someone just for being an illegal immigrant, just because he's ahead of you in the checkout queue at the local mall.
the first situation could be construed as racism too, but let's face it.. anybody you find "lurking at you" would scare you.. not just an illegal immigrant... and if you add to that the fact that statistically (at least in my neck of the woods) some shabby looking illegal immigrant roaming the streets late at night is more likely to be a source of trouble than your average local guy who is too drunk to find the way home, then a person has some justified cause of concern in that respect and shouldn't be labelled a racist just because s/he checks his wallet/purse.

[Serpentine]

I'm mostly just impressed that you can determine someone's legal status just by looking t them. They don't tend to wear it branded across their foreheads as far as I'm aware, though maybe the ones in Italy are different.

[dehro]

I'm mostly just impressed that you can determine someone's legal status just by looking t them. They don't tend to wear it branded across their foreheads as far as I'm aware, though maybe the ones in Italy are different.

I was intentionally overstereotyping (is that even a word?) the "looks" and the situation..and yeah.. it is a bit of a sad truth that a great number of the people from the balkans, asia or from north-africa are in Italy illegally or are otherwise involved in illegal activities ranging from working off the books (not by their choice, I should add) to petty theft or more serious criminal activities.
of course you might be talking to someone who is regularily employed and has a working permit ..but those individuals tend to have better things to do with their time than to loiter in dark alleys at night...families to rise, jobs to attend to etc etc..
if you have a modicum of street smarts it's fairly easy to distinguish between those who are wearing the only clothes they have (and often sleep in them) who are wandering about because they have no place to stay, and those who are just out for an afternoon stroll with their friends.

I realise I have misrepresented my second example though, in the attempt of describing the "racist mindset".. what I meant was an immigrant who happens to be ahead of you in a queue.. illegal or not would have little relevance...
the assumption that an adult with obvious foreign origins (by obvious I mean african or south american, for instance) would be an immigrant and not a second or third generation born in Italy, is a fairly reasonable one, and not per se tinted of racism.
The simple fact is that in Italy, mine could very well be the first generation to be born in Italy to include people whose parents came from those regions of the world before we were born... and even so, they are a very small minority.
in fact, most non-white people born in Italy tend to be younger than myself.. (in their twenties or younger)... the eldest black people to be born in Italy, literally a handful of them, probably came about during or just after WW2, that being the first time for most Italians to see a black man up close.
Then again, I myself wasn't born in Italy either..so what do I know..

[Imbasel]

Hey guys I have a relationship woe or perhaps ex woe to talk about.

My senior year of high school I met this beautiful wonderful girl. She was a freshman (please don't make jokes) and within a couple of months we were dating. Our chemistry was amazing we really got one another and we fell in love quickly. We never really fought, and while we had relationship issues mainly with her and the idea of her being good enough (I was her first boyfriend and she was very worried if she was good enough for me) we did well.

Then came college and some other things. I decided to stay in town for college as it had the program I was looking for anyway and the price was far better. I was ecstatic because we could still see each other quite often. Then came the news that changed us. Her family would be moving to Indiana (I live in Northern New York) in late December. Over the next few months we spent a lot of time with one another before the move.

When the move happened it was hard as she was a sophomore in high school and I a freshman in college. Despite that we gave long distance a try. We talked every day and always kept in touch. I surprised visited her for Valentines Day and then later spent a week with her in March during both of our breaks.

It wasn't until May that I saw her again and she told me that she had thought of breaking up with me a couple of times due to distance and a couple of other things. We talked about the relationship issues, and fixed those.

In July I was supposed to fly out to see her. However, over the past few weeks I had felt her pulling away and we were talking less and less although I tried to talk to her as much as I could. The relationship was complicated through the fact she could not fly to see me and I had to do all the traveling. Her parents helped with the tickets, but I was paying for 2/3s of every trip and doing all the traveling.

I called her a week before I was supposed to go (before I received money from her parents, but I had bought tickets) and I broke up with her. I told her how I had felt her pulling away, the strain I was feeling for paying for so much, and the fact that she could never come see me. She didn't seem that surprised and said that she had thought about breaking up with me, but didn't.

This was this past summer. I feel like crap now. I think about her almost everyday and I'm still in love with her. I wished I hadn't broken up with her as I was happier even 900 miles away than being single and not with her. In November we texted a bit and I found out that she was planning on breaking up with me after the week I was supposed to spend there. I asked what happened between us and she said that we weren't clicking anymore and she wasn't enjoying our conversations.

I have a new girlfriend right now we started going out a couple of weeks ago. I thought that I was fine and that my ex while part of my life was small enough to not be an issue. Now I'm not sure as I care so much for my ex and love her. When we were together she mentioned at various points how her parents took a break for a few years between college and high school and got back together. In my heart I feel like she is the one for me, the one who I'm supposed to end up with. I've put myself out there with girls but until recently I haven't clicked with one until my current girlfriend.

My question is what should I do? The biggest issue with my past relationship was the distance as before that we were fine. If we were in the same general area/state I think we could be great again. I'm graduating in a couple of years and plan on getting a masters. She will finish high school before then so in terms of college she will have spent her first year at college by that point. She has said that right now (in November) she wouldn't want to go out with me again for some of the reasons I have mentioned above. She is currently dating a guy right now and I'm dating this girl.

What do I do? I feel so confused, but in my heart I feel like she is the one and that if the distance could be breached then we could get back together again. I just feel so pitiful and sad and upset and I just want to be happy.

[Chen]

My question is what should I do? The biggest issue with my past relationship was the distance as before that we were fine. If we were in the same general area/state I think we could be great again. I'm graduating in a couple of years and plan on getting a masters. She will finish high school before then so in terms of college she will have spent her first year at college by that point. She has said that right now (in November) she wouldn't want to go out with me again for some of the reasons I have mentioned above. She is currently dating a guy right now and I'm dating this girl.

What do I do? I feel so confused, but in my heart I feel like she is the one and that if the distance could be breached then we could get back together again. I just feel so pitiful and sad and upset and I just want to be happy.

She already said she didn't want to go out with you again. I think the best thing to do is let her go. Try to stop thinking about her. Focus on the person you're with. Not saying it will be easy or anything but you need to try and move on.

[Glass Mouse]

My question is what should I do?

This is one of those problems with an easy answer, eventhough it's hard. I definitely agree with Chen - you need to let her go and focus on moving forward.

I see a lot of different things at play here:

• Your previous relationship had its peak in the teen years, when emotions and hormones are running much, much higher, and everything feels more intense. As you get older, you pretty much lose the ability to feel love that strongly (but you win a lot of things in return). This means that nothing will ever really compare with your ex in terms of whirlwind/lust/passion.
• Again; last time the relationship worked, you were teenagers. People evolve a LOT in those years, meaning that basically you're pining for a person who doesn't exist anymore.
• According to her, the distance isn't the problem. She sounds like she has been pretty clear about having fallen out of love: "she said that we weren't clicking anymore and she wasn't enjoying our conversations" and "she wouldn't want to go out with me again". The best thing you can do for yourself is take it at face value.

Tl;dr: I understand it's tough, especially since it's a "first love" thing. But from what you describe, I really don't see a future here. Or, at the very least, hoping and fixating on a future is doing yourself a huge disservice.
Let her go. Focus on your new girl. Learn to be happy again.

[The Succubus]

Tl;dr: I understand it's tough, especially since it's a "first love" thing. But from what you describe, I really don't see a future here. Or, at the very least, hoping and fixating on a future is doing yourself a huge disservice. Let her go. Focus on your new girl. Learn to be happy again.

There are easier things in this world. Scaling Everest, freediving the Mariana Trench or successfully convincing someone on the internet that they're wrong. It's really hard to forget your first relationship, (especially if it's the only one you've had) but you've been rather fortunate in that you've found someone else. You can try activities and different things that you couldn't try with your previous partner. She has all kinds of fun secrets within her, waiting for you to find out what they are. Failing that, I defer you to Tim Minchin:

With all my heart and all my mind I know one thing is true:
I have just one life and just one love and, my love, that love is you.

And if it wasn't for you, baby,
I really think that I would
have somebody else.

I wouldn't mind a little of your luck on OKC, Imbasel. My message box has been somewhat dispiritingly empty thus far.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

What do I do? I feel so confused, but in my heart I feel like she is the one and that if the distance could be breached then we could get back together again. I just feel so pitiful and sad and upset and I just want to be happy.

To put it simply, you should let your current gf know that you are still hung up on your ex and, as such, you leave the ball in her court as to whether or not she cares to stick with you until you get her out of your system or to split in the hopes of meeting someone who is emotionally available to be fully invested in her.

I have not lived with my gf of 6+ years for nearly a year now, and we are still going strong despite the severe change in the relationship format. If this girl you are hung up on was really "the one", the distance would not ever have gotten between you two. You're young, she's younger. This sort of stuff sucks as bad as anything emotionally-rooted can suck. However, unless she comes organically back into your life you are doing nobody any favors by dwelling on pointless what-ifs that may (or may not) have any actual connection to the reality of the scenario.

[Coidzor]

that's one way to look at it... the other is that if you look hard enough you'll find a racist thought or behaviour in anyone..or at least something that can be construed as such..

Ah, sorry, I forgot my link somehow. And I rather doubt it, but I've never really had a credible source come up with that position or argue it with any conviction so it is possible, I suppose.

[Form]

The OkCupid thing isn't really working out so far. I have gotten a few messages back, but the conversation just drops dead after about 2 or 3 messages and well before I can suggest to meet up sometime. I don't know what to do about that. I just don't like the fact that I'll end up putting a lot of time in this without any returns whatsoever.

That's not my biggest issue right now though...

Spoiler

Show

See, I'm pretty much madly in love with a hallmate of mine who has very recently become officially available. We hang out together fairly frequently, but other than some drunken flirting nothing has come of it so far... and of course I'm afraid nothing will come of it.

I want to tell her how I feel about her or ask her out for a date, but she lives in the same hallway as I. I'm sure you understand the potential for awkwardness here. I don't want to simply do nothing either, however, and I did promise myself I'd tell her sooner or later (a promise I still intend to keep).

All I can think of right now is
A) Taking a stupid risk and do or say something stupid (hey, how about them <insert random conversation topic>, also I'm in love with you, let's date, ha ha. Or some variation thereof.)
B) Ask a mutual associate to find out how she feels about me. He's one of her friends, but just an acquaintance of mine. I don't really know if he'll be, well, subtle though.
C) She'll be leaving for about half a year soon. I could tell her how I feel about a week before she actually leaves. I'd have amply opportunity to move before she'd be back.

Or maybe I should do something more subtle. But the thing is, the way I get with this stuff, that won't work for me. I also don't think I can be just friends with a girl when I have such affection for her and when she knows I do. I'll get disappointed, angry etc. again. This all feels waaaaay too familiar. It's a dance I've been through many times before and it never ends the way I want it to. So, what do I do? Most importantly of all, how could I actually 'get' her?

[dehro]

The OkCupid thing isn't really working out so far. I have gotten a few messages back, but the conversation just drops dead after about 2 or 3 messages and well before I can suggest to meet up sometime. I don't know what to do about that. I just don't like the fact that I'll end up putting a lot of time in this without any returns whatsoever.

That's not my biggest issue right now though...

Spoiler

Show

See, I'm pretty much madly in love with a hallmate of mine who has very recently become officially available. We hang out together fairly frequently, but other than some drunken flirting nothing has come of it so far... and of course I'm afraid nothing will come of it.

I want to tell her how I feel about her or ask her out for a date, but she lives in the same hallway as I. I'm sure you understand the potential for awkwardness here. I don't want to simply do nothing either, however, and I did promise myself I'd tell her sooner or later (a promise I still intend to keep).

All I can think of right now is
A) Taking a stupid risk and do or say something stupid (hey, how about them <insert random conversation topic>, also I'm in love with you, let's date, ha ha. Or some variation thereof.)
B) Ask a mutual associate to find out how she feels about me. He's one of her friends, but just an acquaintance of mine. I don't really know if he'll be, well, subtle though.
C) She'll be leaving for about half a year soon. I could tell her how I feel about a week before she actually leaves. I'd have amply opportunity to move before she'd be back.

Or maybe I should do something more subtle. But the thing is, the way I get with this stuff, that won't work for me. I also don't think I can be just friends with a girl when I have such affection for her and when she knows I do. I'll get disappointed, angry etc. again. This all feels waaaaay too familiar. It's a dance I've been through many times before and it never ends the way I want it to. So, what do I do? Most importantly of all, how could I actually 'get' her?

every form of online dating requires time and dedication spent on it. OKC and others are not a quick fix solution to find a date/potential love interest in a matter of days. also, any girl who doesn't take her time to at least get a feeling of who you are and jumps right into "let's meet up" is in fact being less than sensible and might set herself up for dating an axe murderer.
are you being a bit cagey and less than open about yourself? are you being less than engaging? those might be reasons for a girl to not want to take the risk of meeting an unknown quantity.

as for your other thing.. I'd take the risk now. telling her 1 week before she leaves is likely going to get you squat.
she'll be thinking "I'm leaving in a week, I can't deal with this now" or "well..he coulda told me sooner" or other variations of the above.
it will leave you pining for her for 6 months and her probably forgetting all about it or worse, making it awkward when she returns.

asking a friend of hers.. meh.. if he's only an acquaintance for you, he has no personal loyalty towards yourself and might spill the beans to her in the misguided attempt to "being a concerned friend/doing her best interest".. stuff might be said that you'll never even know about and that might blow all your chances. If you want an intermediation, find somebody who is a better friend to you than s/he is to her.

[Form]

every form of online dating requires time and dedication spent on it. OKC and others are not a quick fix solution to find a date/potential love interest in a matter of days. also, any girl who doesn't take her time to at least get a feeling of who you are and jumps right into "let's meet up" is in fact being less than sensible and might set herself up for dating an axe murderer.
are you being a bit cagey and less than open about yourself? are you being less than engaging? those might be reasons for a girl to not want to take the risk of meeting an unknown quantity.

It looks like it's going to be a matter of months, if at all. Of course I understand not meeting up too soon, I don't want that myself either. I try to have an interesting conversation, so I think I'm doing that alright. And it's not that I ask them to meet up too soon, since I haven't even asked that of anyone (yet). It's just that the message conversations so far just... die. So far, they don't seem to last long enough for me to even have the opportunity to act cagey and/or evasive, much less scare girls off by appearing axe crazy.

as for your other thing.. I'd take the risk now. telling her 1 week before she leaves is likely going to get you squat.
she'll be thinking "I'm leaving in a week, I can't deal with this now" or "well..he coulda told me sooner" or other variations of the above.
it will leave you pining for her for 6 months and her probably forgetting all about it or worse, making it awkward when she returns.

I hadn't considered that. Thing is, I probably won't be around anymore when she comes back. If it goes bad, I'd just move to another place before then. If I tell her right now I suppose I can still find another place to live. Whether I move a bit earlier or not makes little difference. It's not like I can't afford that.

I suppose I'm also worried about losing a friend. I know how I get with these things, so that's what'll happen. In all honesty though, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. If it wasn't I wouldn't have promised myself to at least tell her eventually.

asking a friend of hers.. meh.. if he's only an acquaintance for you, he has no personal loyalty towards yourself and might spill the beans to her in the misguided attempt to "being a concerned friend/doing her best interest".. stuff might be said that you'll never even know about and that might blow all your chances. If you want an intermediation, find somebody who is a better friend to you than s/he is to her.

Yeah, I don't have a reason to assume he'll be subtle. One time I know about where he did intermediate on behalf of someone else he was not subtle, so I can't count on that. There's no one else I can think of that could mediate, so that just leaves taking care of this myself.

I guess I'll have to figure out how and when. I'm sure I can think of something. I just hope I don't screw it up.

[Jallorn]

The OkCupid thing isn't really working out so far. I have gotten a few messages back, but the conversation just drops dead after about 2 or 3 messages and well before I can suggest to meet up sometime. I don't know what to do about that. I just don't like the fact that I'll end up putting a lot of time in this without any returns whatsoever.

That's not my biggest issue right now though...

Spoiler

Show

See, I'm pretty much madly in love with a hallmate of mine who has very recently become officially available. We hang out together fairly frequently, but other than some drunken flirting nothing has come of it so far... and of course I'm afraid nothing will come of it.

I want to tell her how I feel about her or ask her out for a date, but she lives in the same hallway as I. I'm sure you understand the potential for awkwardness here. I don't want to simply do nothing either, however, and I did promise myself I'd tell her sooner or later (a promise I still intend to keep).

All I can think of right now is
A) Taking a stupid risk and do or say something stupid (hey, how about them <insert random conversation topic>, also I'm in love with you, let's date, ha ha. Or some variation thereof.)
B) Ask a mutual associate to find out how she feels about me. He's one of her friends, but just an acquaintance of mine. I don't really know if he'll be, well, subtle though.
C) She'll be leaving for about half a year soon. I could tell her how I feel about a week before she actually leaves. I'd have amply opportunity to move before she'd be back.

Or maybe I should do something more subtle. But the thing is, the way I get with this stuff, that won't work for me. I also don't think I can be just friends with a girl when I have such affection for her and when she knows I do. I'll get disappointed, angry etc. again. This all feels waaaaay too familiar. It's a dance I've been through many times before and it never ends the way I want it to. So, what do I do? Most importantly of all, how could I actually 'get' her?

Well, since you already seem to have decided on your course of action, and I agree it's the right one, I'll let that be. However, I will say that it's probably a bad idea to express much stronger emotions than, "I really want to go out with you." You could very easily scare someone off with, "I love you."

[Form]

It's occurred to me I've forgotten to ask what to do/how to act assuming things go bad? I can easily see myself not being able to think straight afterwards.

[Jallorn]

It's occurred to me I've forgotten to ask what to do/how to act assuming things go bad? I can easily see myself not being able to think straight afterwards.

Imagine it ahead of time and come up with a couple possible things to say so you can extract yourself to be alone with your emotions. If you decide what you'll do before hand, it drastically reduces the stress of escape.

[dehro]

It's occurred to me I've forgotten to ask what to do/how to act assuming things go bad? I can easily see myself not being able to think straight afterwards.

you're in love.. you're already not thinking straight.

[Hadrian_Emrys]

Most importantly of all, how could I actually 'get' her?

Well, considering this isn't a dating sim and there are no sure things when it comes to the rules for the dating LARP... -I'm afraid there is no cut-and-dry answer for that.

"We're in the same hall, and this is crazy: Here's my number. Date me maybe?"