Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Just Alex]

1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.

There is something similar though. It's out of the Cityscape book. Cess Ooze or something.
Still not acceptable as a paladin mount though.

[Dark]

1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.

Happy joy, I found stats for the Blood Elemental

1526: There are no social occasions where it is appropriate to assume dragon form.

[Valairn]

Happy joy, I found stats for the Blood Elemental

1526: There are no social occasions where it is appropriate to assume dragon form.

What about when going to a Dragon convention?

1527: Under no circumstances will I play the I'm not touching you game with the paladin.

[Manryn]

1528: I am not allowed t tell new players who have picked bard that they are proficient with whips.

[Winged One]

1529: An unarmed strike Death Attack is not the Vulcan Death Grip.
1530: There is no cleric spell called "Inflict Stabbity Wounds." Just wield a piercing weapon like everybody else.
1531: I am not to name a Clouting gauntlet "Bitch-slaper."
1532: Just because the cleric died of food alergies the last time the party ate pie, and the creepy painting's subject is wearing clothes that seem to have been used in demonic rituals involving pie, does not mean pie is Evil.
1533: Paladin cannot, therefore, use Detect Evil to find some quickly when they raid someone's pantry.
1534: It also does not change the taste if they waste a Smite Evil to eat it.
1535: It is no easier to cut pie with a holy dagger then with a normal dagger with the same enhancment bonus.

[Seffbasilisk]

1311. When DMing, making a recurring set of demons based on Lordi who sing their songs whenever they appear is not acceptable just because I have them all on my iPod.

Lordi made an appearance in a LARP I'm in. It was the result of much intoxication on the part of the story-teller. They were major dieties with the 'by my gesture you die' and the 'By my voice you are enthralled' special abiliies.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Lordi are awesome. I love them. To death.

[Quincunx]

I swear that this was inspired by a thread in Out-of-Character forum, not the previous post:

1536: If it ever appeared in the Eurovision Song Contest, I should assume that it will not be allowed in game.
1536.5: (Optional) Lordi is allowed, in SMALL DOSES.

[milov]

1537. I am not, under any circumstances, to use the Polymorph spell to teach anyone what "Doggy Style" really is.
1538. Actually, I am not allowed to use Polymorph at all anymore.
1539. Or Baleful Polymorph.
1540. Ever. No, not then either. Even if that happens.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1541- Sleight of hand will let you attempt to steal many things. However, it may NOT be used to attempt to steal the soul out of anyone.
1542- Not even at a -100. I don't care if you actually manage that.

[milov]

Sorry. Forgot a few.

1543. No matter how high I get my handle animal, I am not allowed to try to tame and mount the Tarrasque.
1544. If I must try, offering the other PCs as a sacrificial gift is in bad taste.
1545. Even if I can subdue and prepare them.

[Shadow of the Sun]

1546: Under no circumstances can I play an elven rogue/ninja that is also a prince with the ability to steal things from the future or things that do not actually exist.

I love 8-Bit.

[Magnus_Samma]

1547: The game's soundtrack does not include Bon Jovi.
1548: We are not halfway there. The cleric does not have any reasons for casting "Prayer."
1549: Telling a succubus that she "gives love a bad name" is not exactly forbidden, but it is in poor taste. Besides, she'll take it as a compliment.
1550: "It's my life, and it's now or never" is not a good enough excuse to singlehandedly assault a god.
1551: No, there will not be any subterranean worm monsters in this adventure. And I don't even know where that came from, that was Kevin Bacon, you uncultured rube.

[ClericofPhwarrr]

1550: "It's my life, and it's now or never" is not a good enough excuse to singlehandedly assault a god.

1550 (b). "It's my soul, and it's now or never" is not either.

[Winged One]

1552: The practice of causing magic items to bitch-slap people who attempt to abuse their intended function is either prohibited or encouraged.
1553: Telling me which one is definately prohibited
1554: If, upon learning Wall of Iron, the DM calls for an easy Knowledge(religion) check, which reveals the existance of a previously unknown deity of economics, it is safe to assume that the Wall of Iron abuse is a bad idea.

[Rockphed]

1554: If, upon learning Wall of Iron, the DM calls for an easy Knowledge(religion) check, which reveals the existance of a previously unknown deity of economics, it is safe to assume that the Wall of Iron abuse is a bad idea.

Would this deity be named Smith or Marx?

[milov]

1555. Impromptu, makeshift, or any other word meaning the same thing cannot appear before or with the word "weapon" in any sentence of mine anymore.
1556. I am no longer allowed to play a blind character to say "If I can't see it, it can't hurt me!".
1557. As a DM, it is in bad taste to name monsters or expendable NPCs after any of the PCs.
1558. It is also in bad taste to name the previously mentioned characters after thier significant others and/or friends, pets, teachers, or anyone I or they know vaguely.
1559. If I do name in that way, I deserve what I get.
1560. At no time is it acceptable to buy rope meerly to tie random things to other things in town.
1561. If I do, the guards should not be greeted with tea and cookies. Especially if they are laced with any poison whatsoever.

[Turcano]

Would this deity be named Smith or Marx?

No no no. In true D&D tradition, you have to have their names backwards, so it would be Htims and Xram.

(I sense a Borat joke in the works based on the latter.)

[Silkenfist]

Keep this up:

1562: I have been informed that Euclidian Geometry is a nice attribute for a dungeon to possess every once in a while.
1563: If the DM doesn’t rule in my favour, I am NOT to speculate about his parentage, his mother’s profession or his virginal status.

[Foeofthelance]

1564: I will not play as a nine year old girl when playing a shapeshifting race, especially not when there is a succubus in the party.
1565: I will not play a succubus when there is a nine year old girl in the party.
1566: Asking the DM to go to the least obtrusive magic shop in Palanthas, merely so that I might seduce the shop keep, is a sure way to meet Jenna of the Red Robes.
1567: I should not be surprised when none of powers work on her.
1568: Nor should I then run through town activating my "Every one get busy" ability.
1569: Yes, the illusions created by the mage twins are immune to the above ability. I should just enjoy it.
1570: Even if it is the end of the semester, the DM should avoid using materials from the Erosnomicon.
1571: So should the players.
1572: If my fighter is doing more damage then the mage at level 12, one of us is doing something wrong, and it is probably my fighter.
1573: If the vampire ever accuses my Monkey Gripping Duel Wielding Hasted Fighter of being broken, he should wait until after the druid's bugs get finished with the half dragons.
1574: Surprisingly, invading a NG empire while flying pirate flags is in fact a rather simple way to meet the local duke and acquire a pirate hunting license.
1575: We probably should go back and investigate the papers we took from those goblin pirates at level 1...
1576: No, the red bugs are not explosive.
1577: They should not be used as ballista ammo.
1578: The orange bugs are not gatling guns.
1579: Nor should they be used to repel boarders.
1580: Capturing servants with a undead red dragon skeleton is probably not a good way to start interrogations.
1581: Especially not when the druid is burning down the mansion.
1582: Doubly so when in Waterdeep.
1583: It seems awakened wolves don't gain an immunity to fire.
1584: When entering possibley hostile territory we should leave behind our duids, sorcerers, gnomes, vampires, demons, gnome airforce, evil dragons, good dragons, seagull airforce, raven airforce, artifacts of evil doom, undead, war ships, long ships, air craft carriers, submarines, and just about everything else.
1585: The best way to meet new nations is to leave the dwarf adrift in his row boat.
1586: Though he should probably refrain about how he plans on conquering the dwarven kingdom.
1587: Forgetting you character's backstory quest is generally a bad idea.
1588: The gnome is not allowed to try Use Magic Device on the air.
1589: Nor bottle it when it works.
1590: The gnome may not try Use Magic Device on the dragons.
1591: Or on the villains.
1592: Baleful Polymorphing a Megalatroll into a kitten doesn't cause it to lose any of it's physical ability scores or abilities. It does gain a rake attack though.
1593: Dropping the Megalakitten on an enemy who dispels all magic with in five feet of himself is hilarious.
1594: Teleport at will should not be given an animal companion.
1595: Intelligent Rapiers should not be made vorpal.
1596: Especailly when they have alignement issues.
1597: Or shoot lightening.
1598: Morgion's Unholy Amulet is not pimpin' nor will I tell Palin Majere that.
1599: I shouldn't hide under the elven sorceress's skirts when assassins come looking for me.
1600: Even if she did decided to hide from the same assassins right over my head.

[Glundrall]

1601: I am no longer allowed to distract the owner of a store and cast Explosive Runes on all of the scrolls, even if I'm Chaotic Evil.

[Thella]

1602: Players are not allowed to retrieve -any- gear from their dead mount after surviving a griffon dropping you and mount from 150 ft. Especially when griffon is still there and still hungry. You will die.
1603: I can not swan dive off the tail of a dive-bombing dragon and survive the fall, despite the nat. 20
1604: I am not allowed to base any encounters and/or plot hooks off of Hellraiser comics :(

[Winged One]

1605: El Goonish Shive is not an acceptable source for lycantherope ideas.

[krossbow]

1606: closing my eyes while falling will not give me a 50% miss chance to not hit the ground.
1607: I am not to abuse the ancient artifacts that damned long dead civilizations.
1608: The ark of destruction is not to be used to pick up chicks.
1609: The ark of destruction is not to be "Pimped out"
1610: You know what? The gods appear and take the ark of destruction away from you.
1611: The fighter is NOT immune to all types of bodily damage, no matter how much fighter from 8 bit theater rocks.
1612: It is not okay to abuse the bard's suggestion ability to form your own army.
1613: Enchanting a kitten's claws with vorpalness is strictly prohited.
1614: especially when you give it to the princess shortly thereafter.
1615: Do NOT let the barbarian anywhere near the fragile ancient artifacts of great and expensive power.

[Jade_Tarem]

1616: My character's name is not Luke Skywalker even if I did get the explosive fireball through the tiny hole and blew the ceiling in on the dragon.
1617: All variants of the spell Summon Deus ex Machina are banned.
1618: When you knock on the door and cleave the guards who answer, it is understood that the rest of the room's occupants feel "threatened."
1619: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for putting the airship through a building.
1620: No longer allowed to trap all the entrances to the kitchen using "what's on hand."
1621: Not allowed to push the angry face button.
1622: No longer allowed to make deals with Satan moments before the party gets the resurrection spell.
1623: No longer allowed to try to convince inferior races of the godhood of the party.
1624: My character does not come from the DBZ universe despite the additon of the new dimensional jumper spells.
1625: May no longer request the Grand Royale Inn as the dueling ground.
1626: May not ever, ever play a mime character.
1627: Not allowed to have any more characters named Nuk Chorris.
1628: If the bard ever does that much damage again, something fundamental, good, and holy will cry.
1629: Must remember that smite evil is not a "painless" test even for good npc's.
1630: "Easier to ask forgiveness than permission" does not hold up in DnD.
1631: "Live long and prosper," while friendly, is not the appropriate way to greet the approaching armored essences of death and destruction.
1632: No matter the roll, popcorn cannot be made underwater.
1633: No longer allowed to cook in combat.
1634: No longer allowed to continue giving a speech in combat, especially when the bard is over there getting his rapier fed to him.
1635: No longer allowed to attempt on-the-spot invention in combat, at least nothing involving more than three crossbows.
1636: No longer allowed to make a character that can set people on fire by staring at them.
1637: No longer allowed to make an orc that's prettier than the elf.
1638: No longer allowed to make a rogue stronger than the tank.
1639: When you are the healer, questioning whether or not you are written into the wills of the party members is in poor taste.
1640: The proper term for the people you convinced to work on the airship is "crewmen" - not "seamen" and certainly not "ammo."

[Rockphed]

1641) Even though my Rogue has more intelligence than the Wizard, I am not allowed to talk down to him in the mystic languages that I have (and he doesn't) because of my bonus languages.

[Glundrall]

1642: As a DM not allowed to make a store called Stan's Used Condoms
1643: ...same goes for Stan's Used Tampons

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

1644. Apples cannot travel an infinite amount of distance in 6 seconds, even if the rules say so and there's a long line of people to go through with it.
1645. Touch of Idiocy is a useful tool against foes, but not friends, especially wizard friends trying to cast finger of death on the BBEG.
1646. No asking the dragon if he'll be your 'horsey'.
1647. Even if your character's Int score is 4 or lower.
1648. When the dragon refuses it is considered a bad idea to try mounting it anyway.
1649. No matter how 'adorable' they are, you cannot have a dretch or lemure familiar.
1650. It is considered to be in bad taste to use Time Stop just to urinate on enemies.

[RandomNPC]

1650. It is considered to be in bad taste to use Time Stop just to urinate on enemies.

but the spell says something about not being able to do damage while time is stopped, so thats the next best thing. i think.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

but the spell says something about not being able to do damage while time is stopped, so thats the next best thing. i think.

True, but if you use time stop, urinate on your foes, stand back, buff yourself a little and time restarts that's just fine. But time stop for purely urinary purpouses usually makes the next room occupied by Demogorgon, and he's supernaturally immune to timestop. Well, depending on the sense of humor of your DM.