Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[NullAshton]

1310. Always tell your party members of any information you know, that they probably do not know. Even if you're withholding the information in the hopes that the situation can be resolved peacefully, because it usually can't.

[Leather_Book_Wizard]

It's fun being CN. It let's you run away to save your own skin. :-)

[The_Werebear]

Hey, there are no alignments that prohibit running to save your own skin.

There are just a few that require taking your allies with you when you run, thus saving all of your skins.

[Godhand]

That was me poking fun at the "But I'm ____" argument. I guess N would have been a better choice. Oh well.

[grinner666]

Hey, there are no alignments that prohibit running to save your own skin.

There are just a few that require taking your allies with you when you run, thus saving all of your skins.

Aaaaaaaahhhhh, yes. The old, "You don't have to be faster than your enemies, just faster than your slowest friend," gambit. Most of my more lightly-armored characters are well versed in that one ...

[The_Werebear]

Aaaaaaaahhhhh, yes. The old, "You don't have to be faster than your enemies, just faster than your slowest friend," gambit. Most of my more lightly-armored characters are well versed in that one ...

Especially when you make your friends slower. A Chaotic Evil character I had a while back hamstrung a henchman while running so he and his friends could escape a huge group of angry animals.

[Devils_Advocate]

i totally disagree with this one. i play in a campaign where we use major and minor alignments, wherein im major chaotic and minor neutral, which means that if its not random its probably not in character. so "im cn" is totally a good excuse.

Well, if you take Chaotic to be random and Lawful to be predictable, and you take alignment to be a force that determines characters' actions, then yes, "I'm Chaotic Neutral" can be a valid explanation for your character's behavior. If, on the other hand, you take Chaotic to be rebellious, innovative, and/or dishonest and Lawful to be obedient, traditional and/or honest, and alignment to be a description of your character's nature rather than something that dictates his choices, then no, "I'm Chaotic Neutral" is, by itself, very much not sufficient explanation.

In short: "But I'm CN" can be a valid explanation... if you use an alignment system that works completely different from the RAW alignment system.

And even then, it may not be a good excuse. Just because your character's insane behavior can be put down to his alignment doesn't mean that his party will put up with him acting that way, nor that your gaming group will tolerate you playing such a disruptive character. Differing alignment systems aside, it's like saying, "But I'm a reckless lunatic!" If anything, pointing out that the particular stupid thing you just did is only one example of your general pattern of stupid behavior is going to make others less favorably inclined towards you.

Now, if the character isn't disruptive, then there's no problem. But in that case there was nothing that needed excusing in the first place.

[Mauril Everleaf]

actually, if it was out of line with my character, it needs an excuse. if its in line with my character, no excuse needed.
if my character always decides to buy a bushel of fruit at the market before we go anywhere, because he thinks that he may contract scurvy if he doesnt, then when i buy 4 gold worth of oranges, i dont need to explain but once to my fellow players why he does that. however if for 12 levels hes never ever eating a piece of fruit, then decides to start buying up all the bananas that he sees, that requires some explaining.
also chaotic as a whole doesnt really mean that you are insane, however chaotic neutral does imply it. heck, in older editions, chaotic neutral players had a 25% chance of being psychopathic.

[Hivemind Ghost]

1311. When DMing, making a recurring set of demons based on Lordi who sing their songs whenever they appear is not acceptable just because I have them all on my iPod.
1311a. Bringing Back the Balls to Rock *is* acceptable, however. But only once.
1312. While DMing, I cannot create a set of recurring Bard NPCs who follow the PCs playing atmospheric background music. *I* can play atmospheric background music, but it cannot be heard in-game.

[Fireball.Man.Guy.]

1312: I cannot hire Pun Pun

1313: Nor can I create a guild of Pun Puns.

1314: Unless I bribe the DM.

[Amphimir Míriel]

if my character always decides to buy a bushel of fruit at the market before we go anywhere, because he thinks that he may contract scurvy if he doesnt, then when i buy 4 gold worth of oranges, i dont need to explain but once to my fellow players why he does that. however if for 12 levels hes never ever eating a piece of fruit, then decides to start buying up all the bananas that he sees, that requires some explaining.

Sorry to be off-topic and sorry if my comment accidentally kills a catgirl, somewhere...

But bananas will rapidly spoil in a ship and don't have enough vitamin C to stave off scurvy.

Oranges will work just fine, though... They keep better and have better ammounts of vitamin C... Lemons, Limes, or Tamarinds would be even better.

...but Thuja leaves (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thuja) would be best, as they can be kept dry and made into a Tea that contains 50 mg of vitamin C per 100 grams.

Of course you would have to convince your DM that such a plant exists in the world and that a seafaring civilization has discovered its effects, and that it is readily available...

too many ifs, but if your are munchkin enough..

[Neek]

1306. Actually, referencing anything from Monty Python is bad form. (It's a dead horse parrot people, let it go.)

Fixed. :D

For the record, a 5th level priest can cast Remove Disease. So, if a nation tricks the right man into the contract, he might be cheaper than a barrel of oranges. (Or he could just manufacture a load of Remove Disease scrolls).

[A Pointy Object]

1315. The bard, under no circumstances, may use inspire competence by singing "I'm To Sexy".
1316. Especially when that bard is a half-orc.
1317. My drunken master may not use a +3 holy dragonbane barstool. Ever.
1318. You're not going to be a lawful good drow necromancer, no matter how good your back story is.
1319. No, being neutral won't help either.
1320. If you are a druid, being a warforged is entirely out of the question.
1321. No monk, and I mean NO MONK, will ever be named "Chuck Norris", "Tony Ja", Or any other combination of these words.
1322. There is no "Mighty Morphing Power Ranger" prestige class.
1323. Warforged Bards way never do "the robot", no matter how many Perform ranks he has.

[Jack_of_Spades]

1324. Never go to the bathroom in game.

[Nevermind]

1325 - The DM going to the bathroom doesn't give you a +999 circumstance bonus on rolling a natural 20 on escaping a trap set by the combined powers of every evil god.

1326 - Don't flail your arms around while attacking in game. You're not playing the Wii, and you dokn't want to damage anyone... Do you?

[Valairn]

1327 - I am not allowed to make the Kobold dance....
1328 - Even if I am the DM and can do whatever i want....
1329 - Even if I am the wizard and cast Irresistable Dance ....
1330 - Even if I am the kobold and just want to danc....
1331 - Under no circumstances is the kobold to dance......

[CabbageTheif]

^why not? i like my gypsy kobold bard with performance (dance)

[Green Bean]

1332- Any plan that involves a Helm of Brilliance and a Wand of Fireballs is not 'totally awesome'

1333- I don't care how many ranks you have in Profession(Chef): you will not win over the CE God of Death with a well made soufflé

[The Orange Zergling]

1334: Breastplates may never be referred to as "boobplates" ever again.
1335: Especially if a female is within earshot, in-game or in real life.

[Winged One]

1336: Just because the rogue always does his absolute best to twist the truth doesn't mean I always have to talk like I'm interogating a baatezu.
1337: 7y|>1/\/6 l1|<3 7|-|15 is forbidden under all circumstances other then to communicate that it is forbidden.

[NEO|Phyte]

1337: 7y|>1/\/6 l1|<3 7|-|15 is forbidden under all circumstances other then to communicate that it is forbidden.

You did that on purpose, didn't you.

[Winged One]

Yes. Yes I did.

[Zonac]

1337: 7y|>1/\/6 l1|<3 7|-|15 is forbidden under all circumstances other then to communicate that it is forbidden.

I don't get it. Oh, and...

1338. I may not have ranks in knowledge (DM's weakness).

[Luircin]

1339: "But I'm a gnome!" is never an acceptable excuse for making exploding inventions.

1340: The gnome race does NOT get a bonus to Craft: Explosives.

1341: And especially not Craft: Doomsday Device.

1342: Unless it's the DM's recurring villian, in which case it's required.

1343: Not allowed to declare a crusade against "ugly people."

1344: Not even as a paladin of Sune or Wee Jass.

1345: There will be no selling party members to the dragon.

1346: Not even if the dragon is just a teenage emo dragon who wants your party member for "just a few hours."

[Meynolds]

DON'T ASK!


1347 - I will not throw the human wizard...
1348 - ...even if that did kill the shade.
1349 - I will not use human ribs as weapons...
1350 - ...nor elven ones for that matter.
1351 - I must always specify what type of chest...
1351a - especially if there is some confusion as to type.*
1352 - I must resist throwing the human mercenary's dead body...
1353 - ...even if it does kill the other mercenary.
1354 - I must not use the wine we found in the kitchen as an explosive starter...
1355 - regardless of how powerful it is.
1356 - I must never use a flaming mercenary corpse to lock the door...
1356a - especially with ribs as nails.
1357 - Never, under any circumstances, drag the warforged fighter out of the room and preform number 1356.


*Organic or non-organic.

[Indoril]

1358) I am not allowed to trap the souls of my fellow PC's into gems and use these gems as a bribe to subjugate a Pit Fiend to my will.

[Pip L]

341. I don't care what you roll on your swim check, you cannot attempt a swim check while wearing full plate mail.

Historically, people were able to run full-speed, swim, duck, and jump while decked out in full plate-mail armour. In fact, a well-made suit of plate weighed a mere forty pounds, while a modern-day soldier carries into combat over two hundred pounds of equipment. :)

1359 - No longer allowed to activate "Shocking Grasp" and then shake the hand of the lone traveler who just got done dueling our fighter.
1310 - The Gnome is no longer allowed to attack the Dire Wolf in the testicles with his dart-gun, even if he does roll another two natural twenties on a row.
1341 - The Paladin is never again allowed to dual-wield bastard swords enchanted by Heironeous himself while himself transformed into the twenty-foot tall avatar of his god.
1342 - The party is not allowed to initiate a hostile takeover of the city utilizing previously unfriendly pirates, an army of beggars, and escaped prisoners while the Paladin is sleeping.
1343 - The next time the party mistakes the prison on the map for a plaza, let it stay; the pirates and beggars were enough.
1344 - Auto-success tied to a natural twenty no longer applies when rolling bluff checks to get the dragon to believe that it hasn't given you your reward yet.
1345 - No more blowing holes in the top of the very expensive hotel just to get back at the undead and decapitated evil ranger, even if it does deal over a hundred damage to the vicious giant thing summoned by the evil cultist.
1346 - Cannot create a "to-buy" list including four horses, a carriage, four repeating crossbows, and metal sheets.

[MandibleBones]

1347) No matter how high my Bluff modifier, I cannot convince the vampire that he's being turned by brandishing a bottle of Reisling and invoking the name of Dionysus.

[Rockphed]

1348) I cannot kill a paladin by summoning a pipe organ with summon instrument. Not even if the paladin is overly annoying.

[MandibleBones]

1349) A piano, however, is dramatically appropriate and will be allowed.