My Little Pony LXXVI: 'P' is for 'Ponythread'!

[Spamotron]

Well, I finally finished another story. I've reread a couple of times and am still in that delusional state where I think it might be pretty good, but no one else has seen it yet, and I'm not too comfortable hitting "Submit" it on it with that in mind. Ponythread has come through for me with great input in the past, so I'm humbly asking once more for thoughts, suggestions and so forth!

It's just over 7000 words, so nothing huge. The story features Celestia and Sunset Shimmer, so Equestria Girls is necessary to be able to understand it. It doesn't, however, take place in the human world.

Spoiler: Description etc.

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Slice of Life

When Twilight left the human world, she left Sunset Shimmer to the care of her friends. Thirty moons later, she returns to Equestria, seeking judgment for her crimes from her former mentor, hoping that some form of punishment - a stint in the royal dungeons, perhaps - will help her come to terms with the past. If only it were that simple.

I wrote this one entirely on fimfiction to test its story writer tool, so I'd like to offer a fimfiction link. The password is orderofstick.

I think the story is good enough to make public and see what the rest of FIMfiction makes of it.

[DigoDragon]

Parody art: Twilight attempting to open the box with the "keys"--

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Professor Layton x Pony--

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Best pony uses it to remove MUD! [/SPOILER]

Well, I can't argue with those results.

Digo (and others), I am in need of aid. I need a good motto that involves a bear pun. It's hard to find good ones.

...I'll have to get back to you on that.
Princess Twilight just declared free cookies over here and I have to talk like Fluttershy to get one.

[Appleshy1973]

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Synopsis update.

(Second synopsis for Pinkie Pride):
Pinkie Pie finds her status as “super - duper party pony” in jeopardy when the mysterious Cheese Sandwich comes to town and offers to plan an epic birthday party for Rainbow Dash. Guest voiceover by Weird Al.

February 8 – “Simple Ways”: Rarity has a crush on travel writer, Trenderhoof, and plans to wow him with her ideas for the upcoming Ponyville Days Festival. But Trenderhoof soon has a crush of his own, and Rarity finds herself competing with Applejack for his attention.

February 15 – “Filli Vanilli”: When a member of the singing group, the Ponytones, has to drop out of an important performance, Fluttershy takes drastic measures to ensure that the show goes on.

February 22 – “Twilight Time”: The Cutie Mark Crusaders are thrilled when Twilight offers to help them with their studies. However, problems arise when the girls realize they can use their relationship with Twilight to increase their popularity.

[DigoDragon]

Okay, bear pun mottos... um...

• Bearcause I'm worth it
• Being the Brer of Bad News
• For all of life's little Boo Boos
• For life's teddyday challenges

Yeah, I'm not striking a good one yet.

[Silfir]

Quite enjoyable (though I tend to like everything so not sure that counts). I'm afraid I can't really offer much more in the way of honest literary critique, since that's not my business, but it seemed well put together.

Read it, seems fairly good. Unfortunately I can't really think of anything else to say.

Read it. Nicely done. Nothing helpfully constructive to say, I'm afraid (didn't spot any typoes or anything)...!

I think the story is good enough to make public and see what the rest of FIMfiction makes of it.

This is reassuring to hear and I'm very, very grateful. Thank you so much!

On the other hand, one of the simplest ways to induce paralyzing fear is to form a chorus saying everything's fine. Trust us.

Be that as it may, for now I'm still looking for cover art (because a) why not, and b) it gives me an excuse to dawdle). I found something on deviantart that would fit, but am still waiting for a reply. Maybe I should commission something, but there's so many artists out there and I'm rubbish at deciding what a good motive would be.

Knowing the story, if a piece of artwork you've seen would happen to be a great fit, or if you can recommend an artist, be sure to mention it!

[Rater202]

Okay, bear pun mottos... um...

• Bearcause I'm worth it
• Being the Brer of Bad News
• For all of life's little Boo Boos
• For life's teddyday challenges

Yeah, I'm not striking a good one yet.

Life's like a pickinic basket. You gotta be smart to get a good one.Please dear baby Celestia, let somepony my age get this one.

[DigoDragon]

Life's like a pickinic basket. You gotta be smart to get a good one.Please dear baby Celestia, let somepony my age get this one.

Did you just quote Yogi Bear? Because subconsciously I read that in Yogi Bear's voice.

[HalfTangible]

Digo (and others), I am in need of aid. I need a good motto that involves a bear pun. It's hard to find good ones.

Bear the panda-monium with claws out and eyes open?

[zimmerwald1915]

Did you just quote Yogi Bear? Because subconsciously I read that in Yogi Bear's voice.

How could it be something other than Yogi Bear with "picnic" spelled the way Rater spelled it?

[Rater202]

Did you just quote Yogi Bear? Because subconsciously I read that in Yogi Bear's voice.

Yes, that was the reference I was going for.

Not an exact quote, but still.

Spoiler: Edit, Looky what I found!

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[DigoDragon]

How could it be something other than Yogi Bear with "picnic" spelled the way Rater spelled it?

I just wanted to be sure. My memory is fuzzy on Yogi quotes. I can't even remember the last time I saw an episode.


Scoots, leave the potion brewing to Zecora!

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Everypony's falling for Braeburn?

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[maximus25]

I just wanted to be sure. My memory is fuzzy on Yogi quotes. I can't even remember the last time I saw an episode.

Nobody has actually seen Yogi Bear, the quotes have been burned into our minds from birth.

[erikun]

Well, I finally finished another story. I've reread a couple of times and am still in that delusional state where I think it might be pretty good, but no one else has seen it yet, and I'm not too comfortable hitting "Submit" it on it with that in mind. Ponythread has come through for me with great input in the past, so I'm humbly asking once more for thoughts, suggestions and so forth!

It's just over 7000 words, so nothing huge. The story features Celestia and Sunset Shimmer, so Equestria Girls is necessary to be able to understand it. It doesn't, however, take place in the human world.

Spoiler: Description etc.

Show

Slice of Life

When Twilight left the human world, she left Sunset Shimmer to the care of her friends. Thirty moons later, she returns to Equestria, seeking judgment for her crimes from her former mentor, hoping that some form of punishment - a stint in the royal dungeons, perhaps - will help her come to terms with the past. If only it were that simple.

I wrote this one entirely on fimfiction to test its story writer tool, so I'd like to offer a fimfiction link. The password is orderofstick.

Nice story! It's a good introductory chapter and makes me interested in more, which is a good thing. I liked the conversation between Twilight and Sunset.

Have you read the EqG comic? I kind of get the impression that you haven't, as you don't seem to reference it here. I'm not sure if you want to include it, have included it and I missed it, or would prefer to just avoid the comic as you haven't read it yourself.

Twilight seems to take Shimmer's verbal accusations surprisingly well, especially for Twilight Sparkle, who is hardly sociable and rarely takes things well. I also note that both ponies had been very anti-social students under Celestia, although I'm not sure if you are leaving that conversation out for a later chapter.

I'm afraid you're being expected on the hallway is a statement made at the ending, along with said by Celestia before Sunset runs into Twilight. It should be I'm afraid you're being expected in the hallway.

[DigoDragon]

Nobody has actually seen Yogi Bear, the quotes have been burned into our minds from birth.

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[Rater202]

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Hey, Scoots made that face when Dashie and I gave her "the talk!"

[Silfir]

Nice story! It's a good introductory chapter and makes me interested in more, which is a good thing. I liked the conversation between Twilight and Sunset.

Have you read the EqG comic? I kind of get the impression that you haven't, as you don't seem to reference it here. I'm not sure if you want to include it, have included it and I missed it, or would prefer to just avoid the comic as you haven't read it yourself.

Twilight seems to take Shimmer's verbal accusations surprisingly well, especially for Twilight Sparkle, who is hardly sociable and rarely takes things well. I also note that both ponies had been very anti-social students under Celestia, although I'm not sure if you are leaving that conversation out for a later chapter.

I'm afraid you're being expected on the hallway is a statement made at the ending, along with said by Celestia before Sunset runs into Twilight. It should be I'm afraid you're being expected in the hallway.

I'll just go ahead and wrap this in spoiler tags, at least as much for space as for actual spoilers (the only thing potentially spoiled is my own story, but it's something)

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I've only read the bit that was available as a preview on deviantArt - the backstory, and I took a good number of cues from it and made sure that my story would fit, but consciously didn't reference it directly; only the movie. Moments like Celestia's remorseful "One of many" definitely reassured me that my interpretation of what Celestia would feel about Sunset leaving wasn't too far off the mark. I assume you'd have mentioned it if there were glaring contradictions of my story with the comic, so I'll be hopeful as far as that goes. It's not trivial to get the comic in Germany and I've been successfully avoiding reading scans so far; I just love to experience brand new pony on actual paper and ink too much.

The Twilight of my story is a bit older, a bit wiser and a bit more confident than the one seen in EqG - sort of how I imagine she would be like after thirty moons of princesshood. Still dorky, but less self-conscious about it now, and harder to intimidate. She lets the accusations roll off of her because she realizes they are essentially Sunset Shimmer venting in order to deal with her jealousy. And then, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle have already butted heads; you don't beat around the bush so much after that. Also, Twilight has actually used the Elements of Harmony on Sunset Shimmer. The last pony she did that for? Luna. Who was just about the only pony not the least bit intimidated or scared of her when she showed up in Ponyville out of nowhere? Twilight Sparkle. There might be something about that moment of mental connection that makes it easier for Twilight to understand and connect with those she's saved this way.

In the end, much of this stuff is subconscious. This is how I imagine their conversation goes - the reasons aren't clear to me in detail. The Twilight Sparkle in my head differs from the one found in others, and the official one for that matter, in various ways I can't possibly all detect.



Here's something rather more worrying to me - that the story gives off an impression of being the first chapter of a larger one. Unfortunately, I don't have anything more planned. This is supposed to be it. Sunset's quest for atonement, so to speak, is supposed to be left unfulfilled on purpose. At some level of severity, the mistakes of the past stay with you forever. Forgiven, not forgotten. You just have to keep going anyway, for your own sake as much as that of those you care about.

The last line of the story is a callback to Sunset Shimmer's original plan in coming to Equestria; to get some sort of punishment that would somehow erase the guilt she feels so she can get on with her life ("After that, there would be a future."). Celestia dispels that particular hope with her verdict (though even if she had actually imprisoned or banished Sunset, she would have eventually found out that it wouldn't have helped) and then the conversation becomes about what actually works; Celestia shares her personal experiences as freely as she does as part of her own quest to atone for the mistakes she made with Sunset Shimmer ("There is no greater sin for a teacher."). The last line is supposed to show for sure that Sunset Shimmer understands that she has a future even though her guilt will never be completely erased. That's all she can hope for, and all she needs. Does that make sense?

I'm sure there's a way to make it more clear than it is, if there is need for it (it looks like it). And it's not like a continuation is out of the question - I'm just operating on a thin branch as it is because time-wise, the story is set after, most likely, the events of season four, five and all the ones yet to come. It's not even out of the question that the show itself will feature Sunset Shimmer as a pony and joss the everliving crap out of Atonement; it was only ruled out for season four officially.

[MCerberus]

Artist depiction of what happened after they gave free energy drinks to a bunch of project management students today

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[Dirtytabs]

Digo (and others), I am in need of aid. I need a good motto that involves a bear pun. It's hard to find good ones.

Bearly tolerable
Breaking the sound bearier
Being my beary best
Incombearable
Prebeared for life

[Madcrafter]

Bearly tolerable
Breaking the sound bearier
Being my beary best
Incombearable
Prebeared for life

Ooh, those ones are nice, thanks Dirtytabs. And thanks to you others who tried.

[Pendulous]

Future episode stuff:

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"February 15 – “Filli Vanilli”: When a member of the singing group, the Ponytones, has to drop out of an important performance, Fluttershy takes drastic measures to ensure that the show goes on."

Does...this mean we get to hear Fluttershy singing again? She seems to be lacking lately.

"February 22 – “Twilight Time”: The Cutie Mark Crusaders are thrilled when Twilight offers to help them with their studies. However, problems arise when the girls realize they can use their relationship with Twilight to increase their popularity."

Popularity with who? nobody sees Twilight as the popular girl who everybody can latch to and feel more popular. If anyone, it would be Rainbow Dash they would be taking advantage of.

[MCerberus]

Future episode stuff:

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"February 15 – “Filli Vanilli”: When a member of the singing group, the Ponytones, has to drop out of an important performance, Fluttershy takes drastic measures to ensure that the show goes on."

Does...this mean we get to hear Fluttershy singing again? She seems to be lacking lately.

"February 22 – “Twilight Time”: The Cutie Mark Crusaders are thrilled when Twilight offers to help them with their studies. However, problems arise when the girls realize they can use their relationship with Twilight to increase their popularity."

Popularity with who? nobody sees Twilight as the popular girl who everybody can latch to and feel more popular. If anyone, it would be Rainbow Dash they would be taking advantage of.

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Twilight, the pretty pony princess with insane powers that the CMC have already abused once to make a creepy shipping potion?

[Silfir]

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"February 22 – “Twilight Time”: The Cutie Mark Crusaders are thrilled when Twilight offers to help them with their studies. However, problems arise when the girls realize they can use their relationship with Twilight to increase their popularity."

Popularity with who? nobody sees Twilight as the popular girl who everybody can latch to and feel more popular. If anyone, it would be Rainbow Dash they would be taking advantage of.

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I've never been bothered that Twilight's new status was never made a particular point of in the episodes so far - I felt that was something best dealt with in a Twilight episode. Looks like it's this one!

[Appleshy1973]

Thursday means teaser image time.

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And the return of both Princess Cadence and Discord.

[Lix Lorn]

"Cave Stallion here. Folks always ask me, 'Why do you perform such bizzare experiments?', 'What branch of science is this exactly?', and 'Aren't these tests a bit dangerous?' Well let me answer your questions with another question-- who wants to make sixty bits? If you're that daring do who does, then follow the blue line on the hall floor over to the vampire fruitbat genetics lab and the lab colts over there will take care of you."

"Cave Stallion here. The colts in the genetics lab have just informed me that the genetics experiment has been temporarily postponed. Instead, you'll be led over to the armory and given some experimental weapons to test out on a few vampire ponies running amok the facility. Good luck!"

Please don't stop. xD

I love the one NASA has that can replicate tools with working mechanical parts like wrenches and drills. This is practically replicator tech. Just another day closer to the reality of Star Trek.

I like the one which can replicate food.

(You wouldn't download a pizza...)

S'ok, nobody voted for mine.

I counter your Dash with a new human Dash

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kyoot

Oooh, art posts? I shall join in for great justice!

Luna and Pinkie: Fuuuuuuuusion!

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Approved

Spoiler: Three Possible Reasons for Whay Derpy was absent untill Now.

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she was on an adventure to save the digital world, with her partner Muffinmon(Or maybe Bubblemon, I didn't watch that season)


On an Adventure to Save all the Worlds, with the Help of everypony's favorite Disney Characters


I think this one is self explanatory.

Clearly she should have a portal gun
'Undergoing Tests'

Nobody has actually seen Yogi Bear, the quotes have been burned into our minds from birth.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Just read comic #15

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Well, that started abrutply and escalated quickly. Bravo . Little confused by the fact that there was a call out to Power Ponies, but Daring Don't apparantly never happened. This comic must have been written inbetween the two episodes.

Overall not bad, could have used more set up, but there were some good little gags and visual bits. Spike with an emerald in an ice cream cone got a chuckle from me, and the romance novel with Dash the macho sailor was fun too.

And now we have Maleficent, Voldemort, and Loki ponies in Ponyville. Next issue should be good!

[DigoDragon]

Artist depiction of what happened after they gave free energy drinks to a bunch of project management students today

Heh, makes me miss the Red Bull Angels.
(My previous job was at a college campus and every couple of months these two ladies would show up to give free Red Bull samples. I got to know them and they would hook me up with the stuff cheap. Red Bull got me through many comission projects)

Future episode stuff:

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"February 15 – “Filli Vanilli” [...]
Does...this mean we get to hear Fluttershy singing again? She seems to be lacking lately.

"February 22 – “Twilight Time” [...]
Popularity with who? nobody sees Twilight as the popular girl who everybody can latch to and feel more popular. If anyone, it would be Rainbow Dash they would be taking advantage of.

Future episodes!

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Filli: I'm hoping that Shy gets to sing in a genre completely out of character, such as rock music. Though a band name of "Ponytones" sounds more like classical or something.

Twi Time: Yeah, what kind of popularity can you get out of Twi? I can only think it's among their classmates in a "Hey, the CMC knows the princess!" kind of popularity. ...which doesn't sound as adventerous as i'd hoped.

Thursday means teaser image time.

Indeed! Musing over This Saturday's episode:

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Something I started to think about this morning~ Has Cadance met Discord yet? She might not have and if so maybe that could lead to some interesting dialog. The other three princesses seem to annoyingly tollerate his antics, but Cadance seems to be more lighthearted, so maybe she'll like him.

Please don't stop. xD

If I think of more, i'll post them.
I once ran a dungeon crawl in the spirit of Portal. The 'Cave Johnson' of the dungeon was a bored elemental spirit that filled the dungeon with treasure just to attract adventurers for entertainment. It was like Tomb of Horrors played for comedy. Good times.

I like the one which can replicate food.

Yeah! My boss showed me pics of one that did bases and set pieces for cakes. Crazy awesome designs came out of that machine.

[Rater202]

If I think of more, i'll post them.
I once ran a dungeon crawl in the spirit of Portal. The 'Cave Johnson' of the dungeon was a bored elemental spirit that filled the dungeon with treasure just to attract adventurers for entertainment. It was like Tomb of Horrors played for comedy. Good times.

You need to Pinkie Promise Not to do anything like that when it's your turn to GM again.

I don't think that would be very good for Gear's mental help.

[otakuryoga]

so i just saw a trailer for Peabody & Sherman(next Dreamworks film)
.
.
.
is it ok if i squeed excessively?

and to those that do not know who Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman are w/o looking it up on wiki....
Get off muh lawn you durn kids!!!

[Rater202]

so i just saw a trailer for Peabody & Sherman(next Dreamworks film)
.
.
.
is it ok if i squeed excessively?

and to those that do not know who Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman are w/o looking it up on wiki....
Get off muh lawn you durn kids!!!

So, it is an adaption of something?

Good, that was drivng me crazy trying to figure out if it was something already.

[DigoDragon]

You need to Pinkie Promise Not to do anything like that when it's your turn to GM again.

Hahahaha... no worries. Such an idea has been saved for a different campaign I'm involved with.

Ah, speaking of games! I was bestowed knowledge of the ancients... or rather, just had a crazy awesome dream.

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In it, I was designing a Pony game with the RPG Maker software (which I actually do have).

The premise: The CMC were in the Everfree forest doing some crusading. They get attacked by an otherworldly creature and pulled into an alternate dimension where Ponies don't get cutie marks. They learn that such a thing was sealed away by an ancient evil. Seeing this as an opportunity to earn theirs, they help release the first seal and get cutie marks the form of "Job Classes", like in Final Fantasy.