List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

[JAL_1138]

Bonsai Weeping Willow: This diminutive tree* constantly produces a very faint crying sound, as of someone in severe pain or deep sorrow being heard from a great distance.

*Tree may or may not contain a cursed dryad. Roll 1d20. On a roll of 1-17, the willow is nothing more than a curiosity, crafted by a mad wizard as a (bad) pun. On a roll of 18-20, the willow contains a cursed dryad who can be cured by a Remove Curse spell. If Remove Curse is cast on the bonsai willow, the dryad will emerge from the tree and will be profoundly grateful to the party. She has no clear recollection of her time spent cursed beyond being blinded, deafened, immobile, and wracked with pain.

[EvanescentHero]

Bonsai Weeping Willow: This diminutive tree* constantly produces a very faint crying sound, as of someone in severe pain or deep sorrow being heard from a great distance.

*Tree may or may not contain a cursed dryad. Roll 1d20. On a roll of 1-17, the willow is nothing more than a curiosity, crafted by a mad wizard as a (bad) pun. On a roll of 18-20, the willow contains a cursed dryad who can be cured by a Remove Curse spell. If Remove Curse is cast on the bonsai willow, the dryad will emerge from the tree and will be profoundly grateful to the party. She has no clear recollection of her time spent cursed beyond being blinded, deafened, immobile, and wracked with pain.

This is kinda dark. I love it. I'm definitely gonna steal and use this.

[goto124]

Please stat the dryad...

[JAL_1138]

This is kinda dark. I love it. I'm definitely gonna steal and use this.

Steal away, by all means!

Please stat the dryad...

Standard MM "Dryad" statblock (CR 1, IIRC), unless the DM decides otherwise and homebrews a PC/NPC race.

[Mrmox42]

It must be a tiny Dryad. Possibly very old and wrinkled.

[Necromancy]

I will start by linking something from another thread of mine that represents everything great about D&D

I had a party that ended up with an Apparatus of Kalawashi, or however you spell it. Except it was lime green, had chainsaws instead of claws, played reggae music when activated, and could only move by making jump checks. It rolled 1d50 for those checks too. I recall a Warhammer scatter die being involved somehow...

How is that my groups always seem to destroy several city blocks on accident in every game.

Also campaign idea....

Party is cursed by fate/gods/evil BBEG with magic item disobedience.

On each day, DM rolls d100. Result is likelihood that any magic item the player uses in any way, activates instead in a method similar to the items listed in this thread.

[AgentPaper]

Ring of teleportation: When the small red ruby on this ring is turned clockwise, it instantly teleports to the exact location of its matching twin, which also teleports to the exact location of the first ring.

[Mrmox42]

Trireme of Speed: This huge magical Trireme can sail at double speed (about 20 knots), for one hour, when the command word is spoken. It does of course require the 170 oarsmen and the deck crew, before it can actually sail.

[Joe the Rat]

Ring of teleportation: When the small red ruby on this ring is turned clockwise, it instantly teleports to the exact location of its matching twin, which also teleports to the exact location of the first ring.

If you could attach a small note to it, this would be a great way to pass secret messages. I can think of a few spells that could be used as a code signal as well.

[JAL_1138]

If you could attach a small note to it, this would be a great way to pass secret messages. I can think of a few spells that could be used as a code signal as well.

Even without being able to attach a note, you could use Prestidigitation to color it. Green means "all clear," red means "danger," octarine means "help, I'm being eaten by a shoggoth, aaaaaaaagh," etc., etc.

[AgentPaper]

If you could attach a small note to it, this would be a great way to pass secret messages. I can think of a few spells that could be used as a code signal as well.

Only the rings themselves teleport, not anything attached to them. And as soon as they stop being perfectly identical (ie: carve something into one), they stop working.

[EvanescentHero]

Even without being able to attach a note, you could use Prestidigitation to color it. Green means "all clear," red means "danger," octarine means "help, I'm being eaten by a shoggoth, aaaaaaaagh," etc., etc.

This idea I really like. A pair of rings that send color coding from one to the other. Not very powerful, but flavorful and situational. I might give this to my party!

[Chadamantium]

Just saw Wizards trickets list for Elemental evil. Useless magic a plenty.

Trinkets

My favorite is 5, 45, and 51.

[Corgamesh]

Greataxe of Not Worth the Trouble:
Identical to a normal greataxe, but deals 1d13 damage instead. Not usable in virtual D&D sessions.

[Kd7sov]

Face-concealing Hood

When worn, this hood prevents anyone from seeing your face (even with True Seeing), but it also prevents you from seeing anyone else's face. Additionally, when putting it on, you must make a DC 10 Charisma saving throw or the hood prevents your voice from being heard until the hood is removed.

[Wartex1]

Spiked Fists of the Undaunted
These brutal gauntlets are clearly designed for one thing: hurting. With brutal spikes, blood will cover your entombed fists as you punch your enemies. The gnarly spikes on the inside cause you to take 1d3 points of piercing damage for every unarmed strike you make. These gauntlets are also cursed, and cannot be removed without using the spell Remove Curse.

[Mrmox42]

Mighty Knife: A beautifully gilded and engraved knife, that very much signals ‘powerful magical weapon’, as it radiates a bluish light, even when sheated or hidden in bags or under clothing. The blade is about 2½ inches long.
The Mighty Knife is a +2 Knife (it deals 1D3 Damage). It always gives off light in a 5 feet radius, and this light can only be hidden if behind a wall or something equally thick. The light will shine through just about anything else, even if it is put insight a wooden chest or underneath metal armour. This feature will of course make it extremely difficult for someone to hide while carrying the Knife. But it does look splendid.

[goto124]

Combine the rather small 2.5 inches Knife with:

Staff of Compensation: An oversized staff that heavily insiuates the wielder may be compensating for something. This staff will be associated with the wielder until either they, or the staff are completely annihilated. If the wielder was not compensating before acquiring the staff, they are now.

[tarlison]

Cloak of Invisibility
Your totally invisible as long as nobody is looking at you, your totally undetectable as long as your not in range of any detection spell .

[jkat718]

Cloak of Invisibility
Your totally invisible as long as nobody is looking at you, your totally undetectable as long as your not in range of any detection spell .

Let me guess; this was inspired by the thread about hiding in combat?

Lucky Stone:
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement)
While this polished agate is on its person, it gains a + 1 bonus to ability checks and saving throws.

[Wartex1]

How is the Lucky Stone bad?

[Chadamantium]

The stone gets the bonuses not the person holding, though I imagine a rock can be very persuasive.

[Asmotherion]

Ring of Trolling: Activation as an action. Every persone (even allies) in a 60ft radius has a minor illusion or prestidigitation spell cast on itself. Trolls have advantage on saving throws against the effects. The effects are randomly decided, by a d6:

1) The roar of a dragon is heard right behind the character, making it surprised and potentially panicked. Inteligance saving throw. DC 20
2) The character gains a pink beard
3) The character's skin becomes pink with white dots
4) The character's mouth is filled with the taste of a pig's escrement. A constitution saving throw determins if the character pukes. DC 20
5) The character's hair is on fire and the character take 1d4 dammage every turn, untill it uses it's action to extinguish the flame. Dexterit saving throw, DC 20
6) Reroll 2 times. Both effects take place. Reroll same effects.

Glasses of the peeper: This is a sentinent magic pair of glasses, that has a perverted spirit inside it. Whenever the holder sees a person they could be attracted to, the glasses make the cloaths of that person seem unvisible to the user. The drawback is that the glasses can talk normally, and make comments about what the user is looking at, and they make it quite loud.

Tube of the peeper: Apparently made as a set to glasses of the peeper. The user can spy on a target it has seen and was attracted to, as long as they are naked at the time it is used. Can only be used on humanoids. When paired with glasses of the peeper, the telescope can show past privet times of the target of wile they were naked. The target knows it is being spyed on, unless it is used as a pair with the glasses.

Traped wand Casts fireball on the user, as a 7th level spell.

Cigar of the Grand Smoker It never ends. Can come as a pipe or cigarette as well. Saves you a lot of money, but for every 1 year you don't quit smoking, you have a cumulative 2% chance of dieing. Tieflings and dwarves are imune to dieing from smoking.

Bottomless Bottle of the eternal drunk Dwarves Favorite; When you fill this bottle with an alcoholic drink of non magical properties, it will never end. Not really usefull in a dungeon, but great if you are an innkeeper. The downside is that the bottle must touch a persone's lips to be drunk, or it's liquid won't be spilled... it was after all designed to keep only it's own user eternally drunk.

Egoist's minute dungeon Did you ever dream of crossing to the dark side? How about becoming the main vilain of an arc? Or perhaps you just need some training. Well, this little orb, when shattered creates a real dungeon with 4d20 monsters (DM's choice). Now it's up to you to either rule this dungeon (the player becomes an NPC controled by the DM in this choice, aparently under a "dominate person" spell) or defeat the monsters in it. There is really no reward for defeating the monsters, except for the exp, and if the player is the boss, the players can loot his gear after they defeat him. It's a nice plot device for players tired of their character, who want to reroll

[goto124]

The Ring of Trolling should spawn some actual trolls.

[Easy_Lee]

Ring of trolling gave me an idea.

While wearing this ring, you must make a DC 10 charisma save any time you use the persuasion skill. On a failure, your persuasion attempt fails, and the target is convinced that you made a deliberate attempt to piss him off. However, trolls will accept you as one of their own while wearing this ring.

[Joe the Rat]

Ah Trolls.

"Sick of the gnome's constant trolling of the party, they tied him to a rope and threw him over the side of the ship, and went trolling for lake monsters. They found a troll."

Greataxe of Not Worth the Trouble:
Identical to a normal greataxe, but deals 1d13 damage instead. Not usable in virtual D&D sessions.

Only usable in virtual sessions. custom dice sizes work just fine in Roll20.

[Kd7sov]

Only usable in virtual sessions. custom dice sizes work just fine in Roll20.

I imagine that's the point; in virtual sessions, it's easy to get an effective d13, which would bely the name ("Not Worth the Trouble"). If you're playing physically, you'd have to come up with some more complicated way to get a fair random number up to 13; d20-reroll-14-through-20, for instance. Most players would find that kind of workaround more trouble than the extra potential point of damage is worth.

[Easy_Lee]

I imagine that's the point; in virtual sessions, it's easy to get an effective d13, which would bely the name ("Not Worth the Trouble"). If you're playing physically, you'd have to come up with some more complicated way to get a fair random number up to 13; d20-reroll-14-through-20, for instance. Most players would find that kind of workaround more trouble than the extra potential point of damage is worth.

D10 + d4 - 1. Definitely more trouble than it's worth.

[JAL_1138]

D10 + d4 - 1. Definitely more trouble than it's worth.

D14 reroll 14s. Not that bad. I'd finally have a use for the things besides the little days-of-the-week on them above the numbers.

[Easy_Lee]

D14 reroll 14s. Not that bad. I'd finally have a use for the things besides the little days-of-the-week on them above the numbers.

If you have a 14. Otherwise a d10 is 1-10 and (d4 - 1) is 0-3. So it's (1+0) to (3+10) = 1 to 13. That's how I would do a d13 anyway, and I agree it's really not worth the trouble.