LGBTAI+ #56: Prismatic Spray!

[JNAProductions]

I know her to the degree that I talked an hour or so with her at a trans meet up about a year ago.

It's just, like, I can do the shopping thing it just takes energy and social anxiety makes talking to people I don't know super super well really hard. I think I can manage and I want to, it's just that my anxiety has been so unpredictable lately, like just last week I had a big anxiety attack over just walking into a gaming store I wanted to buy some mini stuff from. I just, I want to be a good help to her but I'm really nervous about doing it.

That's not a bad thing. Don't let your nervousness control you, but if you're nervous, that means you're worried about doing right by her, and that's a good sign.

I don't really know what advice I can offer, but I do want to say I have full confidence in you. I think you'll be able to do just fine.

[Serpentine]

I know her to the degree that I talked an hour or so with her at a trans meet up about a year ago.

It's just, like, I can do the shopping thing it just takes energy and social anxiety makes talking to people I don't know super super well really hard. I think I can manage and I want to, it's just that my anxiety has been so unpredictable lately, like just last week I had a big anxiety attack over just walking into a gaming store I wanted to buy some mini stuff from. I just, I want to be a good help to her but I'm really nervous about doing it.

Might it help both of you if you went full disclosure and told her in advance what your anxiety is like and how she can recognise and help you with it? A friend of mine had a panic attack when we were out a while ago and it was really scary, not least because I didn't *really* know what was happening or what to do. If we'd talked about it in advance, just the practical "what should I do if -" it could have been less of a big deal and over much faster than it was.

[Miraqariftsky]

I know her to the degree that I talked an hour or so with her at a trans meet up about a year ago.

It's just, like, I can do the shopping thing it just takes energy and social anxiety makes talking to people I don't know super super well really hard. I think I can manage and I want to, it's just that my anxiety has been so unpredictable lately, like just last week I had a big anxiety attack over just walking into a gaming store I wanted to buy some mini stuff from. I just, I want to be a good help to her but I'm really nervous about doing it.

Ah, I see. At least y'all HAVE trans-meetups like that.

Alrighty, understood. Key is calmness. Breathe, girl. Breeeeeeaaathe. Breathe. Take yourself aside when you feel anxiety's pounding on you like so, and concentrate on your moments. Breathe. OWN every moment. Breathe.

That's not a bad thing. Don't let your nervousness control you, but if you're nervous, that means you're worried about doing right by her, and that's a good sign.

I don't really know what advice I can offer, but I do want to say I have full confidence in you. I think you'll be able to do just fine.

I second the above, your honour.

Hell yeah, ma'am Astrella!

Might it help both of you if you went full disclosure and told her in advance what your anxiety is like and how she can recognise and help you with it? A friend of mine had a panic attack when we were out a while ago and it was really scary, not least because I didn't *really* know what was happening or what to do. If we'd talked about it in advance, just the practical "what should I do if -" it could have been less of a big deal and over much faster than it was.

I second the motion, your honour. That DOES make sense, it does.

[Kalmageddon]

Tomorrow in the early morning my friend is finally going to have bottom surgery, after many delays and bureaucratic obstacles.
Her boyfriend will be with her, I'd like to but I'm too far away.

I'd like some good luck and best wishes sent her way, if only in spirit, if you don't mind.

[JNAProductions]

I don't know who your friend is, but I wish them the best of luck!

[Grytorm]

Tomorrow in the early morning my friend is finally going to have bottom surgery, after many delays and bureaucratic obstacles.
Her boyfriend will be with her, I'd like to but I'm too far away.

I'd like some good luck and best wishes sent her way, if only in spirit, if you don't mind.

I see a distant ship passing by
Charting the same waters as I
I call for a mighty cheer
So even they so far may hear

[Athedia]

Sorry ta hear, Athedia. GOOD that you have plenty of backups, though.

A ten-minute play... That's a pity that it was lost. My suggestion, hmm, can you look at it as if this were a chance for you to go back to your Model One Mark One draft in your mind, write it up as if new and fresh? And when you're done crafting that, I'm pretty sure it'll have a not insignificant amount of changes from the one that was lost. With that... look at it as your piece's resurrection, eh? Build it up better and stronger than before! Or come at the matter with a fresh angle.

I found a paper copy, then remembered I had sent it to my father since a character was based on an interaction with him. So the revisions I made are lost, but as you said "I have the technology" so better, faster, stronger here I come.


EDIT: And a note on informing on panic attacks. I had one last night due to losing the USB and then accidentally walking in on a class in my search. Opposite of fun, but I called two friends and while the one was coming to my location the other one talked me through breathing exercises. I would have been unable to function if they hadn't been there with the knowledge of what to do.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I found a paper copy, then remembered I had sent it to my father since a character was based on an interaction with him. So the revisions I made are lost, but as you said "I have the technology" so better, faster, stronger here I come.


EDIT: And a note on informing on panic attacks. I had one last night due to losing the USB and then accidentally walking in on a class in my search. Opposite of fun, but I called two friends and while the one was coming to my location the other one talked me through breathing exercises. I would have been unable to function if they hadn't been there with the knowledge of what to do.

*hugs* I'm so glad your friends were there and that you found a draft. I hope you find your usb.

Jim Obergefell (the lead plaintiff of the recent gay marriage case) is currently speaking at the school where I'm s vet student. This should be interesting.

[Xihirli]

*hugs* I'm so glad your friends were there and that you found a draft. I hope you find your usb.

Jim Obergefell (the lead plaintiff of the recent gay marriage case) is currently speaking at the school where I'm s vet student. This should be interesting.

I love Jim Obergefell! He's the best. He's a very brave man who deserves all of our respect.

[JusticeZero]

Still trying to perfect my brief response to kids asking if I'm a boy or a girl (generally the high point of my day). So far I'm down to "Thank you for asking, it's better than assuming - I'm non-binary and a 'they'.." Still feels a bit stumbly though.

[Orcus The Vile]

Still trying to perfect my brief response to kids asking if I'm a boy or a girl (generally the high point of my day). So far I'm down to "Thank you for asking, it's better than assuming - I'm non-binary and a 'they'.." Still feels a bit stumbly though.

"Well, one isn't purely defined by their sex or gender. I have yet to find out who I really am."
-Adventure time lamp.

[Kittenwolf]

Still trying to perfect my brief response to kids asking if I'm a boy or a girl (generally the high point of my day). So far I'm down to "Thank you for asking, it's better than assuming - I'm non-binary and a 'they'.." Still feels a bit stumbly though.

I tend to go with something like "Depends, what day of the week is it again" :)

[Rain Dragon]

Still trying to perfect my brief response to kids asking if I'm a boy or a girl (generally the high point of my day). So far I'm down to "Thank you for asking, it's better than assuming - I'm non-binary and a 'they'.." Still feels a bit stumbly though.

I had an opportunity to respond to this once.
"No." /grins

It doesn't work out very well if the goal is to clarify rather than being a bit of an ass though. Might give you some ideas, hopefully?

[JusticeZero]

Well, I'm not gender fluid, so that snark is out.. And if I don't give a sufficient answer, the parents "correct" it. So I'm trying to be informative as well as brief.

In other news, I helped someone figure out that he is binary trans a couple months back.. The past couple days he has been posting a lot of transphobic stuff on social media. He also hasn't responded to me lately. I worry about him...

[goto124]

And if I don't give a sufficient answer, the parents "correct" it.

Yea, that's a problem too. It's tough.

So... what pronouns would you prefer us to use to refer to you? It's what I usually mean when I ask if someone is male or female

[Astrella]

Shopping with trans friend went well, got her a nice coat and some other stuff, had lunch together and talked a bunch. (Did have a big anxiety attack prior to meeting her, had to sit down on a bench and had dissociation happen then which caused me to be late... bluh.)

[JNAProductions]

Awesome! Sorry to hear about your anxiety attack, but glad your shopping went well!

[noparlpf]

Yesterday was apparently the first time my boss had run into the trans client I clocked a few weeks ago since before he had transitioned. (I guess he's been seeing the new vet this year.) She didn't realise he was the same person at first and thought he was his brother or something. So I feel bad for noticing, but he's clearly passing well to people who don't have transgenderism near the front of their minds. And I have tended to clock most trans people I've met irl so maybe I just look at the wrong gender cues.

[Dire Moose]

I've found out about three people being trans now without them having said it publicly. One of them was a former coworker of mine whom I still don't know for sure about, but there were a lot of things about her that just seemed to add up, another was a well-known expert within a specific scientific community, and hadn't mentioned it at all on her blog or elsewhere within that community but only in comments on one trans-related blog, and the third is actually a very well-known Internet personality whom I happened to know from a forum we both frequented before she became famous.

I actually feel horribly guilty about discovering some of these, like I accidentally overheard something nobody was supposed to know. The third especially, considering she has articles written about her on different wikis that make no mention of her gender identity, which means she really doesn't want anybody finding out.

Also, I mentioned this briefly many pages back, but after carefully considering it I felt it deserved a mention. Although my situation isn't anywhere near the level experienced by most people who are actually transgender, there have been enough oddities in my past that I really think I need to more closely examine what my actual gender identity is.

The facts as of now:

--I've always been interested in the idea of switching sexes, and have often wondered what it would be like to try it.

--I did go through a phase of about a year around age 13 when I wanted to become a girl. I do remember running across the term "transsexual" then and wondered if it might apply to me. At least I always thought it was a phase; I realize now that it ended at the same time I started getting involved with a religious organization, and that was accompanied by a certain amount of angst over whether I was too feminine and becoming gay. For all, I know, it may have gone much farther had things turned out differently.

--I didn't play with any "girl toys" when I was a child, and in fact was pretty much a typical boy in terms of my interests. I never imagined myself as a non-male character when pretending to be anything either.

--However, with regards to the above, the two fictional characters I identify with the most are Link from The Legend of Zelda and Tedd from El Goonish Shive, and while both male neither can really be considered traditionally masculine.

--When I've had a choice between a male or female character in Pokémon, I have lately been choosing the female option and somehow feel better doing it. More recently, I have been playing female characters in Pathfinder Society games and have been getting a lot out of it.

--I get emotional and cry a lot more easily than any guy I know, and I think I do it more often than some girls do as well.

--I don't recall ever experiencing gender dysphoria.

Spoiler: Potentially TMI

Show

--I'm more aroused by reading erotic literature than looking at visual stuff.

--I don't want to change anything "under the hood." I'm perfectly happy with what I have down there now.

--Having breasts is something I've always wanted. However, all options for achieving this are too expensive, permanent, and noticeable for me.

--I've never been comfortable with standing up to pee, and only do so when there's no other option.

--I've caught myself wishing I was a girl (albeit with male equipment) during sexual moments.

Taking all of this into account, I'm not really sure where I fit to be honest. I definitely don't believe I'm far enough to actually be trans, but there's enough there to question whether being a cis male really fits me completely. I think to get a better idea of where I really fit in, I'd like to try presenting as female occasionally to see how I like it.

I'm still going to use male pronouns by default except when I'm presenting as female IRL, which probably won't happen for a while. I also go by a gender-neutral name in real life, which is a very fortunate coincidence; I don't have to remember two separate names when I already have a good gender-neutral one.

I'm already working on developing a more androgynous "base form" for myself. I'm starting mainly with shaving my body hair and figuring out how to keep doing it effectively. And next time I get a haircut, I'm going to ask about styles that look good for both genders. Eventually, I want to reach a point where I don't look like anything by default, and people's interpretation of my gender will mainly come from aspects of my appearance I can easily change. I am also trying out various ways of altering my voice so that I don't sound as masculine.

Once I get to that point, I could then start presenting myself as female every now and then. I wouldn't do this around most people I know; rather, I'd choose somewhere public enough that I would still be interacting with people, but away from anyone who would be able to recognize me. Exactly where and how to make this work is still pretty uncertain though.

A quick note about me. I'm 5'10" without very broad shoulders or any other feature that would make me stand out. The only complication I know of is that I do have a visible adam's apple. I remember discussing this with a previous girlfriend who was trans, and we agreed that my body was one that could transition fairly easily. Not that I'd want to actually transition, it's just that there wouldn't be a lot of complications if I wanted to present as female.

Not sure how well this will work or if it's that well thought out, and I'm sure there are glaring flaws in it, but I would like to know if you've got anything to add.

[Svata]

I've found out about three people being trans now without them having said it publicly. One of them was a former coworker of mine whom I still don't know for sure about, but there were a lot of things about her that just seemed to add up, another was a well-known expert within a specific scientific community, and hadn't mentioned it at all on her blog or elsewhere within that community but only in comments on one trans-related blog, and the third is actually a very well-known Internet personality whom I happened to know from a forum we both frequented before she became famous.

I actually feel horribly guilty about discovering some of these, like I accidentally overheard something nobody was supposed to know. The third especially, considering she has articles written about her on different wikis that make no mention of her gender identity, which means she really doesn't want anybody finding out.

Also, I mentioned this briefly many pages back, but after carefully considering it I felt it deserved a mention. Although my situation isn't anywhere near the level experienced by most people who are actually transgender, there have been enough oddities in my past that I really think I need to more closely examine what my actual gender identity is.

The facts as of now:

--I've always been interested in the idea of switching sexes, and have often wondered what it would be like to try it.

--I did go through a phase of about a year around age 13 when I wanted to become a girl. I do remember running across the term "transsexual" then and wondered if it might apply to me. At least I always thought it was a phase; I realize now that it ended at the same time I started getting involved with a religious organization, and that was accompanied by a certain amount of angst over whether I was too feminine and becoming gay. For all, I know, it may have gone much farther had things turned out differently.

--I didn't play with any "girl toys" when I was a child, and in fact was pretty much a typical boy in terms of my interests. I never imagined myself as a non-male character when pretending to be anything either.

--However, with regards to the above, the two fictional characters I identify with the most are Link from The Legend of Zelda and Tedd from El Goonish Shive, and while both male neither can really be considered traditionally masculine.

--When I've had a choice between a male or female character in Pokémon, I have lately been choosing the female option and somehow feel better doing it. More recently, I have been playing female characters in Pathfinder Society games and have been getting a lot out of it.

--I get emotional and cry a lot more easily than any guy I know, and I think I do it more often than some girls do as well.

--I don't recall ever experiencing gender dysphoria.

Spoiler: Potentially TMI

Show

--I'm more aroused by reading erotic literature than looking at visual stuff.

--I don't want to change anything "under the hood." I'm perfectly happy with what I have down there now.

--Having breasts is something I've always wanted. However, all options for achieving this are too expensive, permanent, and noticeable for me.

--I've never been comfortable with standing up to pee, and only do so when there's no other option.

--I've caught myself wishing I was a girl (albeit with male equipment) during sexual moments.

Taking all of this into account, I'm not really sure where I fit to be honest. I definitely don't believe I'm far enough to actually be trans, but there's enough there to question whether being a cis male really fits me completely. I think to get a better idea of where I really fit in, I'd like to try presenting as female occasionally to see how I like it.

I'm still going to use male pronouns by default except when I'm presenting as female IRL, which probably won't happen for a while. I also go by a gender-neutral name in real life, which is a very fortunate coincidence; I don't have to remember two separate names when I already have a good gender-neutral one.

I'm already working on developing a more androgynous "base form" for myself. I'm starting mainly with shaving my body hair and figuring out how to keep doing it effectively. And next time I get a haircut, I'm going to ask about styles that look good for both genders. Eventually, I want to reach a point where I don't look like anything by default, and people's interpretation of my gender will mainly come from aspects of my appearance I can easily change. I am also trying out various ways of altering my voice so that I don't sound as masculine.

Once I get to that point, I could then start presenting myself as female every now and then. I wouldn't do this around most people I know; rather, I'd choose somewhere public enough that I would still be interacting with people, but away from anyone who would be able to recognize me. Exactly where and how to make this work is still pretty uncertain though.

A quick note about me. I'm 5'10" without very broad shoulders or any other feature that would make me stand out. The only complication I know of is that I do have a visible adam's apple. I remember discussing this with a previous girlfriend who was trans, and we agreed that my body was one that could transition fairly easily. Not that I'd want to actually transition, it's just that there wouldn't be a lot of complications if I wanted to present as female.

Not sure how well this will work or if it's that well thought out, and I'm sure there are glaring flaws in it, but I would like to know if you've got anything to add.

Do I know you on some other board, or am I hallucinating that? Or have two people posted the same thing on two boards on the same day?

[Lentrax]

I've found out about three people being trans now without them having said it publicly. One of them was a former coworker of mine whom I still don't know for sure about, but there were a lot of things about her that just seemed to add up, another was a well-known expert within a specific scientific community, and hadn't mentioned it at all on her blog or elsewhere within that community but only in comments on one trans-related blog, and the third is actually a very well-known Internet personality whom I happened to know from a forum we both frequented before she became famous.

I actually feel horribly guilty about discovering some of these, like I accidentally overheard something nobody was supposed to know. The third especially, considering she has articles written about her on different wikis that make no mention of her gender identity, which means she really doesn't want anybody finding out.

Also, I mentioned this briefly many pages back, but after carefully considering it I felt it deserved a mention. Although my situation isn't anywhere near the level experienced by most people who are actually transgender, there have been enough oddities in my past that I really think I need to more closely examine what my actual gender identity is.

The facts as of now:

--I've always been interested in the idea of switching sexes, and have often wondered what it would be like to try it.

--I did go through a phase of about a year around age 13 when I wanted to become a girl. I do remember running across the term "transsexual" then and wondered if it might apply to me. At least I always thought it was a phase; I realize now that it ended at the same time I started getting involved with a religious organization, and that was accompanied by a certain amount of angst over whether I was too feminine and becoming gay. For all, I know, it may have gone much farther had things turned out differently.

--I didn't play with any "girl toys" when I was a child, and in fact was pretty much a typical boy in terms of my interests. I never imagined myself as a non-male character when pretending to be anything either.

--However, with regards to the above, the two fictional characters I identify with the most are Link from The Legend of Zelda and Tedd from El Goonish Shive, and while both male neither can really be considered traditionally masculine.

--When I've had a choice between a male or female character in Pokémon, I have lately been choosing the female option and somehow feel better doing it. More recently, I have been playing female characters in Pathfinder Society games and have been getting a lot out of it.

--I get emotional and cry a lot more easily than any guy I know, and I think I do it more often than some girls do as well.

--I don't recall ever experiencing gender dysphoria.

Spoiler: Potentially TMI

Show

--I'm more aroused by reading erotic literature than looking at visual stuff.

--I don't want to change anything "under the hood." I'm perfectly happy with what I have down there now.

--Having breasts is something I've always wanted. However, all options for achieving this are too expensive, permanent, and noticeable for me.

--I've never been comfortable with standing up to pee, and only do so when there's no other option.

--I've caught myself wishing I was a girl (albeit with male equipment) during sexual moments.

Taking all of this into account, I'm not really sure where I fit to be honest. I definitely don't believe I'm far enough to actually be trans, but there's enough there to question whether being a cis male really fits me completely. I think to get a better idea of where I really fit in, I'd like to try presenting as female occasionally to see how I like it.

I'm still going to use male pronouns by default except when I'm presenting as female IRL, which probably won't happen for a while. I also go by a gender-neutral name in real life, which is a very fortunate coincidence; I don't have to remember two separate names when I already have a good gender-neutral one.

I'm already working on developing a more androgynous "base form" for myself. I'm starting mainly with shaving my body hair and figuring out how to keep doing it effectively. And next time I get a haircut, I'm going to ask about styles that look good for both genders. Eventually, I want to reach a point where I don't look like anything by default, and people's interpretation of my gender will mainly come from aspects of my appearance I can easily change. I am also trying out various ways of altering my voice so that I don't sound as masculine.

Once I get to that point, I could then start presenting myself as female every now and then. I wouldn't do this around most people I know; rather, I'd choose somewhere public enough that I would still be interacting with people, but away from anyone who would be able to recognize me. Exactly where and how to make this work is still pretty uncertain though.

A quick note about me. I'm 5'10" without very broad shoulders or any other feature that would make me stand out. The only complication I know of is that I do have a visible adam's apple. I remember discussing this with a previous girlfriend who was trans, and we agreed that my body was one that could transition fairly easily. Not that I'd want to actually transition, it's just that there wouldn't be a lot of complications if I wanted to present as female.

Not sure how well this will work or if it's that well thought out, and I'm sure there are glaring flaws in it, but I would like to know if you've got anything to add.

I'll make a more lengthy post in a while, if I can, but for now the tl;dr version.

You are you, and the only one who can accurately tell you who or what you are is ultimately you.

[Dire Moose]

Do I know you on some other board, or am I hallucinating that? Or have two people posted the same thing on two boards on the same day?

Yes, I frequent both of those boards and I know you from both as well.

[Svata]

Ah, ok. Thought I'd seen that post right before coming here, and was confused, is all.

[Orcus The Vile]

In other news, I helped someone figure out that he is binary trans a couple months back.. The past couple days he has been posting a lot of transphobic stuff on social media. He also hasn't responded to me lately. I worry about him...

And that is why I don't like "helping" anyone with their sexual stuff. I'm not saying you did that but most of the time it is hard not to mix your ideas and sexual preferences when helping someone with this sort of thing.

That is why I think it should be something natural that the person has to do it by him/herself. Other wise you may end up with a responsibility you don't really want to have. Or with the best of intentions end up making things more confusing.

And sexual things are always confusing. So my advise is not get involved and just let him find things naturally, if posting this comments is part of his process let him have it. Don't assume you know him better than himself.

[Dire Moose]

I've found out about three people being trans now without them having said it publicly. One of them was a former coworker of mine whom I still don't know for sure about, but there were a lot of things about her that just seemed to add up, another was a well-known expert within a specific scientific community, and hadn't mentioned it at all on her blog or elsewhere within that community but only in comments on one trans-related blog, and the third is actually a very well-known Internet personality whom I happened to know from a forum we both frequented before she became famous.

I actually feel horribly guilty about discovering some of these, like I accidentally overheard something nobody was supposed to know. The third especially, considering she has articles written about her on different wikis that make no mention of her gender identity, which means she really doesn't want anybody finding out.

...make that four people now. She was avoiding telling people too, including me, and I, being the determined pattern-recognition expert that I was, put it together from a lot of the things she was saying, then accidentally hit enter on a post I wasn't really planning on sending. And she saw it before I could delete it.

I think I put her off a bit, but she assured me I hadn't done anything wrong. And it wasn't on the Internet where anyone else could see it either.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so good at noticing patterns.

(To be fair, though, she gave no indication until just this recent conversation and I was completely floored when I started realizing what it all meant)

[AmberVael]

Also, I mentioned this briefly many pages back, but after carefully considering it I felt it deserved a mention. Although my situation isn't anywhere near the level experienced by most people who are actually transgender, there have been enough oddities in my past that I really think I need to more closely examine what my actual gender identity is.

The facts as of now:

So I'm half asleep and I've been struggling with wording on this for a while, so take this with a salt shaker and the consideration that what I'm trying to express here is pretty complicated and I may not get it across well.

The kinds of things you're thinking about are important. They define you, and you should keep thinking about that. But a lot of them? Put no stock in them as far as gender identity. Like, the toys for example. Compare toys to clothes- both about personal preference and choice, and should really have no bearing on gender. And even trans individuals may or may not experience dysphoria- I don't to any noticeable extent- so its not something to be counted on.

My suggestion is, continue to figure out you by thinking of the kinds of things you're doing, but don't label them, and don't label you. Find yourself out, and then decide how best to describe it to others.

[Face]

I've found the Genderbread Man invaluable for helping to explain to non-trans people...

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/...ead-person-v3/

You don't need to decide where you are on any scale on any permanent basis! :)

[Grytorm]

Hmm. I haven't been in the best of moods lately. Bad negative self talk as well. I can't think of what else to say about it though.

[JusticeZero]

Also, I mentioned this briefly many pages back, but after carefully considering it I felt it deserved a mention. Although my situation isn't anywhere near the level experienced by most people who are actually transgender, there have been enough oddities in my past that I really think I need to more closely examine what my actual gender identity is.

The things you said there sound pretty common among various points in the agender and non-binary range, and quite a few are things that I experience myself.

And that is why I don't like "helping" anyone with their sexual stuff. I'm not saying you did that but most of the time it is hard not to mix your ideas and sexual preferences when helping someone with this sort of thing.

Well, I'm not interested in him. I just was a bit surprised by the transphobic stuff from someone who is himself trans, and worrying that he was in some sort of trouble. It isn't actually my problem, except for the part where I was worrying myself because I want everyone to be doing well.

[Orcus The Vile]

Well, I'm not interested in him. I just was a bit surprised by the transphobic stuff from someone who is himself trans, and worrying that he was in some sort of trouble. It isn't actually my problem, except for the part where I was worrying myself because I want everyone to be doing well.

I'm not saying that. I'm just saying like if a friend comes to me and says that he has weird feelings in a situation similar to mine I would try to tell him how it went with me... But maybe it has nothing to do with HIS situation.

I think a lot of homosexual people pass through "the stages of grief" for the reality they thought they belong (straight). Maybe he is in the shock and denial phase or maybe in the anger phase.