Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[Inevitability]

New campaign, new characters...

Spoiler: Context

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Wizard is the guy who played a rogue and a 'pirate' before.
Paladin is the guy who played a paladin and a monk before.
Barbarian is the guy who played a wizard and 'doom knight' before.
Rogue is yours truly.

Wizard: So there's three of us now? Should be enough to take on those bugbears.
Paladin: Perhaps one more should join us, to increase our odds of victory?
Wizard: Hm... You are right *grabs random passer-by*
Rogue: Why are you grabbing me? Could you please let me go?
Wizard: Nope, you're coming with us.
Rogue: Someone please help. I'm being kidnapped by complete strangers who are dragging me off into a forest filled with horrible beasts who are going to eat, kill, and attack me in roughly that order.
Barbarian: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? *Intimidates*
Rogue: Help me...

Rogue: You can't just drink that! What if it gives you magical cancer?
Wizard: There is no such thing.
Rogue: That must be the magical cancer talking.

[PoeticDwarf]

Paladin: (surrounded by goblinoids) that bandit should really stop. This is no place for murdering, backstabbing and stealing creatures

Me: are you aware you just described goblins?

[Gracht Grabmaw]

"I've never done it with leather before but I'm always willing to try new things."
Our fighter (the party armorer) offering to fix the wenchy elf's leather cuirass.

[DigoDragon]

Reuben: “Um... maybe don't let any of the passengers into Calamity's room in the fist class car?”
[Beat]
Reuben: “Fist class? Ugh, only thing worse than a typo is a correctly spelled typo.”

Autumn: “Autumn, sensing [Reuben’s] emotional state, takes up a shovel and begins helping him stoke the boiler. Sympathy via heavy physical labor.”

Reuben: “The stallion looked around the docks. The daunting task of finding Open Oceans quickly was a bit of... pier pressure.”
GM: “Reuben feels a great disturbance in the port, as if millions of comedians suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.”

Reuben: “Reuben isn't entertaining the offer, he's ready to seek the bar. Just waiting to see if either of the mares want to indulge the deal or ask them something.”
GM: “It's not like you haven't used seduction to get what you want before.”
Reuben: “True, but my last attempt ended in injury. Trying it here may be bad for Reuben's health.”

Reuben: “Okay, then Reuben will continue with the offer to buy Open a drink and usher the discussion to be at that corner, unless someone else has a better idea, or any idea, or wants to lead with the talking points because Reuben isn't sure how to tell Open ‘so we're racing an ancient relic pegasus-possessing demon to a helmet...’ without sounding crazier than she is.”

Gizmo: “Was hoping for an attack the darkness style joke, but then I thought those were over done.”
Reuben: “Dude. We did attack the darkness. It kicked our flanks in response!”

[Taet]

Overheard at the game shop:
"Note to self. In Infinity, facing matters."

"And flying characters WILL NOT be flying--"
"Well, me."

"I went with 'healthier living through repression', instead. I can work with that."

[AuthorGirl]

These are unrelated, mostly. But real!

"No, Calvin, you cannot turn mayonnaise into radiant energy."

"How long does my nostril eye last?"

"What kind of a paladin of cheese pizza are you?"

"The dwarf carefully reads over your love note. Three times. After a long, awkward pause: you know I'm a dude, right?"

"I want to drench my kuo-toan army in mayonnaise!"

"I hold up a gold coin!" *everyone screams*

"I am the god of kuo-toa!"
"Not a sexy shoeless god of war?"
(you can tell we read OOTS)

"How's the sexy kobold doing?"
"Uh - Gah! I'd forgotten that . . ."
"By the way, when are you coming back?"
"Er . . ."

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY I KILLED THEM! IT WAS A MISTAKE!"
"It was cowardice and stupidity."
"THAT TOO!"

"The fuse looked too big to cut."

"What material is this rope?"
"Hemp."
"I smoke it."

"MAKE NEW DOOR!"

"I bounce on the bed."
"You embed yourself in the ceiling."

"You reach through the portal and touch yourself."

"*my name*, think this through. What is going to happen?"
I did it anyway.

"Yes, the cure is to burn yourself to death."

"Let's play halflingball!"

"NOOOO! MY SLAVE!"

"If those are ropers there, are those things with hooks on their hands hookers?"

"No, my backstory is more depressing!"
"Oh, yeah? How many people die in yours?"

"First the quest card, now this."
"*my name*, help me think of ways to kill him."

"Do that and you'll be called Stumpy."
"I already lost a hand."
"No, the head."

[AuthorGirl]

DM: Why do I feel like even hearing these conversation occur is slowly making me a worse person?

Because it is!

[Yuki Akuma]

Druid: I cast Conjure Eight Goddamn Wolves.

Bard: Did I just insult a bugbear to death?
DM: You just insulted a bugbear to death.
Bard: Awesome. Bonus action, Fighter gains an Inspiration die from how awesome seeing that was.
Fighter: Sweet.

Ranger: Okay, I'll try to sneak into the room. I'm at disadvantage, but my modifier is pretty good, so... *natural 12 and natural 4*
DM: You trip and land on your face. Your eleven goddamn weapons how are you even carrying that many make a loud clanging noise. Roll for initiative.

Out of the Ranger's eleven melee weapons, he still doesn't have a single source of blugeoning damage. He resorts to punching skeletons when they show up.

[Necroticplague]

Gene: Wow. The exact minimum amount of information required to technically tell the truth, while being completely and utterly misleading. It's nice to see a protege grow so well.....
DM: Your approval fills me with great shame.

[goto124]

"The dwarf carefully reads over your love note. Three times. After a long, awkward pause: you know I'm a dude, right?"

May I know what happened next? Please?

*puppy eyes*

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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"And flying characters WILL NOT be flying--"

Sounds like someone does not like being on the wrong end of flight advantage.

"No, Calvin, you cannot turn mayonnaise into radiant energy."

"I want to drench my kuo-toan army in mayonnaise!"

Someone in your party really like mayo. :3

"I bounce on the bed."
"You embed yourself in the ceiling."

*Snerk* Extra springy beds are awesome.

"No, the head."

Well that escalated. o.o

Out of the Ranger's eleven melee weapons, he still doesn't have a single source of blugeoning damage. He resorts to punching skeletons when they show up.

Wha...? Eleven weapons and nothing bludgeoning?!

---

Princess Leia: “Help us Obi Wan KeMorning, you're our only hope!”

Reuben: “Woot! I was worried for a moment that Open Oceans would get a bit... choppy.”

Sailor: “I've left some… uh... laundry... in the oven... yeah…”

Open Oceans: “Hey, Dusty! Bring us some of your heavy cider! The good stuff! This colt's paying for me today.”
Reuben: “Dear Celestia, please let her not be the type to drink like a fish.”
Open Oceans: *Empties her mug and gestures to the serving pony for more*
Reuben: *Puts down a few more bits, watching Open drink down his limited funds*
GM: “Reuben takes 2d6+12 (Severe) Financial damage.”

Open Oceans: “I've got a boat we could use, but it's not exactly fast. Or sturdy. Or stable.”

Morning: “I might be able to get us a discount, if the stallion at the dock house holds true to his word. Though, I do not know if he will, if he believes the vessel would be in danger.”
Reuben: “Hmm... well, I don't know what kind of dangers there'd be. Other than the usual for sailing that is.”
Autumn: “So add short-notice expedition insurance to the list.”

Reuben: “well we still need a ship and a way to survive the crushing pressure of racing that monster to the ruins... oh and the pressure of the ocean.”

[goto124]

Extra springy beds are awesome. As are super-sticky ceilings made of

Spoiler: this:

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GM: “Reuben takes 2d6+12 (Severe) Financial damage.”

Noooo! That's too realistic!

[DigoDragon]

Extra springy beds are awesome. As are super-sticky ceilings made of

Spoiler: this:

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That looks really awesome, but I question its feasibility with today's tech. :3
Still, really awesome idea.

Noooo! That's too realistic!

Heehee, it kinda is for poor Reuben. XD

[Cristo Meyers]

Been doing some Star Wars recently:

Soldier: Just because you'll flirt with anything warm-blooded...
Smuggler: Hey, hey! ...are Mon Calamari warm-blooded?


Smuggler: Hello, precious, did you miss me?
Soldier: Are we about to give the term 'shipping' a new meaning? 'Cause I can come back...


Soldier: I wonder if his tongue is all bristly?


Smuggler: So how is your Jedi-brother?
Soldier: Of travelling with his... whatchucallit... coterie? Band?
Smuggler: Harem, dear, it's called a harem.

...we kinda had a one-track mind that day...

[goto124]

*makes meowing sounds*

[raygun goth]

"What do you MEAN, this die goes up to twenty?"

"WILL YOU TWO BE QUIET, I'M TOUCHING POOP AND I NEED TO CONCENTRATE."

"I hear drums! We're supposed to boogie through this cave!"

"Plane of ooze? More like paraelemental plane of opera house floors."

[Cristo Meyers]

"I hear drums! We're supposed to boogie through this cave!"

We'll CONGA to the end of this cavern! Somebody grab my butt!

--

Two more, still Star Wars, same person:

'I am SITH! I should not be sparkling!'

'My aunt is Darth Occulus. Of course I know where all the best parties are.'

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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...we kinda had a one-track mind that day...

I have those days too. :3

"WILL YOU TWO BE QUIET, I'M TOUCHING POOP AND I NEED TO CONCENTRATE."

Uh...

---

Autumn: "We're here to rent a ship."
Ship Owner: "We don't rent it anymore, but it is for sale."
Autumn: "How much?"
Ship Owner: "Twenty thousand bits."
Autumn: "Uh, my crew and I will have to take it for a test sail."
Ship Owner: "Of course, you just have to leave a deposit."
Autumn: "How much is that?"
Ship Owner: "Twenty thousand bits."
Autumn: "Umm..."
[Shows a Princess of Friendship business card]
Autumn: "Would you take a government check?"
Ship Owner: "Yes."

GM: “So your decision is for me to split the party 3-ways? ......... You are pure evil.”

Gizmo: “I just think it's a classic moment, friends just missing friends as they enter/leave a building.”
Autumn: *Cuffs Gizmo’s player upside the head* “Stop being difficult.”
GM: “Aaaaand that's a good one for the quotes thread. Digo, get working on it.”

Autumn: “Autumn mostly concentrates on looking awesome, following Morning's lead. ‘We would like that very much. Please lead the way,’ she practically purrs at the poor stallion. Let's make those bystanders eat those words.”
Looking Hot Body: +6
Shapely Wings: Wingpower +1
Peak of Physical Fitness: Tireless +1
Athletic Build: (3d6b2)[8]
Total: 16

GM: “Sheesh, is it just me or is it getting kinda hot in here? While using the Body attribute for this purpose is a tiny bit rules-unorthodox, I'll allow it since the reasoning behind it is rock solid.”
Background: *rimshot*
GM: “However, Autumn does not get to add her Tireless bonus to the initial seduction attempt. I am certain that it becomes very useful later down the line...”
George Takei: *Grins Knowingly*
GM: “…still, she managed to reach a Difficult DT. Once again more than enough to get looks from everypony around. ......Stupid sexy Autumn Gale...”

[Cristo Meyers]

I have those days too. :3

We call them 'weekdays.'

GM: “…still, she managed to reach a Difficult DT. Once again more than enough to get looks from everypony around. ......Stupid sexy Autumn Gale...”

So she's... hot to trot?

...

...

...I'll show myself out.

[ZeroGear]

:
GM: “Sheesh, is it just me or is it getting kinda hot in here? While using the Body attribute for this purpose is a tiny bit rules-unorthodox, I'll allow it since the reasoning behind it is rock solid.”
Background: *rimshot*
GM: “However, Autumn does not get to add her Tireless bonus to the initial seduction attempt. I am certain that it becomes very useful later down the line...”
George Takei: *Grins Knowingly*
GM: “…still, she managed to reach a Difficult DT. Once again more than enough to get looks from everypony around. ......Stupid sexy Autumn Gale...”

...Now I REALLY want a picture/mini-comic of this... A PG-13 version of course. (And I thought Project Horizons was suggestive).

[Gastronomie]

From Call of Cthulhu:

"Look, that tentacle monster is going to kill all of us either way, so before I die I want to attempt to pin this chick down on the bed. Keeper, can I roll?"
"Use the 'Ride' skill please."
*Gets worst roll possible*
"Kay, Chick turns out to be a cross-dresser."
"wat"
"He finds you cute."
"WAT"

[Douche]

Last night; surrounded by an undead troll, wyrmling, and their evil elven mistress - 2 party members down, health dwindling on the other 2

Half-orc barbarian "We just came to get our parrot stuffed!"

[DigoDragon]

...Now I REALLY want a picture/mini-comic of this... A PG-13 version of course. (And I thought Project Horizons was suggestive).

Heh, I do feel interested in drawing a sexy Autumn Gale. I'll ask her player for permission.


Captain Junkcrab: “So where do our two fine ladies want to go? Are they gonna bring their bellboys too?”
Autumn: “I'd be happy to throw in a butt-kicking as part of your fee.”

Autumn: “Anypony remember how far we're going? It appears Junkcrab's vessel is powered by ass-kicking and I need to know how far to kick.”

GM: “Granted, I've been greatly enjoying playing the various targets of Reuben's and Autumn's advances, but I didn't quite imagine this would end up in the two of them trying to build an Equestria-spanning harem.”

Gizmo: “I can only imagine what kind of payment that guy thinks Morning meant.”
GM: “...Yeah, that was a somewhat poor choice of words. Still worked, though.”
Reuben: “Well, this being a port town, you gotta expect to have... shipping lanes.”

Autumn: “Autumn's [seduction] count so far—Flitter, Wild Bull, Sleepy Tyme, Reuben (teasing), the entire hotel lobby, and the entire harbormaster’s office.”
Gizmo: “You forgot Gizmo.”
Autumn: *Cuffs Gizmo up the back of the head*

[Bard1cKnowledge]

Heh, I do feel interested in drawing a sexy Autumn Gale. I'll ask her player for permission.


Captain Junkcrab: “So where do our two fine ladies want to go? Are they gonna bring their bellboys too?”
Autumn: “I'd be happy to throw in a butt-kicking as part of your fee.”

Autumn: “Anypony remember how far we're going? It appears Junkcrab's vessel is powered by ass-kicking and I need to know how far to kick.”

GM: “Granted, I've been greatly enjoying playing the various targets of Reuben's and Autumn's advances, but I didn't quite imagine this would end up in the two of them trying to build an Equestria-spanning harem.”

Gizmo: “I can only imagine what kind of payment that guy thinks Morning meant.”
GM: “...Yeah, that was a somewhat poor choice of words. Still worked, though.”
Reuben: “Well, this being a port town, you gotta expect to have... shipping lanes.”

Autumn: “Autumn's [seduction] count so far—Flitter, Wild Bull, Sleepy Tyme, Reuben (teasing), the entire hotel lobby, and the entire harbormaster’s office.”
Gizmo: “You forgot Gizmo.”
Autumn: *Cuffs Gizmo up the back of the head*

Draw her in only a scarf

[Inevitability]

Rogue: I'm in doubt! What should I do?
Barbarian: Just ask your hippy conscience.

Rogue: I can't believe we're selling someone in slavery for a few pounds of tea!
Barbarian: Technically, the person in question wants to be sold in slavery.

Me (OOC): It worries me that our rogue is more opposed to killing than our paladin.

DM: Aaaaand... that's twenty-seven damage. Looks like the rogue is down.
Me (OOC): Okay guys, we can totally do this. If I just get a Lay on Hands next turn...
Paladin's player: I spend all my LoH on the barbarian earlier today.
Me (OOC): *glares at barbarian's player* The hatred is real...

[ImSAMazing]

Barbarian: allright. With those enemies defeated, me at 1hp and the Paladin at 4, lets get the loot.
Rogue(OOC) What about you know, healing and/or helping your friend the Rogue?
Barbarian(OOC): after the loot. We'll look for a healing potion.

[PoeticDwarf]

Lizardfolk If we may drink tea with your beloved gnome friend from these nice woods we will give you tea
Paladin I guess I can trade it for beer, I'm in
(A short time later)
Me You all hear shouting in the distance
Lizardfolk So you are saying that you aren't a 'forest gnome' ?
Another lizardfolk Where is he, wait, he stole our tea

Later

Rogue What should I do, what should I do? I will ask my conscience if I should follow the barbarian or stay with the paladin
The good one Follow your heart and follow your friends
The Chaotic one blajekl agmarsodun dafkar
The lawful one You should be loyal to the paladin and the barbarian Rogue Is that even an answer?
The neutral one Meh
The medical one If the barbarian goes alone he has 17% more chance to become injured.
Rogue Now the bad one last
Gnome Hello guys, please don't shout, the lizardfolk are near, but we can drink some tea
Rogue Why is my bad consience the gnome
Lizardfolk There the is the thief !
Gnome Jumps out of the tree and runs away

[DigoDragon]

Draw her in only a scarf

You don't know how much I needed that laugh. <3

Me (OOC): It worries me that our rogue is more opposed to killing than our paladin.

That's a rare one. Keep that rogue!

Barbarian(OOC): after the loot. We'll look for a healing potion.

Spoken like a true adventurer. :D

Rogue Why is my bad consience the gnome

That... makes a lot of sense.

[Inevitability]

That's a rare one. Keep that rogue!

I'll try not to get him killed.

[GrayGriffin]

First Session
Jil Joti (introducing the group): “Jil, Surolam, Molly, Altair, and Lia—Jericho.”
* Jericho frowns at Jil’s slip, but makes no comment.

Latest Session
* Jericho looks surprised. A gift from the robi- er, purple haired girl? He cautiously opens it.
* Jericho's gift is: A lockpick set, the metals dulled deliberately to avoid catching attention with shine. (+2 to Stealth: Lockpicking)
Jericho: 0_0
Jericho: "These are..."
Jericho: *before he knows what he's doing, he has the robot girl in an embrace* "Thankyousomuchthisisamazingit'llmakemyjobsomuchea sier-"
* Jericho blinks.
* Jericho flushes red.
* Jericho lets go and steps back hurriedly.
Jericho: "Ah, um... yeah. Thanks for that."
* Surolam tilts her head, listens to Donphan-tooth, and smiles.
* Altair Azure chuckles, noticing Jericho's reaction. He's hooked.
* Jil Joti nods to Jericho, opting to respect his desire for SOME dignity.

Side Session
Jil: “I have designated you as a teammate and potential friend. I will defend what is mine.”
*Jericho blushes slightly at the potential implications. “H-hey now! I don’t belong to anyone!”
Jil: *blinks, then smiles* “Perhaps you would prefer to belong to Surolam, then?”
*Jericho’s blush deepens and he turns his head away. “She’s way too aggressive…”