Erfworld Song

[pclips]

Quest for the Arkentools - Part 1

This will hopefully be the first of many songs about Erfworld. Please leave your comments over at The Funny Music Project.

And yes, I am aware that lots of you would rather have a new page than a song. I'm doing what I can do on that front. In the meantime, enjoy the song.

I will be performing this as part of the GenCon Indy Friday Night Live comedy music show, featuring the following awesome talent:

The Brobdignagian Bards
Tom Smith
Rob Balder
the great Luke Ski
Carrie Dahlby
Worm Quartet

[Wrecan]

Awesome!! Now, I'm thinking there should be an Erfworld Musical Comedy!

[WNxArrakis]

I never realised that there was a link between the Rob Balder of FuMP and Erfworld. Thank you very much, Rob!

[SteveMB]

I'd been meaning to get a high-rate MP3s/CD FuMP subscription, and this finally prompted me to get around to it.

(And to clip the cat's claws, as I noted on the FuMP comment section.)

[jindra34]

Wow that was good...

[factotum]

Impressive. And interesting to know that Stanley's plan to escape Gobwin Knob if all else fails kind of depends on the dwagons, which might explain why he's so annoyed when any of them get killed...

[Strengfellow]

Sweet, Stanley IS Cletus the slack jawed Yokel.

Roll on part two.

[Waldgeist]

I have a vision. I see... a stage, actors... they are, yes, they are singing...


Erfworld the Musical


Erfworld seems to become a pleasure to all my senses. Now you only have to send me some tshirt which smells and tastes like strawberry and feels really smooth...

[SteveMB]

Erfworld seems to become a pleasure to all my senses. Now you only have to send me some tshirt which smells and tastes like strawberry

Or key lime pie.

[Capt'n Ironbrow]

Nice :D

Thursday I wrote the Parson Gotti PLOT! blues... interested?

[Gez]

A leader's got to keep perceptually strong,
Consider every possibility
Except for being wrong.

He's not very bright but his heart is in the right place.

[battleburn]

Cool, I didn't know about "the FuMp" before.
Nice song. Looking forward for the song at the end of the storyline.

-Battleburn

[pclips]

Nice :D

Thursday I wrote the Parson Gotti PLOT! blues... interested?

Very! In fact maybe we could turn this thread into "Erfworld Songs" and have lots more.

[Sampi]

So there's more to that mic in the avatar than just show. (Well, I guess it's all in the show ).

Nice one, mr. multitalent.

[Mr. Dragon]

Oh my! Oh my! Awesome on *oh* so many levels.

[Osnagard]

That... Amazing ^_^

[SteveMB]

Very! In fact maybe we could turn this thread into "Erfworld Songs" and have lots more.

Inevitable once somebody noticed that "Tower of Efdup" scans to "Tower of London":

WITH HER MIND BOUND UP IN A GESTALT
Words: Steve Brinich
Music: "With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her Arm" by R. P. Weston and Bert Lee
(after the slightly abridged/modified Kingston Trio version)

In the Tower of Efdup, base of strife
What's left of Misty bears a humble mood
The Lookamancer once had her own life
Until Lord Stanley thought of something shrewd
Ah yes, she lost her self long turns ago
She's just part of a weapon 'gainst the foe

CHORUS
With her mind bound up in a gestalt
She looks from Efdup Tower
With her mind bound up in a gestalt
Part of melded power

She finds whatever's out there, in flight or on the ground
Her Lookamancy scans the scene for many hexes round
And just to give a nice display of units that she's found
She's got her mind bound up in a gestalt
(chorus)

The new chief warlord has a plan that made him wake and grin
A 'sploitable mechanic that he thinks will help them win
The sentries tell him firmly that his lackey can't come in
Where her mind is… loose from its gestalt

She said units cannot move at night
And that put half his plan back on the shelf
So he reworked his scheme to make it right
And Misty stayed to help out by herself
Till Wanda charged in with an angry whoop
And told him that he'd landed in deep boop
(chorus)

Get moving at the crack of dawn and start off your attacks
While I go off to see the Tool and help him to… relax
You'll set our shortest-lifespan record if she's not soon back
With her mind bound up in a gestalt
(chorus)

[benthehater]

And, just so Steve doesn't feel bad, I had to share my really lame attempt at making an Erfworld song. Somehow I always imagined this thing would be easier than it is. I was wrong. I pretty much owe Public Enemy an apology for this. Well, Chuck D at least.

(spoken)
Jetstone Representin'
This is Ansom up in here
y'all heard?
King Slately sent me

(rap)
I'm on a mission
leading the coalition
You know I'm not jokin'
cause Stanley needs croakin'
I got a magic carpet
gives me a 52 move
And with this pair a pliers
ya spine I can remove
forged by the titans
for a royal like me
hey, I know how to use 'em
I just choose not to, see?

(spoken)
No, you can't touch my pliers man. No, it has to do with Attunement and I'd explain it to you but that's privileged military secrets which you lack sufficient rank to have access to.

(rap)
I get respect in this hood
'cause I look so good
My casters control the weather because i need a light wind
just right for my hair and my very best grin
With the sun shining down it's plain to see
Because my peeps moved aside the clouds for me
that I lead this army by force of personality
With enduring charm and charismatic deed
I've got my advisors to do all thinking for me
Since the details are all a hassle and arbitrary
I've got minions for when that's necessary
Everyone knows has a job and knows their role
to do the all things that they've been told
But in strategic sessions I pay close attention
cause I want to smack the ass on that barbarian


(spoken)
Yeah baby, they call me Ansom.
Awww, why thank you, you didn't have to say that.
Hey, you're looking kinda dirty.
Yeah, dirty.
No, I don't really like that, I'm kinda a neat freak to be honest with you, so if you could perhaps freshen up a bit ...
... no it's fine. I'll be in my tent.

...

I said, "I'll be in my tent."

Ah yes, I wasn't sure you heard.

Beyotch.

And then I had to give up. It's probably for the best.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Siege of Gobwin Knob
To the tune of Hotel California and many profound apologies to the Eagles

In a dark, smelly basement
eating Peeps with my friends
Wishing I was in a game
Wish I knew how that would end

I had made an adventure
for my friends to play
My laugh was evil and my chuckle grim
I had the wrong thing to say

Then I told all my friends
If I could be in a game
I'd do it in a heartbeat
and that's when thing just weren't the same

Wanda went through the doorway
going to cast a spell
When all the funny lights were through
I was with them as we-eelll

Welcome to the Siege of Gobwin Knob
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Wanda's lovely face...
Plenty of room at the Siege of Gobwin Knob
For a new warlord (for a new warlord)
At least I won't get bored...

Her mind is definately twisted
She got curves that won't end (uh)
she got this munchkin for a boss... and no friends
How they stared in the courtard 'whaaaat is this joke?'
Get this thing out of here
before I make you croak

So I talked to their leader
I can win you this war
he said, you haven't got much chance
I've heard that line before

And still that beautiful necro
pleeaded my case
So now I'm their warlord
call him 'tool' to his face

Welcome to the Siege of Gowlin Knob
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Livin' it up at the Siege of Gobwin Knob
What a nice surprise... when you're ill advised

Got no clue of the game rules
outnumbered twenty five to one
and she said "If you don't win it here
then we all are gone..."
I reviewed my warlords
Not much hope there
Leeeroy and company
smelling high in the air...

Now I gotta win this
or else my own goose is done
Haven't figured out how to do it
but it looks like it could be fun

I may be in Oz or in a coma
The one thing I believe
If I don't win them this war
I can never leave...

Edit: What kind of stupid name is Goblin anyways? Changed the lyrics to name the correct location

[Corp]

This thread may very well be made of win

[zillion ninjas]

So now I'm their warlord
call him 'tool' to his face

Heh. That line makes the song. And I liked the lyrics in general - much win to be found here.

I think it needs a bit of improvement in cadence (I don't know the proper musical term). For example, "Siege of Gobwin Knob" is one syllable too short to replace "Hotel California". It forces you to say "Kno-ob" as two syllables in a few places. Maybe you can use "Siege of Efdup Tower" instead. Or just make the two-syllable "Kno-ob" explicit in the lyrics, if that's what you intended.

Oh, and it's "Gobwin", not "Goblin". What kind of stupid name is "Goblin", anyway?

[PlugNPlay]

The rap about representing my "peeps" was priceless. Very well done.

[Blayze]

Just a little something I threw together. I've never listen to the original before now (Nor to any Meatloaf songs, actually), so it most likely doesn't match up. That said, please enjoy "Booped All To Hell"

Booped All To Hell

The alliance is moving and Prince Ansom is grooving
Thinking that he'll win this war
Got extremely bad odds on my town's survival
And we can't fight on much more

There's a spell that we could use but it costs a lot of cash
It would clear out my treasury
And down in the tunnels where my Goblins fight well
Oh I swear I saw a Marbit
Down in the caverns
He was marching towards the city

Oh Wanda you're the only 'Mancer that I have
Who's smart and usually right
But you're expecting that they won't overcharge me
For the tools to win this fight
But we gotta use it
We gotta cast the spell now
Before the end of our turn
So we gotta make the most of this last-ditch effort
If it fails you know
Gobwin Knob will be burned

It's booped to all hell
If it fails our morning won't come
If the city falls
Cause it's booped all to hell I'll be gone gone gone
Cause it's booped all to hell I'll be gone before Jetstone comes
When their turn is done
And the sun goes down
And their movement drops to nil
Then as the Titans' vessel on a vengeful quest
I'll come storming back in for the kill

I'm gonna hit those fools like a Battle Bear
Punching right through their walls
When their armies are dead and their castles are burning
And finally my enemy falls

Nothing will grow in that fetid hellhole
And Anson will fall before me
And the rule of Stanley
The rebirth of the Plaid
Back to new heights of glory

And I know that I'm booped if I fail my quest
And maybe I'm booped if I don't
But with every Arkentool that I do collect
Means there's less chance that I won't

If I gotta be booped you know it won't be in vain
Taking down my foes 'fore I go
If I gotta be booped you know it won't be in vain
Gotta be booped you know I wanna be booped
If I gotta be booped you know I wanna be booped
Taking down my foes
Taking down my foes
Taking down my foes 'fore I go

Oh Wanda you're the only 'Mancer that I have
Who's smart and usually right
But you're expecting that they won't overcharge me
For the tools to win this fight
But we gotta use it
We gotta cast the spell now
Before the end of our turn
So we gotta make the most of this last-ditch effort
If it fails you know
Gobwin Knob will be burned

It's booped all to hell
If it fails our morning won't come
If the city falls
Cause it's booped all to hell I'll be gone gone gone
Cause it's booped all to hell I'll be gone before Jetstone comes
When their turn is done
And the sun goes down
And their movement drops to nil
Then as the Titans' vessel on a vengeful quest
I'll come storming back in for the kill
Then as the Titans' vessel on a vengeful quest
I'll come storming back in for the kill

I can see myself
Tearing up my foes
Stronger than any Overlord has ever been
And my hammer is strong but my pliers are too
And no one's gonna stop me now
I gotta take my place
As the Tool of the Titans' will
And I always knew that Hamster sucked at his job
I always knew that Hamster sucked at his job

Then I'm standing in front of a statue of myself
A monument to the man Stanley The Tool
And I think somebody up there must want me dead
Cause my servant and Warlord
Lord Hamster
With no knowledge of Erf
Or of magic
Has booped us all to hell

Then I'm standing in front of a statue of myself
A monument to the man Stanley The Tool
And I think somebody up there must want me dead
Cause my servant and Warlord
Lord Hamster
Lord Hamster
With no knowledge of Erf or of magic
Has booped us all to hell
Has booped us all to hell
Has booped us all to hell
Has booped us all to hell
Has booped us all to hell
Has booped us all to hell

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Heh. That line makes the song. And I liked the lyrics in general - much win to be found here.

Thanks, I do appreciate it

I think it needs a bit of improvement in cadence (I don't know the proper musical term). For example, "Siege of Gobwin Knob" is one syllable too short to replace "Hotel California". It forces you to say "Kno-ob" as two syllables in a few places. Maybe you can use "Siege of Efdup Tower" instead. Or just make the two-syllable "Kno-ob" explicit in the lyrics, if that's what you intended.

Oh, and it's "Gobwin", not "Goblin". What kind of stupid name is "Goblin", anyway?

I was thinking of it scanning like "Gob-o-win Knob", actually. But yes, it could use a bit of cleaning up.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Your Own Perfect Warlord
To the tune of "Personal Jesus" and apologies to Depeche Mode

I need a warlord!

Your own, per-fect, warlord
Someone who can beat the rest
Only the best
Your own, per-fect, warlord
Someone who can win your war
and so much more

Feeling alone
your warlord got owned
I've got a spell
for you I will sell
five hundred thousand shmuckers
you think I am a sucker

Cutting the cost
but without a loss
Wanda can cast
and she'll do it fast
Just a few details
we won't pay them retail

Reach out and cast it
Reach out and cast it

Your own, Per-fect, Warlord
Someone who snacks on gwyffon
and who wants in
Your own, Per-fect, Warlord
who's commanded different battles and won
who thinks it's fun

Big and powerful, heroic, right?
someone who awes while commanding the fight
Dashing and Hansome
just to spite Ansom
I'm no forgiver
I know you can deliver

Reach out and get one
your own, personal warlord
reach out and get one
reach out and get one

Reach out and get him

[Gez]

Needs a syllable more. "Your own perfect chief warlord" maybe. Or "perfect general" or "perfect strategist".

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Needs a syllable more. "Your own perfect chief warlord" maybe. Or "perfect general" or "perfect strategist".

Your Own, Personal, Jesus
Your Own, Perfect, Warlord

stretch out the first syllable of Perfect to cover the first two of Personal, with the same final syllable. Jesus is a two-syllable word, same as Warlord. No further change is necessary.

[Rollin]

No particular tune, just an old-fashioned ballad:

Come all you brave Hobgobwins, once more the tale I tell,
Of battles fought in far-off days before the Hammer fell:
When Stanley ruled in Gobwin Knob, and Ansom pressed him sore,
'Twas deadly Wanda counseled him to stand and fight once more.

That turn he summoned Hamster, grim warlord of renown,
A two-eyed Twoll from lawless Earth that heeds no king nor crown:
"Foul wight, obey me, your liege lord!" The monster answered, "Fool!
The one who'd use me so, must be himself a proper tool!"

Plaid Stanley, nothing daunted, rejoiced within his heart.
Aloud he cried, "I am a Tool! I serve the Titans' art!
As one by one the Arkentools are gathered to my hand,
I make myself the greatest Tool that ever walked this land!

"Yon noble lords of Jetstone, they rule by force and fraud,
And certain high-flown ladies serve a mercenary ghod:
Such tinsel glories I renounce! My instrumental rule
Begins today: no more the Plaid, I am Stanley the Tool!"

Said the uncanny warlord, "Your Toolship I can't deny.
Ready to hand, by your command I'll take Ansom or die."
Hobgobwins all, of cave or hall, you know what then befell:
Such grim and glorious feats of arms as in their turn I'll tell.

[PirateMonk]

No particular tune, just an old-fashioned ballad:

Come all you brave Hobgobwins, once more the tale I tell,
Of battles fought in far-off days before the Hammer fell:
When Stanley ruled in Gobwin Knob, and Ansom pressed him sore,
'Twas deadly Wanda counseled him to stand and fight once more.

That turn he summoned Hamster, grim warlord of renown,
A two-eyed Twoll from lawless Earth that heeds no king nor crown:
"Foul wight, obey me, your liege lord!" The monster answered, "Fool!
The one who'd use me so, must be himself a proper tool!"

Plaid Stanley, nothing daunted, rejoiced within his heart.
Aloud he cried, "I am a Tool! I serve the Titans' art!
As one by one the Arkentools are gathered to my hand,
I make myself the greatest Tool that ever walked this land!

"Yon noble lords of Jetstone, they rule by force and fraud,
And certain high-flown ladies serve a mercenary ghod:
Such tinsel glories I renounce! My instrumental rule
Begins today: no more the Plaid, I am Stanley the Tool!"

Said the uncanny warlord, "Your Toolship I can't deny.
Ready to hand, by your command I'll take Ansom or die."
Hobgobwins all, of cave or hall, you know what then befell:
Such grim and glorious feats of arms as in their turn I'll tell.

You win.
And if you're reading this, you just Lost.

[Rollin]

You win.
And if you're reading this, you just Lost.

Thanks, I ...think. Is that like The Game? Because I lost at that, too.