Awful Monster Names

[ericgrau]

I don't get the flak against the duckbunny. The idea for their origin (apprentice wizards experimenting with harmless animals before moving to the dangerous ones) is sound, and while they are not monsters in the meaning of opponents, they can provide a nice bit of color. My players reacted favorably when I described a herd of those as a random piece of scenery.

You have me convinced. I kinda want to add duckbunnies to my campaign as the wild product of wizards. But I think the player response will still be laughter and jeering.

[Zaq]

Whether duckbunnies end up adding to the game or detracting from it basically depend on whether you're presenting them as monsters to be overcome or as critters that add a little flavor to a scene but that don't need much interacting with.

I agree with many of the unpronounceable names submitted so far. I would add the ixitxachitl, except that I'm pretty sure that that one's just pulling from, um, some South and/or Central American language that I don't want to pretend to know enough about to identify with confidence. There's a 1913 text (apparently well-known) discussing "The Myths of Mexico and Peru" that cites some work by a historian whose name includes "Ixtlilxochitl," so I feel like there's either a direct or indirect connection there. (The text in question is as uncomfortably racially insensitive as most works of the time are, especially works by Europeans discussing "exotic" non-European cultures, but there's some interesting stuff there if you can force past the discomfort of the era.)

MM2 honestly has some head-scratchers for names in it. (And for monsters as a whole, but that's a well-beaten topic for another day.) Anyone know if the julajimus is pulled from anything other than some dev's fever dreams or a really good Bluff check while trying to play a bad round of Boggle? It's kind of hard to take it seriously with a name like that.

I also absolutely hate the name of the fihyr. It's a reasonable concept for a spooky monster (at least if you ignore MM2's universally janky mechanics and basically make it up; seriously, the save-or-lose is a real nasty thing to lose to, but its sole source of damage or of doing anything bad to you other than scaring you is a bite doing 1d4-2 damage with +2 to hit? And it's a CR 3 critter? Excuse me?), but the name is godawful. I mean, okay, so it's basically a creature made out of fear and/or nightmares, but you had to call it something that is, at best, a weird pronunciation of the word "fear" (or perhaps "fire")? That's the best you could do? That's somehow more insulting than the keyboard mashes that have already been mentioned.

Accusing the writers of OA of not really being familiar with their source material is easy points, but "yuki-on-na" [sic] makes my skin crawl every time I read the name. It basically just means "snow woman" (and I do believe it pulls directly, not simply indirectly, from Japanese ghost tales and folklore, which is fine; the concept itself is not my problem), but the way they write it is awful. Onna is a single word. It means "woman" (or "female"). It's not "on-na." Just onna. It's even a single kanji. If you're writing it properly, you literally can't stick a hyphen in the middle between "on" and "na" to break it up because it's a single bloody character! ("Yuki-onna" would not have this problem.) The word simply does not work that way, and it bothers me every single time.

[Venger]

Whether duckbunnies end up adding to the game or detracting from it basically depend on whether you're presenting them as monsters to be overcome or as critters that add a little flavor to a scene but that don't need much interacting with.

Also kind of depends on the tone of your game. If you're doing grimdark, probably don't include it, but if you are ok with your players having a laugh, go for it. It's not like there aren't any other stupid monsters in 3.5.

I agree with many of the unpronounceable names submitted so far. I would add the ixitxachitl, except that I'm pretty sure that that one's just pulling from, um, some South and/or Central American language that I don't want to pretend to know enough about to identify with confidence. There's a 1913 text (apparently well-known) discussing "The Myths of Mexico and Peru" that cites some work by a historian whose name includes "Ixtlilxochitl," so I feel like there's either a direct or indirect connection there. (The text in question is as uncomfortably racially insensitive as most works of the time are, especially works by Europeans discussing "exotic" non-European cultures, but there's some interesting stuff there if you can force past the discomfort of the era.)

It's an attempt to ape the aztec language, which is heavy on X, C, L, and T. It's probably a divergent spelling of the word you cite.

Accusing the writers of OA of not really being familiar with their source material is easy points, but "yuki-on-na" [sic] makes my skin crawl every time I read the name. It basically just means "snow woman" (and I do believe it pulls directly, not simply indirectly, from Japanese ghost tales and folklore, which is fine; the concept itself is not my problem), but the way they write it is awful. Onna is a single word. It means "woman" (or "female"). It's not "on-na." Just onna. It's even a single kanji. If you're writing it properly, you literally can't stick a hyphen in the middle between "on" and "na" to break it up because it's a single bloody character! ("Yuki-onna" would not have this problem.) The word simply does not work that way, and it bothers me every single time.

I love it when you talk about morphology

contentwise: klurichir. keyboard smash, non-indicative, impossible to spell, etymological gibberish, horrendous mouthfeel. 0/10. would not name.

[ShurikVch]

(Mostly, taken from the article on Head Injury Theater, but also from there)

Spoiler: Biclops

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Spoiler: Bowler

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Bullywugs
Crypt Thing

Spoiler: Death Linen

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Holy Christ, it actually says "Killer Pillow" right there.

I...I just don't know. I shouldn't have started with this one. First off, it's yet another animated cloth monster. Secondly, and most importantly, it's a FREAKING PILLOW THAT KILLS YOU. So, when this was proposed, did one of the design team of D&D say "You know Steve...I really like what you've got going with this Death Linen thing. It taps into our players' fear of laundry so elegantly. But, it needs something more. How about making it into a magic pillow that eats people while they sleep! That hasn't been done before has it?"

Oh, if only that were true.

The "Cushion Fungus" is another pillow-themed creature that puts you to sleep and digests your face while you snuggle against its soft velvet lining.

Dung Snake

Spoiler: Hollyphant

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Ah, the Hollyphant. Nothing says "The HOLY HELL IS THAT?" quite like a two foot tall flying elephant that's covered in fur. While not the goofiest monster on the list, this particular monster has appeared in more Monster Manuals and Critter Guides than you can imagine. Even if it is based on some sort of mythical thing...it's an elephant. with wings. covered in fur. that's 2 feet tall. I bet he tastes delicious.

Llort, Nilbog, and Scro

Spoiler: Monkey Bees

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Spoiler: Owlephant

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Spoiler: Peltast

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Spoiler: Sheet Fungus

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Spoiler: Slaymate and Carrionette

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Spoiler: Space Swine (Pigs. In. Spaaaaaaaaace.)

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Spoiler: Squark

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Spoiler: Sull

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Tarrasque

Spoiler: Umpleby

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It's Bigfoot, covered in shag carpet, who attacks you by rubbing his feet on the ground to generate static cling. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Spoiler: Vaporighu

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Spoiler: Webbird

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Spoiler: Xaver

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Spoiler: Zorbo

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Roc: It sounds like it should be describing a rock monster, but this is actually the name of a giant flying bird which can carry away elephants.

This mention reminded me of that place from the "Bill, the Galactic Hero...":

... that noisome noise? He looked up, and was immediately stricken by quivering, shaking, quaking fear. Descending quickly from the sky, its black form obscuring the sun, was a monstrous bird shedding mites the size of grapefruit. Wrapped around its neck were gigantic speakers. The result was a frightening avian ghetto blaster mutation! And was that the Phigerinadon II national anthem it was playing? "In Awe We Kiss the Emperor's Big Toe. Pyakh." No it wasn't. It was an archaeological treasure from the dawn of time sung by Elvis Pelvis. "Omigod!" cried Bill. "What is it?" "It's a Rocker!" cried Irma.

Also, for this thread is a well-fitting quote from the Castle Greyhawk:

Beyond this door lies the most dreaded land ever discovered, the plane of Silly and Unused Monsters. This is nerd monster central. The achaierai, almi’raj’s, ascomoids, atomies, axe beaks, basidironds, berbalangs, boggarts (not Humphrey, though), boggles, boobries, bookas, brain moles, brownies, bullywugs , bunyips, carbuncles, cerebral parasites, clubnelts, denzelians, diakka, dire corbies, ear seekers, eblis (storkmen), envelopers, ettercaps, flail snails (in abundance), flumphs (prime food source here), foo creatures, forlarrens, fungi, gallbits, gibbering mouthers, gorbels, elemental grues, gryphs, generic herd animals, hollyphants, intellect devourers, jellies, jermlaine, khargas, killlmoulis, larvas, luck eaters, mephits, minimals (make the party bigger), mites, modrons (except Primus), morkoths, myconids (fungus heads), norkers, opinicus, oozes, osquips, pech, pedipalpi, puddings, rust monsters (who can respect a creature with a propeller?), scarecrows, screaming devilkins, slimes, snyads, solifugids, stench kows, tasloi, thorks, thought eaters, tiraphegs, trillochs, tweens, unplebies, vegepygmies, vulchlings, witherstenches, and xvarts all infest the oceans and lands of this seemingly endless plane. They are led by a fat little nilbog.
Most of these creatures have retired here due to lack of interest, lack of serious fear portrayed by their enemies, or outright contempt and humiliation. They eat rutabagas ("the vanishing vegetable") and flumphs. They have the usual chances for equally wimpy treasure should the party be that desperate.

[Arkain]

Since we've mentioned Svirfneblin I'll add Tiefling. Not because it's particularly illogical or difficult, but because many German natives believe it to be a translation, whereas I've heard English natives without any knowledge of German produce something like [taɪflɪŋ], which kind of drives me up the walls. In short, it's apparently a confusing name.

[Bohandas]

Gorgon: This would make sense if I was describing a Medusa or the ones from Greek mythology, but in the Monster Manual it is the name of an iron bull which spews out poisonous gas. For some reason WotC stole name of a famous mythological creature to describe an entirely different creature which has no association to the creature the original name was of.

This one's always bothered me too. Though it does have the one slight association of being another monster that turns things to stone, although it does so in an entirely different way and has nothing else in common. (Edit: and modrons and balors have the same problem)

Bugbear: A brutish goblinoid which has no association with bugs or bears.

Roc: It sounds like it should be describing a rock monster, but this is actually the name of a giant flying bird which can carry away elephants.

Salamander: When I think salamander, I think of little amphibians, not human sized elemental made of pure fire which have nothing to do with actual salamanders.

These three are from cribbed from mythology and folklore. "bugbear" IIRC, is related to the words "boogyman" and "bugaboo" and has roughly the same meaning

[Remuko]

Since we've mentioned Svirfneblin I'll add Tiefling. Not because it's particularly illogical or difficult, but because many German natives believe it to be a translation, whereas I've heard English natives without any knowledge of German produce something like [taɪflɪŋ], which kind of drives me up the walls. In short, it's apparently a confusing name.

yeah ive never heard Tiefling pronounced any way other than "Tea" (like the drink) and Fling (like to throw something) put together. Teafling

[heavyfuel]

yeah ive never heard Tiefling pronounced any way other than "Tea" (like the drink) and Fling (like to throw something) put together. Teafling

I'd say it's about 50/50 "tea"fling and "tie"fling (like a neck tie) from personal experience

The last one is horrendous.

[The Viscount]

WotC is guilty of a few of these language manglings themselves. I remember somewhere, I believe it might be in the pronunciation guide, seeing that they said bulette should be pronounced "boo-lay" based on a very incorrect understanding of french.

I find the Ramfish to be rather un-creatively name (and rather un-creatively designed, for that matter).

[Venger]

WotC is guilty of a few of these language manglings themselves. I remember somewhere, I believe it might be in the pronunciation guide, seeing that they said bulette should be pronounced "boo-lay" based on a very incorrect understanding of french.

I find the Ramfish to be rather un-creatively name (and rather un-creatively designed, for that matter).

you are correct they were too stupid to know how french works. and it is in fact named after the snl skit.

[Luccan]

you are correct they were too stupid to know how french works. and it is in fact named after the snl skit.

Ha! These videos are pretty interesting. I had no idea Gygax didn't like Magic Users.

I'm gonna toss in Gnoll. The original name was already a silly portmanteau (of gnome and troll because they were... that ), but now they're hyena people. Which leads me to question why their name is a portmanteau of gnome and troll.

[Obscuraphile]

A good number of the demons and devils (especially in later books) have names that are, at least for me, entirely unpronounceable and which I always have to check the spelling on three times and still get it wrong.

Also, if we can call villains monsters, pretty much any named villain in a published adventure will have some utterly ridiculous fantasy name.

[Venger]

Ha! These videos are pretty interesting. I had no idea Gygax didn't like Magic Users.

I'm gonna toss in Gnoll. The original name was already a silly portmanteau (of gnome and troll because they were... that ), but now they're hyena people. Which leads me to question why their name is a portmanteau of gnome and troll.

I highly advise you watch the full 2 hour interview in that series. It's fascinating stuff.

A good number of the demons and devils (especially in later books) have names that are, at least for me, entirely unpronounceable and which I always have to check the spelling on three times and still get it wrong.

Also, if we can call villains monsters, pretty much any named villain in a published adventure will have some utterly ridiculous fantasy name.

I hate the names of demons. Devils, at least, will usually have a common name, so if you don't feel like calling him a barbazu, you can just say "beard devil" but there is no such mercy with the xerfilstyx, another keyboard smash that's paired with an appropriately stupid monster: a horned, shrek-eared dennis rodman's upper body atop a fuchsia slug with red lee's press on nails, bat wings with fuzzy pink fur trim, and a sword made of wood that's so fab even it has earrings. somehow, he can scoot along at 50 feet, plus fly (fine) swim (uhhhh) and burrow (what the junk) and if he sits on you or breathes on you, you lose your memory. Plus like all 3.0 monsters he has an enormous list of powerful, random slas and a big grab bag of immunities in addition to all his baatezu goodies.

[Thurbane]

Babau: sounds like the buzzer on a game-show when someone gets the question wrong. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A8sI6c_daE

Abeil: hi, my name's Jessic. Jessic Abeil.

[Necroticplague]

From Fiend Folio, though not a fiend: The maulgoth. Somebody really, really should have pronounced that out loud and then looked at the mental image they got, then changed it to something else.

Shame, because it's actually not a half bad Shapechange or Aberration Wild Shape form. Pretty good stats, and it's abilities aren't too bad even if you have to miss out on it's bbaffling array of SLAs.

[Obscuraphile]

The maulgoth.

Okay who let Steve Jackson write their monster?

[zergling.exe]

From Fiend Folio, though not a fiend: The maulgoth. Somebody really, really should have pronounced that out loud and then looked at the mental image they got, then changed it to something else.

Shame, because it's actually not a half bad Shapechange or Aberration Wild Shape form. Pretty good stats, and it's abilities aren't too bad even if you have to miss out on it's bbaffling array of SLAs.

I got a badass dude wielding a hammer. Sounds pretty cool. What's the stats look like?

[Obscuraphile]

Spoiler: Does it matter when the mini looks like this

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[Thurbane]

Spoiler: Does it matter when the mini looks like this

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This is more like a maul goth: https://tinyurl.com/yct77mj3

[Obscuraphile]

This is more like a maul goth: https://tinyurl.com/yct77mj3

See that I wouldn't have a problem with, but it is not the first thing to spring to mind.

[Venger]

I got a badass dude wielding a hammer. Sounds pretty cool. What's the stats look like?

He looks like John Carpenter's "The Thing" when it turned into the dog with a lamprey mouth and a bunch of rocks coming out of his back.

He's got constrict, impgrab, the usual 3.0 grab bag of slas, alongside dr 30, perfect climbing, and xorn movement

his really weird ability is ethereal jolt. he can punch you into the ethereal plane (fortneg)

but he has no power to follow you or affect you once you're there. thanks, I guess, maulgoth

no flight, no ranged attacks, so he's kind of a joke at cr17. maybe he kicks me into the astral plane to protect himself.

[Zaq]

Babau: sounds like the buzzer on a game-show when someone gets the question wrong. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A8sI6c_daE

I threw a babau into an encounter last month, and before long it basically turned into an impromptu rendition of “What Does the Fox Say” (ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bau!) every time someone targeted it or otherwise needed to refer to it.

[frogglesmash]

[B]Babau:

Abeil: hi, my name's Jessic. Jessic Abeil.

Abeil is French for bee, and is pronounced more like ah-bay, don't know if that makes it better, but it certainly explains it's oddness.

[Jay R]

You have me convinced. I kinda want to add duckbunnies to my campaign as the wild product of wizards. But I think the player response will still be laughter and jeering.

Make it a reasonable problem - but not a threat to life. The farmland has been overrun by duckbunnies, which eat the crops, cause erosion, and cause other problems.

[Look up rabbits in Australia to understand the dangers of an invasive species whose members are not individually powerful.]

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Getting back to the topic, which is "Awful Monster Names". [It really is. Go back and look.]

The worst example I can come up with is "dinosaur", which means "terrible lizard", for a creature related to birds, not lizards.

Specific examples include Ankylosaurus, Apatosaurus, Brontosaurus, Stegosaurus, Tyrannosaurus Rex, etc.

[Kurald Galain]

Lycanthropes: Literally means “wolf man”, but the thing is that 4 out of 5 of the “lycanthropes” are other were animals which aren’t wolf based.

Speaking of which, the Wolfwere. It's a reverse werewolf that turns into a human when the moon is full and is immune to silver. It's basically a big "screw you" to players who've memorized the first monster manual.

Bulette. Because it's pronounced WHAT again?

Aside from having a stupid name, Flumphs are also remarkably stupid. They're floating disks with tentacles and basically behave like paladins?!

Have we mentioned the wolf-in-sheeps-clothing yet? Nothing to do with wolves or sheep, but it's a tree stump with a bunny attached to it (the bunny is part of the monster) that sprouts tentacles and eats you...

[Deophaun]

Lycanthropes: Literally means “wolf man”, but the thing is that 4 out of 5 of the “lycanthropes” are other were animals which aren’t wolf based.

As an aside, while you can have a female lycanthrope, it makes no sense to have a female werewolf. It should be called either wifwolf or wowolf.

[Ringadon]

No mention of the Tendriculos? It's just a bad pun.

[Venger]

As an aside, while you can have a female lycanthrope, it makes no sense to have a female werewolf. It should be called either wifwolf or wowolf.

"were" means man as in mankind, not as in males, as in "weregild"

No mention of the Tendriculos? It's just a bad pun.

How is that a pun?

[Ringadon]

How is that a pun?

It's a play on Tendrils and Rediculous.

I imagine it's creation went something like this

Jake: Hey Steve, I've got a huge rediculous vine monster. What do you think I should call it
Steve: you could call them tendrils and make it a Tendriculos I guess.
Jake: GENIUS!!!!

[Deophaun]

"were" means man as in mankind, not as in males, as in "weregild"

No.

"Were" comes from the Latin "vir," which also gives us the word "virile." It's very much masculine, and was used to denote such.

Man = Neuter
Wifman = Feminine
Wereman = Masculine

Wereman was eventually dropped in the 14th century.