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I just hope everything turns out all right for Silver.
Eh, it's debatable. After the game, DM/Husband turned to me and said "remind me to keep making you role fort saves", me: "okay". And then we proceeded to talk about how to arrange things/separate the party to make the con damage/drain an actual threat. We're all around level 13 right now, which means that something has to be pretty darn serious to be really threatening. Poor husband was a little 'I hate you people so much' when Rifus/Tanc pulled out their toys and handed them to Silver. Still, he assures me that he has plans to make it more of a threat, and I approve of this. Not that I know what the plans are, and if he kills my character (again) I shall be upset.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machuchang
I've also made a lot of progress in Varen and Natalia's campaign. And by that, I mean it's been completed. So I'm kind of at a loss for what to write next about them. Do I write about some of the cool adventures that happened way early on that haven't been touched on yet? Things that have been hinted at, but not shown? Just continue from where I left off until I get to the ending?
I choose Option D: All of the above
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machuchang
A Party is Formed or, Why does everyone always meet in a tavern or prison anyway?
Oh Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. Your granma is going to be so pissed at you when you get home. If you ever get home.
Loved it
Quote:
Originally Posted by big teej
from savage worlds - Necessary Evil
I bring you
"Blacklist's first jailbreak" or, now that we're finally done with character creation, lets drop into some combat!
Wait. Lemon Chiffon? We have a font colour called Lemon Chiffon? Oh dear...
Ahem, sorry Teej. I loved this one too. I like seeing something that's not typical fantasy world D&D
Only two spots that confused me a bit...
Quote:
Originally Posted by big teej
It’s currently tied with a manslayer shell to the face for my favorite method of ‘blacklisting’ someone
This sentence doesn't really make sense. I'm afraid I've got no idea what you're trying to say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by big teej
I hear shrieking metal behind me and turn to see that doc sprocket’s got his hands on one of those fancy ‘hero killer’ guns…. Show off… he’s obliterated two of them.
Here, it's not quite clear who 'doc sprocket' is... is it Mandlebot or one of the guards you're fighting?
Other than that, I really enjoyed it. You captured the essence of the character really well. I liked his taking a break in falling through the sky to introduce himself. I thought it suited the character really well, and you got a really good impression of how he views life. I like it
__________________
There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
Wait. Lemon Chiffon? We have a font colour called Lemon Chiffon? Oh dear...
Ahem, sorry Teej. I loved this one too. I like seeing something that's not typical fantasy world D&D
Only two spots that confused me a bit...
This sentence doesn't really make sense. I'm afraid I've got no idea what you're trying to say.
Here, it's not quite clear who 'doc sprocket' is... is it Mandlebot or one of the guards you're fighting?
Other than that, I really enjoyed it. You captured the essence of the character really well. I liked his taking a break in falling through the sky to introduce himself. I thought it suited the character really well, and you got a really good impression of how he views life. I like it
yea, I wanted something that wasn't invisible... but close
and I totally mistook that for white once in the past
why does that elicit an "oh dear"?
as for critique 1
that was my bad
"blacklisting" is the character's little pet term for killing someone in a stylized fashion
a 'manslayer' shell is the term my group uses for a shotgun shell filled with scrap metal, chunks of razor-wire, glass, etc.
so blasting somebody in the face with that is tied with making people rot as my blacklists' favorite way to kill people.
doc sprocket, tin man, iron man, etc.
all are names I use interchangebly for Mandlebot
his original name was mandlebrot, which I couldn't pronounce consistently, hence the nicknames.
on a related note
gideon has a new snippet
forthcoming tomorrow
i'm afraid it dosent have a name yet
the working name is "....
okay it doesn't have a working name either....
but I digress.
__________________
my awesome knight riding a bulette avatar was made by smuchmuch
Cookie Jar: 1
teej has quotes
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Occasional Sage
big teej, you are the GitP forum with legs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by McSmack
Or if you're feeling saucy you can remind him that it's not a democracy, it's a Teej-tatorship, and he'd best remember that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IthroZada
I imagine Cenobites to be what you get when you mash together the Book of Erotic Fantasy and the Book of Vile Darkness.
if I've gone quiet in a pbp we share, PM ME! this means I'm not getting updates!
I have a strong desire to flex my writing muscles on this. I even have a story writing itself in my head as I type. But I have class in the morning....
Oh, well. I probably won't get to sleep until I finish it in my head anyway. So I give you a snippet about everyone's favorite topic: dying!
Wait...
A Largely Inconsequential Death
Or: The First Time I Had a Character Die on Me
Spoiler
Sorry, but even though this took place pretty recently, I don't really remember the characters' actual names, (or place names) for the most part. I will be using the closest approximations, or just making them up.
Spoiler
"Look, I appreciate your efforts. Really, I do. But next time, it would be wonderful if you would just wait and see if we are to be let out in the morning before you break us out of jail." Alia, the elven woman that I spoke to, shuffled her shoulders, disgruntled.
"Fine, fine," she said, clearly trying to brush me off. "I got it."
"Good," I said, putting a more comfortable distance between us and catching back up to the rest of our group. "So Haldor, where are we heading next, exactly?"
"We are going to the town of Arrowdale," he replied. "It seems to be a rather unpleasant place, filled with scum. I do not look forward to dealing with its inhabitants." Haldor was a tall, silver-haired man, and I admit hesitantly to myself that he was quite handsome. With his plate armor gleaming in the sun, his noble air seemed almost otherworldly.
"ONWARD!" screamed Glorian at no one in particular, holding his sword up in the air, and rushing ahead of Haldor. The rest of us winced tiredly. He did this all too often, and we were getting tired of it. My poor ears... I thought to myself, rubbing them. Being locked up in a cell with him the night before had not been pleasant at all.
As we neared the edge of the town, my attention was caught by a man lying on the ground that resembled nothing more than a pile of rags. "Haldor, look at that," I said. The man groaned audibly.
"Yes," Haldor said, "he seems to be in pain. We should help him." He and I walked over to him to investigate.
"Do we have to?" said Alia. She seemed rather impatient with us. I just nodded in response. It was about this time that Glorian seemed to notice that we were no longer walking, and circled back.
"Is there something wrong?" Haldor said to the groaning man.
"My stomach," he grunted, in a pained voice. "It hurts." He squrimed on the ground. I had trouble looking over him, as he was almost entirely obscured by the dirty rags he wore. I couldn't even see his face clearly.
"What do you mean, are you sick? Injured?" I asked. "I have healing magic, would you like me to use it?"
The man's only response was to roll a bit and groan again.
That was enough of an answer for me. I held my symbol of Pelor in my left hand, and reached down, ready to cast my spell at him. Before I could do so, however, the man jumped with surprising agility and grabbed my arm. Before I could react, he grabbed something from his rags and spoke a number of words that I did not recognize. But though I did not recognize the words, I could not mistake the pain I felt as negative energy surged through my body.
I yelled in pain and surprise, and threw him off of me, backing away. "We're under attack!" I yelled at the others, bringing my morningstar out of its holster.
The man sprang up and threw off the rags over his robes. Around his neck I could see a symbol of Nerhul. As he did so, another man in identical clothing popped into visibility, holding two scythes. He threw one to his unarmed companion, and they faced off against us.
"You people," I said. I still felt weak from the energy the now-apparent cleric had sent through me. I spoke a few words and laid my hand on my chest, feeling positive energy flow through to heal the injury. I still didn't feel 100%, but it was enough that I felt confident about fighting them.
As I did this, Haldor and Glorian ran in, swords drawn. They attacked the clerics, and managed to get in at least a hit. Meanwhile, Alia ran over to a nearby tree and began climbing, I presumed to get a better shot with her crossbow. The cleric further away from me held up his symbol and spoke more words of divine power, and suddenly an enormous scorpion formed off to Glorian's left.
Now ready for combat, I raised my morningstar and ran towards the cleric that was currently fighting Haldor, the one that had attacked me. I swung down at him, but he managed to dodge to my left, leaving me swinging through empty air. The same move brought him away from Haldor's swing. His eyes burned, and he once again grasped his unholy symbol, spitting out foul-sounding syllables that could barely be described as words. He reached out toward me. I desperately tried to get away from the hand, glowing black with negative energy. Unfortunately, I am no acrobat, and my heavy armor caused me to blunder backwards. His hand plunged in and touched my neck.
This wave of energy was even more painful than the last, so much so that I fell to the ground in agony. It didn't last long, though. Before I knew it, the world went black around me.
My memory of what happened next is extremely vague. I have dream-like memories of watching my companions finish the fight with our enemies, but the angles that I viewed it from were impossible from the ground, not to mention that I remember seeing my body remain motionless on the ground. I also think I remember watching Haldor drag it off down the street.
At any rate, my next clear memory was of me lying on a healer's bed with my armor hastily removed, a man with a symbol identical to mine chanting over me. I recognized the words of the chant; it was a ressurection ritual. I moaned and sat up, groggily.
Haldor stood there, with a relieved look on his face. "Sorry," he said, "He got you with some sort of death spell. We couldn't do anything."
I shook my head, bringing myself back to alertness. "Did you at least get rid of them?"
"Yes," he said.
"Good." I stood up off the bed, and began pulling my armor back on. "Those bastards. Dying hurts."
Alright, here's a story about my paladin, Virei Goldeneyes. Who, yes, has golden eyes.
Possession of a Swordmaster
or Strangers who want to give you stuff intend to do bad things to you and shouldn't be trusted.
Spoiler
Virei trudged along on the road beside Mirale. This was only their second mission, but the woman seemed trustworthy enough, despite being a demon like most of their enemies. And yet she worked with this idiot...
They'd been sent out to Lirner to deal with a big guy with red hair and a knack for swinging big swords. Who, as it turned out, had gotten Mirale, Joe McBob and Bubs into their quest to gather the pieces that held Rapthor. And was also the general's brother. I guess compensation runs in the family, he thought amusedly. Given the size of the general's sword, which he used as a bludgeon, it seemed possible.
Virei shielded his eyes from the sun. "I think I see someone," he told Mirale. She nodded. "I wasn't sure if it was someone or just a mirage," she responded. As they got closer, they found it was a large man in armor, carrying a big sword. He walked toward them, his legs slightly stiffer than seemed right. Virei muttered to Mirale. "Do you think that's him?" "Yeah, it is."
The paladin sighed and readied his shield, preparing his sword to be drawn. "Chrono von Power! We've been sent to detain you! Would you mind coming with us?" The man's gaze focused on them, and Virei realized he hadn't seemed to be looking at them. A groan was the only response as the larger man stalked toward the pair, drawing his blade. Figures. What a jerk. Virei dashed toward him, drawing his blade and swinging, with golden light flowing along his blade and the ground he covered. Their blades clashed, and Virei roared a wordless challenge. Mirale followed him, drawing her maul, which had a head roughly the size of his chest, and slamming it into Chrono.
Chrono's great sword smashed into Virei's shield, nearly knocking the stunned paladin over. Virei could feel several bruises forming and suspected his wrist was sprained. Mirale, noting his pained look, used a healing spell. Then, Virei and Mirale began to attack Chrono full force. None of the three could land a solid hit. Virei felt a growing, pulsing evil on his opponent's chest. He suspected it was radiating from the amulet hanging there, which looked... suspicious.
Chrono's blade stopped midswing. "Nnnnnnnnnnnoooooo, dooooonnnnn' wannn' tooooo," he said. His speech seemed to be strained, as if he were struggling to control his own body.
By the gods, was this idiot really stupid enough to accept an amulet that possessed him? Someone as dangerous as he apparently is? ... What the hell. Virei's blade struck faster as he searched for an opening in Chrono's defenses. Despite the awkward, jerking motions of a possession, he still managed to deflect most strikes Mirale or Virei threw. On the other hand, Virei was able to avoid almost all of Chrono's attacks, and almost none were directed at Mirale.
An arrow zipped past Virei and lodged in Chrono's arm. He swung at Virei, much weaker than before. A second arrow stuck into the ground, and a third pierced his armor and went through his leg. He let out a bellow of pain. Virei took advantage of the distraction and kicked the other man in the chest, denting his breastplate. Mirale's maul slammed into his helmet, and he keeled over. Sheathing his blade, Virei took the great sword away. "That was a hell of a fight," he said. Looking back, he saw Joe trotting out from the trees. "Didn't you have a mission with Bubs?" he called out.
Joe shrugged. "I was in Lirner and heard about this, so I came out here. I saw you two fighting him, so I decided to lend a hand." Virei nodded, accepting the explanation.
He rolled Chrono onto his back and looked at the amulet. The symbol was vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. He grabbed it and tore it from the thong holding it around Chrono's neck. The pulsing grew faster, almost seeming frantic. The amulet broke in his hands. "That was barely enlightening." He stared at the pieces in his hand, mulling over what had happened, as Mirale and Joe removed the arrows from Chrono and cared for the wounds. Virei looked up. It was around noon, so the sun was at it's zenith. "Hey, Mirale, didn't the bartender say Chrono was headed toward the elves' village for something?" he asked.
"Oh, yeah, he did. And... Chrono was possessed... Uh-oh," the succubus said. Virei nodded; that was what he had thought. He picked up the other man, slinging him across his shoulders. (for reference, a fireman's carry)
"Come on, let's see what we can find out." The trio began walking, with Virei in the lead, carrying the massive fighter. They got close to the village not long before sunset. A pillar of smoke rose ahead of them. "Oh, crap," they chorused. Virei stopped. "If there's something malevolent in the village, I don't want him weighing me down. Let's tie him up beside the path." Joe pulled out some rope, and the archer and paladin worked together to tie Chrono's arms around a tree. At some point, he'd fallen asleep, and even their work didn't wake him. His loud snores were irritating, to say the least.
The three covered the short distance to the village, which was hidden by a screen of trees, quickly.
They stopped, shocked.
"Boop," said Virei.
Wow. I think this is my longest yet.
__________________
Some men just want to watch the world shift uncomfortably in its seat.
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kylarra
Quote:
Originally Posted by absolmorph
I happen to like screwing around with Handle Animal.
Red Mage, is that you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawhide
Now you're cranking it up to eleven.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dimonite
A week ago, I didn't know who you were. Now I know: you're the BEST PERSON EVER.
Quote:
Originally Posted by noparlpf
You seem to be having trouble with the idea that a rulebook can contradict itself, because it shouldn't, but...WotC.
Absolatar by Teutonic Knight.
Last edited by absolmorph : 01-31-2011 at 02:21 AM.
yea, I wanted something that wasn't invisible... but close
and I totally mistook that for white once in the past
why does that elicit an "oh dear"?
Because lemon chiffon is such a pretencious name for a colour. Can't we just call it lemon or lemon yellow and be done with it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by big teej
on a related note
gideon has a new snippet
forthcoming tomorrow
It's not tomorrow any more... where'd it go? Not that I've written anything in a while, though I did start something new earlier today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by One Tin Soldier
I have a strong desire to flex my writing muscles on this. I even have a story writing itself in my head as I type. But I have class in the morning....
Feel free to flex any time you like, I enjoyed that Heehee "dying hurts"
Quote:
Originally Posted by absolmorph
The three covered the short distance to the village, which was hidden by a screen of trees, quickly.
They stopped, shocked.
"Boop," said Virei.
I liked all of this, until you got to the end, and then you ruined it. Building up tension is great, I did the clifhanger ending not too long ago myself... but 'boop'? it completely ruins the feel. You had a lovely serious snippet the entire way through, had it all built up for a nail-biting, 'oh dear what now?' ending and then... that pretty much killed it. I'm sorry, I don't want to sound harsh and I really enjoyed the story, but that ending just does not work.
__________________
There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
Lord Gareth, Steel Song: First emotional response: awesome! One question not related to the writing: who were the PC's? I assume Francis and his group, but you leave just enough doubt for me to have to ask.
More concrete text stuff: I like the way you did the battle - I could see it in my mind, and that's what matters most for me. I like how the scribe is slowly clued in to the half-elf's strength. And I love the ending! I'd like to see more how the relationship between the two developed.
Criticism: none, really. Good snippet for our format.
Francis Quillen is the only PC present, played by myself; he told the party to move on while he confronted his Designated Foe.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilingsworth
Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
We just underwent an office relocation - moving everyone on the ground floor up to join the guys on the second floor. It's been a bit of a logistical nightmare and I've barely had time to breathe let alone write. And then of course I did my usual "I have no inspiration for this, I know, I'll start something else!"
One is meant to be quite short so hopefully I'll find time this afternoon to finish it.
__________________
There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
The party bursts into the dining room of a half-ruined castle fortress, seeking the dragon they believe dwells within - a dragon that has been terrorizing the local towns and villages, as well as kidnapping any mortal it can lay its claws on. Instead, they see a feast laid out - not lavish, but expensive, with invisible servants continuing to straighten the table and pour wine. Sitting at the head of the table, dressed practically in leather breeches and a chain shirt, is their old foe, Kylira of Ash - a tiefling assassin that they have clashed with on several occasions. As they go to charge, she holds up a hand and speaks.
"Sheathe your weapons, travelers. I only want to have a polite conversation. Now, let us speak about Order."
She gestures to the seats, and the party's paladin goes to attack her anyway, upon which she politely says, unconcerned, "I am an unarmed woman sitting peaceably down to my meal. I am glad to see that you are honorable enough to strike me down."
The paladin hesitates, agonizes over the decision, and ultimately sits, seething at this use of his Code against him. Reluctantly, the other party members sit, knowing the paladin is now obligated to defend Kylira's hospitality. The mage checks the food for poison and finds none, and the party thus begins to eat reluctantly.
"Now," Kylira begins pleasantly, "would you all agree that there can be no Order without punishment? This is the most basic tenant of laws across the multiverse - there is a code, and to break this code invokes a punishment. Even your friend here," she says as she gestures to the Paladin, "understands the concept, for he is obligated to seek out and punish those who harm the innocent. Now, who do you think does this punishing. The forces of Celestia? Too dirty for them. They feel conflicted and wrong unless fighting the vilest of fiends and undead. Mechanus? No one trusts them. The term 'proportionate response' is not within their vocabulary. Baator? Ah, now there we run into something interesting."
Kylira pauses to sip her wine and take a few spoonfuls of soup before continuing.
"As you may well know, my lord Asmodeus was once an angel of Celestia - was, in fact, their greatest general. What you do now know is that he is still in their employ - that he, in fact, rules Hell by virtue of Celestian authority and, if need be, can maintain his throne by virtue of Celestian might. In the wars of Creation, when the forces of Celestia balked before the evils of the Abyss and could not fight, Asmodeus fought. When they let innocents suffer under the willing rulership of demons, Asmodeus overthrew them. He tread where even angels feared to go, and so they in turn grew to fear him. They told him that he was not one of them, and he replied that, as he had broken none of their laws, he could not be punished. The wisest of Celestia met, and here they had their greatest stroke of genius - exile the dissenter and his armies to a forward outpost where they could resist the Abyss directly, thus ridding themselves of the troublemaker and ensuring that the demons could be contained on two fronts. They presented this pact to Asmodeus, who accepted."
"If only he had known their treachery. They hurled him deep into Baator, where his fiery impact gouged out huge craters in the Pit, and laughed as they made him King of an empty Hell, with only his armies to attend upon him."
Kylira paused to let the group absorb her words while the party's priest, devoted to Boccob the Uncaring, muttered in a shuddering whisper that his magic detected no lies from her.
"And here is the part you should know - my Lord still chose to serve them, and he serves them still, because he is honorable and loyal, and knows his place. Whenever Celestia is faced with a problem it will not solve, it calls upon Asmodeus to sully his hands. Whenever Celestia faces a foe it cannot comprehend, my master comes forth as its sword and shield. They cower behind him and call themselves righteous, and he serves them without thought for reward, for he knows that the forces of Baator are the only beings courageous enough to do what must be done to preserve Creation in all of its glory and splendor. When angels stay their hands, weeping impotent tears, we step forward to end any threats to existence that we may find. Tell me, is this who you want to serve - cowards that hide behind veiled excuses and pretend that they have no responsibility? I think not. You have been courageous, and valorous, and you have displayed an admirable concern for the lives of the innocent. I tell you now that I am not your enemy. No, I have been helping you for some time - tarnishing myself so that you might enjoy the privilege of remaining pure. But now I have need of you, and so I ask this - what is that privilege really worth? People are suffering. You could help."
Kylira pulls from her pocket a small scroll and sets it on the table.
"This is a contract of service, passed down by one of my master's more trusted servants. I shall leave you to finish your meal now, but think about what I have said. If you sign the contract, you will be teleported to my side. If you do not, you are free to leave, though you should be made aware that the dragon you seek dwells in a cave eight miles north of here. Think on it awhile. I bid you farewell."
The party eats and drinks in uncomfortable silence, each pondering her word's and the cleric's assertation that she was telling the truth. Then, slowly, the paladin reaches for the scroll, and signs.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilingsworth
Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
The party bursts into the dining room of a half-ruined castle fortress, seeking the dragon they believe dwells within - a dragon that has been terrorizing the local towns and villages, as well as kidnapping any mortal it can lay its claws on. Instead, they see a feast laid out - not lavish, but expensive, with invisible servants continuing to straighten the table and pour wine. Sitting at the head of the table, dressed practically in leather breeches and a chain shirt, is their old foe, Kylira of Ash - a tiefling assassin that they have clashed with on several occasions. As they go to charge, she holds up a hand and speaks.
"Sheathe your weapons, travelers. I only want to have a polite conversation. Now, let us speak about Order."
She gestures to the seats, and the party's paladin goes to attack her anyway, upon which she politely says, unconcerned, "I am an unarmed woman sitting peaceably down to my meal. I am glad to see that you are honorable enough to strike me down."
The paladin hesitates, agonizes over the decision, and ultimately sits, seething at this use of his Code against him. Reluctantly, the other party members sit, knowing the paladin is now obligated to defend Kylira's hospitality. The mage checks the food for poison and finds none, and the party thus begins to eat reluctantly.
"Now," Kylira begins pleasantly, "would you all agree that there can be no Order without punishment? This is the most basic tenant of laws across the multiverse - there is a code, and to break this code invokes a punishment. Even your friend here," she says as she gestures to the Paladin, "understands the concept, for he is obligated to seek out and punish those who harm the innocent. Now, who do you think does this punishing. The forces of Celestia? Too dirty for them. They feel conflicted and wrong unless fighting the vilest of fiends and undead. Mechanus? No one trusts them. The term 'proportionate response' is not within their vocabulary. Baator? Ah, now there we run into something interesting."
Kylira pauses to sip her wine and take a few spoonfuls of soup before continuing.
"As you may well know, my lord Asmodeus was once an angel of Celestia - was, in fact, their greatest general. What you do now know is that he is still in their employ - that he, in fact, rules Hell by virtue of Celestian authority and, if need be, can maintain his throne by virtue of Celestian might. In the wars of Creation, when the forces of Celestia balked before the evils of the Abyss and could not fight, Asmodeus fought. When they let innocents suffer under the willing rulership of demons, Asmodeus overthrew them. He tread where even angels feared to go, and so they in turn grew to fear him. They told him that he was not one of them, and he replied that, as he had broken none of their laws, he could not be punished. The wisest of Celestia met, and here they had their greatest stroke of genius - exile the dissenter and his armies to a forward outpost where they could resist the Abyss directly, thus ridding themselves of the troublemaker and ensuring that the demons could be contained on two fronts. They presented this pact to Asmodeus, who accepted."
"If only he had known their treachery. They hurled him deep into Baator, where his fiery impact gouged out huge craters in the Pit, and laughed as they made him King of an empty Hell, with only his armies to attend upon him."
Kylira paused to let the group absorb her words while the party's priest, devoted to Boccob the Uncaring, muttered in a shuddering whisper that his magic detected no lies from her.
"And here is the part you should know - my Lord still chose to serve them, and he serves them still, because he is honorable and loyal, and knows his place. Whenever Celestia is faced with a problem it will not solve, it calls upon Asmodeus to sully his hands. Whenever Celestia faces a foe it cannot comprehend, my master comes forth as its sword and shield. They cower behind him and call themselves righteous, and he serves them without thought for reward, for he knows that the forces of Baator are the only beings courageous enough to do what must be done to preserve Creation in all of its glory and splendor. When angels stay their hands, weeping impotent tears, we step forward to end any threats to existence that we may find. Tell me, is this who you want to serve - cowards that hide behind veiled excuses and pretend that they have no responsibility? I think not. You have been courageous, and valorous, and you have displayed an admirable concern for the lives of the innocent. I tell you now that I am not your enemy. No, I have been helping you for some time - tarnishing myself so that you might enjoy the privilege of remaining pure. But now I have need of you, and so I ask this - what is that privilege really worth? People are suffering. You could help."
Kylira pulls from her pocket a small scroll and sets it on the table.
"This is a contract of service, passed down by one of my master's more trusted servants. I shall leave you to finish your meal now, but think about what I have said. If you sign the contract, you will be teleported to my side. If you do not, you are free to leave, though you should be made aware that the dragon you seek dwells in a cave eight miles north of here. Think on it awhile. I bid you farewell."
The party eats and drinks in uncomfortable silence, each pondering her word's and the cleric's assertation that she was telling the truth. Then, slowly, the paladin reaches for the scroll, and signs.
Oooh I like I like a good 'turn your world upside down' type story, and you did this one really well. She was really convincing, I liked the way that they all listened and accepted that she was telling the truth. You made it obvious in just a few short sentences that they clearly understood the impact of her words - without the party even saying anything. Well done
__________________
There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
Wow, this was really intense! The dialogue really blew me away, and the drama was practically palpable. This piece was really just amazing, and I'd love to find out what happens next. Especially to the paladin!
I've also got a couple snippets of my own, but I'm afraid that since I haven't written anything in about a month or so, I feel like I've gotten really rusty. My writing just isn't coming as easily to me, and it sort of feels a little clunky, so you have been forewarned. On the bright side, I'm not so busy anymore, so to try and get back into the swing of things, I'm going to be writing a whole lot of new snippets! As always, critiques are greatly appreciated.
Anyways, here's Varen again! This snippet comes about a week after The Soothsayer in the Stone, so waaaay earlier on in Varen's adventures. I'll get some more recent ones up soon, but for now, enjoy!
Prisoner
or They Really Should Start Teaching Infiltration In Paladin School
Spoiler
For three days, they tormented me. They beat me. They whipped me. They cut me. They burned me. They made me feel more pain than I thought was ever imaginable. And now, they finally started talking to me.
“You’s pretty foolhardy for a paladin!” my torturer, a small, thin man with a sparse beard and a giant rat’s skull for a helmet, cackled as he casually emptied a vial of acid onto my chest. I grit my teeth, and with all my willpower, I was barely able to contain the screams. “I thought you’s was supposed to have respect for life an’ all that,” He studied my face with his beady little eyes, trying to read my expressions, looking for any sign of pain, or fear. I did my best to ignore the searing pain, and tried to give him the coldest glare I could muster.
He didn‘t react.
“Though you’s seems to got none for your own,” he murmured, mainly to himself, with his thin, raspy voice. “Otherwise you’d just tell us what you‘s was doin‘ in the camp, anyways, so‘s we could get this whole thing over with,”
In a way, he was right. I had come all this way in search of Natalia, even going so far as to sneak into the Crownbreaker camp, which was certainly something no one afraid of death would even attempt. At least not lightly. But I had taken it upon myself to infiltrate the camp, risking not only my life, but my paladinhood, because a talking stone told me to. And as a result, I ended up tied naked to a table in a blood-covered tent high in the mountains in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to show for my efforts but scars.
And yet, at the very heart of things, my tormentor was wrong. I did value my life, and right now, I was scared out of my mind. Scared that I would die cold, and alone, wracked with excruciating pain. Scared that I would die, having accomplished nothing. Scared that I would die without ever seeing Natalia again.
But I valued her life even above my own, and for that, I did not regret the actions that brought me here in the slightest. Now, I was inside the camp, and I would be closer to finding her than I had ever been.
Just as soon as I escaped, that is.
When my torturer had finally gone, I got to work. I struggled against the ropes that had me tied down, as I had done every day every during my captivity. Fortunately for me, my captors never bothered to check them. Three days worth of wear had finally loosened the ropes enough for me to move. I wriggled my arms free, and with a lot of effort, I managed to break the rope that bound me. I rolled off the table and hit the ground, my legs weak from disuse. But I pushed myself off the ground, forcing my legs to support my wait. I was going to get away, and I was going to find Natalia.
Cautiously, I exited the tent, and was immediately met with a blast of snow, carried by the mountain’s cold wind. The wet frost mingled with the fresh wounds from my torture, and I was barely able to contain the urge to scream in pain. But there was no way I was going to give myself away. Not this soon. Instead, I stomped my bare feet into the snow, and steeled myself against the cold.
It was then that I heard the scream. A deep, bellowed wail, it erupted from a tent just a few away from my own. My heart sank. Someone there was being tortured as well, and even though I needed to find Natalia and get away from this hellish camp, there was no way that I was going to allow anyone to undergo what I had gone through.
And so, against my better judgment, I dashed to the tent, using the sound of the screams to hide the crunching of the snow as I ran.
I burst into the tent just in time to catch my same torturer laughing over the broken body of an orc, still tied to a table of his own. Rage boiled within me, and the next thing I knew, the torturer was on the ground, my knees against his chest, and my hands around his neck. He thrashed. He gurgled. He screamed in fear. And then he stopped. When I finally regained control of myself, I could only stare in shock and revulsion at what I had done.
“Thank you… friend…” A deep raspy voice broke my trance. I turned and, to my amazement, the orc was alive, but only just. His body was covered in sweat, grime, and blood, and he was so badly bruised that I couldn’t even tell what his original skin color was. To my horror, the ‘table’ that held him down was actually a rack, and his body had been twisted and broken in a horrific fashion.
“Hold on,” I found myself whispering as I hurriedly freed him from his bonds. “Hold on, you’re going to be alright,”
“You… should probably go,” he croaked. “The scream would have alerted someone… you don’t have a lot of time…”
“Maybe, but I’m not going to leave anyone behind to face what you just did,” I said as I helped him to his feet.
“You are a good man, and I see that I will not be able to discourage you,” the orc half-laughed, half-wheezed. “I am Bagran Bearfang. I have been here for weeks. I cannot thank you enough, mister…?”
“”Varen,” I said. “But don’t thank me now. We’re not safe just yet,” I slung his arm over my shoulders, and together, we hobbled out of the tent.
At first, it truly seemed as though fate was smiling upon us. We had managed to sneak away from the torture camps without so much as a hitch, and I was even able to find all of my gear, hidden away in a storage tent.
But of course, things couldn’t have gone that easily. When we were about halfway out of the camp, I heard the blare of horns, alarming the whole tribe of our escape. And soon, it seemed as though we managed to run into every single patrol group in the camp.
We escaped under a hail of arrow-fire. I’m still not sure how we even managed to get out alive, but somehow we made it far enough into the surrounding forest for the Crownbreakers to give up the chase.
I hid Bagran against a tree, and when I was sure we were safe, I started to head back.
“Wait!” Bagran yelped in shock. “You’re going back? Why?”
“My friend is still be back there!” I snapped at him despite myself. “She was captured by the Deathwind; I need to get her out of there as well!”
Bagran sat in silence, wearing a puzzled look on his face as he examined mine, as though trying to determine whether I was serious or not. Then he spoke.
“My friend,” Bagran said sadly. “The Deathwind leads the Fear Legion. This is the Pain Legion. You will not find your friend here,”
There were multiple legions of Crownbreakers? No wonder I had so much trouble tracking them down! They really could have been everywhere at once!
I felt hopeless, defeated. It seemed as though I would never be able to find Natalia.
“How do you know?” I asked, miserable. Even though I believed him, I just had to have proof. I couldn’t let my hopes be crushed just yet.
“I was once a Crownbreaker,” he said sadly. “I wanted to overthrow the Emperor, so that my people could return to life in the old ways, so that my people could once again become one with nature,” He coughed again. “But soon I realized that the Crownbreakers were not in the right. They were evil, and only lived to cause pain and misery. So I tried to leave once before, but they would not have that,” he coughed. To my alarm I realized that he was hacking up blood. “And there is nothing a Crownbreaker hates more than a traitor…”
“Hold on!” I shouted frantically.
“It is no use my friend,” Bagran smiled sadly. “My wounds are far too severe. Perhaps this is justice for my actions as a Crownbreaker,” Trying to hold back the tears, I watched the light fade from his eyes as his breathing stopped.
And so, cold, lost, and alone once again, I stumbled off into the wilderness.
And anyone remember Tavor? No? Well a lot of stuff has happened to him since last time!
Exodus
or Maybe You Should Have Invested In Some Ruby Slippers
Spoiler
“You don’t talk much, do you Tavor?” Nasser grinned at me from his perch atop the camel. Despite the beast’s great height and precarious load, the halfling had still managed to find a way to get on top of it. Even with the heat of the desert sun beating down on us in the middle of the day, he was still able to find the energy to climb and annoy me at the same time. And now, wedged between Rafiq’s bag and Quasim’s boxes, Nasser had decided that it would be great fun to torment me. “Why’s that, huh?”
I shrugged. He laughed and shook his head.
“C’mon, humor me a little, eh?” he said. “All I know about you is that Hajra yanked you out of Sayur when you got in a tussle with a gang or something like that. C’mon, we’re supposed to be buddies now right? Searchin’ for adventure and whatnot?”
I shrugged again. I really did not feel like talking to Nasser at this moment. He was always loud and obnoxious, and right now I just wanted to get moving. I had things to pack. Nasser pretended not to notice my lack of interest though, and continued to babble.
“Why don’t we play a game, eh? ‘I Spy With My Wee Eyes’? You know that game? …No? How about ‘I Never’? Oh wait, we gotta save the liquor for later… Oh! I know! ‘Twenty Questions’! You can go first!’
I tried my best to ignore him, but he kept going on and on and on. Fortunately, Quasim came to my rescue.
“Nasser! Get off! Now! I’ve got some very unstable reagents in there! Off!” Knowing better than to irritate the wizard further, Nasser climbed down from his perch, obviously put off.
“Alright, alright! Geez!” Nasser whined. “I’ll keep off your stupid stuff! Calm down!”
“Don’t you have things you should be doing?!” Quasim was merciless. “Hajra must have something for you to do, and I’m sure she would not appreciate you shirking your duties and distracting someone else from theirs!” Nasser opened his mouth in protest, but Quasim killed the objection before it could even form. “Get going!”
Sulking, Nasser trudged off through the sand towards the rest of the party. Quasim watched him go until he was out of earshot, then turned his attention to me.
“If that bothers you, you’re in for quite a long journey my friend,” Quasim smiled at me wryly. “Sometimes it’s best just to talk to him. He’ll lose interest quicker that way,”
“Thank you,” I said, without looking up. Quasim didn’t move. I continued to work, but Quasim just stood and watched me. Finally, he spoke again.
“Do you even want to be here?” he asked. “I mean, running around a desert searching for an ancient artifact must seem ridiculous to you. It certainly did for me, at first,” he chuckled half-heartedly. I kept working. “Look, you shouldn’t feel obligated to come just because Hajra got you out of a little bit trouble. I could talk to her if you’d like to leave-”
“No,” I interrupted him. “I will come with you,” Quasim looked perplexed.
“But… why?” he asked.
“Because finding this artifact is the only chance I have of making it home,”
Last edited by Machuchang : 02-17-2011 at 09:37 PM.
If I might ask, what makes it dramatic or intense? Writers do need to know what they do wrong, yes, but they also need to know what they've done right.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilingsworth
Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
If I might ask, what makes it dramatic or intense? Writers do need to know what they do wrong, yes, but they also need to know what they've done right.
Of course! What I felt made it so intense was the how you had Kylira explain the history of Asmodeus. The way she flipped around the believed mythos of heaven and hell (or Celestia and Baator) in such a casual, conversational manner really struck me, and I loved how I could feel the party's unease through their actions and dialogue. At the same time, her behavior seemed just suspicious enough, as an established antagonist to the party and as an almost TOO knowledgeable source of information, that it seemed like her actions could really corrupt or mislead the party toward some devious end, which I found especially thrilling. And if she really was telling the truth, then the whole world of the story is met with a new, exciting dimension as it moves towards a more grey vs. grey morality, rather than the standard black vs. white one.
As for dramatic, I would attribute that to how you set up the scene, in part due to the inherent drama in the situation the characters were in, eating dinner with their nemesis. But you manipulated that feeling of drama masterfully, and you did a great job conveying the party's suspicions, and were able to create an atmosphere that was felt more than just read, which is nothing short of impressive. You did an amazing job!
Last edited by Machuchang : 02-24-2011 at 08:41 PM.
I liked all of this, until you got to the end, and then you ruined it. Building up tension is great, I did the clifhanger ending not too long ago myself... but 'boop'? it completely ruins the feel. You had a lovely serious snippet the entire way through, had it all built up for a nail-biting, 'oh dear what now?' ending and then... that pretty much killed it. I'm sorry, I don't want to sound harsh and I really enjoyed the story, but that ending just does not work.
The actualexpletive I dropped was much, much fouler.
But I dislike censoring words, so I used the fill-in word from Erfworld. I meant to write the continuation of this, actually. I'll get to that tonight or tomorrow.
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Some men just want to watch the world shift uncomfortably in its seat.
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kylarra
Quote:
Originally Posted by absolmorph
I happen to like screwing around with Handle Animal.
Red Mage, is that you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rawhide
Now you're cranking it up to eleven.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dimonite
A week ago, I didn't know who you were. Now I know: you're the BEST PERSON EVER.
Quote:
Originally Posted by noparlpf
You seem to be having trouble with the idea that a rulebook can contradict itself, because it shouldn't, but...WotC.
If I might ask, what makes it dramatic or intense? Writers do need to know what they do wrong, yes, but they also need to know what they've done right.
At work & busy (& pissed off but that's another story)
Off the top of my head though, I'd have to say it's the way that Kylira tells her story without any interruptions. We all play, we know that PCs like to be in charge and if there's any talking happening, it's gonna be them. The fact that what she had to say was so incredible, and yet true that they couldn't even find their voices made in incredibly powerful. Even more so because the only times they got any actions they were just short little paragraphs saying all they could do was verify the truth of what she was saying. Even when they got a chance to be seen and heard, they still couldn't find any words to refute her with. All they had was 'yes she's telling the truth'.
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There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
At work & busy (& pissed off but that's another story)
Off the top of my head though, I'd have to say it's the way that Kylira tells her story without any interruptions. We all play, we know that PCs like to be in charge and if there's any talking happening, it's gonna be them. The fact that what she had to say was so incredible, and yet true that they couldn't even find their voices made in incredibly powerful. Even more so because the only times they got any actions they were just short little paragraphs saying all they could do was verify the truth of what she was saying. Even when they got a chance to be seen and heard, they still couldn't find any words to refute her with. All they had was 'yes she's telling the truth'.
Some of the OOC commentary was fairly impressive to hear myself, my favorite being, "Oh crap, if she's telling the truth, then the only reason that the bard's patron deity exists is because Asmodeus was nice enough to let him."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilingsworth
Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
You're very kind, though I think that the "Nope. Paladin" guy is a lot more badass than Varen.
well....
I must offer a few points in rebuttal
1) varen goes through all this ON HIS OWN (with the exception of travels with nat)
2) the "nope" guy has a party with him.
but those are beside the point.
my point is that Varen evokes the same feel as that mentality.
and lets face it
EVERY knight, paladin, and LG paragon fighter should evoke that mentality and feeling.
I try with Gideon (the guy who lost his horse) but I feel he comes off to the party as "bull-headed" as opposed to "epically determined"
but oh well.
his time will come.
/ramble.
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my awesome knight riding a bulette avatar was made by smuchmuch
Cookie Jar: 1
teej has quotes
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Occasional Sage
big teej, you are the GitP forum with legs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by McSmack
Or if you're feeling saucy you can remind him that it's not a democracy, it's a Teej-tatorship, and he'd best remember that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IthroZada
I imagine Cenobites to be what you get when you mash together the Book of Erotic Fantasy and the Book of Vile Darkness.
if I've gone quiet in a pbp we share, PM ME! this means I'm not getting updates!
The actualexpletive I dropped was much, much fouler.
But I dislike censoring words, so I used the fill-in word from Erfworld. I meant to write the continuation of this, actually. I'll get to that tonight or tomorrow.
Ahh, I see. I think you'd have been better off going with either a real-world expletive that wouldn't have been censored (like hell or damn), using ***** in place of the word or at least using a made up word that sounded harsher and more like a swear word. Because the word you did use just didn't work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by big teej
reading stories about varen makes me think of that "nope. paladin" story.
which is always great
Me too!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machuchang
Wow... I guess I haven't lost my touch as much as I thought. I'm honored that you think so highly of my work!
Just out of curiosity, which part provoked that reaction?
The ending... partly with the half-orc just quietly giving up and finally finding dignity in his own death. And partly Varen's reaction to finding out he'd been held by the Pain Legion not the Fear Legion - realising that he was so very very screwed...
And I finally read Exodus as well... I enjoyed it... it was a nice casual piece of writing, just a glimpse of daily life and then you get to the last sentence and realise it's far more important that you first realised. Very well done
And all my snippets will have to wait I'm afraid... I started them all while at work and stupidly forgot to email them to myself so I could work on them at home. Whoops.
EDIT: I take it back... wrote another backstory for another pbp character
Sarai Barden or Yet Another Backstory
Spoiler
Sarai Barden
I still wonder how it came to this. How I got to the point of wandering through this gods-forsaken land. I have no idea where I’m going, no idea where I should be going. After what I’ve been through, I’m lucky I even remember who I am. But no, even now I can feel the weight of my family’s signet ring, hanging from the chain around my neck. Who am I? I am Sarai Barden, daughter of Daran and Adeline, youngest member of the most noble house of Barden. And this is my story.
It was the before-eve of my 17th birthday when my story began. Up until that point I had been just another spoiled member of the aristocracy. Close enough in age to my cousin Makram (the son of my Uncle, also Makram and the head of House Barden) for us to be playmates as children. Apart enough for him to feel only protective of me as we grew older. As was common for children of House Barden, our birthdays were the same day. This was the day before the beginning of Makram’s Initiation into Adulthood. This was a most secret and sacred rite – all children of the aristocracy went through this rite. It lasted a year, beginning on the eve of one’s 19th birthday and ending a year later, on the eve of their 20th year – the year one became an adult in the Kingdom of the Sword. The rite is secret because we are only instructed in what we must do as the rite begins. It is death to speak of it to one who has not yet gone through it.
I – well, I admit, I was being mildly disobedient when my father, uncle and cousin came to my chambers in our manor house at Gerhardhold. It was a well-kept secret among my family that I possess the long-lost secrets of magic. I am not very good and for the safety of the entire family I am not supposed to practice within the confines of the manor house. Still, I cannot control when the magics come to me and I wanted – no needed – to get this magic out of me while I had it in mind and heart. They came to me and shared with both Makram, my cousin and I the words that have changed my life and turned it upside down.
Rumours had been brought to the attention of our fathers – rumours of wars, of murders, of plots and intrigues – of those things that the noble houses most fear – of kidnappings and of revolution. My family is only distantly related to that of King Auld, but it is related. Were enough to die, I could conceivably be called upon to be queen. It was clear that my Uncle Makram and my father Daran took these warnings seriously, for their conversation was focused on how to get myself and my cousin out of Gerhardhold and where we could be sent, for our own safety. My cousin was most displeased, being about to embark upon his Initiation into Adulthood. I believe it was this that gave our fathers the idea that they eventually settled upon. While the rite is meant to take a child into adulthood and so encompasses the 19th year of life, it has been performed earlier in the case of rare children who have either matured early or have been required for some position that needed them to be counted an adult. It was Daran, my father, who first suggested that perhaps I should be considered for the rite early. I am mature for my age, I have often been told this. And, as my father pointed out, I have magic, which could be used as a reason for my early initiation. Uncle Makram was reluctant to admit the family secret before it could be of use to House Barden, but my father pointed out that if I was left behind and perished in whatever storm was coming, my gift would never be of use to House Barden. That convinced him. Preparations were made for my Initiation into Adulthood. Preparations made in haste and in secret. Or so we thought.
When my cousin and I stood upon the great dias the next day, on the eve of our 19th and 17th birthdays the uprising began. It started as a quiet rumble that hastened into a storm before anyone knew what was happening. All I remember from that mad time is the horrible sound of stones being rent asunder, my mother’s voice screaming and my cousin’s tight grip on my arm, dragging me behind him. We fled Gerhardhold to search for safety in the countryside. Makram cared for me, protecting me as best he could and in return I did my best to cook and clean for him and to use my magic for the benefit of us both. Alas that in the end, it was not enough.
My memory of that fateful night is still dim and hazy, though months have since passed. I suspect the safety we found was merely an illusion and that those who sought us had never in truth lost us. At night they came upon us, when we both slept. Makram awoke and sprang to his feet, his sword flying into his hand and he wielded it in a manner I had never seen from him before, who had always been an indifferent swordsman at best. He screamed at me to run, though fear had frozen me in place and I could not. I shall always regret that it was his hurt that spurred me to action. Had I but moved when he bade me, it is possible that Makram and I should still be together. One attacker broached his guard and smote him in the side. He staggered and fell to one knee and I screamed to see it. Great anger burned within me and I cast one of my precious spells at his attacker. The man’s attention then turned to me and in sheer haste I flung another spell. It flew over his head and landed among the others who sought to imprison us. Makram flung himself again at this foe, once more imploring me to save myself. He bade me on his authority as the heir to House Barden to flee and preserve my own life. I could not disobey. I fled.
I could hear the sounds of another behind me as I ran and I turned my head to see. I believe this is what saved me. Had I been watching my course I would have seen and avoided the hole into which I fell. I must have simply disappeared from view and my scream may have indeed sounded like the words of a spell. Instead, I struck my head upon the ground and was lost for a time to darkness and oblivion. When I finally returned to my senses, I was rescued from my prison by a kindly man who bore a hawk as friend and companion upon his shoulder. He said he could not assist me in my search for my cousin, but gave me such resources as he could spare and wished me good fortune upon my road. I think of him often and will much goodwill in my heart, for without him, his sharp-eyed hawk and his stout rope, I surely would have perished deep within the bowls of the earth.
I have wandered far and wide across the Kingdom of the Sword since that time. At times I search for Makram my cousin. At times I consider continuing on with the Initiation into Adulthood, though we were interrupted before our instruction could be completed and I know not what I am to do. At times I think of simply returning home to Gerhardhold, but I suspect that is an option that is no longer open to me. At times I am so seized by indecision that I am unable to take one step in any direction and I fear for myself. I am unused to such hardship. It was during one of those times that I came upon the group I now travel with. Caught in indecision and fear I was merely walking. Trudging along a dusty road with no purpose other than to continue placing one foot in front of the other. Sunk into the misery of my own thoughts I was not aware I had been travelling thus the entire day through. In exhaustion I slipped and fell and there was found and kind-hearted soul brought me back to myself and to health. In gratitude, and because I still have not faced and fought this dreadful apathy I travel with him, intending to aid him and his companions in whatever way I can.
Perhaps once their purpose has been accomplished I shall beg them to assist me in my search for Makram that we may once more be reunited. Beyond this I have no other purpose, only the knowledge that no matter what secrets are held within the Initiation to Adulthood, I shall have to come through it truly and faithfully if I am to survive in this world I find myself in.
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There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
The ending... partly with the half-orc just quietly giving up and finally finding dignity in his own death. And partly Varen's reaction to finding out he'd been held by the Pain Legion not the Fear Legion - realising that he was so very very screwed...
And I finally read Exodus as well... I enjoyed it... it was a nice casual piece of writing, just a glimpse of daily life and then you get to the last sentence and realise it's far more important that you first realised. Very well done
Ah, glad to know everything worked as I intended then.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Moreta
EDIT: I take it back... wrote another backstory for another pbp character
Sarai Barden or Yet Another Backstory
Man, this is incredible! I was nothing short of amazed by all of the world-building you were able to incorporate into this snippet, and I found Sarai to be an incredibly interesting character, with her noble background and how her magical powers were cultivated over her lifetime. I especially loved how much of a different voice she had from all your other characters. Her narration was a lot more formal, as opposed to the conversational tone many of your other characters had, and that really made Sarai feel like a character who had a noble upbringing. Just awesome!
Quote:
Originally Posted by big teej
well....
I must offer a few points in rebuttal
1) varen goes through all this ON HIS OWN (with the exception of travels with nat)
2) the "nope" guy has a party with him.
but those are beside the point.
my point is that Varen evokes the same feel as that mentality.
and lets face it
EVERY knight, paladin, and LG paragon fighter should evoke that mentality and feeling.
I try with Gideon (the guy who lost his horse) but I feel he comes off to the party as "bull-headed" as opposed to "epically determined"
but oh well.
his time will come.
While I wouldn't say that EVERY knight, paladin, or paragon fighter should evoke that mentality, those epically determined, selfless ones are certainly
my favorite LG archtype. And honestly, I really did get that impression from Gideon, or at least the "epically- determined" part, and I'm sure that his time will come soon enough. So you better level him up soon, cuz I want to read his next snippet!
And speaking of new snippets, here's one about Abigail.
It Doesn't Matter Who Started It As Long As You're The One To Finish It
Spoiler
The jailbreak didn’t go all that well by jail-breaking standards, at least according to Cass, but I couldn’t see why. The watchmen were actually quite good-humored about the whole thing, and they even let us go, with only one condition! All we had to do was find out who stole the goods from the village, and we would be “absolved from all our crimes of previous conviction that were to have taken place in the village of Westthorp, up to, and including: assault, battery, trespassing, breaking and entering, interfering with watch affairs, interfering with traffic, causing a guard to fall under the influence of a compulsion spell, and conspiracy to partake in criminal behavior”. I wasn’t sure how serious any of that was, but it all sounded very important and scary, so I was glad I wouldn’t have to worry about getting in trouble for it later. After all, Gramma would get really mad at me if she learned that I got into trouble, and if I couldn’t be held accountable, I wouldn’t have to tell her, right? …Right!
So that was all well and good, but the search for the mystery thief wasn’t. We looked everywhere, and asked everyone, but all we were able to learn was that a lone gypsy caravan had passed through the town about a week previous, before it vanished into the forest.
So of the course, the obvious thing to do was to just go into the woods and look around! It was our only lead after all! But, unfortunately, no one really knew what to look for, and pretty soon after we started looking we got lost. I honestly couldn’t see the problem. I mean, I had never even seen this part of the forest before, and everything was just so wonderful and fascinating, like the pretty little flowers, and the tall, thick trees, and the babbling brook filled with fish! I loved being able to see and experience all of these amazing new things! But the rest of the party was less than enthusiastic… Especially Eviss.
“This is bloody ridiculous!” He was furious. “We’ve been wandering around on some wild goose chase for hours, and we have nothing to show for it! How could possibly get lost in a forest anyhow?! There was a bloody path!” Even for demon-possessed warlock, Eviss seemed to have a ridiculously short temper, and it seemed like it was only a matter of time of until he started making everything even more miserable for everybody else.
“We’re not lost,” Kurgan nonchalantly brushed off Eviss’ comments. “The town’s back thataways. We just don’t know where we are is all,”
“Oh, of course!” Eviss’ voice was dripping with so much sarcasm that I was surprised the ground beneath him wasn’t wet. “We’re not lost, we just don’t know where we are! BECAUSE THERE’S SUCH A BIG DAMN DIFFERENCE!” He started laughing maniacally. “Good gods and demons Kurgan! Sometimes I wonder if you’re incompetent, or just bloody stupid!”
“What did you call me…?” Kurgan’s growl would’ve put a wolf to shame. He stalked over to Eviss and loomed in over him, glaring him right in the eyes. Nothing good was going to happen from this. I really hoped that just this once, Eviss would stand down.
“You heard me,” Eviss sneered. My stomach twisted itself in a knot. Even though I didn’t like Eviss, I really didn’t want anyone to get hurt. After all, we were still a party. But Eviss didn’t seem to care about stuff like that. “Or is it just as hard for you to hear as it is for you to think?”
Kurgan was livid. I saw his eyes bulge, and his veins pop out and everything! He balled his hand into an enormous fist, and prepared to hit Eviss with all of his enraged strength. And worse, no one else seemed to be doing anything! Selhallen looked completely indifferent about the whole thing, and Cass actually looked amused! As Kurgan threw his arm back to strike Eviss, I screamed.
“KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!” the volume of my voice was a lot louder than I had intended it to be. In fact, I hadn’t even intended to yell at all. But Kurgan stopped his fist mid-movement and turned to me, as did everyone else. And now they were all looking at me…
“C-come on guys,” I was so nervous! I felt like I had done something wrong now too, and I really hoped that none of them would start yelling at me now too. “W-we’re a t-team, you know? We sh-shouldn’t be fighting…”
Kurgan stared at me incredulously.
“He started it!” he bellowed. “He called me stupid!”
“Yes, but if you were to hit him, you really would be just as stupid as he said you were!” The next thing I knew, I was lecturing him like Gramma lectured me! “It would be pretty stupid to hit someone you need to work with and then ruin all this for everyone, right?”
Kurgan glared at me, but then, to my surprise, he sighed and bowed his head.
“Yeah, I guess…”
“Good!” I felt so proud of myself! “Now apologize to Eviss,”
“Seriously?” Kurgan looked absolutely stupefied. I nodded. Kurgan sighed again and reluctantly turned back to Eviss, who was grinning evilly.
“…Sorry Eviss,” Kurgan grumbled. Eviss started laughing hysterically, but I wasn’t going to have that.
“Very good Kurgan,” I smiled as I turned to Eviss. “Now Eviss, apologize to Kurgan,”
Eviss doubled over in laughter.
“BWAHAH! Oh, no! I don’t think so!” He sneered. “No, I apologize for nothing! I meant everything I said!”
“Well then…” I had actually hoped he would say that! “That just proves that you were the stupid one then! Because you were the one who spent all of this time complaining without contributing anything at all! Maybe if you weren’t whining so much, you could’ve helped out and made sure that we wouldn’t have gotten lost! So it’s just as much your fault that we got lost as Kurgan’s!”
Eviss’ jaw dropped.
“That doesn’t make any sense!” he screamed, outraged. “You’re blaming me for doing nothing?! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard! I wasn‘t involved at all, so I can’t be held accountable for anything!”
I got him!
“Can’t be held accountable for anything, huh?” I couldn’t contain my smile. “Then I guess that means you don’t have any right to complain either, since you weren‘t involved at all!”
Eviss’ pale white face suddenly grew a whole lot pinker. He gaped. He spluttered. He kept opening his mouth to shout something back at me, but he kept tripping over his words.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go look for those missing things so we can all get back to our lives!” I said as I turned and walked away. And as I walked, I heard the footsteps of my companions following me! I turned, and saw Kurgan, Selhallen, Cass, and even Eviss, marching along behind me!
I felt so important and mature! Of all the people to finally get this group together, I could barely believe that it was me! But at least we were all ready to get back on our grand adventure! And THAT I didn’t mind being held accountable for!
Last edited by Machuchang : 02-22-2011 at 10:29 PM.
Man, this is incredible! I was nothing short of amazed by all of the world-building you were able to incorporate into this snippet, and I found Sarai to be an incredibly interesting character, with her noble background and how her magical powers were cultivated over her lifetime. I especially loved how much of a different voice she had from all your other characters. Her narration was a lot more formal, as opposed to the conversational tone many of your other characters had, and that really made Sarai feel like a character who had a noble upbringing. Just awesome!
Why thank you kind sir I don't usually pay that much attention to the tone I write in, I just write and trust that the character's voice will come out as I go. Seems to work for me. I admit though, with Sarai I put a bit more effort into making sure she sounded like the noble's daughter she is. I figured for her, that is conversational speech. I rather suspect she's a little lonely.
The world-building is mostly courtesy of the DM - homebrew setting and he actually put up a decent amount of world info in the recruitment thread. I made up all the stuff about the initiation though...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machuchang
“Oh, of course!” Eviss’ voice was dripping with so much sarcasm that I was surprised the ground beneath him wasn’t wet. “
Heehee, best line ever loved it. I love Abigail, the girl has hidden depths! And way to go with channelling Gramma. Though, by the time she gets back home her grandma is going to kill her
Very amusing, and heck, even I was surprised that she ended up being the one to tell everyone to put a sock in it and get on with it. Well done
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There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
I need to type up snippets right on the heels of a session, that way it's all still in my head.
I need to do the same... only problem is that we travel to a friend's place about an hour away for our game and by the time we get home I'm far too tired to start writing...
*patiently awaits Gideon-story*
bull-headed or not, I like him
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There is no social situation that can't be improved if everyone was to go away and leave me to read.
due to real life events (and weather) and the fact that Gideon's next snippet is a biggun (covering the whole 4 hour session) it's not quite finished yet.
and may have to undergo editing before being posted.
in the interim, as penance, I give you Vaul Krieger's origin....
(as I'm mostly sure I didn't post that before)
Spoiler
Vaul Krieger’s Origin
“LANCERS READY!” The call rang across the field, in perfect time with the other 3,000 knights in the formation I clapped down my visor and responded “LANCE READY!” The sound was deafening. LANCERS! A pause. CHARGE! As one entity, 3,000 knights in armor spurred their horses into a gallop across the plains, lances lowering to face the barbarian horde. We were the tip of the spear, meant to shatter the numerical superiority of the opposing army. Those that followed us were meant to overrun and obliterate the shattered formations.
But that doesn’t matter. What matters is here. Now. 3,000 knights rushing across the plains. We close upon them, the horde rushes to us, eager to die. Impact, hundreds die in the time it takes my lance to snap, breaking off in the chest of a half-orc brute. I draw my battle axe, ready for the grim work ahead. But suddenly, looming out of the horde is a spear. Time slows down as I watch it approach. The spear grows larger in my vision, I see every last detail, from the notches in the blade its primitive wielder has allowed to accumulate, I know that I see my death approaching. In the eternity that follows, I commend my soul to my lord heironious. I raise my axe, determined to fell this creature along with me.
Crunch.
The spear lifts me off my horse, taking me in the gut, shoving aside my armor; I am lifted into the air before the spear breaks beneath my weight. …..
As I lay amongst the wreckage of the cavalry charge, I realize something…. Dying hurts…. A lot.
And then the pain fades, swallowed up by a blessed blackness.
I wake to paradise, the home of those who worship Heironious. Time is meaningless here, and I enjoy conversing with heroes of old who have fought and died valiantly before me. Here is one who died slaying a dragon, another allowing his allies to get away, leaving him to fend off a band of ogres. Truly this is glorious place, I am happy to spend eternity here.
Suddenly a figure approaches me. The figure tells me that my time in this place has come to an end…
I do not understand, what have I done to be cast out from paradise? How have I displeased my lord? The figure throws back its cowl and a woman of unspeakable beauty stands before me. “You belong to me now Vaul Krieger”
What?
Her words cause the utmost drowsiness to come over me, why do none of my new friends come to my aid, they are RIGHT HERE! Do they not see my plight?
I must…
Sleep…
I wake to what sounds like … chanting? I don’t know, I am very disoriented. Who am I? I have vague memories of a beautiful woman and a wonderful place. A wonderful, amazing place where I was happy. I hear laughter, tinged with mania and an undercurrent of fear. The voice says something, I’m not sure what, and my ears seem to be stopped up.
I raise myself from my…
Where am I?
Who am I?
I look around me. I see
Tombstones? A mausoleum? I look down at myself and where I am. I do not see me...
I see bones. And earth. And a broken wooden box.
“I am in a grave” I realize.
I shudder with disgust. Except that I don’t, all that happens is that the bones in my field of vision shudder and clack together.
Oh no.
I cast my thoughts upon my faith, begging for the guidance of heronious. I had just entered the priesthood before me.
Died?
I am dead?
I look at my hands, no longer sheathed in muscle and clothed in skin they are only bones.
That voice says something again. Sounded vaguely like “rise”. I stand up and look about me. On the ground a few feet away from me, I see a suit of armor, I recognize it as mine. I look to the origin of the voice and see a man with greasy straggly hair, dressed in dark robes and holding a silver object, I recognize it as a holy symbol to nerull.
The man speaks “yes, rise my creation, rise the first of my minions, the general of my invincible armies”
“You raised me from the dead?” I ask.
“Of course, I have brought back your soul from beyond the grave to serve me in this world”
I raise my hand in front of my face “it would seem that you didn’t bring all of me back” I state flatly
“Of course I didn’t, I merely bound your soul to your bones.”
Oh no.
“Who are you, and why have you done this thing?” I demand
“Oh no. You belong to me now, and you will do as I say!”
I think not.
I clamber from my grave – I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!- and rush the man, he proves no match for me and I sink my claws (for that is what my hands have become) into his chest and pull him open.
After I’ve managed to extricate my bones from his shattered remains, I contemplate my situation.
My head hurts.
I remember something, a woman a raven haired beauty telling me that I “belong” to her. Wee Jas? The Goddess of Death? What interest – WHAT CLAIM?! – has she over a knight of heironeous?!
Perhaps it was merely a dream, a fever vision brought on by being brought back by this incompetent fool.
Perhaps I do belong to her now… I no longer feel the presence of Valor within my soul.
I announce to the darkness “very well Lady, I will serve you with this life. No other god will have me now.”
I strap on my armor and take up my weapons, stalking for from the graveyard, seeking out where I may be of service.
Vaul Krieger stalks the land. I will not rest until I am destroyed.
Those who worship the darkness shall cower in fear at my name.
But first, I must find out where –and when- I have been buried.
Then,
The reaping may begin.
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my awesome knight riding a bulette avatar was made by smuchmuch
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teej has quotes
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big teej, you are the GitP forum with legs.
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Originally Posted by McSmack
Or if you're feeling saucy you can remind him that it's not a democracy, it's a Teej-tatorship, and he'd best remember that.
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Originally Posted by IthroZada
I imagine Cenobites to be what you get when you mash together the Book of Erotic Fantasy and the Book of Vile Darkness.
if I've gone quiet in a pbp we share, PM ME! this means I'm not getting updates!
So, I'm in a group, an elf rogue, we are attacking this camp of orcs, I and an NPC attack from the north while the other player- half-elf paladin- attack from the south.
In my attack I go up and stab an orc from behind with sneak attack but this attracts the attention of the other orcs and I have to run away cause there is like five of them and only one of me. So there I go running off like the cowardly rogue I am, with the NPC behind the orcs and not being helpful at all the entire time why?
because this NPC has he worst luck imaginable. our group dubbed "Miss No-Hit."
cause she liked attacked an orc a dozen times, missed every time and said orc didn't even notice she was THERE. Seriously throughout most of that battle, that NPC rogue didn't hit a thing.
So having no help my character run to the towers near the main gate of the camp, where orcs come down the tower and are joining the southern battle which is good news.
bad news: the north orcs chasing me caught up with me, and I start taking damage I flee into the tower and my HP is ZERO, the DM is kind and allows me to move cause the half-elf pally is busy right now.
So I start limping up the tower, cause I can't go back down causes there is a bunch of orcs standing at the base, waiting.
and when I get to the top of the tower? orc healing potions. that is right, orcs apparently keep their healing potions on top of towers, don't think about how this doesn't not make sense at all. I drink it and gain 2 hp but the orcs are still at the base so I can't go back down the usual way.
The solution? I JUMP out of the tower using my good jump and tumble checks and landed in a soft bush or something, landing with out any damage.
Whew!
Then , because I have only two hp, I decide to go up the second tower at the gate, get another healing potion to get my hp up to four, then just jump out of it AGAIN, just because its faster, and again I land with no damage.
From then on my character had a love for jumping.
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Re: D&D Snippets
So I'm kind of at a loss for what to write next about them. Do I write about some of the cool adventures that happened way early on that haven't been touched on yet? Things that have been hinted at, but not shown? Just continue from where I left off until I get to the ending?
So you better level him up soon, cuz I want to read his next snippet!
