Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Scorpina]

...mind flayers don't have gender.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

Sure they do.

Well, their humanoid host bodies do.

So, I guess...

If they're curious...

...

I just disturbed myself.

[Suzaku]

Where does it say mind flayers don't have gender I don't see it in their entry

[Rolaran]

2683: After the Monk's Stunning Blow leaves an opponent unable to effectively defend himself, you may not yell "FINISH HIM!"
2684: You may not use use any animal as ammunition.
2685: You may not invent any new weapon that you cannot describe without using these words: "howitzer", "chainsaw", "Star Wars", "Star Trek", "Halo", "(fill-in-the-blank)-chucks" or "animal as ammunition".
2686: You may not refer to a keen vorpal greatsword as "Head Off: Apply directly to the monster".

[Penguinizer]

2687: The monk may not use a stunning fist attempt to execute a "Croch kick"

[Jade_Tarem]

...mind flayers don't have gender.

On the contrary, the Book of Exalted Deeds specifically refers to a mind flayer as a "she" under the redeemed villians section.

[Magnus_Samma]

On the contrary, the Book of Exalted Deeds specifically refers to a mind flayer as a "she" under the redeemed villians section.

By contrast, Lords of Madness specifically states that mindflayers have no gender and... either no genitals or very small shrivelled useless ones, can't remember exactly. Depends on which supplement you want to believe, I suppose, though I personally would rather a universe where mindflayers can't get jiggy with it.

[MrNexx]

2685: You may not invent any new weapon that you cannot describe without using these words: "howitzer", "chainsaw", "Star Wars", "Star Trek", "Halo", "(fill-in-the-blank)-chucks" or "animal as ammunition".

Hey... if you take two female monks prisoner, can you make them into nun-chucks?

[Charity]

Hey if they were attractive would they be nun-chicks?
If you wish to be kind you could give em valium, Numbnun-chuckchicks.

OK I'll stop now

[Arlanthe]

2688- I will not play with my dice at the table
2689- I will not refer to any spells or abilities as "buffs" or "debuffs".

(Real rules at my table)

[JimmyDPawn]

2690- The shotgun weilding redneck should NOT be the the Negotiator of the party.
2690.B- Nor the voice of reason.
2690.C- No, I don't care how good he is with a gun.

(That would be the reason my last character no longer has a throat.)


((PS- Wouldn't a mind flayer still somewhat resemble the gender it use to be, even if it didn't have genital?))

[Rockphed]

Mind flayers used to be other things? This is weird...

[NEO|Phyte]

Mind flayers used to be other things? This is weird...

They're also from the future, apparently.

[Penguinizer]

2691:No matter the reason. You may not yell "I need Gopher-Chucks"

[Brauron]

2692: Under no circumstances may I attempt to ride the dwarf into battle.

[Avicenex]

The real question is, "How many nuns could a nun-chuck chuck if a nun-chuck could chuck nuns?"

[Jade_Tarem]

They're also from the future, apparently.

Got a friend who's basically a mind-flayer fanatic. Yep, mind flayers are from the future. It's kind of a timesplitters plotline, only the "good guys" (not the mind flayers) are the ones trying to screw up history, becuase way the heck in the future (near the end of time) the mind flayers rule everything but a very small portion of the universe's inhabitants. So the mind flayers have come back to make sure that everything happens as it's supposed to - so remember, every time you kill a mind flayer, you're killing a bit of the terminator-like future we're doomed to. It's one reason most of my characters take steps to kill as many as possible.

I think.

Getting back on track:

2093: If it can turn into a weather condition, I'm no longer allowed to play it.
2094: No longer allowed to "farm" demons.

[Nahal]

2095: Not allowed to force another PC's character to justify his continued existence at gunpoint, swordpoint, wandpoint etc. Now matter how much the question may bear asking.

[codexgigas]

2096. Even if he is adventuring to do research for his definitive historical work and has a Wisdom score of six, my archivist is no longer allowed to ignore the BBEG the party encountered in the library so that he can read the books.

[Nahal]

2096. Even if he is adventuring to do research for his definitive historical work and has a Wisdom score of six, my archivist is no longer allowed to ignore the BBEG the party encountered in the library so that he can read the books.

2096b Doing so may force a violation of rule 2095

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2697- Don't let the party's most accomplished and habitual betrayer handle all of the social situations.
2698- Calling the halfling rogue a little anything is a good way to wake up stabbed, poisoned, and robbed.

[TimeWizard]

The real question is, "How many nuns could a nun-chuck chuck if a nun-chuck could chuck nuns?"

A nun chuck would chuck as a nun chuck could chuck if a nun chuck could cuk nuns, obviously.

[rielfprincess]

2692: Under no circumstances may I attempt to ride the dwarf into battle.

Hehe - That happened in our game. We had two sprites and a Dwarven Barbarian - one sprite was a rogue and one was the cleric. So they attached saddles to either of the dwarf's shoulders. The rogue did sneak attacks by hiding behind the dwarf's head and, as he was the meat sheild, the cleric being nearby was also a good thing.

[rielfprincess]

2699. Not allowed to play a gnomish druid who thinks she is a cat stuck in an elf's body ever again.
2700. Not allowed to meow in or out of character. No matter which character.
2701. Never allowed to ask "Are you my Daddy?" when playing a halfling or kender.
2702. Creatures with beaks do not, by definition, have teeth.
2703. Not allowed to collect all the teeth from every creature we kill.
2704. Not allowed to glue the teeth around the entries to my PC's brother's room so that when he wakes up he thinks he's been eaten ever again.
2705. Especially not allowed to put self into a cuccoon to become a sprite to avoid punishment for breaking above rule.
2706. I must avoid spiking the stew with fairy dust.
2707. I must also avoid spiking the dwarf's wineskin with fairy dust.
2708. I must also avoid throwing fairydust at friendly NPCs because 'the DM was annoying me.'
2709. I am not permitted fairy dust ever, ever again.
2710. "You are not a nice person" is an understatement when dealing with a demon. Also, they aren't fond of fairy dust.
2711. Not permitted to play size tiny rogues with flight.
2712. Especially when bags of holding or their ken are involved.
2713. It is frowned upon to sneak into a dragon's hoard using a mouse-hole, wait until the dragon goes to check on the others in his keep, and steal the entire hoard using a bag of holding.
2714. It is especially frowned upon if your only warning of your deed is to fly out of the mouse hole carrying the mouse and yelling, "Time to go!"
2715. I am not permitted to survey damage from a huge battle and exclaim "Man, I'm good!" if I refused to fight during the battle.
2716. I am not allowed to play a penguin in a Star Wars campaign. No matter how good she is with a light-saber.
2717. I am not to play a race that looks like a penguin in a Star Wars campaign.
2718. I am not allowed to play a human who thinks she's a penguin in a Star Wars campaign.
2719. I am not permitted to call Storm Troopers 'penguins' as revenge for forcing me to play a non-penguin.
2720. I am not permitted to use my skills in mechanics to weld surviving Storm Trooper's knees together so that they walk like penguins.
2721. I am not permitted to use my skills in mechanics to program the androids to dance whenever not otherwise occupied.
2722. I am to be locked in a room with the androids until such a time as they stop trying to kill the Jedi.
2723. In a teen Heros campaign, I am no longer allowed to open the back of huge destructo-robots, rip out the remote sensor, and use the frame to reenact King Kong with the only grown-up character in the group.
2724. Especially when said grown hero is our mentor and is unconscious at the time.
2725. If above two rules must be broken, it is still frowned upon to, when finding out that you are being videotaped, wave said mentor at the camera energetically while he is hanging limp and upside-down from the robot's grasp and the other Teen Heros are practicing juggling the naked bad-guys.
2726. I am also discouraged from teleporting villains to the death dimension and forgetting to bring them back.
2727. I am not to play any concept that I giggle at before I make the character sheet.
2728. If the concept has the phrase "thinks she is a" in it, I should probably not play it.
2729. The only words in sign language I have taught the other players are 'kill' and 'hot-dog'. Therefore, unless what I am trying to communicate has to do with killing hotdogs, I am not to use sign language.
2730. I am not to read the DMs mind. It tends to make him/her nervous when I look up at him/her and answer whatever question they were thinking before they've asked it. I am not to read the other players minds for similar reasons. Honestly. Where do people come up with these things?
2731. We (as players) are not permitted to use real weapons to threaten the DM as he/her has access to larger weapons. Unless his wife has taken said larger weapon and is threatening him with it, too.
2732. I am not permitted to kill the DM by making him laugh so hard that he has an asthma attack.
2733. I am not permitted to insinuate anything about the male players of the game.
2734. Lack of sleep is not an excuse for suggesting to the other players, when presented with plague angels, that gnomes explode when thrown. Especially since the primary friendly NPC is the only gnome in the party.
2735. A bottle tarrasque should not be referred to as 'the ranged weapon of doomieness.' In my defense, it should also not have been given to the kender.
2736. Yes, the other characters have shadows during a daylight spell. No, I can not hide in said shadows.
2737. I am not permitted to apply various templates to monkeys or penguins then pull them out when the DM says, "You can't have that - I don't have the stats for it."
2738. Just because I play a druid does not mean that I should collect catnip with which to torture the other PCs who are playing cat-people. Although it is funny when the player throws himself on the floor and starts rolling around and batting at various people.
2739. I must not chide the player who expects me to listen while his two characters have a conversation. It is also considered bad form to, in character, point out how similar the dwarven fighter and the verrick spell caster are in looks, mannerisms, and speech patterns.
2740. I am no longer permitted to bring my little portable speakers to game, even if I am playing a bard. Even if the other players use their laptops for the same thing and they AREN'T playing bards.
2741. The Tra-La song (One Banana) shall not be considered an appropriate song to inspire courage. Nor shall "NoOne Lives Forever" by Oingo Boingo or "Hall of the Mountain King" by SRC.
2742. I am also no longer permitted to bring my headphones and a CD player during game to, "Keep me entertained while everyone else kills the badguys."
2743. Never do a kender taunt from UNDERNEATH the bigfolk.
2744. (A rule from me) Just because I am playing the character does not mean I will do ANYTHING for a shiny.
2745. There shall, henceforth, be only one fairy per game.
2746. I must not take advantage of a Greater Wish spell to get a rainbow-colored pony. Especially when I am too small to make use of said pony.
2747. Any phrase made up of or including the words "shiny," "penguins," or "distraction" shall not be used in a war cry.
2748. Leaving notes that taunt the BBEG and his guards (after you've snuck past them and stolen much of his good stuffage) is generally a bad idea as it really, really upsets both him and the DM. Of course, then they make mistakes.
2749. The Song that Never Ends is not permitted from any person in the group. Any rule-breakers will be shot and then skewered.
2750. The "Bad Touch" song is not permitted after damage has been dealt to your character (although it has dramatically lessened the attacks that have been attempted on my character).
2751. The "ABCD LSD" song is no longer permitted at games in any way, shape, or form, including partial form or in foreign languages.
2752. I am not permitted to say "Go for the eyes, Boo!" to any fighter-type character, regardless of game style, campaign, or player.
2753. Encouraging the half-orc barbarian to recreate the "She Swallowed a Fly" song is generally frowned upon.
2754. A party of 5th level characters should not kill Cthullu. Period. This will result in the universe imploding.
2755. Any players who waste three sessions interrogating the same kobold will henceforth be squished. (Actually, not aimed at me.)
2756. Your DM will be annoyed with you if you make your entire party a family of elves, including two sets of twins (one fraternal, one identical).
2757. No discussion of a portable launcher for small-size creatures will be permitted.
2758. No matter your AC, if you have been annoying and the barbarian throws a kobold head at you for being so, it will hit.
2759. As a DM, I am no longer allowed to have weaker dragons paint themselves red to 'confuse the ickle adventurers.'
2760. I am no longer permitted to have a name longer than 3 names long, no matter what race I am. If I must have more names, I am only permitted to mention three and then must specify which one is the first name.
2761. I will refrain from taunting the boys with my "magical rainbow dice." I am also to avoid pointing out that our most macho male player owns three sets of pink dice.

[Green Bean]

2762- Random encounters do not 'respawn' after you kill them
2763- Nor do they drop magic items that they couldn't possibly carry
2764- You know what? Stop playing World of Warcraft

[Rockphed]

2744. (A rule from me) Just because I am playing the character does not mean I will do ANYTHING for a shiny.

Ooooh! Shiney! What do you want for it?

[Arlanthe]

2765: Do not roll a Drow, unless you intend to intend to slit the party's throats n their sleep in the name of the Spider Queen.
2766: If you roll a Drow IT MUST BE EVIL

[Last_resort_33]

2686: You may not refer to a keen vorpal greatsword as "Head Off: Apply directly to the monster".

Upon a roll of natural 20

sorry to burst your bubble there but it's not as powerful as it might originally seem

[healbot42]

2093: If it can turn into a FLAMING weather condition, I'm no longer allowed to play it.

I fixed it for you.

[Penguinizer]

2767: If it has a chance of imploding, Im not allowed to create it.
2767b: You know what, you cant create anything that involves anything being thrown at the enemy or explosions.