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Thread: Customer service rants
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2019-04-10, 12:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Customer service rants
Me: What is your best guess at your 2019 taxable income?
Customer: $X
Me: The estimator shows that you qualify for a tax credit.
<We spend ~30-minutes filling out the form>
Customer: Oh I make some amount a lot more or a lot less than $X.
Me: You do not qualify for a tax credit.
Customer: I don't want the product then.
It amazes me how many people do not know how much money they make, and/or cannot figure it out.Last edited by darkrose50; 2019-05-09 at 09:23 AM.
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2019-04-10, 01:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2007
- Location
- Grognardia
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
(Avatar by Cuthalion, who is great.)
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2019-04-10, 01:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Literally minutes ago, lady comes in to get a cushion. Pays with a fifty, I put it on the cash box, count out her change, hand it back with a receipt, and say she's good to go. She responds, "no, you forgot to put the fifty up! Make sure he doesn't pocket it, ha ha!" No, lady, I didn't forget crap, that's a handy trick I learned way back when to make it so people can't say "well I gave you a [bigger bill]!" Bill ain't left either of our sight, so that scam now never works. It's a security feature.
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 1
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2019-04-10, 02:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
Re: Customer service rants
When I was working fast food, and somewhat new and very naive, someone came in, bought something, and paid with a 20 or 50. I gave him change, and he asked for it in a different way. Did it as requested, and he made another request. Repeat a few times.
After he left, the person training me essentially said, "Count the money in the drawer and make sure nothing's missing. If it is, it's coming out of your pay for falling for that scam."
Fortunately, I was apparently good at keeping track of the right money amounts, and he didn't manage to con me into giving him extra change. But it definitely made me more aware of such things in the future. (Though I don't think that exact thing happened again.)
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This goes more to where I worked than the actual customers, but I saw a potential robber's eyes light up when the drive-thru window fell out of the window pane while I was serving him, and he asked if that happened often or easily. I responded that it did sometimes, but it could only fall open due to something happening on the inside and we had a special bolt for it (or something like that.) Which was true... but it was interesting and a little frightening to see a customer planning robbing the place in front of me.
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2019-04-10, 03:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
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2019-04-10, 06:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Location
- right behind you
Re: Customer service rants
"Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum"
Translation: "Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe."
"If you don't get those cameras out of my face, I'm gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that'll clear this room."
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2019-04-12, 04:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Location
- Mountain View, CA
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
That might be reasonable for a product that the store just sells and has a reasonable expectation of never having to deal with again. The entire purpose of a warranty requires the ability to deal with the customer who bought it at a later time, however. The ability to confirm who has a warranty, what it covers, and for what time interval, is not an optional feature. I would not be surprised if a company doing something like that would be legally considered to be conducting fraud, even if by negligence rather than intentionally.
Last edited by Douglas; 2019-04-12 at 04:15 PM.
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Arcane Swordsage: Making it actually work (homebrew)
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2019-04-12, 04:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
- Location
- England
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Given that the English are meant to be notorious for this I found this one more amusing than irritating (mostly). But a customer once asked me a question, in Dutch I think. And when I pointed out I didn't speak Dutch she proceed to repeat the exact same question, only louder and more slowly. And when she got the same response from me again, she repeated the process over and over, getting slower and louder with every repetition
After failing to spontaneously get me to learn Dutch. She stalked off, actually thinking about it I must have picked u something because I'm definite her parting shot was a insult in DutchLast edited by comicshorse; 2019-04-12 at 05:06 PM.
All Comicshorse's posts come with the advisor : This is just my opinion any difficulties arising from implementing my ideas are your own problem
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2019-04-13, 12:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Sweden
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Clouddreamer Teddy by me, high above the world, far beyond its matters...
Spoiler: Banner by Vrythas
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2019-05-05, 04:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
- Location
- Virginia Beach VA
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Two examples of happy endings, both from a job I had in 2000-2001.
My manager handed off a batch of his accounts to me one Monday morning. I haven't had time to even go through the list when one of them calls, gets me, and lights off in a rant about the problems we're having with his project. I know nothing about his project at all, but that's okay because he's on a roll, not stopping to listen, and about 30% of his rant is profanity. "You [bleeps] did this [bleeping] wrong, and you [bleeped] that, and I [bleeping] can't even get this [bleep] to [bleeping] load", and on and on.
When he finally paused for breath, I said "Joe, quit beating around the bush and tell me how you really feel."
Incredulous pause, then he burst out laughing and calmed down. I tripled out business from him that year.
Another account asked us for a bid, which I submitted. A few days went by and I didn't get a contract, which was unusual, so I called him up to check.
Charlie: Well, I have to get three bids, and yours was 19k and the other two were 23k and 24k.
Me: Okay, but I'm not clear on why that's a problem.
Charlie: We're concerned that your bid is too low. We're afraid you might have missed something, and we don't want to do a contract revision to cover it if something comes to light.
Me: Charlie, we've done your projects enough that I'm sure I didn't make a mistake on the bid, and you know that if we did miss something, we'd eat the cost....
Me: (Eureka)
Me: But if you prefer, I can put in another round of quality control so you're sure you're covered. That'll increase my bid to, ah, 22.5. Would you feel more comfortable with that?
Charlie: Okay, here's your purchase order number.Junior, half orc paladin of the Order of St Dale the Intimidator: "Ah cain't abide no murderin' scoundrel."
Tactical Precepts: 1) Cause chaos, then exploit it; 2) No plan survives contact with...(sigh)...my subordinates.
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2019-05-05, 08:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 1
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2019-05-06, 05:20 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
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2019-05-06, 06:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2010
- Location
- Somewhere over there ->
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
on the subject of customer scammers...
My store is closing up shop for good(We're not losing our jobs, just being moved to other stores) and since we're having a closing sale everything is on sale at a reduced price. Because of this, not only is our store not doing returns, but other stores from the same chain in the area also are not to be returning merchandise from our store. Because of this, we've been clearly instructed by coorporate to put a marker line or X through the barcode. It's so that someone couldn't buy an $80 product at our store for $60 and then return it at the store across town for $80.
Despite this, whenever we start crossing out barcodes and explaining why we are crossing out barcodes; the customer tends to get super defensive. "I would never do that." Some even get angry at us and this is with us not even marking off the barcodes on things like clothes and food(so we don't damage them)...even though we should. Then we have to explain about how it's not personal and why we're doing it. For whatever reason these people don't understand that it's not personal, we're doing it to everyone and not singling them out.
I don't know if people just don't understand that there are scammers out there or if they don't understand that theoretically anyone can be a scammer whether you're a nice old grandma or an ex-felon. One could even dupe the company accidentally if they didn't bother reading the "the products at this store cannot be returned" sign and we didn't mark the barcodes somehow. I've already concluded from the dozens of people that I've had to explain that we don't accept checks anymore as they write a check on the stand that says we don't accept checks and from the people who come up and hear someone talk to us about closing and ask us "are you closing? I didn't know" as they stand in the storefront full of signs that say that we're closing.
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2019-05-06, 07:58 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
The only people getting upset are the ones who were planning to return it elsewhere to make a profit. Congratulations, you now get to see exactly how many people would do that.
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 1
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2019-05-06, 01:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
- Location
- Bristol, UK
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2019-05-06, 07:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Re: Customer service rants
I admit I do this, because I have a name that is not spelled how most people think it is spelled. But most people think they know how to spell it. So I have had way too many calls go something like this:
Worker: "And can I have your name?"
Me: <-provides name->
Worker: "We don't have anyone in the system by that name."
Me: "How are you spelling my name?"
Worker: <-common but wrong spelling->
Me: <-correct spelling->
Worker: "Oh, there you are!"Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!
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2019-05-06, 07:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
- Location
- Virginia Beach VA
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Junior, half orc paladin of the Order of St Dale the Intimidator: "Ah cain't abide no murderin' scoundrel."
Tactical Precepts: 1) Cause chaos, then exploit it; 2) No plan survives contact with...(sigh)...my subordinates.
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2019-05-06, 08:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
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2019-05-07, 10:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2017
Re: Customer service rants
Game I am in:
Giants and Graveyards Red Hand of Doom as Enn (3.5 Changeling Rogue//Dark template/Beguiler) using Grod's awesome Giants and Graveyards fixes
Folklore and the Evil Eye - A Guide to The Dreamscarred Press Malefex Class
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2019-05-07, 10:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 1
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2019-05-07, 01:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Location
- Toronto, Canada
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
If you like my thoughts, you'll love my writing. Visit me at www.mishahandman.com.
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2019-05-07, 02:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2014
- Location
- Avatar By Astral Seal!
Re: Customer service rants
At my store, we cannot break change more than once.
If they get $15 change, they can say "Hey, can you give me three fives instead of a ten?" and we can do that, but if they change their mind, they have to go to the service desk to get it exchanged. Just for that reason.I have a LOT of Homebrew!
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2019-05-09, 09:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Re: Customer service rants
Me: "Thank you for calling <insurance company>, my name is <name>, I am an insurance agent, and we are on a recorded line. May I ask who is calling?"
Customer: <Honest to goodness absolutely flummoxed as to why an insurance agent would be working for an insurance company . . . to the point that she asked me 4-5 times>
This is like getting confused by seeing a fire fighter at a fire station, a police officer at a police station, a grocer at a grocery store . . ..Last edited by darkrose50; 2019-05-09 at 09:33 AM.
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2019-05-09, 03:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2017
- Location
- In this general area
Re: Customer service rants
I beg to differ. Lasers that cut through things are expensive and typically not man-portable, but they are very much available. Like the (relatively small and cheap) CNC laser my shop uses for engraving projects which can, with the right settings, cut sheet stock into any shape you please.
Speaking of my engraving shop, it constantly boggles my mind how nobody - NOBODY, not even repeat customers - can understand that no, we can't put these things together while-you-wait. Even if we have the stuff on-hand to do it, the work takes time; and since we're the only engraver/trophy shop in the county, there's at least a half-dozen people ahead of you, aside from the very slowest times of year. This is not that time.
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2019-05-09, 04:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 1
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2019-05-10, 01:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Oh, the stories I have for this thread...
For some background, I work for a company that, among other things, provides over the phone financial planning service to the employees of corporations that have contracts with us. Now, I understand that my having a rudimentary understanding of financial planning essentially makes me a wizard in the eyes of many of our clients, and I never have any issue with clients who need basic concepts explained to them (that's why I'm here in the first place). That being said, I have learned through experience that there are, in fact, stupid questions.
For example, a client asked me what she would receive if she changed from one type of retirement plan to another.
Me: Your opening account balance would be $329,000 (note; not the actual number)
Client; And how do you write that out?
Me: Pardon? Are you asking how you would write 329,000?
Client: Yes, please.
Me: *losing what remains of my faith in humanity* That would be Three, Two, Nine, Zero, Zero, Zero
Client: Thank youIf brute force isn't working, that just means you're not using enough of it.
When in doubt, set something on fire. If not in doubt, set something on fire anyway.
My Homebrew
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2019-05-10, 02:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Honest to god question I got once while working as a photo tech: "How long does your one-hour photo take?"
Ok, to be fair here, the person clarified their question, which was actually a decent question in the end. It was pretty dead, and they were asking roughly how long it took to develop the pictures; they were going to be in the store for a bit, and were wondering if they needed to kill a whole hour. She was really nice about it and there was nothing in the queue, so I told her I could have it done in 11 minutes.
But yeah, the guy she was with literally fell down laughing when I just stared at her and said, "....an hour."Last edited by Peelee; 2019-05-10 at 02:43 PM.
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 1
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2019-05-10, 06:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2015
- Gender
Re: Customer service rants
Hat tip to all of you on that side of the fence. Customers can be hard work. I am lucky, I only have to deal with corporate customers who seem a bit easier.
Sometimes it can be... curious on the other side.
A number of years ago I was having problems with my internet so called up the phone company.
"OK, we need to check if your phone line is working - can you pick up the phone and listen to see there is a dial tone"
"I think the phone is working... I am speaking to you on it"
"I am sorry, but we need to know if there is a dial tone"
This was the same company that cut me off because someone else cancelled their contract and someone mistyped a customer ID. The phone company then reconnected us... then disconnected us again because we hadn't paid the bill. The wonderful customer services representative had reconnected us by creating a new account - of course without telling us. The direct debit was set up to the old account so the new bills were not getting paid. Not that they stopped billing the old account either.
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2019-05-12, 02:43 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Re: Customer service rants
"How big are your five by seven photos? [...] No, not how tall they are, how big are they? [...] I'm not asking for like, their dimensions, I just want to know how long they are. [...] No, not like, no, how big are they? [...] Like, a five by seven, how big is that? [...] is that bigger than a four by six? [...] No, like, how big are they?
The answer being searched for was, "$2.99, plus tax.""Okay, so I'm going to quick draw and dual wield these one-pound caltrops as improvised weapons..."
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"Oh, hey, look! Blue Eyes Black Lotus!" "Wait what, do you sacrifice a mana to the... Does it like, summon a... What would that card even do!?" "Oh, it's got a four-energy attack. Completely unviable in actual play, so don't worry about it."
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2019-05-12, 03:13 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2016