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Thread: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
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2009-09-11, 06:29 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Can't deny it, it was funny.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-09-11, 06:38 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-09-11, 06:43 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Wow... five pages left...
That's... that's amazing!
Unfortunately, that means we're close to ending with this thread, so it's time for a vote. The next thread; make it the OotS sub-forum, or the Arts and Crafts sub-forum?It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.
If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).
The best answer is always to ask your DM.
Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.
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2009-09-11, 06:50 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-09-11, 08:12 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Here and there...
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2009-09-11, 08:14 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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2009-09-11, 08:19 PM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2007
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Definitely.
Speaking of that: The Dark Fiddler, when you make the new thread, could you make sure I'm online and PM me to give me a heads up? Because I would like to put the compilation in the first posts after yours. It would be the most convenient for people to find. I'm online a lot, so hopefully it won't be too difficult to find a time when we're both online.
Also: My vote is for keeping the next thread here. I think this thread gets more attention in this section.Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.
...............................................
Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
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2009-09-12, 02:23 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I vote for it staying in this sub-forum too.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-12, 05:16 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/
Also thanks for being gentle, I know it was awfulPiratebold-Bard by Elder Tsofu | Backer #121 of the Giantitp Kickstarter | My homebrew
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2009-09-12, 06:31 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2008
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- Netherlands
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Lemme have a try:
Crystal x The Snarl in Pink frills and white lace
Someone who is better at writing them than me should try. I imagine this is a sweet shoujo-manga-style story involving the pure evils of a loveable pair.
Kazumi x Shadowdancer with pregnancy
sounds boring.
Xykon x Kazumi (vampire)
As Xykon has no blood, this only leaves one brain-breaking possibility.
NSFW:
SpoilerXykon and Kazumi meet in some undefined place, obviously they've been exchanging love-laced letters since a very long time and only managed to get a date going right now, away from their loved/loving/necrophile/subordinate mates. They then go to their love nest. Obviously, this place is a cave, with bats.
As Kazumi enters the cave, she sports a cute, fluffy looking bat baby on the ground. Obviously it fell down from mommy-bat's nest.
Xykon: You know those bats are vampires?
Kazumi: It's a baby! Babies don't hurt mommies, and I'm a mommy too!
Kazumi takes the bat bby in her hands, and starts talking baby-talk to it. She then looks around and instantly spots the mummy-bat, and puts the baby back in the nest.
Xykon: Are you done?
Kazumi: Yes, dear.
Xykon (notices something on Kazumi's wrist): Have you scraped yourself against the rock?
Kazumi (notices she's bleeding a bit): Must be, dear.
They quickly get to business.
Kazumi: Oooh Xykon! Cutie! Let's see what you look like under that cloak of you.
Kazumi starts to gracefully remove Xykon's cloak, but ends up shredding it as she uncovers Xykon's sexy, smooth, whitish body. Her eyes seem to be turning a bit reddish.
Kazumi: Oops.
Xykon: Kazumi, my love-bird, that cloak was tattered and bad. I have spares.
Kazumi: I feel...strange. Must be the sight of your strong male body!
Unbeknownst to both of the lovers, Kazumi's canines slowly elongate. She is too fuelled up to notice.
Kazumi: Here, let me lick your stark-naked neck vertebrae.
Xykon: Mmmmmmhhh, yes.
Kazumi nibbles on Xykon's neck, trying to bite him but finding no hold-fast. She notices a certain craving for blood, yet realizes Xykon cannot supply it. Then she realizes there another fluid that could supply her needs. She slowly moves down, sensually following his bony body with her tongue. Soon she reaches a certain part of his body.
Kazumi: Well, you certainly have a big bone here, don't you, Xykon-cutie?!?
I'll stop there, because writing the rest is too brain-breaking...
Lord Shojo x Yor with adultery
...who is Yor again?
Sarah Greenhilt x Roy's Archon (vampire)
Oh gods, the potential!
NSFW, especially at the end:
Spoiler
It had taken some tries, but finally Roy's Archon had did it. The first delivery had failed miserably due to an obvious lack of hands to carry the flowers. Poor little Archon had ended up covered in flowers right in front of the florist, and had narrowly escaped being swept up by the Heavenly Sanitary Service Snakes (HSSSs).
The second time that stupid NPC Archon had asked to deliver the flowers had decided to try and have a swing at Sarah itself. Sadly, being a heavenly butterfly punk that had painted itself bright red it had been swatted by the HSSSs, who thought it was an invader from Hell.
The third time he had chosen the wrong type of flowers and had attracted a large swarm of flower-eating bats. One of which had thought he was a tasty flower and had tried to eat him. Five weeks in Heaven's main hospital. The doctor said there would not be any major consequences.
The fourth time...well, let's not talk about the fourth time.
The fifth time was the right one, and Archon had dipped a cart full of flowers into Sarah's garden. Now he was sitting here, in her utterly awesome mansion, with that hot gir...woman in front of him. Roy sure had luck to have such a hot mom!
A good meal later, and they were chatting yet again. Archon quickly understood this was the moment to act, before this just ended up being a fun evening out instead of a hot one.
Sarah said: Archon, where are you going?
Archon: To a place where we can have some *real* fun.
Sarah: But Archon! That's my bedroom over there! Sure you don't think we...oh. You really do, don't you?
Archon: Yes.
Sarah: But you must realize, we humans have certain body parts required for making love! You lack them!
Archon: Oh, but, Madam, I am sure I can please you in ways no human lover could please you!
With these words, Roy's Archon nudged and winked as good as an archon could, and continued towards Sarah's bedroom. Sarah, intrigued, followed.
***
Here he was, ready to enter Sarah's place of love, a place so sweet, so fluffy, he would make her enjoy the whole ride, again and again.
***
Sarah gasped.
It was true. That little Archon could please her in each and every way she ever wanted. And unlike some of her other partners, he could just continue doing it.
She gasped again.
I leave the way in which Roy's Archon can please Sarah again and again and again up to your imagination. What I wrote is probably really on the edge of what's allowed here already...
Julia Greenhilt x The IFCC x Roy's sword x Durkon x Horace Greenhilt x Belkar x The really dangerous trap (all are furries)
...I rolled 18, followed by 19 on the fourth table (using tables on page 1). What follows is only an idea for a fanfic, but needs spoilerization for being NSFWSpoilerI would assume Roy's sword would serve as a stimulation device - the hilt, not the blade, unless Belkar's holding it, although of course Durkon's healing powers could come in handy should the blade be used. Where the IFCC comes in I don't know.
Argent x The orc chieftain x The Eye of Fear and Flame x Haley's dad (genderswitched) x Monster in The Dark, all in High heels and black leather
Need I say,Spoilerdoggy style?Last edited by Dra-Goon; 2009-09-12 at 06:49 AM.
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2009-09-12, 06:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2008
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- Netherlands
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Some more:
Durkon (vampire) x The oracle
Great predictions, great enjoyments!
Celia x Mr Scruffy with pregnancy.
Joke shamelessly inspired by FourPanelSoul:
Spoiler
Celia: Ooooh! Kitten!
Mr. Scruffy: Purrrrr! PuuuuuuRRRRRRRR! PUUUUURRRR!!!!!
Roy: Celia! What are you doing?!?
Celia: Stroking a kitten!
Roy: ...yes.
Celia: It especially seems to like being stroked here.
Celia points at a certain spot on the bottom side of Mr. Scruffy.
Roy (facepalms): Celia, could you come with me, and please listen to me? I need to tell you something important. And please put on some clothes.
Celia: Of course, dear.
***
Nine months later:
Durkon: ...and what happened then, lass?
Celia: I got up, and out popped this furry thing with cat ears. It must be some mutant freak parasite!
Durkon: ...
Roy: Celia, remember that talk I gave you about nine months ago? After that incident with Mr. Scruffy?
Celia: Yes? I thought you were warning me against putting my hand in his mouth...
Roy: ............gods, why?
We share Roy's pain.
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2009-09-12, 07:29 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-12 at 07:30 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-12, 01:12 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2007
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- mother of all saints
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Okay, rolled a lot of em.
Spoiler1. Elan x Belkar, Kidnapped.
This one's not too hard to figure out...
2. Celia x Belkar x Gender Bent Nale, Love Potion
Nale, wearing the belt of gender changing, attempts to infiltrate the Order yet again. Belkar, of course, puts Nale in the 'lust' category, and slips him a love potion. Celia walks in on what ensues, and...
3. Demon Roaches x YokYok, Pink Frills & White Lace
4. The IFCC (I rolled em twice) x Zombie Dragon Head, Police Uniform
5. Nale x Belkar, Vampire
Hmm, not exactly the most interesting one out there...
6. Leeky Windstaff x Hinjo, In the afterlife
Eh, someone else would be better equipped to write this one.
7. Julio Scoundrel x Crystal x Gender Bent O-Chul, American High School
I don't deserve to be allowed to write this one.
8. Horace Greenhilt x Nale x Redcloak, Drunk, Afterlife
All of em end up in NE afterlife, meet at a bar, and...
9. Tsukiko x Julio Scoundrel, Adultary
Could swear this has been done before...
10. Julia Greenhilt x Hinjo, Pink Frills/White Lace
HAWT
11. Hinjo x The Entire Hobgoblin Army, Furries
12. The IFCC x Tsukiko, High Heels & Black Leather
"Well, my soul I'd like to keep. But my body? That you can have."
Let's see, of those, I'm fond of 2, 7, 10, and 12. Also, for pure squick, 4 and 11.
You guys can feel free to use these...Avatar by Kris on a Stick
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2009-09-12, 03:05 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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- Somewhere I shouldn't be.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Nale, Hinjo, Miko. As furries.
No. No no no no no no no. Someone else do it. I have to go treat the burns on my neck caused by the molten brain dripping out of my ears.
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2009-09-12, 03:34 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2005
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Actually, I immediately thought of Trazoi's award winning image: Here
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2009-09-12, 03:39 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Warning, the following spoiler may contain traces of crack pairing.
Spoiler
Finally, once certain the action was over, the IFCC turned off the HD TV. Yellow Eyes stood and stretched (which for a fiend involves a lot more stretching than it would for a mortal).
"Well."
"Well?" Orange Eyes asked.
"Suppose I had better go and organise a search for those souls."
"Hmm." Purple Eyes said distractedly, still looking contemplatively at the screen. "Er, you know when the elf was fighting the dragon..."
"Yes?"
"Yes?"
"And then reanimated the dragon's head?"
"We were watching too."
"Er, were either of you... a little bit turned on?"
There was an awkward silence.
"Now you mention it..." Orange Eyes hazarded.
"It certainly was rather attractive." Yellow said.
"I was thinking" Purple said "it would be such a shame to let that dead dragon go to waste."
There was another awkward silence, then:
"To the Fiend Mobile!"
***
The three fiends materialised on the mortal plane a few yards away from the cottage, under cover of the trees.
"Oh bless it, that elf's there." Orange said disgruntledly.
"Not to fear!" Yellow said "I have an idea!"
"What did I tell you about the rhyming?"
Ignoring Purple Eyes, Yellow was momentarily engulfed in yellow flame. When the smoke cleared, he was wearing-
"A police uniform? Are you nuts?"
"Actually, that might just work." Purple said, changing his robes to match.
"Fine, but we keep the hoods. I have a zit on my chin."
"If I were you, I'd be worrying more about the fungus on your eye-stalks."
"Shut up! It's a beauty accessory!"
A few moments later they strode confidently into the remains of the front garden. Inkyrius jumped, and stared up at the three tall figures.
"Er... hello? Who are you?"
"Police."
"We're here about the dragon attack."
"We need to take the dragon's corpse away-"
"-for questioning."
"Oh." Inkyrius said, wide-eyed. "Er... but it's dead? Right?"
"Magical questioning."
"Oh. I see. Er, why are you so tall?"
The IFCC's hoods shifted slightly, as though they were all looking at each other for ideas.
"...It's a disease."
"Unstoppable growth."
"We all caught it over at the police station."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear it. There's a cleric in the village you know. Have you tried-"
"We have learnt to live with out ailment."
"Well, good for you I suppose."
The three members of the IFCC headed over to the dragon, lifting it effortlessly between them. "I found the head!" Purple yelled gleefully.
"Excellent." And without further ado they all plane shifted out, taking the dragon with them.
Inkyrius was left staring at the spot where they disappeared, then went inside and hid under what was left of the kitchen table in case anything else turned up today.
***
"Finally, I can get out of this stupid uniform." Yellow said, beginning to undo the shirt buttons.
"Actually" Purple said "I though maybe we could keep them on. At least to start with."
Yellow and Orange exchanged glances. "I certainly see the logic behind that."
"I do too."
Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-12 at 04:48 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-12, 03:47 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
It was hilarious.
I wish I had an inspiration like yours. I am blocked on my Miko/Vaarsuvius story.Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-09-12, 03:51 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2006
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- England
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-12, 04:52 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-09-12, 04:56 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Actually, it's the right word.
Quieted usually means "to cause to become quiet"
Quietened means "to make or become quiet", "to become quiet" being the one I was going for.
They're both pretty interchangable, but quietened is closer, I think.
Thanks for the spell-check anyway.Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-12 at 05:04 PM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-12, 05:56 PM (ISO 8601)
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2009-09-12, 06:20 PM (ISO 8601)
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- It would break your mind.
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2009-09-12, 06:53 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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2009-09-12, 09:08 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2007
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- mother of all saints
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2009-09-12, 09:13 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2008
Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Has anyone said Mr.Scruffy and Blackwing yet? Cross-species emotional ties between cute animal companions is a fantasy staple, after all.
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2009-09-12, 09:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Somewhere I shouldn't be.
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2009-09-13, 03:31 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2009
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Weeeeell, today's comic shows V will soon be available again. That'll make many stories easier.
I feel Belkar will take advantage of this. V did call him a cutie after all. And she needs to be comforted...Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-09-13, 03:34 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
And at least It's easy to write into my story; I just have Inky consider a divorce, then decide instead to give V one more chance. It sends it nicely off on a "what if?" tangent.
This strip also supports my theory that VxBelkar may become cannon.
Shortly before Belkar's demise.Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-13 at 03:42 AM.
This post may contain sarcasm.
DeviantArt
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2009-09-13, 03:36 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Since the universe chose Vaarsuvius as Favored Enemy, it is very likely. We should rename Murphy's law Vaarsuvius' law.
Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.
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2009-09-13, 03:51 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Yes, the possibilities are mind-boggling. While I doubt V would willingly tell any of the party about this development in his marital situation, it would be quite interesting if they found out, anyway. Especially, yes, Belkar. Gods, this would give Water-Smurf a whole new avenue for her VxBelkar fics....
You know... The weird thing is, I used that exact expression (or, to be more precise, "...the universe gained a level of Ranger and took Vaarsuvius as a Favoured Enemy") in one of my V-apologist debates back in the day. Either this is a hilarious convergence of alike-thinking great minds, or some people have been reading my 1000000-word verbose essays a lot more closely than I would have wished for their mental health....Last edited by Kaytara; 2009-09-13 at 03:54 AM.