D&D Philosophy One-Liners

[THE_BIG_CHEESE]

Brain experiencing some flatulence now, so the best I can think of is <insert witty one-liner comparing the concept of tabula rasa to blank character sheets>

[Yukitsu]

The prophet of Delphi: Why Socrates, you rolled the highest wisdom score.

Neitzsche: Stare into the abyss and a Baalor stares back at you.

[Telonius]

Will Rogers: When Wizards makes a joke, it's a rule. And when they make a rule, it's a joke!

William of Ockham: In general, entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity. But if you have power attack, go nuts.

[Yukitsu]

If a paladin falls in the outlands, and no one's around to see it, does he need an atonement?

[Radar]

(...)

"There's one rule for the DM and that is: make the most exciting scenarios possible at the lowest railroading possible, paying the highest loot possible." - Henry Ford

"You can choose any path, as long as it's the only one I prepared."
Henry Ford as the DM

"I, at any rate, am convinced that He does not throw dice."
Albert Einstein
"Stop telling DM what to do with his dice."
Niels Bohr

Some unchanged quotes:
"Friends share all things."
Pythagoras (probably while disputing loot division)

"Number is the ruler of forms and ideas, and the cause of gods and daemons."
Pythagoras spoke as a true powergamer.

Something different, yet in an equally light-hearted spirit:
Philosophers Song

[Ravens_cry]

If a paladin falls in the outlands, and no one's around to see it, does he need an atonement?

Since a paladin is one example of a one, I would say the question is invalid, as there is at least one one around to see it inherent in the question.
Unless he's an NPC, we all know they aren't REALLY people.

[Keld Denar]

Light a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Cast Empowered Maximized Twinned Energy Admixtured Sanctum Orb of Fire on him, and keep him warm for the rest of his (short) life.

[Sliver]

Since a paladin is one example of a one, I would say the question is invalid, as there is at least one one around to see it inherent in the question.
Unless he's an NPC, we all know they aren't REALLY people.

If an NPC is in the forest, and no one is aware of it's existence, it doesn't exist. Until they find him dead. Then he was created dead.

If an NPC is in the city, and the party doesn't plan to fight it, does it have stats? No.

[dspeyer]

As flies to wanton boys are NPCs to DMs. They kill us for their sport.

[Yukitsu]

Since a paladin is one example of a one, I would say the question is invalid, as there is at least one one around to see it inherent in the question.
Unless he's an NPC, we all know they aren't REALLY people.

People still play straight paladins?

[Ravens_cry]

If an NPC is in the forest, and no one is aware of it's existence, it doesn't exist. Until they find him dead. Then he was created dead.

If an NPC is in the city, and the party doesn't plan to fight it, does it have stats? No.

And neither does the forest.

"Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the DM amongst his books for to you your characters and their equipment are mighty and enduring, but to him they are but toys of the moment to be overturned by the flicking of a finger."

[Ormur]

Locke: We all start with a blank character sheet.

Kant: I ought never to make a house rule except in such a way that I could also will that my maxim should become RAW.

[Sliver]

The bigger they are, the larger their grapple bonus is.

[Mercenary Pen]

Tiamat does not play dice- Albert Einstein in reference to the 4e statblock

[Armoury99]

Confucius: "Do not be ashamed of fumbles and thus make them crimes"

Gandhi: "Hate the sin, love the succubus"

Kurt Vonnegut: "Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

Julius Ceasar: "I came. I saw. I critically hit."

Charles Darwin: "Owlbears? Well, err..."

[Asheram]

Subtle is the DM, but malicious he is not...
...I have second thoughts. Maybe he is malicious...
...I, at any rate, am convinced that he does not throw dice. -Albert Einstein

To punish me for my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority myself. (After becoming the DM)

As a child, I received instruction both in the Players handbook and in the DMG. I am a player, but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of the DM.

[Kallisti]

Ah, I see. I think my understanding of the Tippyverse was distorted as my first exposure to it was the Tippyverse '84 recruiting thread.

Yay! I'm twisting perceptions!

Oscar Wilde: "Nothing worth learning can be taught. Only learned through the indiscriminate slaughter of unrelated monsters."

Plato: "He who neglects his education wastes his first level on a low-education class, and his build walks lame for the rest of his progression."

Mark Twain: "I see no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure. *PLANE SHIFT!*"

Nietzsche: "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum proves that it takes more than faith to take Cleric levels."

Nicola Abbagnano: "Reason itself is fallible, for logic must account for all the crazy **** wizards keep doing."

Anaxagoras: "The descent to Hades is the same with every Plane Shift."

Anaxagoras: "Everything has a natural explanation. The moon is not a god but ammo for cheesy Hulking Hurler builds, and the sun ammo for Half-Red Dragon Hulking Hurlers."

Anaxagoras: "Men would live exceedingly quiet if these five words, talking is a free action, were taken away."

Anaxafriggin'goras: "Appearances are a glimpse of the illusory."

Neil Gaiman: "Sod this. Fireball."

[Telonius]

Marcus Aurelius:

- Despise not death, but welcome it, for nature wills it like all else. Besides, you might get better stats on the reroll.

- A great pile of GP is a great disadvantage to those who do not know how to use it, for nothing is more common than to see PCs blow half their loot on a single easily-sundered, easily-stolen item; riches do them no service in order to virtue and happiness; therefore 'tis precept and principle, not WBL, that makes a character good for something.

[zql]

Schrodinger: "Quick! My familiar MAY need healing!"

[Kallisti]

Schrodinger: "I'm gonna roll up a wizard."

[Ostien]

Nietzsche: "Chapter Three: Why my stats are so high"

Locke: We all start with a blank character sheet.

So much win

Also:
Foucault: "The soul is the prison of a black sapphire of at least 1,000 gp value for every Hit Die"

Marx: "The DMs have only interpreted the pre-built settings, in various ways; the point, however, is to change it."

Now I'm thinking of all the possibilities!

*runs to philosophy bookshelf*

[Athaniar]

How has this one not been mentioned yet?

"The die is cast."
-Julius Caesar


Also, completely unaltered (except for the translation):

"I do not care to play the part of Monk; I will not play it myself, and I do not choose that others shall do so. "
-Napoleon Bonaparte

[zql]

A campaign is the sidequests that come up while you're busy trying to achieve the main plot.
John Lennon

[Freshmeat]

Spoiler

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[hamlet]

Hamlet: To play a monk or not to play a monk, that is the question.

I never said that . . .








Sorry. I apologize.

[Yora]

Kirkegard: "I reached 20th level, what do I do now?"

Obi-Wan: "Use the d20."

Genesis 1: "I cast Genesis"

Otto von Bismarck: "If there is ever another war in Khorvaire, it will come out of some damned silly thing in the Lhazaar Principalities"

"I have an Intelligence score, therefore I am."

[Dust]

Freshmeat, I am wholly amused at that collage. The alignment of moustaches.

[Dimers]

People still play straight paladins?

Particularly odd considering how much fun gay paladins are.

[Person_Man]

Rawls: Always write your character sheet as if you had to give it to someone else to play, and you had to accept and use the character sheet written by a different anonymous player.

Foucault: The only dungeons are the ones constructed in your mind by society. But first, let me explain the last 100 years of back story...

Derrida: What does an attack of opportunity really mean anyway? What does it mean to attack? Is it really an opportunity? And who wrote these rules anyway?

[Ostien]

Freshmeat reminded me of something:

Image may contain language that may offend.

Spoiler

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