Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

[Asta Kask]

Not a bad idea, though a golem would probably be likewise immune to a phaser blast.

No, it would not. It's a fire effect (Kirk can use it to heat a rock, for example), and it's not magical. Stone golems are immune to magic, but not to fire effects from other sources. You can kill a stone golem by dumping him in a fire.

[Water-Smurf]

I just read the TvTropes page. Arnold Schwarzenegger? Mpreg??!

What is this I dont even...

Look it up on Nostalgia Critic. I'm still laughing at his reaction to one of the more weird effects.

(Though, admittedly, I had that reaction too...)

Loneliness, mutal respect, the cold, empty night...
Assuming this is post-familicide, they're both single and are both still probably missing their significant other. Soon is probably sensitive and charismatic enough to draw V out of her protective aloofness, and it's not to much of a stretch to think V would remind him of Mijung.

Wouldn't he be a little hung up on that, though? From the looks of things, he never remarried, and I don't think it's too big of an assumption to say that he didn't really date again, either. Wouldn't he feel like he was somehow disrespecting Mijung's memory by sleeping with some other person? And wouldn't he feel like he was being unfair to Vaarsuvius if he thought he would only imagine Mijung when talking with/spending time with/sleeping with her?

Hmm, if they started to beat Reddy to a bloody pulp for that reason, would Xykon just sit back and watch?

Totally. Think of it as another punishment for being stupid and sleeping with a prisoner in the first place.

And Durkon will try to comfort V and tell her that it's not her fault, she doesn't need to defend him...

And Vaarsuvius would get really pissed and try to defend him anyway if Redcloak hadn't provoked the fight. I imagine a lot of confusion from the party if V jumps in and wards them off of her 'rapist.'

Sorry...is this creepy and stalker-ish?

You can have sex once or twice and still be inexperienced.

[Lix Lorn]

Is there ANYTHING Asta doesn't know? <3 XP

[Asta Kask]

Is there ANYTHING Asta doesn't know? <3 XP

Bovine dentistry. But I'm learning that next week.

(On a more serious note - I have 15-20 years on you, and a lot of that time was spent reading. And I have a good memory and am intelligent. So, yeah, I know a lot about lot of things.)

As for Soon disobeying V?

Spoiler

Show

[Lix Lorn]

How old are you?

[Zanaril]

Wouldn't he be a little hung up on that, though? From the looks of things, he never remarried, and I don't think it's too big of an assumption to say that he didn't really date again, either. Wouldn't he feel like he was somehow disrespecting Mijung's memory by sleeping with some other person? And wouldn't he feel like he was being unfair to Vaarsuvius if he thought he would only imagine Mijung when talking with/spending time with/sleeping with her?

He certainly wouldn't want a relationship with V to be a substitute for Mijung, he'd feel far to guilty if he did that. But it could be what starts off the initial spark.

And Vaarsuvius would get really pissed and try to defend him anyway if Redcloak hadn't provoked the fight. I imagine a lot of confusion from the party if V jumps in and wards them off of her 'rapist.'

And how are they going to react when they realize what's really going on? It's almost an awkward situation; Reddy's still the enemy and an Evil goblin... but V willingly had a relationship with him?

Not to mention there's still the mystery surrounding V's Darth Vaarsuvius phase.

You can have sex once or twice and still be inexperienced.

I wouldn't know.

As for Soon disobeying V?

You're assuming he's even going to able to tell that she's female...

[CoffeeIncluded]

...*Hugs Water-Smurf* I hate stomach bugs. Only time I ever throw up...(I love having an iron stomach and practically no gag reflex.)

Don't worry, it'll be gone soon.

Hey, I think if you post anything explicit, it'll get this thread locked and you banned. So don't. It's also why I don't. But I wouldn't have done it anyway, no experience and whatnot. Plus I stand by my tenet: "Implication is so much better than stating it outright."

In any case, I'd love to see it--When you feel better that is. I can wait!

Let's try to stay on topic and appropriate though.

[Zanaril]

[...]and practically no gag reflex.

As you keep reminding us.

[Asta Kask]

How old are you?

36. I was born January 4, 1974.

[CoffeeIncluded]

As you keep reminding us.

Buh? What does that have to do with...

ON-TOPIC AND APPROPRIATE, PEOPLE!!!!

[Asta Kask]

You're assuming he's even going to able to tell that she's female...

Well, there's basically a 50% chance. If not, she could show him... or fool him. He probably has high Wisdom and Charisma, but we haven't seen anything to indicate he has high Intelligence.

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff of Moddingham: Indeed. Take the personal problems, drama, and attributes to the Random Banter thread, please.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Sheriff of Moddingham: Indeed. Take the personal problems, drama, and attributes to the Random Banter thread, please.

Thank you, Roland.

Say, I wonder how the undead that Tsukiko created treat each other? It's interesting, and I wonder if any crack pairings could result.

EDIT: Uh, Roland, just so I know for the future, would it be considered inappropriate modding if I nudge the people on this thread back on topic whenever the conversation veers too off course? Or would it be okay?

[Asta Kask]

Wight w. boots x I Crave Mortal Flesh guy?

[Zanaril]

Well, there's basically a 50% chance. If not, she could show him...

Accidental nudity?

or fool him.

Wait, what?

Say, I wonder how the undead that Tsukiko created treat each other? It's interesting, and I wonder if any crack pairings could result. :smalltongue

If they act like the children that Tsukiko treates them as, they probably get crushes. Which Tsukio encourages, and then watches the result of.

[CoffeeIncluded]

If they act like the children that Tsukiko treates them as, they probably get crushes. Which Tsukio encourages, and then watches the result of.

Actually, that would be really cute...

[Water-Smurf]

As for Soon disobeying V?

Spoiler

Show

Picture

That made me laugh so hard that all the girls on my floor probably think I've taken something

He certainly wouldn't want a relationship with V to be a substitute for Mijung, he'd feel far to guilty if he did that. But it could be what starts off the initial spark.

But wouldn't he be afraid to do anything with her? I mean, he can be attracted to Vaarsuvius for Vaarsuvius, but he would have to deal with the possibility that his attraction isn't to her, it's to Mijung, and he's just using V.

And how are they going to react when they realize what's really going on? It's almost an awkward situation; Reddy's still the enemy and an Evil goblin... but V willingly had a relationship with him?

I think it would be awkward for all parties. V would still be hiding the pregnancy, plus having to deal with the reactions about being with Reddy, Redcloak would have to deal with the Order after the realization, and the Order would have to deal with the idea of the two most random people getting it on while they weren't looking. And Xykon would be laughing his ass off in the corner.

How would the Order react to Redcloak, and how would he act after they found out?

You're assuming he's even going to able to tell that she's female...

If she has her period while they're alone together, he would probably notice the signs pretty easily. (How on Earth can you even deal with that stuff as an adventurer?!) Assuming they were together, that probably means that V didn't come prepared for anything much and she wouldn't have any of the materials she would have had if she were traveling with the Order.

Hey, I think if you post anything explicit, it'll get this thread locked and you banned. So don't. It's also why I don't. But I wouldn't have done it anyway, no experience and whatnot. Plus I stand by my tenet: "Implication is so much better than stating it outright."

Don't worry. I've been putting the non-board-appropriate updates and one-shots elsewhere. Besides, Soon/V doesn't necessarily need to be explicit.

Well, there's basically a 50% chance. If not, she could show him... or fool him. He probably has high Wisdom and Charisma, but we haven't seen anything to indicate he has high Intelligence.

I assume he has high Intelligence because it'd be a little hard to lead such a big adventure if he wasn't very sharp. But why would V fool him?

Sheriff of Moddingham: Indeed. Take the personal problems, drama, and attributes to the Random Banter thread, please.

Oh, right. Sorry, Roland. My fault this time.

Accidental nudity?

That could work too. She's bathing and he walks in accidentally?

[CoffeeIncluded]

But wouldn't he be afraid to do anything with her? I mean, he can be attracted to Vaarsuvius for Vaarsuvius, but he would have to deal with the possibility that his attraction isn't to her, it's to Mijung, and he's just using V.

Ah, that's the biggest thing.

I think it would be awkward for all parties. V would still be hiding the pregnancy, plus having to deal with the reactions about being with Reddy, Redcloak would have to deal with the Order after the realization, and the Order would have to deal with the idea of the two most random people getting it on while they weren't looking. And Xykon would be laughing his ass off in the corner.

Awkward=Awesome!

How would the Order react to Redcloak, and how would he act after they found out?

...Oh boy.

If she has her period while they're alone together, he would probably notice the signs pretty easily. (How on Earth can you even deal with that stuff as an adventurer?!)

Prestidigitation!

Don't worry. I've been putting the non-board-appropriate updates and one-shots elsewhere. Besides, Soon/V doesn't necessarily need to be explicit.

Wait, you've been updating this whole time?!

[Asta Kask]

That made me laugh so hard that all the girls on my floor probably think I've taken something

Casey and Andy! 666 strips, and there won't be no more. There's also a supplement to GURPS for playing mad scientists. (I think Coffee might enjoy this one too...)

If she has her period while they're alone together, he would probably notice the signs pretty easily. (How on Earth can you even deal with that stuff as an adventurer?!)

I think the traditional way was moss. Highly absorbant moss. But the lack of feminine hygiene products goes a long way to explaining why curse words involving female bits are more serious than those involving male bits.

I assume he has high Intelligence because it'd be a little hard to lead such a big adventure if he wasn't very sharp. But why would V fool him?

Because he (in this case) wants to make Soon do what he commands. Dominate Person would also work, although Soon probably has astronomical saves. Much easier to pretend to have boobs - all you need is some stuffing.

That could work too. She's bathing and he walks in accidentally?

Yes, if by accidentally you mean "accidentally."

[Zanaril]

But wouldn't he be afraid to do anything with her? I mean, he can be attracted to Vaarsuvius for Vaarsuvius, but he would have to deal with the possibility that his attraction isn't to her, it's to Mijung, and he's just using V.

That's where it gets interesting. It suggests that he hasn't been able to move on after Mjung's death, and if he did manage to love V without feeling guility about it and getting mixed up like that, it would be indicative that he really does love V.

How would the Order react to Redcloak, and how would he act after they found out?

Maybe some amount of curiosity; so far they've only ever viewed goblins as exp fodder. If anything, Redcloak's going to have a harder time interacting with them because nothing's changed; they're still an adventuring party of non-goblins out to stop him.

If she has her period while they're alone together, he would probably notice the signs pretty easily. (How on Earth can you even deal with that stuff as an adventurer?!) Assuming they were together, that probably means that V didn't come prepared for anything much and she wouldn't have any of the materials she would have had if she were traveling with the Order.

That would work. And if V suspects that he's noticed (especally if she purposely declined answering questions about her sex), she'd get rather indignant about it.

That could work too. She's bathing and he walks in accidentally?

Naked people are funny!

I think the traditional way was moss. Highly absorbant moss. But the lack of feminine hygiene products goes a long way to explaining why curse words involving female bits are more serious than those involving male bits.

I'm sure anything and everything has tried over the course of history.

Because he (in this case) wants to make Soon do what he commands. Dominate Person would also work, although Soon probably has astronomical saves. Much easier to pretend to have boobs - all you need is some stuffing.

But that doesn't seem very V-like.

Wait, you've been updating this whole time?!

E-mail alerts are your friend.

[Asta Kask]

But that doesn't seem very V-like.

Agreed - it's more like Haley. Perhaps he asks Haley for advice and takes it, while being highly dubious about it. Could be a fun piece to write.

Are you sure this is a good idea?
Of course it is. Just go ahead with it!

[Water-Smurf]

Wait, you've been updating this whole time?!

I don't announce it here for pretty obvious reasons.

I think the traditional way was moss. Highly absorbant moss. But the lack of feminine hygiene products goes a long way to explaining why curse words involving female bits are more serious than those involving male bits.

That poor, poor moss...

But yeah, that does explain it.

Because he (in this case) wants to make Soon do what he commands. Dominate Person would also work, although Soon probably has astronomical saves. Much easier to pretend to have boobs - all you need is some stuffing.

...That's an interesting image.

That's where it gets interesting. It suggests that he hasn't been able to move on after Mjung's death, and if he did manage to love V without feeling guility about it and getting mixed up like that, it would be indicative that he really does love V.

So the day he kisses her and doesn't worry is the day he realizes that he actually loves her?

Maybe some amount of curiosity; so far they've only ever viewed goblins as exp fodder. If anything, Redcloak's going to have a harder time interacting with them because nothing's changed; they're still an adventuring party of non-goblins out to stop him.

But if the truth about V's and Reddy's relationship came out, it would be a little difficult for some of the Order (Belkar would probably have a fine time of it) to keep trying to kill him, and it would be difficult for Redcloak to fight because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt V, who would still be battling him regardless. And what if the truth about V's pregnancy came out?

That would work. And if V suspects that he's noticed (especally if she purposely declined answering questions about her sex), she'd get rather indignant about it.

Very indignant. How dare he notice her monthlies? That's a matter of her body and only hers!

And he'd probably be a little abashed that that's how he found out.

Naked people are funny!

Especially when you're not the one getting fireball'd to kingdom come when they're walked in on.

E-mail alerts are your friend.

Indeed.

[Zanaril]

Agreed - it's more like Haley. Perhaps he asks Haley for advice and takes it, while being highly dubious about it. Could be a fun piece to write.

Apart from trying to woo Soon, I'm wondering what situation could cause V to need to look female. I agree, that could be amusing.

[Lix Lorn]

Haha. They are pretty good friends. I mean, they looked at each other's magic orbs.

Urge to write HaleyV... rising...

[Zanaril]

Urge to write HaleyV... rising...

..Of course. That's Haley motivation for getting V to cross-dress.

[Asta Kask]

I wonder what the saving throw on boobs are...

[Lix Lorn]

YES. LOVE TRIANGLE.

Lets put it this way: A level 0 commoner would pose a challenge for an epic level charrie.

[Roland St. Jude]

EDIT: Uh, Roland, just so I know for the future, would it be considered inappropriate modding if I nudge the people on this thread back on topic whenever the conversation veers too off course? Or would it be okay?

Gently, but yes, that seems like a good idea.

[The Succubus]

Is this the first Roland-endorsed Crack Pairing or the wrong line of text being quoted? If its the former, I shall set to work immediately!

[CoffeeIncluded]

Gently, but yes, that seems like a good idea.

..................Wait. My eyes must be deceiving me. There's no way this can be happening.

Roland just endorsed a crack pairing?!