LGBTAI+ Questions and Discussion thread II: Make It Double

[SowZ]

There is the RWA thread, y'know.

Not particularly, if they were still using the same devices to Netflix. It's more clear that they were deliberately sponging off your Netflix if they set it up on different devices rather than doing so out of forgetfulness or anything, and even then that's not so much weird as it is, well, mooching.

You can change your password if you don't want them using it, yes?

It isn't a big enough deal for me to care that much, I'm not resentful or offended really. It just felt weird and I wondered if this was odd behavior or fairly typical, that's all. I never even noticed, or at least didn't consciously register, the RWA thread until minutes after I posted this question and immediately realized it would have fit better there, haha.

[Philemonite]

Where do you live again?

Europe, unfortunately.

[golentan]

Europe, unfortunately.

Thought so. Sadness.

[Philemonite]

Thought so. Sadness.

There will be someone closer. Trust me.

[golentan]

There will be someone closer. Trust me.

People aren't exactly tripping over themselves to date me. A lazy overweight slob with psychosis, depression, abnormally strong body odor, and financially dependent on his family past the midpoint of his twenties?

The handful of people who have said they would be interested are either hundreds/thousands of miles away or are pretty cretinous.

[Philemonite]

People aren't exactly tripping over themselves to date me.

Maybe, but that doesn't mean that nobody would want to date you.

A lazy

-Hyperactivity is overrated.

overweight

-I like chubby guys. And there are a lot of people who do.

psychosis

-That is an obstacle, but it doesn't have to be dealbreaker. Nobody is perfect.

depression

-Depression is just a state of mind. When the good outnumbers the bad, the depression starts to disappear.

abnormally strong body odor

-I can relate there.

financially dependent on his family past the midpoint of his twenties

-26, I live with my dad and I work for peanuts that probably wouldn't be enough to pay rent and utilities, not to mention food and other things, if I wanted to live alone.

[Kesnit]

A lazy overweight

My wife (who I love with all my heart) is lazy and obese. Then again, I'm rather lazy, too, and am overweight.

psychosis,

If it can be controlled, then it doesn't really become and issue. And even if it can't, unless it is disruptive, it probably still won't be an issue.

depression,

If people with depression are unlovable, then much of the world would be alone.

abnormally strong body odor,

If my wife forgets to shower for a few days, this happens to her. (See above for my thoughts on her.)

and financially dependent on his family past the midpoint of his twenties?

I'm almost 40 and living with my in-laws. (Granted, that's because I left a good job 5 years ago to go to law school.)


If my point hasn't come across... None of what you have said makes you unlovable.

[Zurvan]

People aren't exactly tripping over themselves to date me. A lazy overweight slob with psychosis, depression, abnormally strong body odor, and financially dependent on his family past the midpoint of his twenties?

The handful of people who have said they would be interested are either hundreds/thousands of miles away or are pretty cretinous.

I don't want to be too desmotivacional but can't you do anything about it?

I'm so tired of all my gay friends wanting to date super models who are: Muscular,manly, healthy, stylish and intellectual while not even being near that themselves. Worst doing nothing to achieve that.

How Can you expect to date someone that hot if you are not doing anything for yourself? Nothing about your own looks.

Ask yourself. Would you date you ?If the answer is no THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG HERE.

I really hope I'm not being offensive. But can't you do something about your condition and change? If you are unhappy with it.

Go to a gym or just exercise at home if you don't have the money for that right now, take a bath? Or a shower? If it is a more serious thing... Go see a doctor.

I mean sitting around crying and complaining won't change a thing. And the prince/princess charming won't fall in your lap.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

How Can you expect to date someone that hot if you are not doing anything for yourself? Nothing about your own looks.

Ask yourself. Would you date you ?If the answer is no THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG HERE.

This isn't exactly a fair benchmark, as not everyone is attracted to people of the same type that they themselves fall into. My D&D group contains a married couple consisting of one short, withdrawn, twink-ish, late-20s Chinese programmer and one tall, boisterous, bear-ish, late-30s white Texan sales rep, and they've been in a happy relationship for years with plenty of previous dating/relationship experience, but would never consider dating themselves.

Going by golentan's post, there have been people interested in him, and he hasn't turned them down just for not being supermodels or anything like that, so this isn't at all a case of too-high standards and blindness to one's own failings as you imply.

[noparlpf]

How Can you expect to date someone that hot if you are not doing anything for yourself? Nothing about your own looks.

I don't do much besides shower daily and shave whenever I remember (although my trimmer is broken so...beard time?). I don't even dress well—cargo pants/shorts and a t-shirt or scrubs. And a decent number of people seem to think I'm attractive. It's largely dependent on a. what's there to work with (because let's face it, I'm gorgeous ) and b. subjective opinion, with (b) being the actual serious significant factor.

Ask yourself. Would you date you? If the answer is no THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG HERE.

If I were gay? Uhh. Probably not. I'm not really my type and I'm also a bit more tsundere to people I like than I like in a romantic partner.

I really hope I'm not being offensive. But can't you do something about your condition and change? If you are unhappy with it.

Go to a gym or just exercise at home if you don't have the money for that right now, take a bath? Or a shower? If it is a more serious thing... Go see a doctor.

I mean sitting around crying and complaining won't change a thing. And the prince/princess charming won't fall in your lap.

To a large extent body shape and body odor are determined by genetics and can't necessarily be affected by changes in behavior. Mental illness also makes it about a zillion times harder to change behavior to effect desired ends. Personally I have like, three spoons right now. It's almost impossible to "just do something" when you're dealing with depression or similar issues.

[Gwynfrid]

I don't want to dismiss anybody's feelings of course, but it seems to me the present discussion would be more at home in the support thread, or possibly the relationships thread.

[Chambers]

Spoiler

Show

I was invited today to be a presenter as an Ally at a local upcoming LGBT+ conference. I didn't get a lot of details, but it was it explained that I'd be leading a sort of Allies 101 workshop. I tentatively agreed and plan on getting more information from my friend about what's expected, but I'd appreciate some help here.

What kinds of resources are you all familiar with that I should know about for such a workshop? Do you have any suggestions for some topics that would be good to bring up?

I'm not active in the local LGBT+ community so I'm not really current on terminology and issues. What are some faux pas that I should avoid? What kinds of information do you think would be useful for new Allies to be aware of?

I got some more information about the presentation. I'll speak with him again this evening as well.

From my friend: "It is going to be for students in higher education who are LGBT, questioning and allies. I'd like you to present on allyship, specifically when allyship isn't easy. Your ability to interrupt conversations around rape, homophobia, etc is excellent- I would want you to share those skills and techniques with the students. One hour workshop with 10-50 participants based on interest. "

One hour workshop? Suddenly, panic.

[noparlpf]

Oh, that actually sounds like a neat topic. How to stand up to other cis/straight people when they say something that's not okay.

[Grytorm]

Wanted to post thought on my sexuality.(While playing video games at the same time).

So thinking about things, I notice guys are attractive fairly often. I don't feel certain if I really would enjoy close personal relations. I do think about it quite a lot, especially about some of the nicer guys I know. But when I look for entertainment online I generally don't find it very appealing although that might relate to stylistic issues. And when I think about relationships I seem to default to thinking about women. Partially because I don't have any really close friendships with guys. And I don't connect with them as much in class. But maybe that reflects my desire for a relationship leading me to focus on women.

[Anarion]

I'm almost 40 and living with my in-laws. (Granted, that's because I left a good job 5 years ago to go to law school.)

As a lawyer, my curiosity is piqued as to how that worked out. Usually, one doesn't wind up jobless a couple years out of law school, even if yo're not in your mid 20s and raring to work 15 hours days 6 days a week.

Wanted to post thought on my sexuality.(While playing video games at the same time).

So thinking about things, I notice guys are attractive fairly often. I don't feel certain if I really would enjoy close personal relations. I do think about it quite a lot, especially about some of the nicer guys I know. But when I look for entertainment online I generally don't find it very appealing although that might relate to stylistic issues. And when I think about relationships I seem to default to thinking about women. Partially because I don't have any really close friendships with guys. And I don't connect with them as much in class. But maybe that reflects my desire for a relationship leading me to focus on women.

For what it's worth, I've never found any of the "online entertainment" to match up with anything in reality. It may or may not be arousing, but it's quite different and not necessarily something you should use as a barometer for how you feel.

The rest, *shrug* If it's pure social expectation, it probably won't be enough to drive you to do anything if you're not really feeling it inside.

edit: which is to say, don't worry about your expectations. Just enjoy doing things and see what happens.

[Kesnit]

As a lawyer, my curiosity is piqued as to how that worked out. Usually, one doesn't wind up jobless a couple years out of law school, even if yo're not in your mid 20s and raring to work 15 hours days 6 days a week.

Good question. I interned for a year with a prosecutor while in law school, and did a paid Fellowship with a public defender earlier this year. My problem seems to be that (1) there's a glut of entry-level criminal attorneys, and (2) attorneys with a few years of experience are moving around, taking the few jobs there are. (At the end of my Fellowship, a job came open in that office. I thought I was a shoe-in for it. The PD, all the attorneys, and the staff liked me. Until a guy who'd worked for a PD in another city for 3 years applied. As the Deputy PD told me when I asked, "that was something we could not turn down.")

I've applied for every prosecutor and PD job in the state for 2 years and gotten nothing. (That includes offices in the middle of nowhere, where I can't imagine they got a lot of applications.) I get interviews, and even sometimes second round interviews, but in the end, nothing. I'm still trying (and have a few applications still pending).

I'm also on e-mail lists for attorney jobs around the state, and apply for all the ones I find that I could possibly be considered qualified for. I don't even get interviews from those.

[Anarion]

Good question. I interned for a year with a prosecutor while in law school, and did a paid Fellowship with a public defender earlier this year. My problem seems to be that (1) there's a glut of entry-level criminal attorneys, and (2) attorneys with a few years of experience are moving around, taking the few jobs there are. (At the end of my Fellowship, a job came open in that office. I thought I was a shoe-in for it. The PD, all the attorneys, and the staff liked me. Until a guy who'd worked for a PD in another city for 3 years applied. As the Deputy PD told me when I asked, "that was something we could not turn down.")

I've applied for every prosecutor and PD job in the state for 2 years and gotten nothing. (That includes offices in the middle of nowhere, where I can't imagine they got a lot of applications.) I get interviews, and even sometimes second round interviews, but in the end, nothing. I'm still trying (and have a few applications still pending).

I'm also on e-mail lists for attorney jobs around the state, and apply for all the ones I find that I could possibly be considered qualified for. I don't even get interviews from those.

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Sadly.

I'd suggest looking into pro bono stuff in your area. There are always legal services people that are looking for able bodies and a big part of the attorney jobs market these days is getting two years of experience under your belt so that you can apply to all the jobs that require it. It's not quite criminal, but stuff like keeping people from losing their homes is pretty rewarding if you can afford to eat the fact that it comes with nada in terms of financial reward.

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss more. I don't want to fling the thread too wildly off topic.

[SiuiS]

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss more. I don't want to fling the thread too wildly off topic.

Damn, this is the most I've gotten out of you about how your job actually works in like, ever. XD

[Orcus The Vile]

What is worse to hurt yourself or the people you love?

[Mystic Muse]

Completely depends on the situation. There are times when each is preferable over the other.

[noparlpf]

What is worse to hurt yourself or the people you love?

I don't think there's an absolute answer to that. It depends on context and degrees.

[Anarion]

What is worse to hurt yourself or the people you love?

Hurting anyone is bad and ideally there are creative ways to approach most situations that minimize both types of harm. In the rare hypothetical where you have to pick one, it's case by case and depends on a lot of other values.

[Coidzor]

What is worse to hurt yourself or the people you love?

It's generally better to be less philosophical and more pragmatic about coming out, especially during financially and economically vulnerable formative years. Also, the framing leaves something to be desired, because it's not really *hurting* one's homophobic relatives if they react badly to the news.

[Axinian]

It's generally better to be less philosophical and more pragmatic about coming out, especially during financially and economically vulnerable formative years. Also, the framing leaves something to be desired, because it's not really *hurting* one's homophobic relatives if they react badly to the news.

Yeah, a poor, homophobic reaction is them hurting themselves. Coming out causes no real harm that they can't avoid.

[SiuiS]

Hurting anyone is bad and ideally there are creative ways to approach most situations that minimize both types of harm. In the rare hypothetical where you have to pick one, it's case by case and depends on a lot of other values.

One should distinguish between hurt and harm.

It's generally better to be less philosophical and more pragmatic about coming out, especially during financially and economically vulnerable formative years. Also, the framing leaves something to be desired, because it's not really *hurting* one's homophobic relatives if they react badly to the news.

Yup.

[Anarion]

One should distinguish between hurt and harm.

I can guess at what you mean there, but could you define the distinction for me?

[Mono Vertigo]

Is it like the difference between the hurt brought by an unfortunate fall in the stairs ("ouch, my arm") and the harm it brings ("welp, now my arm's broke, I won't be able to work anymore, therefore I'll lose my job, and I don't know if I'll completely recover from that injury")? Where the two can be dissociated - you'll feel suffering in the moment but won't suffer consequences in the long term, or you might hardly realize what happened but it'll directly cause your life to change in bad ways?

[golentan]

A better example of the difference might be setting the bone. Leave it alone and it may hurt less than putting it back where it belongs, but the harm brought by a permanent, crippling injury is great, while the harm of setting a bone is negligible.

[Mono Vertigo]

Right, that's an interpretation and simile that make more sense, thanks.
(Still gonna wait on SiuiS for final clarification though...)

[Icewraith]

Sounds like "hurt" is "suffering an injury" and "harm" is "negative consequences of the injury"?