Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier

[Eadin]

glucose, where are you in the game?

[Dallas-Dakota]

How bad is it that I misread that as: :smallf urineous:



But that sucks mate.

[Pyrian]

...people tend to be better at reading signals when they are an uninvolved third party.

So true. Highly annoying, when it's me.

[Superglucose]

glucose, where are you in the game?

This will be my SIXTH harrowing.

[Eadin]

oh come on, the harrowing is really easy...

[Superglucose]

Yes. Yes it is.

Howeve, convincing the microphones to work isnt' easy. Trying to synch up the mikes isn't easy. One time I forgot to even record it at all.

The challenge isn't in the Harrowing (which is easy as pie) it's in recording the Harrowing with commentary I can live with an acceptable sound levels.

[MountainKing]

Or the overly honest and curious, like me.

Also, I am the thickest man alive. I've missed OBVIOUS flirtation cues that had to be pointed out to me by someone else who wasn't even there. Practice makes perfect, it seems: perfectly oblivious.

Oh please, it can't be as bad as my friend. He had I-cups pressing suggestively against his back, in his bed, while he and a lady watched anime together (or a movie, I forget).

He didn't know what was going on until she grabbed his face and kissed him.

Moral of the story: You might be thick, but I doubt you're as dense as my friend.

[Dragonrider]

Wait, why would a 24 year old mind going out with a 26 year old for reasons of age difference? That's just wiggy.

I knew a girl once who wouldn't go out with a guy because he was two weeks younger than she. Apparently in her mind the guy always has to be older. Wiggy indeed.

[arguskos]

Moral of the story: You might be thick, but I doubt you're as dense as my friend.

I've been kissed suggestively by someone and UTTERLY MISSED THE SIGNALS.

Trust me, I'm the Dali Lama of blockheads.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I'm afraid that unless the person kissing you, casually kisses, that you were not missing signals, you were being bulldozed and not noticing.

[MountainKing]

I've been kissed suggestively by someone and UTTERLY MISSED THE SIGNALS.

Trust me, I'm the Dali Lama of blockheads.

...Wow. Well then.

Guess my friend's off the hook. I don't know if I could really give him shenanigans about his denseness anymore.

[arguskos]

I'm afraid that unless the person kissing you, casually kisses, that you were not missing signals, you were being bulldozed and not noticing.

...Wow. Well then.

Guess my friend's off the hook. I don't know if I could really give him shenanigans about his denseness anymore.

Told ya'll.

Turned out to not be that way, though, for yet another brainbreaking moment. So, I was missing something, but I wasn't missing what I thought I was, instead I was missing something else entirely! As if that wasn't confusing enough to start with.

[Coidzor]

I've been kissed suggestively by someone and UTTERLY MISSED THE SIGNALS.

Trust me, I'm the Dali Lama of blockheads.

Um. That's not so much missing a signal as complete brain death.

What was it like on the other side? Do you have friends there?

I knew a girl once who wouldn't go out with a guy because he was two weeks younger than she. Apparently in her mind the guy always has to be older. Wiggy indeed.

Hm. No. That crosses the line into... Stupidity. The kind that must be exorcised. With a single mailed fist.

[Serpentine]

With a single mailed fist.

Not sure how that would help, but how much is the postage?

[zeratul]

So it would seem once again that I have some advice to ask of the RWAA thread , two mostly unrelated questions actually

Firstly, you or one of your friends notice someone fairly obviously checking you out, how should one respond, particularly if the person is cute.

Second Item! There's this girl who started at my school last year who I've seen while walking to class and such who just sort of seems like someone I'd like to know. Normally I don't really notice people while I walk around the school but this person tends to have various crazy hair colors, and If memory serves seems to be wearing a band or videogame related shirt whenever I see her. This person seems intriguing but I'm not really sure how to initiate a conversation with someone one has never talked to before in this particular context, help?

[Coidzor]

Firstly, you or one of your friends notice someone fairly obviously checking you out, how should one respond, particularly if the person is cute.

Say hello to them. Unless they don't interest you. In which case... either ignore them if you can, relocate if you can't, and take it from there otherwise. Mild introductory flirtation and banter might be appropriate.

Second Item! There's this girl who started at my school last year who I've seen while walking to class and such who just sort of seems like someone I'd like to know. Normally I don't really notice people while I walk around the school but this person tends to have various crazy hair colors, and If memory serves seems to be wearing a band or videogame related shirt whenever I see her. This person seems intriguing but I'm not really sure how to initiate a conversation with someone one has never talked to before in this particular context, help?

So, what's your favorite thing to talk about when others bring up <subject matter of shirt X>?

@Serps: You honestly expect me to know International Shipping rates offhand? I mean, at least it's from Australia to the Western Coast of the Western Hemisphere...

[Pyrian]

For the first one, you might try chatting them up. Which of course leads directly to the second one, related or otherwise.

Anyway, initiating and maintaining conversations is far too big a topic for a simple board post. It's a social skill, and not always an easy one. When people make it look effortless, it's like figure skaters making it look effortless: an awful lot of practice went into it. So, to beat a dead horse, I tend to recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has a fairly in-depth and refreshingly technical discussion of precisely this subject.

[Serpentine]

Firstly, you or one of your friends notice someone fairly obviously checking you out, how should one respond, particularly if the person is cute.

(Assuming you are happy with this attention, and especially if you would like it to develop further) Meet their eyes, smile, possibly drop a wink or wave them over to chat or similar. I think the meeting of eyes with a smile is the best way to get started, though.

Second Item! There's this girl who started at my school last year who I've seen while walking to class and such who just sort of seems like someone I'd like to know. Normally I don't really notice people while I walk around the school but this person tends to have various crazy hair colors, and If memory serves seems to be wearing a band or videogame related shirt whenever I see her. This person seems intriguing but I'm not really sure how to initiate a conversation with someone one has never talked to before in this particular context, help?

Strike up a conversation. There are a variety of options, including but not limited to:
- Ask them something about their shirts. Perhaps, if she wears one you're not familiar with (especially if you do usually recognise them), simply say "hey, I don't know that band. What are they like?" If there's one that's recently released an album or whatever, ask them what she thinks of them, and so on.
- As above, but "quirky": "I see you like [band]/[genre]/music shirts. I also like [band]/[genre]/music shirts. Let us discuss them!" or something like that.
- Comment on some other part of their appearance, most obviously their hair. Say, something like "green, huh? I dunno, I think I prefered the purple on you" or "black again, eh?" or "say, what sort of hair dye do you use?"
- The Invitation: This is the way I made a lot of my friends in uni. Just... invite her to something you think she might be interested in. I think you're in high school still, which makes it a bit trickier, but it should still be doable - you could just invite her to sit with you at lunch or... whatever it is you do at recess. Invite her to a cup of tea, or - possibly best, if you're concerned about it seeming like a date - inform her of a social gathering that you think she might be interested in.
- Weirdly. Throw a water bomb at her, then hand her a bag of them and run away. Challenge her to a thumb war. Leave her clues to a treasure hunt. Ask for her opinion on the comparitive worth of snuggies vs. dressing gowns. Etc, etc, so on and so forth.
- Bluntly (possibly combined with one of the above): "you look like someone I could be friends with. Shall we converse?" This is another one I've used myself, when I kept walking past this same girl nearly every day. I eventually went "this is ridiculous! Hi, I'm [Serpentine], nice to meet you."

[Umael]

I don't see how that makes the girl shallow.

I was asked out 4 days after my ex broke up with me. The next week we went on a date. We dated for 9 months. Was it serious? No. Was he a rebound? No. But I don't see how getting with someone right out of a relationship is enough to term someone shallow. I'm mean...really. That is quite judgmental, and are you sure YOU aren't projecting?

...

My PARDON, Miss Syka, but I thought the girl in question had been in something that was considered a meaningful relationship.

In my experience, if someone was in a meaningful relationship and they end it and go on another within short order, I tend to distrust that it actually was meaningful, or at least, that it was in the end.

So whether such an act is shallow or not, I will not deny my perception of it, as I tend to lack the ability to read this girl's mind or know for sure her emotions.

And if THAT makes you believe that I would consider your actions at that particular point in time to be shallow, then maybe you should console yourself with the knowledge that I am mistaken instead of being so defensive. After all, I hardly consider myself to a valued member of your inner circle of friends and confidentes.

Honestly, most women I know seem to have their next relationship lined up before the breakup. I don't even have an issue with that, so long as the new relationship begins after the old one ends.

I do mean this with no slight against you, but I do not think I value these women's wisdom in such matters as relationships. There is something about that which bothers me.

Get over it. Once there's no commitment, there's no commitment, and asking for more commitment (and that's exactly what you're asking for: imaginary commitment in the absence of actual commitment) just because you think people ought to angst longer is simply not called for.

Wow... that was pretty insulting, Pyrian.

First of all, I expressed a dubiousness to it, which you think warranted an expression that I was all worked up over it. I was not.

Second, no, I was not asking for more commitment, despite your direct accusation to the contrary. If some woman (or man, to be far) wants to always be in a relationship, I will first question whether they are simply afraid to be alone or are otherwise preoccupied with the notion of a relationship. I will tend wonder if any relationship such a person enters is a meaningful one (assuming we are talking about someone who makes a habit out of such behavior).

Third, to emphasize - I am not asking for anything. People are plenty free to make choices for which I disagree, just as I am plenty free to form my own opinion of their behavior. Asking them to behavior otherwise never has to enter into it.

Fourth - please stop ascribe to me actions I do not do, nor put words in my mouth. As I said before, that was pretty insulting.

("Projecting" is a laugh. My shortest time between serious relationships is almost five years. )

Projecting, as in creating an image, not as in projecting your own emotions onto the matter.

(If that choice of word was the catalyst for offending you, I do apologize for that.)

Oh, Eadin. It absolutely is a race. I'm not going to hit on a woman who's in a relationship. If I don't take a chance at her between the time she's broken up with her last committed relationship and before she's begun a new one, I don't get a chance at all. And don't think that hasn't happened to me.

...are we talking about a human race or a rat race?

The allusion you formed was of people getting wind of a situation, a break-up, and running to be there first to be the next suitor.

It also brings to mind the image of vultures circling.

And just so we are clear, let me make my opinion on the subject explicit:

Just as it is folly to wait too long to pursue a relationship, so is it folly to move too quickly. Yet as each person is different, some will be offended if you move too fast, while others will be taken if you move too slow. Thus you will have to either know the object of your pursuit well enough, or you will have to be willing to take a chance.

This is only my take on the subject. It is not a condemnation for anyone who moves too fast or too slow, although I might mistrust the wisdom of one who does either.

[arguskos]

Um. That's not so much missing a signal as complete brain death.

Your sage-like insight, it stuns me with the truth of the matter.

In a more serious bent, yes, I am well aware of the depth of my ineptitude. I don't need you to remind me. I was merely sharing an amusing anecdote, that you might laugh and commiserate, not remind me of my failures.

What was it like on the other side? Do you have friends there?

That song was surprisingly entertaining, actually.

Also, having complete brain death is less interesting than you might think, what with not being a member of society. Or life.

[Dallas-Dakota]

And just so we are clear, let me make my opinion on the subject explicit:

Just as it is folly to wait too long to pursue a relationship, so is it folly to move too quickly. Yet as each person is different, some will be offended if you move too fast, while others will be taken if you move too slow. Thus you will have to either know the object of your pursuit well enough, or you will have to be willing to take a chance.

This is only my take on the subject. It is not a condemnation for anyone who moves too fast or too slow, although I might mistrust the wisdom of one who does either.

With some girls, yes.

Exactly what I said on the previous page, only with more words.

It really can depend on the girl and it´s better to make yourself known/heard/seen early then late.
And with that, I think we´l end this debate?

[Quincunx]

Umael, the man whose cause is just doesn't feel the need to stomp the formatting, caps lock, and academic-sentence-structure buttons like that. Just sayin'.

Not sure how that would help, but how much is the postage?

According to the SRD, a weapon-ready gauntlet weighs 1 lb., so even if that is the weight of a single gauntlet, they can be inexpensively shipped by weight. Not sure where Australia comes into it though, but if we're mailing to Australia, we can throw down the gauntlet for $17 USD and change.

[Serpentine]

...

Did noone get my joke, or are we just mixing it up with the original intent? Mailed... Posted... No?

[Destro_Yersul]

In my experience, if someone was in a meaningful relationship and they end it and go on another within short order, I tend to distrust that it actually was meaningful, or at least, that it was in the end.

In some cases, you'd be right. In others, you'd be very wrong. I was broken up with at a point in my life, and the girl in question was in another relationship within a week. Did that make the one we had any less meaningful? Not in my eyes. I had a positive, lasting influence on the girl in question, or so I'm told, and once I got over the initial heartbreak, I had no problems continuing to be her friend.

It's a very situational thing.

[Zeb The Troll]

...

Did noone get my joke, or are we just mixing it up with the original intent?

I got it, Serp!

[Serpentine]

Yay! Have a lamington!

[Dallas-Dakota]

So I was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 3, episode 8. Lover´s walk.

Pretty much one of the saddest episode where everybody breaks up with eacother.

Near the end of the episode my girl called, and we talked.
It was mutual because the distance thingy just wasn´t working...but yeah...

[Serpentine]

Wow, timing much?

Wait, you had a girl?

[Dallas-Dakota]

Yes, do I have to announce it here if I get in a relationship? Perhaps I should´ve posted in some mysterious thread that I´ve never seen?

[Zeb The Troll]

Well, obviously you do. How are we supposed to keep tabs on you if you're not providing full disclosure?