PC Stupidity Stories

[Voleta]

I think you mean bisexual. Asexual is something different.

I'm attempting to not go into lecture mode. There are two forms of asexuality when it comes to humans. One, is where the subject does not have any sex drive or does not want to attempt copulation, regardless of partner. The other kind, is where they simply do not have any preference. I fall into the middle: I don't care what gender they are, but I don't really want to 'do it' anyway. Bisexuals specifically like both genders to varying degrees, and pansexuals.. are even harder to describe.

But again, this is off topic and approaching a grey area.

Edit: Not wanting to bump the thread further with offtopicness, ExHunterEmerald has a point. Tonight was a rough night for me, and I was unnessicarially harsh. Asexual is the term my therapist uses.

[ExHunterEmerald]

I don't think he was "debating you on your own sexuality" as much as he was "pointing out that asexual is an unusual choice of word," and you clarified for him.
Personally, I'll just stick to budding.

...

*pop!*

[Yuki Akuma]

...I think you're looking for "pansexual", to be honest.

And that is all. *vanishes in a puff of logic*

[The Great Skenardo]

What kind of monk only has 16 AC? what level were they?

The kind that twinks to to maximum damage in combat.

This monk was a half-orc dragony-thing from Races of the Dragon, so he was lagging behind his teammates in HP anyways due to the level adjustment. Furthermore, he put his prime stats into Strength and Con (This is a player that gets hugely bitter about playing any character that doesn't have at least 1 18 stat). The rest of the party was on or about ECL5 (party of 5).

In retrospect, I wonder if he wasn't trying to get that character killed on purpose, so he could try re-rolling and get his precious 18...

[Yuki Akuma]

..A monk trying to do damage?

Um. Monks do damage now?

[Nahal]

I'd figured they were more like grappling devices. You know, for bending arcane casters into exotic and painful poses.

[Yuki Akuma]

I'd figured they were more like grappling devices. You know, for bending arcane casters into exotic and painful poses.

Fighters are better at that.

The monk's thing is Surviving, really.

[Diggorian]

Our all hetereosexual group, welcomed two new players: a couple where the wife played a Dwarven fighter and the husband a Gnome wizard/rogue. The first scene had these two traveling lost from their main party when a bullette attacked them in the middle of a field, our party was near so came to their aid.

Cleric summons spiritual weapons, our main Wizard casts, super-high AC Monk dances around the monster to draw AoO's to let us move around freely my Fighter rides up on his horse to full attack it. Dwarf fighter atacks it bravely but is getting mauled. Gnome metagames (a strict no-no for us) that the bullette has tremorsense, so slowly tries to sneak away (10ft per round). He's spared atttacks cause everyone else is a threat but him.

We're getting hurt bad, so it's yelled for everyone to flee in different directions. Cleric heals Dwarf and they both double move while I cover them with the monk flanking with me, the main Wizard never closed range, the Gnome moves another 10ft. Next round, Me and my horse are hurt bad I tell the Gnome to book it and delay until after his turn. He goes, moves 10ft to stay "invisible" to the bullette. The monk and me withdraw, monk draws the AoO and gets hit pretty bad.

Everyone is out of the bullette's reach, the nearest one is the Gnome, 50 ft away.

Gnome: "I stop moving so the bullette cant see me. Should I roll Move Silent?"

DM: "Uh ... no need. The Landshark sizes you up as easy prey with it's cold, fully-functioning can see in the dark, twilight, and even better in this daylight eyes. It bounds toward you and leaps."

*DM rolls four +15 claw attacks, cause natural ones are posssible, all hit then tallies damage (total 8d6+32 slashing) compared to the Gnome's wizard HP*

Monk's Player to the former Gnome player: "So, whatcha gonna play next?"

[Dark]

Gnome metagames (a strict no-no for us) that the bullette has tremorsense, so slowly tries to sneak away (10ft per round).

Where did the player get this 10ft per round stuff? For purposes of tremorsense you're either moving or not moving, there's no "moving slowly" status. Sheesh. What's worse than metagaming? Metagaming badly.

[potatocubed]

This isn't a D&D story, but it's still one of my favourites.

The setting is Heavy Gear - basically it was a sci-fi powered armour mercenary company game, except our group had been fitted out with its own landship to ride around in. A landship is basically a battleship that hovers across the land, because the planet HG is set on has very little surface water but a lot of flat deserts.

Anyway, we stop off in a town and cause the usual ruckus that PCs do. While some of us are off buying rubber underwear (don't even ask) this mysterious man approaches two of the other characters and asks them to take a huge teddy bear to the next town over, and deliver it to a specific address.

The two characters (whose names I forget) accept the payment and the bear, but once they return to the landship they begin to get suspicious. A mysterious teddy bear? What's going on? The leap to the conclusion that it contains a cunningly disguised bomb. So they scan the bear with every sensor we've got. Infrared, ultraviolet, x-ray, everything. They detect nothing hidden within the bear, so they decide the bomb must be hidden really well.

So they take the bear out into the desert and shell it with the landship's main guns, just to make sure.

They then buy a different bear and take it to the address specified, only to discover that the man was attempting to send a birthday present to his illegitimate son.

In the same game, we also had another ridiculous situation. First, there was a shipboard full-contact martial arts tournament, since a lot of us had made martial artist characters and wanted to try them out. One of the martial artists refused to surrender when beaten, and got hospitalised. Now, wounds in this system take ages to heal, he was going to be there for a while.

Next game day, our landship (with injured guy) on board is parked up outside this city. Within the city, the rest of the party are pinned down by sniper fire. My plan was to have the crew on the landship shell the building (the block, really) the shooting was coming from, until it was pointed out that we were trying to get on the good side of this particular place. Instead, injured guy radios in: "I'll save you!"

You see, he's still got his sidearm by his hospital bed. And the bed is on wheels. So he takes his IV stand and begins 'poling' his bed out of the landship, and down the street towards where we were. Finally abandoning the IV and just letting the bed skate downhill while he emptied his (only) clip in the general direction of the sniper.

It didn't help much.

[Diggorian]

Where did the player get this 10ft per round stuff? For purposes of tremorsense you're either moving or not moving, there's no "moving slowly" status. Sheesh. What's worse than metagaming? Metagaming badly.

I'm guessing he figured half his normal speed was a good benchmark, and obviously thought bulletes were light-blind. I wasnt terribly surprised, we played with them in a Ptolus game previously; where he PCed a monk that uses muzzle loaders as his main attack .

His next PC in the current camp is a Paladin he plays as "cautious" (really cowardly). The Blind god he follows took sight in one of his eyes to show disfavor. After 8 months of game play, he earned it back by bravely trying to rescue the imperiled dwarf ran by his wife. She still died, but played that dwarf fighter great .

We're the only two tanks left in the group. In character I'm telling him if he doesnt pull his wait he'll be joining her.

[NecroPaladin]

It's not your fault they chose to spend their actions cursing you rather than performing the 'ol stop, drop and roll.

They were in webs; they couldn't stop or drop, much less roll.

And potatocubed, what's the damage on an injured person used as an impromptu projectile?

[ExHunterEmerald]

And potatocubed, what's the damage on an injured person used as an impromptu projectile?

Well, I know from experience that molotov halflings do 2d6.

Also, I would rule falling object rules, based off a strength check and the weight.

[EndgamerAzari]

Ok, on the subject of PC stupidity and the players who cause it....

I love the D&D campaign I'm currently in. The DM's brilliant, and she's incredibly patient. I, however, am not. One of the players is a metagamer in the extreme. Some half-celestial race Thrallherd who, when faced with any sort of encounter, will do one of three things: 1. If it's hostile, try to dominate it (and then raise hell when the DM won't let him mind-control plot-central characters), 2. If it's just a common person, convert it to his weirdo religion, 3. If it has boobs, sleep with it.

Not to mention he more-or-less plays it as a game of numbers, as opposed to a ROLEPLAYING game. You know the kind: every little bonus from obscure loopholes. I play a rogue in the campaign, and I feel grotesquely underpowered due to this character and the spellcasters, not to mention the duelist with the natural 28 DEX.

/rant

P.S. And I should probably mention the 'door' made out of rare metal that the rest of the party spent around half an hour trying to figure out how to steal. The DM was eventually forced to declare it made of 'unobtainium'.

[brian c]

not to mention the duelist with the natural 28 DEX.

...
*blink*
...

how so? 28? is this after a bunch of ability increases or some homebrewed race with +10 dex? at lvl20 you've gotten 5 increases, so either you're a very high level or the character has a very high racial modifier

[J_Muller]

The DM was eventually forced to declare it made of 'unobtainium'.

Let me guess. That just made them try harder?

[Swordguy]

Let me guess. That just made them try harder?

The better answer is "handwavium", which has properties of whatever plot requires. And it doen't set player into the "gotta obtain it!" mode.

[Dervag]

DM: "Uh ... no need. The Landshark sizes you up as easy prey with it's cold, fully-functioning can see in the dark, twilight, and even better in this daylight eyes. It bounds toward you and leaps."

*DM rolls four +15 claw attacks, cause natural ones are posssible, all hit then tallies damage (total 8d6+32 slashing) compared to the Gnome's wizard HP*

Monk's Player to the former Gnome player: "So, whatcha gonna play next?"

So the gnome tried to hide from the bulette by tiptoeing so as not to set off its tremorsense... in broad daylight? Wow. That takes the cake.

[EndgamerAzari]

...
*blink*
...

how so? 28? is this after a bunch of ability increases or some homebrewed race with +10 dex? at lvl20 you've gotten 5 increases, so either you're a very high level or the character has a very high racial modifier

I think it had something to do with divine intervention, so maybe 'natural' is the wrong word. The point is it was his base score. Eh, I dunno. Either way it irks me.


And as for the unobtainium, there is still talk of going back and trying to get it. Shrinking it, melting the stone around it with acid, using this weird magical artifact on it.... all of which it has been determined would have a DC of NO, which is slightly less difficult to over come than PLOT.

[Diggorian]

So the gnome tried to hide from the bulette by tiptoeing so as not to set off its tremorsense... in broad daylight? Wow. That takes the cake.

Yeah, that player's main contribution to the group is the funny stories we have from his choices that stem from the fact that he thinks he knows more than he actually does.

[Collin152]

See children? That's how god punishes metagamers.

[EndgamerAzari]

See children? That's how god punishes metagamers.

Every time you metagame, God kills a kitten.

[The Orange Zergling]

Every time you metagame, God kills a kitten.

Then my group slaughters 15+ of them every session.

Me: "Why... are you going to the mayor's house?"
PC: "Because when we did that last adventure, orcs attacked..."
Me: "..."

[Maga]

I'm running my first ever campaign at college as a part of the Role-Playing Games Society, and am doing a D20 Future build... however... stupidity is never limited to D&D.

So the set-up is this: My PCs are on trial for treason and for aiding the rebel force (named the Arakesh). One, who is also the Society President AND a remarkably stupid DM, is playing an alien female named Inia, who has already been stupid about this whole process: for example, when arrested, he tried to claim that "Inia" was speaking Spanglish to confuse the guards. (...Yeah. It's a futuristic society where most people can speak at least three languages, and he was convinced that the guards "shouldn't" know Spanglish.) I, on the other hand, am trying to convey three different NPCs at the same time- one who just wants the trial to be over with, another who insists on doing everything by the book, and the general, who wants them all to die for abandoning their unit.

Rather than being patient, "Inia" decided that she needed to insult the Chancellor of the Planetary Council. Given, I had decided that the woman would be on their side from the start, and wouldn't be interested in the trial in the first place, but when the player did that, I couldn't help it. After all, if you were the head of three intelligent species' united government, you wouldn't let some upstart mouth off to you in public, right? So the Chancellor gets very cold towards "Inia", and tries to remind her of her place. Rather than getting this hint, "Inia" overreacts and claims that she and the other PCs aren't getting a fair trial. As I'm just about to tell the player OOC that they need to calm down and remember that they are pissing off the most important person in the galaxy, "Inia" shouts that she's changing her plea to guilty.

"All right," I say, "so be it." For the rest of the session, "Inia" bitches about how his character hasn't gotten the chance to speak freely, while other PCs have. It was then that I felt my first moment of sheer "I should just kill this character now and save myself the future pain of dealing with this person". I was also very close to saying "You know what? For your insolence and attitude, the Chancellor orders you killed at dawn. An entire roll of duct tape is used on Inia's mouth, a bag is pulled over her head, and taped to her neck, and her ankles and wrists shackled. She is then sent back into her cell, blinded by the bag, and unable to free herself. When day breaks- which she can only tell by the opening of her cell door- she is dragged unceremoniously to another room and shot in the back of the head. If you shut up, that will all be a bad dream. If you don't, I will rip up your character sheet and everyone will pretend that you never existed!"

However, I didn't. And we got through it... eventually.

[brian c]

I'm running my first ever campaign at college as a part of the Role-Playing Games Society, and am doing a D20 Future build... however... stupidity is never limited to D&D.

Hello, fellow member of a "D&D club" at a New England college (I'm at Boston University). Fortunately for me, everyone in the club who I've played with has been very sane, or if not then at least entertaining. I kinda want to try DMing a campaign, but I didn't feel like it at the start of the semester so I should probably email the president and ask her to send out an email to the members... or jsut not because I'm lazy. Who knows

[Destro_Yersul]

Another one from the group I'm not part of but hear stories about:

The group has just finished killing a vampire spawn. It took them a while, but they did kill it and it turns into mist and vanishes. This ring falls out of the mist, as well as some other stuff. The party argues over the stuff and the rogue picks up the ring.
DM: You feel compelled to put the ring on. Roll a Will save.
Rogue: *Rolls, gets natural 20* I pass.
DM: You stop wanting to put the ring on. It starts whispering to you.
Ring: Put me on. You know you want to.
Rogue: Well, I'm not sure...
Ring: Come on! You want to be powerful, don't you? You want to have magical powers, don't you?
Rogue: Well, yeah, but...
Ring: Then do it! Go ahead, put me on!
Rogue: Ok. *puts it on*

So then he becomes a vampire spawn. He only has control of his actions because he passed the original will save, and the ring is quite obviously cursed. Well, no taking it off for him. The rest of the party thinks they should kill him and spare the world from him, and he's arguing that he's still in control. Then they get attacked by a bunch of orcs and the rogue takes them all on in single combat, and ends up killing three of the four. By himself. Needless to say, the party is freaked about this. In the end, they decide to cut the finger that has the ring on it off. Best part is, the rogue is a halfling. So, OOC, everyone calls him "Frodo of the Nine Fingers"

[Maga]

Well, mostly everyone else in RPGS here at UMaine is sane, or at least plays at it very well... but we're being headed by the most self-absorbed and petty person I have ever come across as a DM, PC, and club president... and that's saying something!

Thankfully other than him, the other guys in the campaign are all good to me and tend to not freak out when I throw plot twists at them.

[Vodun]

Ive only been playing for about three years, but only now do I realize that after I decided to DM a group of entirely new people. 15 year old boys, if that matters. (which it really, really does). One of my favorite events was when our barbarian (this guy will only ever ever play a fighter or barbarian and some sort of orc race) decided it would be perfectly normal to cuss out a very impulsive high-level gnomish Wizard, who happened to be a shopkeeper. One ray of enfeeblement later, and a pity raise from me, the DM, and he then decided that antagonizing the town guard trying to hire them to fight undead would be a reeeeallly good idea. One PC destroying session later, I let the party play as the town guard who had recently slaughtered a band of miscreants for the rest of the campaign

[rankrath]

My only really good one: We (all lv 1; cleric, sorcerer (me), fighter, ranger) are on are shiprecked on an island and caught in a war between the natives.

DM: you see a group of sea elves standing around in a clearing, arguing about something.

Ranger: I charge! *Cirt**kill*

Me: ok, you have an high Wisdom right?

Ranger: Yep

Me: ok, I cast sleep

DM: passes saves

Ranger: Natural one.

DM: ok, it's the sea elves turn. one of them coup de graces the ranger

ranger:....................



later in same adventure: the ex-ranger, now a rogue decides to get revenge
while we were resting, he taker a bolt, stabbes me in the face. parts wakes up next morning, notice the ranger is down bolt, kill him, 5 minnutes later a group of elves ambush them, TPK from a CR 1 encoounter.

[Stormcrow]

I'm on a break so i cant delve too deep into the details here but;

A frontal assault in Shadowrun.

Allways Stupid.