Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

[Zanaril]

Do I hear the title of the next thread?

Yes. Yes you do...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hooray! And now to do my Latin homework...Someone poisoned my plot bunnies...

[Zanaril]

Hooray! And now to do my Latin homework...Someone poisoned my plot bunnies...

Nope, I just borrowed them...

[Aaron]

"You read it. You can't un-read it. Ever."

Do I hear the title of the next thread?

Yes!!! That is the title of the next thread. (because it's soooo true)

[mizzim]

so... it's been a few pages since the last RC/V fic. Water-smurf should be posting soon.

[Zanaril]

so... it's been a few pages since the last RC/V fic. Water-smurf should be posting soon.

Patience, patience.

[Meg]

so... it's been a few pages since the last RC/V fic. Water-smurf should be posting soon.

And now you've jinxed it by posting it!

[The Succubus]

Speaking of not being able to un-read stuff, I just finished Cracklord's "Belkar in Hell" series.

The words "Holy S***" spring to mind, only to be muscled out by a series of deeply disturbing images. I may never sleep again.

[esmerelder]

Aw, thanks to all the people who said nice things! Zanaril is right, bodyswap fics are even more fun than genderswap fics!

Did Durkon call (who he thought was) Haley "love"?

Yeah, he did. Hmm -- I can see where that's confusing. In most of the sub-dialects of English I know, 'love' is a normal slightly-affectionate slightly-patronising term to call a younger person or a close friend (I might say 'do you want a cup of tea, love?' to my housemate, for example), and it seemed natural for Durkon to say in my head. But you're right that I've never heard him do it in the comic, and it might sound really weird to anyone who isn't used to hearing the word that way. Sorry if that seemed really odd!

Judging my the fact that Haley woke up hovering in the air, and Roy couldn't find his sword, I suspect that they actually have been body-swapped.

Bwahaha, all shall be revealed! I probably won't get the second section (there will probably be 4 altogether) finished tonight, but yes, they are definitely body-swapped, for annoying meta reasons that shall eventually be revealed, and yes there is a reason that Haley-in-V's-body is sitting on the ground giggling like an idiot instead of panicking and freaking out with the rest of the crew...

@ MasamuneSSX -- Wow. Did you actually just manage to characterise the Oracle in such a way that I don't hate him? Well done!

@ Rettu Skcollob -- come in and join us! That funny smell is just the brain bleach, the stinging only lasts for a few seconds...

Also, another vote for

"You read it. You can't un-read it. Ever."

as the next thread title! Let's get writing, only 43 pages to go!

[The Dark Fiddler]

there is a reason that Haley-in-V's-body is sitting on the ground giggling like an idiot instead of panicking and freaking out with the rest of the crew...

What the hell is Haley doing?
Ah, it seems my Elven hormones were too much for her human mind.

Elves: Even their hormones are better.

[half-halfling]

I've made a banner inspired by Discord's story (which was very funny for me):

Cute.

I realized one of the stories I wrote for my own thread fit the concept of crack pairings, so I'm posting it here.

Spoiler

Show

Some days are just not worth waking up for.

Retrospectively, it's somewhat my fault. I should have been more careful. You see, I have this one gold coin. It's the one dad used to teach me to be fast; he'd put it in his palm and I'd try to take it before he closed his hand. Well, if I hadn't come in Roy's room for his briefing while polishing it, I wouldn't have forgotten it there. So I wouldn't have had to come back for it. Or at least, I should have taken into account that Celia was around.

Let me tell you, Roy really has bad taste in women. Well, personality wise in any case. He's got pretty good taste when it comes to their looks. Miko was so gorgeous, I feel even Elan wouldn't be as sexy as she was if he turned into a woman. Damn, I'd kill for that body. And Celia isn't ugly either. But their personalities suck.

Now, I'm not a voyeur. Well, that kind of voyeur. I admit I did use to take a peek at Elan any time he showered before he became my boyfriend. And at Roy. Hell, even at Miko back at that inn that blew up. But I don't spy on people during their romance. So it's not like I planned to see them making out when I opened the door partway.

You know, in itself, it isn't so bad. I'm not a prude. It was just that they were... cosplaying. Mind, I've nothing against cosplaying as long as it's innocent enough, like I do with Elan when we dress up as each other and kiss. Elan enjoys wearing women's clothes and underwear a little too much if you ask me, but if that makes him happy it makes me happy too.

But no, Roy and Celia had to kick it up a notch. I'll give you three hints to guess who they disguised themselves as before macking on each other: sexy, redhead and fair skin.

You got that right. They were cosplaying as me. Both of them. Celia had a wig resembling my long hair and somehow got a hold of a leather armor looking exactly like my old one. This was creepy enough without Roy joining the fray. He was wearing a wig mimicking my current short hair and was dressed up like I currently was, leather tank top and shorts.

I guess being turned into a woman changed him more than I thought.

Turns out they both fantasize about me. I'd be flattered if it wasn't so goddamn creepy. I've never asked Elan to cosplay as Miko or Vaarsuvius after all, no matter how tempting it is. I'd have screamed loud enough to be heard throughout the entire town, but my voice died in my throat. Maybe it's better that way, I really don't want to confront them about their little kink.

So that's why I'm here, getting as drunk as humanely possible in order to forget. Now leave me alone and let me drown my sorrow in cheap booze paid with the gold I stole from the other patrons.

It's Roy and Celia dressed as Haley. And I have idea for another banner :)

[CoffeeIncluded]

I love this. Please show the other.

[half-halfling]

I'll draw it tomorrow -now it's 3:02 AM, and I'm going to bed

[CoffeeIncluded]

Yeah...You might want to get some sleep there.

[esmerelder]

@half-halfling: Awwww, bless them. Roy and Celia look so happy, and it's not as though they're really hurting anyone, now is it?

Oh, yeah, and I meant to say, @CoffeeIncluded:

*sings* Stude, stude, stude lingua Latina!

*hopes she remembered how to do first-person imperative properly*

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thank you! (And Catullus was a dirty, dirty man.)

[esmerelder]

Do you know, I am quite sure that Catullus would have approved of crack fic. Certainly some of his poems require the heavy application of brain bleach...

[CoffeeIncluded]

*Laughs* Oh yeah. Oh God, do some of them require brain bleach...

(The teacher (Who is awesome) openly suggested putting ice in the pants of one of the kids.)

[Zanaril]

What the hell is Haley doing?
Ah, it seems my Elven hormones were too much for her human mind.

Elves: Even their hormones are better.

Don't you mean:

What the hell is Haley doing?
Ah, it seems my Elven hormones were too much for her human mind.

[half-halfling]

Waiting for next chapter of water-smurf story, I've made a picture inspired by it:



and also a banner:



Making Vaarsuvius pregnant was difficult ,but I think it doesn't look bad. Fortunatelly her robes are similar to Kazumi's dress, so I could use it as a reference.

[Dark Faun]

Aw, I wanted to make a pregnant V too!

Awesome picture and banner. I think this banner is, so far, the most likely to scare people off if someone used it in their sig.

And I'm honored you made a banner for my story.

[Zanaril]

Awesome picture and banner. I think this banner is, so far, the most likely to scare people off if someone used it in their sig.

Or maybe it will draw them in; the image will be burned into their mind, the unanswered questions will plague their every waking moment and the possible answers will taint their dreams. Eventually, unable to resist any longer, they will click the banner out of certainty that the actual explanation cannot be as bad as the horrors their minds have wrought.
Then they read Cracklord's fic and we have to buy a straightjacket and a padded cell.

[mizzim]

Or maybe it will draw them in; the image will be burned into their mind, the unanswered questions will plague their every waking moment and the possible answers will taint their dreams. Eventually, unable to resist any longer, they will click the banner out of certainty that the actual explanation cannot be as bad as the horrors their minds have wrought.
Then they read Cracklord's fic and we have to buy a straightjacket and a padded cell.

That's how I got here. It's true, it works.
and then I read Cracklord's first fic. I didn't read the others.

[Monzach]

Hi guys and gals.

Sorry I haven't been too active in the thread of late (in fact, I haven't written in this thread at all ) I've been slightly down lately, due to the fact that I've lost my job. Oh well...

On to the commentaries, then!

I really liked the polymorph/"invasion of the body-snatchers" storyline, and I demands moar! (Sorry for that, a lolkitten took hold of my writing hand all of a sudden.)

Also, very nice pictures of late here, especially the "preggers V" ones. *applause*

I might write something during my newfound free time, if only I can find some inspiration somewhere. I dislike writing about the same Crack Pair as someone else, so I might have to stretch my creative mind a bit.

Unless of course I'll do an unhallowed crossover Crack-Fic...

[Zanaril]

Unless of course I'll do an unhallowed crossover Crack-Fic...

But which other fandom would you use?

[Monzach]

But which other fandom would you use?

*cackles ever-so slightly madly*

I was thinking of sending the Order through a rift into the world of Warhammer and just play it by the ear there. Although it probably won't be the whole gang, just a special two or three...

Then again, I may just not bother and write somekind of a vanilla Crack-Fic.

I like being inconsistent...

[Dark Faun]

Well, everything's possible with Chaos... Hm, Slayer!Miko. Or Miko x Sigmar. She's just so much in love with gods.

I wonder what Miko would think of V is he ascended to godhood?

And speaking of pregnancy, I'm in love with the idea of a little half elf running around, be the mother Miko or Haley.

[Zanaril]

And speaking of pregnancy, I'm in love with the idea of a little half elf running around, be the mother Miko or Haley.

A little undead half elf?

[Monzach]

Well, everything's possible with Chaos... Hm, Slayer!Miko. Or Miko x Sigmar. She's just so much in love with gods.

I wonder what Miko would think of V is he ascended to godhood?

And speaking of pregnancy, I'm in love with the idea of a little half elf running around, be the mother Miko or Haley.

Well, I'll have to consult with the forces of entropy, just so I can make sure I don't do a horrific blunder.

And I agree with your assessment of the cuteness of the OotS half-elfs.

[Dark Faun]

A little undead half elf?

Well, who knows how this scene ended?