Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[Oooohaloophole]

No, it's funny.

Fun Fact #1: I hate wearing skirts and dresses.

Fun Fact #2: At nerd camp there are "theme days". One of them was called Naughty Catholic School Girl Day. This was the only day in the entire year where I willingly wore a dress, and the only day ever where I actually wore a miniskirt and overall quite revealing outfit.

Fun Fact #3: No I am not showing pictures.

Not to intrude on your Privacy But, Where do you live? And Where is this camp located? Is is connected to your grades, Does it accept IB Grades? Cause It sounds like a fun place to go to, Im 14 and my dad is a Rich Russian Dude.

And does it acccept males? Or Jewish people?

[martinkou]

Not to intrude on your Privacy But, Where do you live? And Where is this camp located? Is is connected to your grades, Does it accept IB Grades? Cause It sounds like a fun place to go to, Im 14 and my dad is a Rich Russian Dude.

And does it acccept males? Or Jewish people?

Ah, are we going to write squicky fan fiction about real forum members? Just curious.

[Oooohaloophole]

Ah, are we going to write squicky fan fiction about real forum members? Just curious.

No I just wonder from Which part of our World Coffyincluded Sends its messages from. Im From Kiev Ukrian and Was Born in Boston USA.

[Asta Kask]

No, it's funny.

Fun Fact #1: I hate wearing skirts and dresses.

Nothing strange about that, so do I. :deadpan:

Fun Fact #2: At nerd camp there are "theme days". One of them was called Naughty Catholic School Girl Day. This was the only day in the entire year where I willingly wore a dress, and the only day ever where I actually wore a miniskirt and overall quite revealing outfit.

Fun Fact #3: No I am not showing pictures.

That's showmanship! Always leave them hungry.

BTW, you have a birthday coming up in... July? You could get one of them Leather Bikinis. We'd need pics, of course. Just to to check the quality of the leather.

[Dark_Stryke]

Don't worry, we're not /b/.

BTW, you have a birthday coming up in... July? You could get one of them Leather Bikinis. We'd need pics, of course. Just to to check the quality of the leather.

...Well, most of us aren't, anyway.

[Oooohaloophole]

...Well, most of us aren't, anyway.

What Does BTW Mean? Sorry if im not in tune with you HIP Amarician Language.

PS: We are all wierdoes. Seriosly wierd, I think that by bieng on this forum I am slowly transforming into something else.

[Asta Kask]

What Does BTW Mean? Sorry if im not in tune with you HIP Amarician Language.

PS: We are all wierdoes. Seriosly wierd, I think that by bieng on this forum I am slowly transforming into something else.

BTW = By The Way

And yes, you are. It's called aging.

[Oooohaloophole]

BTW = By The Way

And yes, you are. It's called aging.

No I meant its cured my homaphobia and fear of Pedophiles. Its also improved my Future plans for life (Crosses kill myself at end of collage off the list). I feal happier and stuff.

Edit: Coffy Included I dont know your Birthday but have a Very happy one. My parents forced me into 2 hours of clothes shopping. I dnt know about Girls but for boys its anoying.

[The Dark Fiddler]

That sounds awesome. How come, though?

And Yiuel: Nice sig.

People to People.

By the way, what titles and in what order do we have so far? Speaking of which I came up with:
Crack pairings: If it makes sense, you’re doing it wrong!
Crack pairings: Ignoring canon since May 2009

Spoiler

Show

1: Crack Pairings
2: Brain Bleach Not Included
3: 50% More Squick
4: You Can't Unread It
5: We Revel in Infamy
6: We’ve Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves
7: Warning: Zanaril’s Drinks are Spiked with Love Potion
8: We need a Half-Elf Template (Because if it doesn’t end in elven sex, we’ve done something wrong)
9: Your Soul is Now Forfeit
10: This is Getting a Bit Ridiculous
11: Leave your sanity at the Door
12: If it Makes Sense, We’re Doing it Wrong!
13: Ignoring Canon since May 2009

And we probably need to add something about Hotel California.

[Nathander]

Heh, nice story Dark Apprentice. I especially liked the last line.

And yes, you are. It's called aging.

It occurred to me awhile ago that I grew up on visiting forums. Just about every stage of my emotional and mental growth has been archived on several forums from about the time I was eleven in 1998 until now.

I'm not sure if I should be depressed by that or not.

[Sereg]

Seeing as though no one has taken my hint to heart and made new plot tables, I did:

Roll 1d4 to indicate which table to roll on:

1. Table 1 (ie. The original)
2. Table 2
3. Table 3
4. Table 4

Table 2
1. Dream Sequence
2. Anonymous Dating Service
3. Bodyswapped
4. Meta
5.Curse
6. Spell gone wrong
7. Damsel/dude in distress
8. Lots and lots of angst (because then it will be true art)
9. Amnesia
10. Mistaken identity
11.Genre shift
12. Finding “new uses” for objects
13. The real world
14. Geas/Quest
15. Zone of Truth
16. Truth, dare or command
17. Voyeurism
18. In a playground
19. Roll again twice
20. Roll again on another table

Table 3
1. Fulfilling an unusual fantasy (as demonstrated in Coffee Included’s V x Haley x Elan with Belkar watching fic)
2. Arranged marriage
3. Already married
4. Prostitution
5. Concubines
6. Inheritance of wealth and/or title from obscure dead relative
7. Class change/multiclassing
8. Team Evil is trying to save the world from the Oots’ plan to control/release the snarl
9. Past/future life
10. In 20 years from current comic
11. They discover that they are close relatives at the end
12. Disease
13. “The whole party is controlled by giant space cats and Xykon is from modern Earth”
14. Deus ex machina
15. With the author
16. With another crack-pairer
17. On the web-site
18. Lampshading (roll again)
19. Roll again twice
20. Roll again on another table

Table 4
1. While arguing with the author
2. It’s not them, it’s their players/character sheets/stat blocks/minis/dice (Yes, I know that this isn’t a game, but when have we let canon stand in our way)
3. To make someone else jealous
4. To save the world
5. Mind-control
6. Twins separated at birth
7. This is what the snarl actually does
8. In a watery environment
9. While under attack
10. Because of a literal genie
11. Because if they don’t they’ll die/get unmade
12. On the rebound
13. In jail/a dungeon
14. While playing strip-(insert game here)
15. Wardrobe malfunction
16. On meds
17. As part of their therapy
18. With a giant
19. With a subversion/aversion/inversion/double subversion of (roll again)
20. Roll again twice

I intend to use the new tables once I’ve finished my Thog x Miko fic.

Spoiler

Show

1: Crack Pairings
2: Brain Bleach Not Included
3: 50% More Squick
4: You Can't Unread It
5: We Revel in Infamy
6: We’ve Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves
7: Warning: Zanaril’s Drinks are Spiked with Love Potion
8: We need a Half-Elf Template (Because if it doesn’t end in elven sex, we’ve done something wrong)
9: Your Soul is Now Forfeit
10: This is Getting a Bit Ridiculous
11: Leave your sanity at the Door
12: If it Makes Sense, We’re Doing it Wrong!
13: Ignoring Canon since May 2009

And we probably need to add something about Hotel California.

Awesome. Add: Crack parings: Because depravity loves company

[Yiuel]

@Yiuel More commentary on your comic. I like that Joan has Crystal’s dagger. By the way, you’ve referred to Leilandius as male in the comic, I must say that I found the fact that you’d unambiguously identified both of V’s children as male is…disappointing (down ear fetish, down) however all was not lost. While I don’t normally go for blondes, Joan is just sooooooo cute. Of course, according to your high school pics, Leilandius is female. Yay!

Take it that both Leilandius and Arduvanius are still ambiguous. That Ardie mostly dresses like a boy will, at best, make hir look like a very feminine bishounen (I tried to show it by having his clothes smaller). It helps that to be a ranger, you need stealthy clothes, and men's clothes are usually better suited in most cultures. Leilandius is about the same, and while I made hir into the girl's band, it doesn't imply it's a girl, but just that Leilie feels more confortable in the girls' uniform. If you had seen its body completely, you would have seen that it's just round, no appearing boobs or features distinctively feminine. Basically, they're just being elven in their mindset. (Races of the Wild tells us that Elves are highly individualistic, and I wouldn't be surprised that they just don't care about gender, they care only about personality and confort. For all we know, Leilie and Ardie could be a boy and a girl, respectively. Or worse.)

And you find Joan cute? Well, her cloudcuckoolanderness certainly helps, I suppose. (I made sure that being a Cleric of Banjo would give her Knowledge (Bardic) as a class skill, just to push things ever further.)

Wait... what's with the OOTS junior thing?

What have I missed?!

It's only my small creation.

[Oooohaloophole]

Also Yuriel, Kickass drawing Style. Its Like Ordinary Oots But Different, much like everything you have. Good Stuff and Good Job....But I wonder who and Why would worshipe Banjo? His teachings are?

[Yiuel]

Also Yuriel, Kickass drwaing Style. Its Like Ordinary Oots But Different, much like everything you have. Good Stuff and Good Job....But I wonder who and Why would worshipe Banjo? His teachings are?

It's her father's god. Father who became (will have become, by the time of this new order) a hero, after all. I think that is enough in itself for Joan (and deadpan snarker Ross) to worship Banjo.

His teachings revolve around genre savviness and imagination (turning illusions or fantasies into reality).

[Eztheria]

If it makes sense you're doing it wrong

I hereby strongly disagree. At least to me, most of the stuff here is making perfect sense. It's the only way you can get me to read a story. Of course reading "ReddyxV" or "Female!VxMale!V" let you look confused for a moment, especially if the comments talk about making sense. Until you read it, that is. (Those two repeatedly hit the back of my had and ordered me to use them as examples. There are others, but they refrained from being that persistent. Waitasec I have 3 Vs in my head... <insert curse here>.)
Or is that making sense referring to any random "normal" person out there in these forums that accidently stumbled in here?

[Zanaril]

Until you read it, that is.

Then you cringe away from them for an entirely different reason.

[Eztheria]

Then you cringe away from them for an entirely different reason.

Or decide to stay, like I did :)

[Asta Kask]

Elan x Therkla

Spoiler

Show

w. apologies to Brian May.

Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Green colored girls
You make the bardic world go round
Hey
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew love before I left my nursery, huh
Left alone with big green tusker
And her voice was nice and husky
Green orc woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!

I've been singing with my band
Across the water across the land
I seen every red head floozy on the way, hey
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
C'mon

Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside that red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round

Hey listen here
I've been struck and I've been drained
Lost the levels I had gained
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Hey green woman you gonna make a big man of me
Now get this

Oh (I know) you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside that red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round
Yeah
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round
Get on your steeds and ride

Oooh yeah, alright, them green colored girls
Green colored girls
Yeah yeah yeah alright, hey, c'mon
Green colored girls
Yes yes

Comments?

[Oooohaloophole]

Elan x Therkla

Spoiler

Show

w. apologies to Brian May.

Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Green colored girls
You make the bardic world go round
Hey
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew love before I left my nursery, huh
Left alone with big green tusker
And her voice was nice and husky
Green orc woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!

I've been singing with my band
Across the water across the land
I seen every red head floozy on the way, hey
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
C'mon

Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside that red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round

Hey listen here
I've been struck and I've been drained
Lost the levels I had gained
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Hey green woman you gonna make a big man of me
Now get this

Oh (I know) you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside that red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round
Yeah
Green colored girls you make the bardic world go round
Get on your steeds and ride

Oooh yeah, alright, them green colored girls
Green colored girls
Yeah yeah yeah alright, hey, c'mon
Green colored girls
Yes yes

Comments?

This isnt crack (Eyes Narrow) But so is my story (PLEASE READ IT! PAGE 39)!.

But Fun Song! Deserves a Smile of Aproval

[The Odor]

Think you can work in some variation of that scene?

Yes possible.

Or decide to stay, like I did :)

What???

[Water-Smurf]

Whoa! Thread grow-age! :O

But it seems like I only have one person to reply to. Don't be shy about pointing yourself out if I missed your message. ^.^

Oh and if I where redcloak Id ALSO have one trick up my sleeve "Xycons Phylactery". I think you mentioned that Redcloak has it and if not well forget this. Its not a big advantage but its still one. For some reason I keep Imagining redcloak snapping and sorta doing a camicadze attack on Xycon while jumping off a cliff while using rebuke undead and smashing Xycons Phylactery.

Xykon doesn't trust Redcloak with the phylactery anymore. All Xykon has over his head is the vague possibility that the Plan could still be successful and Right-Eye's death can still be worth something, and the concrete threat of harm towards his daughter. Reddy's proven that the hold the Plan has over him isn't as strong as it was before he had Vaarsuvius and Tiasal, so all Xykon knows he has is Tia. He won't trust a minion like that with his phylactery--as soon as some adventurer kills him, Reddy could smash it, pick up Tiasal, and go on his merry way.

Xykon's hidden the phylactery with someone else. I'm not saying who.

Have you thought about Tiasal taking it the other way around and using her sexual looks (But with more Subtelty than ....darn, still cannot remember her name) as a tool for some sort?

She doesn't know enough about sexuality to use it at this point. She doesn't know what sex is.

When she grows up, she has the potential of that because she's a beautiful girl (who will probably grow to be attractive), but I doubt that she would ever think to do that. If she grows up under Xykon, I have this feeling that she'd detach herself from her body like Vaarsuvius and her sexuality would be little more than a gift to give to those who she is loyal to.

Like lets not forget that Tiasal is doubting everybody and I dont think Xycon deserves an exeption. Shure youv given a Big Profile on how she would trust him but still, he works on a Why shouldnt I kill you basis" and her excuse is that she is a tool for manipulating Her father, I probably wouldnt forgett that im living on the fact That im entertianing and a tool (Wether or not im willing to work for him is just a bonus).

It's easy to say that in the comfort of your home with a (presumably) traditional family life, but Tiasal doesn't have either of that. She's lived her entire life in a field with no one to talk to but her family and the odd visitor. Xykon is all that is stable. He is the Father archetype. Redcloak, to her, is a concept. A concept that she's very angry at, even if she doesn't realize it. She sees manipulating him as a plus because of all the things being his daughter has made her go through.

She knows that Xykon doesn't have her best interests in mind, but she is capable of predicting him more or less accurately, so she trusts him.

And is it just me or does everybody NOT want the relationship between Tiasal and Xycon?

I don't write to please. I write what works.

Oh and can you tell me her Future outfit? Id like to draw that.

Well, Dark!Tiasal (as in, the one who grew up under Xykon's tutelage) would probably have a tight strapless floor-length dress in traditional evil sorceress style. I imagine it to be black and navy, possibly with something of a black bone-like structure around the ribs, as if a giant skeletal fist were loosely wrapped around it. She would have long hair--it'd probably be to the small of her back and be fluffy and shiny (again, in traditional evil sorceress style)--and probably a necklace at her throat. It would be something important--Xykon's phylactery, the two stones that had Vaarsuvius and Lirian/Dorukan, something like that--and I'm assuming that cleavage would be shown off. Can you tell that Tsukiko was the one to show her how to dress?

And I guess Loved!Tiasal (as in, the one who escaped and grew up the rest of the time with her parents) would wear robes--possibly yellow or purple or navy--or loose-fitting peasant shirt/pants combination. Nothing too slutty or distinguished or feminine--just what is comfortable and what she can move around in.

[Silverraptor]

It's only my small creation.

Cool. Can you show me what you've done so far?

[The Odor]

Cool. Can you show me what you've done so far?

You will be impressed by his work.

[Zanaril]

Well, Dark!Tiasal (as in, the one who grew up under Xykon's tutelage) would probably have a tight strapless floor-length dress in traditional evil sorceress style. I imagine it to be black and navy, possibly with something of a black bone-like structure around the ribs, as if a giant skeletal fist were loosely wrapped around it. She would have long hair--it'd probably be to the small of her back and be fluffy and shiny (again, in traditional evil sorceress style)--and probably a necklace at her throat. It would be something important--Xykon's phylactery, the two stones that had Vaarsuvius and Lirian/Dorukan, something like that--and I'm assuming that cleavage would be shown off. Can you tell that Tsukiko was the one to show her how to dress?

Artistic urges.... tingling....

[Mystic Muse]

This isnt crack (Eyes Narrow) But so is my story (PLEASE READ IT! PAGE 39)!.
l

you see, I might if the story interested me but according to my account page 39 doesn't exist yet.

[Mystic Muse]

Artistic urges.... tingling....

yeah "artistic" urges.

[Reynard]

Okay, after a couple of days catching up on this...

You are all very strange people.

[Silverraptor]

Okay, after a couple of days catching up on this...

You are all very strange people.

If we weren't, none of this would exist.

[Zanaril]

Okay, after a couple of days catching up on this...

You are all very strange people.

Only very?

Anything further to add about your general first impression of the thread?

What squicks you out the most, if anything?

[Closak]

Probably the hot dragon-on-everything-else action

IDEA!

ABD/SCIENCE!

Friggin dragons wil have sex with anything, even the concept of SCIENCE! isn't safe.

...What?