LGBTAitP #38: Once More With Feeling!!

[Irish Musician]

...No, no no!!! I need you to imagine a place full of men, women, both, neither, kobolds, birdies, cats, bunnies, eevee, ponies.....then fill that place with all the colors of the rainbow and put a bunch of plates of cookies and cakes everywhere, along with blankets, pillows, and awesome support from awesome people! Now.....Once More, WITH FEELING!!

Hello folks! This is the thirty-eighth LGBTAitP thread! The thread is to support, celebrate and discuss anything that falls outside the bounds of what is heterocisnormative. It is first of all a support thread, and then an education thread. If you want answers about some of the more difficult and trigger inducing aspects of LGBTA, there are a number of people listed below who can answer questions.

Please note that although the title of the thread names only the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Asexual communities, it is intended as an all inclusive environment. Everyone is welcome. L, G, B,T, A, Q, I, A, N, V, P, R, Q, Ω, ♅, everyone. As long as they behave themselves.

If you have a question or two about LGBTA+, you can ask it here! You can ask for advice and support in here.

In addition, many members are willing to give private advice one on one, either through email or PM. The best way to do this is asking for PM help in thread, or else to PM one of the following people:

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Name: Especially familiar with the topic(s) of
KenderWizard: General/basics, gender and feminism, bisexuality
Musashi: General/basics, asexuality/demisexuality, depression
noparlpf: General/basics, asexuality, greysexuality, biology, Skype
Lea Plath: Genderfluidity
Lycunadari: Genderqueer and agendered
Eldest: General/basics, bisexuality, polyamory, pansexuality will Skype(voice if needed, no video)
Karen Lynn: General/basics, pansexuality, polyamory, will Skype(no voice or video, however)
HMS Sophia: Trans stuff (esp hormones)
Lix Lorn: General/basics
Tanail: Trans stuff (esp emotional issues), Skype(no voice or video, however)
Absol197: Gender identity issues
Warkitty: Academic/technical discussions
Lentrax: General/basics, depression, bullying
Wormwood74: Transgender legal issues, transgender outside contacts
Astrella: GSRM rights, feminism, trans stuff, Skype
Asteron Questar: Relationships, depression
Mystic Muse: Skype-y goodness.
Socratov: Skype-ness
Chess435: Skype
Irish Musician: PM, Rants/Venting
Metditto: PM/Skype for L, T, GQ, BDSM(Off-thread or Spoiler Triggered), demisexual, feminism, therapy, depression, dissociative identities
inuyasha: Shoulder on which to cry, someone to listen
Partysan: PM/Skype, polyamory, pansexuality, BDSM(Off-thread or Spoiler Triggered), Rants/Venting

Some people are also willing to talk off-board, through Skype or email or other means, this is especially useful if your question involves board-forbidden topics such as religion or politics. Also, we can't (and ethically shouldn't!) give medical advice. If you need medical advice, please see a professional!


Here are the rules of this thread!

• Everyone is welcome. Let's try to keep from seeming otherwise.
• Keep this topic free of politics and religion. (so, don't violate the board rules, plz)
• It's beyond the scope of this thread to discuss whether LGBT is "Right." (And really, most discussions probably should avoid moralizing too much anyway)
• Please refrain from posting sexually explicit content. (Keep it friendly as well as board safe )

Here are the links for the previous threads, where much of use or interest may be found:

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1. LGBT people in the playground
   
2. LGBT people in the playground - part II
   
3. LGBTitp - part III
   
4. LGBTitp 4: We are a family?
   
5. LGBTitp - Part Five
   
6. LGBTitp - Part Six
   
7. LGBTitp - Part Seven
   
8. LGBTitp - Part Eight
   
9. LGBTitp - Part Nine
   
10. LGBTAitp - Part Ten
    
11. LGBTAitp - Part Eleven
    
12. LGBTAitp - Part Twelve
    
13. LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen
    
14. LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen
    
15. LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen
    
16. LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen
    
17. LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen
    
18. LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen!
    
19. LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen
    
20. LGBTAitp - Part Twenty - Critical Hit!
    
21. LGBTAitp - Part Twenty-One - BLACKJACK!
    
22. LGBTAitP Part 22: The Best There Is
    
23. LGBTAitP Part 23: Et tu, ~Bianca?
    
24. LGBTAitP: Alphabet Soup-with 24 different Vitamins!
    
25. LGBTAitP part 25: Doing Away With Subtitles
    
26. LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles
    
27. LGBTAitP 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
    
28. LGBTAitP #28: Come Taste the Rainbow!
    
29. LGBTAitP #29: The Rainbow Outreach Program
    
30. LGBTAitP 30: Free Cuddles (Enquire Within)
    
31. LGBTAitP #31: Cuddles Are On Back Order. Have Some Snuggles!
    
32. LGBTAitp #32: The Great Plushie Invasion!
    
33. LGBTAitp #33: The Thread at the End of the Rainbow!
    
34. LGTAitP #34: <3!!
    
35. LGBTAitp #35: What Midlife Crisis? :3
    
36. LGBTAitp #36: May Contain Bites!
    
37. 
    LGBTAitP #37: Once upon a time...

And, for reference, here is the Thousand&Wordster Dictionary of Commonly Used LGBTAitp Words and Phrases

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Lagerbeta: A fine brewski to be drunk by queers and allies.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*
Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender
LGBTA: LGBT+Asexual/Allies
QUILTBAG:

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Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender, Transexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual
G - Gay, Genderqueer

Allies: Straight people that support equality for sexuality and gender minorities.
MtF: Male-to-Female: A woman born with male nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans woman)
FtM: Female-to-Male: A man born with female nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans man)
GQ: Genderqueer.
CS: Cis-sexual: sex and gender match (a male with male nibblies, a female with female nibblies.
TS: Transsexual: Sex and gender disparity.
HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's take more progestrogens and oestrogens and FtM's take more testosterone (I think?)
SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa depending on direction. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.
FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Plastic surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. not very common.
AFAB/AMAB: Assigned Female/Male at Birth
FAAB/MAAB: Female/Male Assigned at Birth.


Man: A cisman or transman. Male.
Woman: A ciswoman or transwoman. Female.
Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.
Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between male and female.
Agendered: Someone who feels neither male nor female.
Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa.
Masculine: Something generally associated with men.
Feminine: Something generally associated with women.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.
Gay: A man who is attracted to men.
Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their gender.
Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to two genders (usually men and women, sometimes transgender instead of one of those).
Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender.
Asexual: A person who does not feel any/some sexual attraction.
Demisexual: A person who is sexually attracted to someone(s) they have formed an intense emotional relationship with.
Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.
Radosexual: A person who is only attracted to rad people.
Pomosexual: A person who avoids SO labels.

Sexual Orientation: How one identifies who they are attracted to. (SO)
Gender Identity: How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other". (GI)
Gender Expression: How one expresses their GI to society. (GE)
Significant Other(s): Person you are in a relationship with. (SO)

Webcomics that touch on... Well, everything related to the thread.

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Venus Envy. Long dead webcomic. The creator has chosen not to continue it and move forward in life.
Rain. A story of a MtF girl in high school.
Khaos Komix.As the creator puts it(from his site): "A complete GLBTWTFBBQ comic about gender and sexuality. (Trigger warnings for EVERYTHING and nothing is safe for work.)"
Always Raining Here. "Adrian is heartsick, Carter is horny. This is a story about their misadventures as awkward teenagers as they fumble through unrequited romances."
Tripping over you.An awkward blind date leads to better options.
Questionable Content. The LGBTA characters are well done, and not stereotypes.
What's normal anyway. An FtM webcomic. Seems decent so far.

I know I missed a few webcomics, and if anyone finds more, feel free to PM them to me with a brief description, and I will add them.

The Brand New LGBTA Arts & Crafts Thread!

[Philemonite]

Yay, my suggestion won.

[Irish Musician]

Yay, my suggestion won.

I did like it better

My theater/fabulous side won out with your suggestion had had an idea about starting it.
I hope I didn't offend anyone

~Matthew~

[MetDitto]

Oh, I can be PMed or skyped for the following issues: lesbian, trans, genderqueer, demisexual, feminism, therapy, depression, dissociative identities

Edit: critiquing your intro, "Evies" should be "eevies," (maybe capitalized? Haven't played Pokemon since a while) and most numbers over 10ish~ you're supposed to use numerals instead of letters (so "38th" instead of "thirty-eighth") but that's just my anal english coming out. :P

[MeanMrsMustard]

Woo! The beginning's a bit corny, but I like it.
Bookmarked.

[inuyasha]

Can u add me to the list in the op as someone just to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, a cookie baker, and a hug giver :3

~Dirk~

[Eldest]

Oh, right, mind adding polyamory and pansexuality to me as well on that list? (By now, I'd say I know a fair bit more about poly stuff). And the opening is nice.

[Irish Musician]

Oh, I can be PMed or skyped for the following issues: lesbian, trans, genderqueer, demisexual, feminism, therapy, depression, dissociative identities

Added! Along with adding some things I forgot to add before

Woo! The beginning's a bit corny, but I like it.
Bookmarked.

Well, that's me! I'm a big nerd/dork. It's ok, I own it

EDIT: Added Eldest and inuyasha's requests as well.

~Matthew~

[Karen Lynn]

It would be eevee(I am empirically stating that it is both singular and plural). Lower case since we're only using it as a species name.

[Irish Musician]

It would be eevee(I am empirically stating that it is both singular and plural). Lower case since we're only using it as a species name.

Ah, thank you for the correction....I wasn't quite sure

[Partysan]

Yay for not being IP banned anymore and new thread.

This is probably the third thread in which I ask for me to be added to the list of advisers, but I always ended up being ignored. If I'm unsuited for the job, I'd at least like to now why...
That said:

By the way, please add me in the top post: I can help with the issues of polyamory and pansexuality (which right now Karen is alone with), I can address BDSM but am unsure if you want to include that as it's not an LGBT issue (nor is polyamory though) and I am willing to listen to rants and venting as I'm rather unsusceptible to most triggers. Also, I'll skype.

And since I had to clarify last time: I will only address board-inappropriate topics over off-board communication.

I've said what I think about flirting every time this came up, but in short: I'd never have come to love and trust this thread so much without all the playful banter and affection. There's been times when it went too far, but lets not throw out the baby with the bath-water there.
I am, however, in favour of having the caveat of spoiling triggers in the OP.

Also, I love you all.

[MetDitto]

I am Meditto :P

Edit: ooh, can we talk about BDSM? if so... you can consolidate my list to: PM/Skype for L, T, GQ, BDSM, demisexual, feminism, therapy, depression, dissociative identities. Sorry for the edits, Matthew! Last time~

[inuyasha]

I am Meditto :P

Metditto, at least spell your own name right

[Lady Serpentine]

Since Partysan brought up the flirting thing again (not saying that's bad or anything, just that the topic is now a thing here too):

What were people's answers to my question last thread?

[MetDitto]

Metditto, at least spell your own name right

That's what I was poking at

Since Partysan brought up the flirting thing again (not saying that's bad or anything, just that the topic is now a thing here too):

What were people's answers to my question last thread?

I think if it was just hugging, you'd be right. But there's biting and licking and other very intimate things.

Edit: I'm not actually invested in this debate, I just think that often the people that would feel uncomfortable about those things would be too shy to come forward... if that makes sense. Devil's advocate, I guess?

[Partysan]

Since Partysan brought up the flirting thing again (not saying that's bad or anything, just that the topic is now a thing here too):

Sorry if I brought over unwanted baggage there. It just bugged me that we were having that conversation again.

[Lady Serpentine]

Sorry if I brought over unwanted baggage there. It just bugged me that we were having that conversation again.

*Checks*

I did mention that wasn't a bad thing.

[Kneenibble]

Budgie hugs for all readers in the new thread.

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Well, since I haven't posted anything really gay here for a while... I saw a guy I knew from my first year of University the other day in a grocery store, who I believe was interested in me at the time. At the time, alas, I was not fully out, nor comfortable enough with myself to be reciprocal. This is a few months short of ten years ago.

We didn't say hi, since I was with a friend, but we shared a definite "look" in the crisp aisle. My friend and I laughing over a bag of kettle-cooked salt and vinegar, he peering around the corner to wonder who the idiot cackling was. Holy smokes is he ever handsome now, lean and stubbly and curly black hair just slightly peppered about the temples with salt.

I have regretted not saying hello and am crossing my fingers I run into him again soon. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, which was destructive and awful to the extreme, and little Mabel cannot scratch all my itchies.

[Irish Musician]

@Metditto & Partysan - Added/Edited. I tend to get a head of myself, so I am very glad they made an "edit" button in this forum

Also, should I add "Girls with Slingshots" to the comic list? I love that comic, personally, just didn't know if it should be added up there.

@C'norRaven - I will do whatever I need to to make people feel more comfortable

~Matthew~

[Kindablue]

Since Partysan brought up the flirting thing again (not saying that's bad or anything, just that the topic is now a thing here too):

What were people's answers to my question last thread?

There has been a discussion about whether or not there's too much flirting here and if what flirting there is augments or diminishes the purpose of this thread in almost every version of it I've participated in. I can't say if it's a real problem, but it's not an isolated one.

[MetDitto]

Hmm. What are the thread's thoughts on spoilering the list of people and topics they can talk about and moving it to the rest of the spoilers? I feel like the long lists should all be together and spoilered... But I like patterns more than most people

[Partysan]

*Checks*

I did mention that wasn't a bad thing.

So you did. Thanks for that

Budgie hugs for all readers in the new thread.

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Well, since I haven't posted anything really gay here for a while... I saw a guy I knew from my first year of University the other day in a grocery store, who I believe was interested in me at the time. At the time, alas, I was not fully out, nor comfortable enough with myself to be reciprocal. This is a few months short of ten years ago.

We didn't say hi, since I was with a friend, but we shared a definite "look" in the crisp aisle. My friend and I laughing over a bag of kettle-cooked salt and vinegar, he peering around the corner to wonder who the idiot cackling was. Holy smokes is he ever handsome now, lean and stubbly and curly black hair just slightly peppered about the temples with salt.

I have regretted not saying hello and am crossing my fingers I run into him again soon. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, which was destructive and awful to the extreme, and little Mabel cannot scratch all my itchies.

These adorable birds every time... Anyway, that at least sounds like a nice little moment and a source for optimism. Best of luck there!

@Metditto & Partysan - Added/Edited. I tend to get a head of myself, so I am very glad they made an "edit" button in this forum

Also, should I add "Girls with Slingshots" to the comic list? I love that comic, personally, just didn't know if it should be added up there.

@C'nor - I will do whatever I need to to make people feel more comfortable

~Matthew~

I once suggested dividing webcomics in one category for those centered on LGBT issues and one for those just positively touching on them. If we do so, we can allow ourselves more leeway with the selection.

[Delusion]

Sometimes I feel like I just come here to post tired rant once every four months or so instead of contributing really anything. Oh well.

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So I'm tired of havng to appear strong when I'm realy really not. Lately few of my friends have had big problems and two of them have turned on me for emotional support. Which I really appreciate, but I feel like I have to put on mask that pretends that everything will be okay. I feel like I should be able to say more thna just "*hugs*" and "aww" and "You can try again next year". I feel I am inadequate help to those I care about but for some reason they appear to think otherwise and... gah!

Because of that same feeling of inadequecy I haven't been able to work on my novel or on my voice, both of which are important to me but seem impossible to start. And I dread the start of school aswell, I keep thinking I'll fail as I always do.

The silver lining on this all is that I might begetting hormones this fall. Might be. Which is cool but going full time also means I need to start seriously coming out to rest of my friends and family which I am dreading aswell. I don't think I'd lose members or anything but it will surely be awkward, and I am socially anxious enough already.

[Lady Serpentine]

You're welcome.

Speaking of webcomics... I think consensus last thread or the one before was for us to add Twokinds to the list?

@Delusion: I've felt like that too sometimes. But it does help. Think of it this way - if you weren't doing enough to make them feel better, if not necessarily good, would they keep coming back?

[Astrella]

@Kneenibble; Well, I hope you run into him again then.

@Delusion; Feeling you can't do much to help is an awful feeling, but remember that sometimes what helps the most is just knowing that there is someone there who cares about you, who listens to your worries and cares about you. You are helping even if you might think you aren't.

*offers hugs for all the rest, I'm not immediately sure what to say to that because it's stuff that affects me a lot as well*

@Astrella:
That's tough :/ Hugs?

*hugs* Thank you~

[Irish Musician]

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So I'm tired of havng to appear strong when I'm realy really not. Lately few of my friends have had big problems and two of them have turned on me for emotional support. Which I really appreciate, but I feel like I have to put on mask that pretends that everything will be okay. I feel like I should be able to say more thna just "*hugs*" and "aww" and "You can try again next year". I feel I am inadequate help to those I care about but for some reason they appear to think otherwise and... gah!

Because of that same feeling of inadequecy I haven't been able to work on my novel or on my voice, both of which are important to me but seem impossible to start. And I dread the start of school aswell, I keep thinking I'll fail as I always do.

The silver lining on this all is that I might begetting hormones this fall. Might be. Which is cool but going full time also means I need to start seriously coming out to rest of my friends and family which I am dreading aswell. I don't think I'd lose members or anything but it will surely be awkward, and I am socially anxious enough already.

Sometimes all people need is a hug and someone to listen while they gets things out. As someone who always wants to fix things, emotional, mechanical, and everything else, I had to learn to just be supportive for people and listen and be there for them, as opposed to trying to fix it. And while it may not seem like you are really "doing" something for them, you are....and they appreciate it.

The best advice I can give to work on your voice? Work on it in the shower. No joke. The best place to work on voice things, in my semi-professional opinion. That is where I practice songs/singing and train my voice to go higher or lower, and train it to do what I want it to do. It isn't going to be an overnight thing, but after a couple of weeks of messing around with your range, you will notice that the range will go up (or down if that is what you are going for). Of course everyone is different, and the more you do the better you will understand your voice so therefore it will go quicker. But my suggestion? Start with something simple. Just go up and down in your register and seeing how high you can go (without hurting yourself!!) and how low you can go (without hurting yourself!!). From there you can get a good idea of what your range is, and try even going falsetto and see how high you can go there. Semi-Pro Tip: The more you work on your Falsetto, the stronger it gets and the more it sounds like your natural register. Any more questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Also, we are here for support, don't feel bad about posting ever!

~Matthew~

[Lady Serpentine]

I think if it was just hugging, you'd be right. But there's biting and licking and other very intimate things.

Edit: I'm not actually invested in this debate, I just think that often the people that would feel uncomfortable about those things would be too shy to come forward... if that makes sense. Devil's advocate, I guess?

Whoops, missed this...

Anyway, though - I'm still curious as to whether or not people would feel differently if it were IRL, and why? Fair enough if you don't care either way, though.

~Raven~

[Lycunadari]

Well, in my very humble opinion, I think that the less stressed EVERYONE can be for a sit down like that, the better. Because just you thinking about telling your mom with all this stuff stressing her out, is in turn stressing you out more. So I would say, even though you really want to tell her (and you should tell her) timing can be your friend. Because it doesn't matter if you are as supportive as you can be, having someone you have known for years and years and raised since a baby drop big news like that on you while you are super duper stressed anyway is going to be huge. Note: I am not saying that telling her is bad, nor that she will take it bad. I am merely saying that maybe waiting until life dies down a little might be beneficial to the both of you. Whatever road you take, good luck and we will be here for you

~Matthew~

The problem is, it won't get any calmer soon, because I'm moving out literally the day after we come back from Australia and the time after that will be extremely stressful for me because I'll be living with new people, have to work with people and anything regarding people is difficult for me. And I'll only be able to come home every few weeks. So I either come out now, or not until autumn or even winter. And I really don't want to wait that long.

There's never going to be a perfect time, I don't think. There's always something. I suggest doing it ASAP, so she has more time to adjust, myself. But that's rather generic advice...

You're probably right...

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I say: Be a little egoistic. Your parents may be stressed at the moment, but so are you. And it will only get worse with time for you.
If you are determined to wait for your parents to get a bit more relaxed, then that is of course an option.

Personally, i just can't imagine putting up with this kind of stress for long. I'm the kind of person who bursts it out after a day of keeping secret because i just can't keep something like that to myself. It would eat me up.
I may be someone who is especially bad at keeping secrets though. Even more so when it is something as important as gender identity which primarily affects oneself.

So i guess my advice would be not to torture yourself (too much). Just come out before the stress gets too much, it doesn't help your parents either if you are obviously in distress because of something. At least my mum always knows when somethings wrong and worries about me. Always.

I usually tell them everything very soon, but I wanted to be really sure first. And I know that my mother worries about me, but there are (or were, it's getting better) so many things wrong with depression and anxiety and school stuff, that I can't really count on her motherly "something is wrong!" instinct with this.

I'm not really sure what to suggest, Juniper. Best you can really do is hope for a quiet moment to sit down with your mum and talk to her.

I hope it all works out for you, hun.

Thanks.

Hmm, being concerned about not wanting to make your mum more stressed out is something I worry about a lot, but there probably isn't going to be a perfect time to come out. How about when your sister is around before you leave for Australia cause you mentioned you'd like to have her around for it?

That's probably not a good time, because it will be really close before we leave and my mother is always especially stressed out shortly before we go somewhere. But there might be another occasion, we planned on seeing Hamlet at the open-air theatre near my grandparents and my sister wanted to see it as well. Maybe we will have a quiet moment afterwards or something. Just need my grandparent to go to bed earlier...

Budgie hugs for all readers in the new thread.

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Well, since I haven't posted anything really gay here for a while... I saw a guy I knew from my first year of University the other day in a grocery store, who I believe was interested in me at the time. At the time, alas, I was not fully out, nor comfortable enough with myself to be reciprocal. This is a few months short of ten years ago.

We didn't say hi, since I was with a friend, but we shared a definite "look" in the crisp aisle. My friend and I laughing over a bag of kettle-cooked salt and vinegar, he peering around the corner to wonder who the idiot cackling was. Holy smokes is he ever handsome now, lean and stubbly and curly black hair just slightly peppered about the temples with salt.

I have regretted not saying hello and am crossing my fingers I run into him again soon. It's been a year and a half since my last relationship, which was destructive and awful to the extreme, and little Mabel cannot scratch all my itchies.

*cuddles with budgies*
Good luck!

– Juniper

[Delusion]

Was reading replies, when I started noticing first signs of migraine. So will read them tomorrow >.>

[Irish Musician]

The problem is, it won't get any calmer soon, because I'm moving out literally the day after we come back from Australia and the time after that will be extremely stressful for me because I'll be living with new people, have to work with people and anything regarding people is difficult for me. And I'll only be able to come home every few weeks. So I either come out now, or not until autumn or even winter. And I really don't want to wait that long.

Then maybe taking an hour with your mom and going to dinner with her, maybe your sister too....or cooking at home, just you three, and talking with her then. Just be clear that it is an important thing for you to talk about and you need her undivided attention, and support, for a little while. Make the situation nice and calm, if life refuses to be, and give yourselves plenty of time for questions and explanations so you aren't rushing each other and you don't leave things in this super, open way.

Of course this is merely a humble, outside suggestion

Was reading replies, when I started noticing first signs of migraine. So will read them tomorrow >.>

Feel better. I get those too (genetic from my dad) so I feel you!

~Matthew~