Say DnD was real: Tychris's evil expansion

[Tychris1]

The darker side to Cogidubnus's "Say DnD was Real" story.
It can be found here. (If you dare)

Update One: Yen

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Today I woke up in my bed. Of course, were else would I sleep? The room is little more then a barn, DnD books strewn across the place, two d20's lying next to my gerbil cage..... Who was dead, big shocker there, and this would make it the what? Ninth gerbil I've blown through? "Meh, I'll get to cleaning out the cage later." I think before hoping out of bed. And if any of you perverts were wondering, yes I am a girl. The names Yen, and that's the only name you'll know me by. I'm a bit of a shut in, 17 year old DnD geek with a crummy job that pays good. Yawning I opened up my drawer, grabbing a black shirt with the word "Jerk" printed in white letters on the front. Put on my blue jeans, grabbed my trusty shovel and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. Walking over to the table I notice a bowl of cereal, milk in it, and a spoon lying next to it with a note stuck to it. Reading it from a distance I see it says "We'll be out of town for a month on a business trip, please, PLEASE, try not to break a hole in the house. Love Mom xoxo".

I grunt, it was a typical note, and it was used to cover up for them leaving to go god knows where. Occasionally it was a trip but it was mainly some kind of vacation they couldn't bother spending the cash to bring me along with. "Typical bastards, atleast they remembered to leave food and pour a bowl this time." I say to no one in particular. Taking two steps forward I stop, a grin across my face now. You see, yesterday me and a friend of mine named Lara were watching Star Wars for the 7th time in a week. Deciding to joke around about her calling me "A Sith Lord" I raise my hand and point it at the spoon. Concentrating I try to use the Force to raise the spoon.

It began to rise.

It began to bloody freaking rise.

A small hue of light encircled it as it rose upwards, my face stiff with a mixture of shock and fear. I attempt to rationalize it, "I'm in a hangover from last night! Lara set this up! She's pulling a string or something from a hole, that b**** I'll kill her if she's doing this!". But the more I began to think the more my hand began to move around (I like using my hands when I talk, ok?). And whenever my finger moved, the spoon went with it. It was far to synchronized with my finger to be Lara pulling a string. My jaw began to drop as I realized what was happening. I pulled my finger back in and the spoon went flying forward, once it got to about 15 feet away from me it began to drop and fall. It finally came to me, the culmination of all my dreams finally coming to fruition.

"I'M A FREAKING SITH!" I yell out at the top of my lungs as I hit the floor with my knees and raise my fist in triumph.

Today was going to be a good day.

Update 2: Yen

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A grin across my face I hastily begin to eat my cereal. Lucky charms, nothing special about it. Grabbing my shovel I open up the front door with a heavy kick. Skipping out I look about, seeing the dirty hobos, angry multi racial taxi drivers, and horrible atrocities commitedon a almost minutely basis. "Ahhhh, I love New York." I say to myself. Turning around I look at my house, compared to the apartment buildings surronding it the blue two story building would look more at home in a suburbs then the dirty gang lands of Manhatten New York. Skipping forward I make my way over to the bus stop. All the while humming a little song (Iron Man by Black Sabbath) as I wait for the bus. A few people begin to crowd around me, so I flash my shovel with a grin to send a message "Back off, or your face won't be so rounded anymore".

After a minute or two the bus pulls up, as everyone begins to load into the bus a idea forms into my head, and since I have The Force backing me up I can finally pull it off. Stepping into the bus a fat hispanic bus driver glances one of his lazy eyes towards me. The other focusing on the road ahead of him "...You just gona stand there, or you gona pay a buck and get on?" he says to me. A wide grin across my face I raise two of my fingers and make a negative parabola (Frowney face) motion with them. "I do not need to pay for the bus ride," I say and at first he simply snorts me off, but soon his eyes snap back to a regular position, he turns his head to me (A strange light green hue around his head, wonder why the force keeps making those) and repeats what I said in a monotone voice "You will drop me off at the "Jefferson Graveyard" and give me all the money you have collected." he repeats it again. Now satisfied I sit down and begin to sing the song outloud, annoying a drunken hobo sitting next to me (His pants soaked with either piss or booze, or maybe both).

Finally arriving at the graveyard I collect my fee, making sure to wack the bus driver in the face with my shovel before running away quickly. Counting my dough I finally get down to my job; Gravedigger. Looking at the list of coffins I begin to get to work. 4 hours later it's around the time to take a break. Grabbing my pb and j I take a bite of it under a wilted black tree, drooping over on the top of a hill overlooking the massive graveyard. In the back of my head I start to have this burning sensation, a almost call to do something, and it is guiding me to the coffins I haven't buried yet. Reluctantly I go along with it, sliding down the mountain with a triumphant "WEE!" and ending the slide at one of the coffins. Rubbing my chin my hand begins to shackily release it's grip from my chin and slowly creep it's way over to the lid. Clutching it I release a sigh of relief as the tension in the air broke. "Should I really be doing this? This is someones loved one! Then again, who's here to complain? I have every right to open this coffin! It's my job!" my mind thinks as it enters a bit of a civil war. Finally saying "Fu** it, let's just get this over with." I whip open the cover and look inside.

Nothing but a skeleton. I let out a little laugh at the whole silly "Mental sub concious calling" but there was something strange. As if I'm missing something, looking more closely at the skeleton I see it is clutching a elegant looking pen, and at first glance I would have scoffed it and looked on but there was something different.... it was glowing gold. Reaching for it I play a little tug of war with it until I take the pen from it. Focusing on it the tiny burning sensation seemed to be blaring red hot. It was now showing me a image of the skeleton rising up over and over again, but it wasn't a mental picture more of an underlying picture that was implied (Yeah I know it's complicated, I got hormones and all that jazz). Concentrating on it made the image more and more clear, up until I opened my eyes and noticed it was happening right infront of me.

Reaching forward the skeleton trys to grab at my face, shrieking loudly a fall back with my shovel in a defencive position, and my left hand extended forward. Waiting for the fight of my life I realize it stopped, I look at it puzzled and thought I most of controlled it's mind or something "Sit? Jump? Do the thriller?" I say to it, and it does each one without a second thought.

So I wasn't a Sith Lord..... I was a Necromancer......

Kick A**

Update the Third: NOT DEAD YET BROTHERS!: Yen

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As I stare at the skeleton standing upright in the coffin, giving a pretty damn good imitation of Michael Jackson (Heh, now that I think about it, maybe I could raise MJ to show this sucker how you do it right...) I begin to pinch myself to make sure I'm not passed out on the tree or anything. Feeling the small sting of pain I realize that yep I'm not dreaming. Telling the skeleton to stop it stiffens its body and slowly takes a hunched over position with its arms drooping down. Weird, must be its relaxing state or whatever. Telling it to follow me I begin to inspect the pen, it's still golden which is kind of weird. On closer inspection I see that a little bit of ink is at the tip of it. Staring at it for a bit I notice the difference in hues and realize that the pen isn't glowing but the ink is. Walking over to the nearest coffin I order the skeleton to open it, which it does alot faster than I did, and lying inside is yet another corpse. Thinking hard on raising it the corpse rises up as a skeleton from the coffin. I jerk back as it leans over with its mouth agape but remember the hand trick and soon dominate it.

I go about this process for another coffin before I notice that I can't raise anymore with the pen. Opening up the pen I see that it is drained of all ink "Probably used it as a fuel source for the raising" I say to the skeletons, what? It gets lonely at the graveyard you know. My mind begins to think up ideas a million miles an hour. "What about a traveling show? The three skeleton tap dancers? I could get them top hats and canes then teach them how to dance and imitate noises to do comedy skits? No, that'd scare the bajeebus out of little kids. So maybe I could offer them to the army? Soldiers that never need to rest or sleep! Bullets would go literally straight through them! Explosions on the other hand might be harder to overcome but I think I can still work this out. Hmmm, but then they'd wonder how I could raise the dead, possible probing and analyses. Maybe I could pretend to be Jesus incarnate? If I can raise the dead I can turn water into whine can't I? But then there’d be the whole Pope vs. Me incident and I do NOT want to get behind that." I think as my eyes dart around and envision each of the possibilities in a vague day dream. Snapping back into reality I shake my head to forget everything I thought "No those are stupid ideas, and way too far ahead of me right now. No what I need to figure out is what the hell is happening!" I think as I begin to walk back up the hill, skeletons in tow.

Looking at the tree I lean against it and begin to tap my chin, thinking of what could possibly be happening to me. "Star wars is definitely out" I think "So what other possible dream of mine could the world be fulfilling for me? Oblivion: Elder scrolls? Nah the world's looks aren't that crappy. Warcraft perhaps? Unless the Lich King was a seventeen year old babe I doubt it, plus I still haven't found my bloody Icecrown citadel, maybe I could use Antarctica? Still I'll keep that in the back of my head...... DnD... Yeeesssss, of course! It all makes sense, the levitating spoon, the bus driver, and the raising skeletons! I don't know how and I don't know when but all I do know is that either Warcraft or DnD is real!” With this excited bit of information I grab my shovel and begin to dig feverishly under the tree. It costed me and arm and a leg (That came out of my parents wallets duh, it's the least they could have done), a month of work, and some rather..... Personal favors that I'd rather not go into further detail about but I was able to afford a full scale steel replica of the Lich King's armor and his trusty Frostmourne. I wore it to Blizzcon 08 and have hid it under the tree so no one would steal it; I only ever take it out for special occasion. Which today is duh.

Looking down at the helmet I reach for it and pluck it up from its resting place in the dirt. I had made sure to keep the armor in place so that it looked like an invisible person was in the armor and lying down under the earth, with the trusty frostmourne going in a turned straight line so that the hilt face to the top left and the tip of the sword faced to the bottom right of the little hole. Placing the helmet on my head I whip around, glancing at my skeletal minions standing on the body of the hill in there slightly hunched stance, and looked straight to the horizon so that I could say "Look out world, you're about to meet the Queen b**** of the Undead." afterwards letting out a maniacal cackle that starts out small before slowly building up (My arms crossed and my body bent forward so that as my cackled built up my arms would slowly outstretch and my back would bend back until it was slightly leaning back. The standard maniacal laugh pose).

Update the Fourth: Yen

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Finished with my maniacal laughing I turn back around to retrieve the rest of my armor. I slide my gloves on, stick my feet in the boots, grab Frostmourne, and put my chest plate on. Stretching out my muscles I try to get aqquainted with the armor, mid bending over I hear the rustle of grass. Whipping around I see that the next gravedigger is here for his shift. He was blonde, green eyed, seemed mild mannered, and had fear wracked around his face. The first thing he glared at were the skeletons, then at my helmet, working his way down my armor, and finally stopping at my sword Frostmourne. The other gravedigger had a dog accompany him, a golden retriever to be more specific, and was of course equipped with nothing more then his shovel.

"I-I got to tell someone!" he says as he begins to turn around and try to run back to his car. Instinctively it dawns on me how screwed I'd be at this state of power if the police were after me. I yell out "After him! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" sending my skeletons bounding after him. At first they begin to run on there feet but then go on all fours. Gripping Frostmourne I chase after him to, running several feet farther then the skeletons. He must have realized that we'd catch up and cut him off soon as he then spun around, swinging his shovel to hit my face. Seeing the shovel swinging at me I stop moving and begin to slide on the grass, standing on the edge of my toes, and bending back Matrix style so that the shovel went over my head. At this time the skeletons finally caught up and began to fight the dog that was chewing at my knee. The blonde man, now off balance from his swing, was twirling around trying to find his ground. Straightening up I hold Frostmourne with both hands and slash at him. He frantically holds his shovel in a crossed position to block the shot, but my sword came crashing through the wooden stem of the shovel. I could hear the wood splitting and cracking, as tiny fragments went flying in different directions, the stem gave way in the half a second that the sword was going through it, and split in half before being sent flying out of the other gravedigger's hands.

Hhe crouched, crying and sniveling, pleading for mercy with his water filled and hoarse voice. Looking up at me the sun was shining directly down upon myself, making my front dark and casting a long shadow on him. "Maybe I shouldn't, I mean what did he ever do to me? But if I let him go, he'll tell the cops, and then I'll be killed...... It's a dog eat dog world, and right now my life is more important then his." I think as I sway the sword back and forth. "Get up, I'm letting you go," I say to him, which causes at first confusion then gratitude and immense happiness across his face. He gets up all the while saying "Thank you, I won't tell anyone I swear" only for him to get the reply "You know, there's this amazing thing about people, when they're born they pick up lying and master it as they get older 'I'll lose 5 pounds' or 'I'll stop smoking' but we know it's not true because we also learn to pick up lies. And do you know what I did?......."

"I lied"

Update the Fifth: Thomas

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Today was ok at start, nothing special. Being a doctor in training does have it's advantages, such as lots of money, good house, and the ability to look someone dead in the eye and say "I'm sorry he didn't make it....... Woops! Wrong chart, your husband's going to be fine..." I tell you it's hilarious seeing the look on there face. Oh yeah, I'm Thomas 20 year old Doctor in training, or as Yen likes to call it "Intern" Annoying little girl, doesn't know when to shut up. My cooking instructer came in today, as we we're beginning our session I got a call from Yen, telling me some crazy gibberish about dancing skeletons and DnD being real. She told me she was coming over but I ignored it to get back to work. Five minutes later I hear my door open, and the annoying sound of Yen saying "Honey I'm home!" God why did I give her a spare key to my apartment. I think as she walks into my kitchen with her Jerk-shirt on.

"Can't you see I'm working right now???" I snip at her as she inspects my well designed kitchen. However she chooses to ignore me and say "Who's the japanese chick?" pointing at my cooking instructor. "Cooking instructor, she doesn't speak a lick of english." I say to her as I pour salt into a pot of boiling water. My instructor, now cutting green stalks of some kind says in japanese "Who's the broad?" now a large grin on my face I say
"Missionary"
"If she's a missionary why does she look like a hooker?"
"Position, not actual status"

At this point Yen got fed up with it and sayed "When will you be finished talking to your illegal immigrant?" finally done cutting the instructor looks over at Yen "Honey, if you want some privacy just say so." I snort out "You couldn't keep up the illusion a little longer?" a shrug was all I got just before I was dragged out of the kitchen and to the front door. Skidding to a stop Yen points down at a suit of armor lying in the corner "Maybe Santa Clause went goth and gave me the Lich King's armor?" I tell her as I stare at it. Slapping me in the back of the head Yen says
"No you idiot, that's MY armor!"
"And it looks rather good on your body"
"Grah! Shut up and listen, Dungeons and Dragons is real. At first I thought it was WoW but I'm far to diversified to be some balanced out limited Class with a retarded face graphics. Here you want more proof?" She opens up my door to show me the empty streets. "So..... We're the last people on earth? Let's get repopulating" of course I got slapped again but it was worth it, she may be annoying but she was hot no doubt, and had a surprisingly strong back hand. "No, under the man pipe, don't you hear the acapella?" she tells me as she points to the man hole.

Walking down the stairs we both look down at the man hole, for a few seconds we do nothing, until finally Yen elbows my ribs enough for me to open it up. Looking down the hole I see (And hear) the most astonishing thing ever, 3 skeletons performing "Never gona give you up" by Rick Astley, acapella style. The center singer seemed to perfectly mimic the singer with voice, the left skeleton sounded peculiarly like Michael Jackson, and the last one had a unique deep throated suave voice. "I created those things, I'm a Necromancer! Or more specific a Wizard with the prestige class Black Guard. And if I have powers, then the laws of story telling dictate that all of my friends have to get powers to. It's only a matter of figuring out what you are" Yen says in a hyper and excited voice. Plugging up the manhole she swivels me around and leads me back in my house, the instructor is gone, and oddly so is my wallet that I left in my kitchen. Before I can protest Yen pushes me into the living room and seats me down on the coach.

"So, I brought every DnD book I have of 3.5 edition, since that's the only kind we play at the group. We'll look through these until we find out what you are." Yen plops down two books, character books, and nudges me on to start read with her.

Update the 6th: Yen

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Surfing through the books me and Thomas investigate each page, throwing ideas at each other. After a few minutes Thomas gives up and decides to watch TV. Laying his feet on the table Thomas begins to surf the channel until he stops on his favorite Channel/show, Sleuth which is playing "House". "You really are addicted to that show, you know?" I say to him as I stop at a page that describes Thomas perfectly. Raising my head I look over at him and say "Cleric," quickly moving along I follow up with "It's perfect, you heal people on a daily basis as an inter- I mean doctor in training."

Sneering at me Thomas replies "Yeah, perfect sense.... Except I'm athiest and all."
"You don't have to have a religion to be a Cleric, look over here. You can simply have to guidlines that defy you. Obviously the healing domain would fit you, but what's your other domain?"
".........You say that domains are a major part of your life?"
"Yes, so is there a major part of your life that would fit-oooooohhhhh" I say as I see him push a spiked collar with leash underneath the coach alongside a "Rough Rider" condom. "So.... I guess I'll put you under the Destruction domain, also known as the Pain domain..... on account of your BDS&M." Looking over at me Thomas pulls out his phone and begins to type into it before putting it away and asking "So, I know from our DnD sessions that you get XP for roleplaying. And due to my Destruction domain being related to my..... Kinkier nature, that means I get XP whenever I" although I decide that's where I have to cut in with a swift "Yes, yes it does. And you're the most perveted bastard I know if that's the first thing you can think of to get XP. And who did you text anyway?" I ask. With a smile across his face he raises his Iphone infront of my face to show the names "Ezekiel" "Jacob" and "Lara". Handing him a character sheet I smack him and order him to start writing what naturally fits in the blanks like I did.

Juuuuuusssttt great, exactly what I need, MORE of my friends to figure out what they are.

[Lemonus]

Hmmmmmm... What class could she be? Hmmmmmmm...

[Hiro Protagonest]

Hmmmmmm... What class could she be? Hmmmmmmm...

A class that can cast Mage hand.

[Tychris1]

I wondered how long it would take for someone to figure out she was using Mage hand. If you want to critique it go ahead, comments or ideas are gladly expected.

And of course LET THE SPECULATION.... COMMENCE! (I will have the second update here soon.).

[Hiro Protagonest]

I wondered how long it would take for someone to figure out she was using Mage hand. If you want to critique it go ahead, comments or ideas are gladly expected.

And of course LET THE SPECULATION.... COMMENCE! (I will have the second update here soon.).

I knew it was Mage hand as soon as I saw it.

[Tychris1]

The only problem is the only spell you guys know of is Mage Hand. She could be a multiclass or perhaps soloing a class that can use Mage hand. What it is is up to you (Until I release more updates, then it becomes more evident.).

[Cogidubnus]

I like it. Cleverly written, good characterisation. Couple of things that would make it read better, though:

1) When you say something like

"Typical bastards, atleast they remembered to leave food and pour a bowl this time." I say to no one in particular.

put a comma at the end of the speech, not a full stop. E.g.
"Get lost," I said, "I can do what I like."
You also put a comma after the verb if there is going to be more speech, as above.

2) To (direction, prefix to verb) and too (much) are different, and it throws me when I read one and people mean the other.

[Zolkabro]

I love it!

Some speculation:
She's definitely a spellcaster, either Wizard or Sorceror, and I think she is going to specialize in Necromancy. Also, is she going to bring back her dead gerbils? The Nine Zombie Gerbils, cursed by the evil necromancer!

Anyway, this is definitely a very good take on it.

[Hazzardevil]

I'm loving these like all the other if DND was real fanfics. in fact I really ought to advertise my own.

[Tychris1]

I like it. Cleverly written, good characterisation. Couple of things that would make it read better, though:

1) When you say something like put a comma at the end of the speech, not a full stop. E.g.
"Get lost," I said, "I can do what I like."
You also put a comma after the verb if there is going to be more speech, as above.

2) To (direction, prefix to verb) and too (much) are different, and it throws me when I read one and people mean the other.

Wait, what? She's saying it TO no one. As in directed at no one. The first one seems good however, I'll get to finishing part 2 pronto.

[Tychris1]

Finished Update 2, I really hate you Zolkboro for figuring it out so quickly.

[Hiro Protagonest]

She's in the bad part of New York city? I have a feeling my characters are close by. I haven't exactly figured out where they are, but it's the poorer part of some city, and New York's as good as any.

[DragonOfUndeath]

This seems really good

[Hiro Protagonest]

This seems really good

You should look at the others, especially the original.

[Zolkabro]

A necromancer! I knew it! I was right!

Anyway, I love the second part. Nice work, keep going!

[Tychris1]

Anything in particular you liked about the second part (Or first). And I'm contemplating over whether or not to release the names of my party and classes and simply have you guys work out when they'll discover what they are.

Again I'm open for discussion on intertwining storys and advice/criticism and I'll be checking on yours soon Zolk (Haven't read it in a while).

[Hiro Protagonest]

Anything in particular you liked about the second part (Or first). And I'm contemplating over whether or not to release the names of my party and classes and simply have you guys work out when they'll discover what they are.

Again I'm open for discussion on intertwining storys and advice/criticism and I'll be checking on yours soon Zolk (Haven't read it in a while).

For the intertwining stories, I think it would fit pretty well if my characters are in New York, so we could do interaction between them.

[Tychris1]

Makes sense, I'll go over and read yours to get a better grip.

3 internet cookies to the first person who guesses right on what will happen to the skeleton after wards.

[Zolkabro]

"Do the thriller?"
*Snigger*
I laughed a lot at that.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Makes sense, I'll go over and read yours to get a better grip.

3 internet cookies to the first person who guesses right on what will happen to the skeleton after wards.

How should we do the character interaction thing? Would you write? Would I write it? It would probably be best if we found a way for us to write separate parts, like you write what Yen does, and I write what my characters do.

[Tychris1]

That's generally the idea Swift. We'd send each other a couple of sentences or paragraphs and then we'd reply back or add edits to them in bold to show our characters reacting stuff like that.

And this isn't the last you'll see of the Thriller.

[Zolkabro]

And this isn't the last you'll see of the Thriller.

You saying that has made me super excited now!

[Tychris1]

Third updates up, what? You think my parents putting a ban on the interent is going to stop me?

HA!

I laugh at your logic.

[DragonOfUndeath]

That update is AWESOME!
Queen B**** of the Undead indeed

[Zolkabro]

Just want to say that your story has been referred to in mine, I hope you don't mind.

[Cogidubnus]

I am indeed enjoying this

[Tychris1]

I'm actually ok with that. Although If you're talking specifically about this them you should know they're in a graveyard not on roof's. If you're alluding to the idea of the Thriller dance by skeletons then it's fine, just want you to know.

ALSO!

There will be 3, yes I am serious. THREE, updates, by tomorrow. That is of course if things go according to plans. 3 is my goal, 2 is what I'm swearing by.

[Tychris1]

Fourth update is up! Rejoice for darkness taking over my character!

Edit: Fifth update is up.

[Zolkabro]

Hmm, Thomas is a trainee doctor so I was thinking he might be a cleric, but of what deity? Also, he seems kind of studious, like a wizard, and also keeps thinking about how hot Yen is, and those aren't really qualities of a cleric (usually).
I suppose maybe evil clerics are different, I've never played one. Only once have I played someone evil and I failed miserably. I'm just not cut out to be evil.

[Mercenary Pen]

Hmm, Thomas is a trainee doctor so I was thinking he might be a cleric, but of what deity? Also, he seems kind of studious, like a wizard, and also keeps thinking about how hot Yen is, and those aren't really qualities of a cleric (usually).

I'd say it depends on the domains of their deity (or lack of deity)... On the studious side of things, that's sort of required to qualify as a real world doctor, but it may suggest some other class (remember Cogidubnus started this all out with gestalt characters).

I suppose maybe evil clerics are different, I've never played one. Only once have I played someone evil and I failed miserably. I'm just not cut out to be evil.

At a guess, I'd peg Thomas as Chaotic Evil, because harbouring illegal immigrants isn't the most lawful of things.